{"id":190,"date":"2014-06-15T21:19:24","date_gmt":"2014-06-15T21:19:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/becausethisisyourlife\/?p=190"},"modified":"2014-06-15T21:19:24","modified_gmt":"2014-06-15T21:19:24","slug":"how-much-of-your-life-are-you-giving-away-to-perceived-authorities","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/becausethisisyourlife\/2014\/06\/how-much-of-your-life-are-you-giving-away-to-perceived-authorities.html","title":{"rendered":"How Much Of Your Life Are You Giving Away To Perceived Authorities?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Some of them wear suits and ties.<\/p>\n<p>Some dress in white&#8230;even gowns at times.<\/p>\n<p>Others wear uniforms of different colors<\/p>\n<p>And interestingly&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Some don&#8217;t even need to show up or get dressed&#8230;and crazy as it sounds&#8230;rely on alphabet soup.<\/p>\n<p>Yet&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>No matter which of these you think of&#8230;in some way you have a high probability of acting the same way&#8230;even though in most ways it goes against your will.<\/p>\n<p>Now of course I&#8217;m talking about authority figures.<\/p>\n<p>Well&#8230;not exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Because it&#8217;s going to depend on you and what you&#8217;re willing to do.<\/p>\n<p>So whether we&#8217;re talking about sharp dressed men (and women) that are attorneys&#8230;the boss or CEO at your job&#8230;doctors&#8230;or those with fancy titles and degrees that resemble alphabet soup&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s still an authority figure&#8230;well actually a perceived authority figure.<\/p>\n<p>And how your life plays out&#8230;whether you&#8217;re aware of it or not&#8230;comes down to knowing this&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>How much of your life are you giving away to perceived authorities?<\/p>\n<p><strong>1. Who is the king-<\/strong> It starts off when you&#8217;re a little kid just starting school. Your parents will typically say something like, &#8220;listen to your teacher&#8221;, &#8220;listen to the policeman&#8221;, and if you&#8217;re sick, &#8220;do what the doctor tells you.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>And this is certainly important because it does teach you to respect other people.<\/p>\n<p>Yet&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>At the same time it can and does set you up for a life of constant subordination&#8230;which carries over into other areas of your life.<\/p>\n<p>This can include perceived authorities which involve your spiritual or religious beliefs&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Your physical health in the form of having to rely on the pharmaceutical industry&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Your career in the form of doing something you &#8220;have to&#8221; do versus something you&#8217;d love doing&#8230;which dictates your financial destiny.<\/p>\n<p>It can also be within your own family where you may be the underdog while always feeling like you&#8217;re walking on eggshells.<\/p>\n<p>And&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It can and does include subordinating to perceived authorities in personal development and self help.<\/p>\n<p>No matter how you look at it&#8230;it still involves the same thing&#8230;giving power to a perceived authority because they may be a Phd, Doctor, CEO, or some other title of authority status.<\/p>\n<p>This is what we&#8217;re taught and that&#8217;s ok.<\/p>\n<p>Now, what we&#8217;re not taught is two things.<\/p>\n<p>One&#8230;instead of always taking a perceived authorities word for it&#8230;take the time and do your own research&#8230;so you are prepared and knowledgeable when it comes to dealing with an authority figure.<\/p>\n<p>And this also includes if the perceived authority is even an authority to begin with&#8230;and especially as it relates to one being a &#8220;doctor.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I can tell you right now that I know of three people personally who are in the personal development and self help industry that call themselves a &#8220;doctor&#8221; and they are not doctors.<\/p>\n<p>The point here is to be aware and take the time to do diligent research on whoever it is that you&#8217;re about to do business with in some way.<\/p>\n<p>This way you&#8217;re prepared and &#8220;on your toes&#8221;&#8230;and so you know if the perceived authority really is who they say they are while also having your best interests at heart. This leads to&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Two&#8230;question authority but in a way that is beneficial while at the same time respecting the perceived authority.<\/p>\n<p>Because after all&#8230;if let&#8217;s say we&#8217;re talking about your physical health&#8230;and whether you do what the doctor says when he &#8220;prescribes&#8221; you a drug to take&#8230;it&#8217;s your right to question your doctor and to make your own choice.<\/p>\n<p>And this is true in the other areas of your life as well.<\/p>\n<p>Remember&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s your life and since you are the king (or queen) of your life&#8230;you have the final say&#8230;not the perceived authority.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2. Strong armed or weak armed-<\/strong> I&#8217;ve mentioned in the past the idea of being reasonable versus unreasonable and how important this is in getting what you want&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Because when you&#8217; re reasonable you&#8217;ll have a high probability of being a &#8220;yes&#8221; person&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>You&#8217;ll have a high probability of subordinating to perceived authority figures&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Which leads to them getting more of what they want while you&#8217;ll get less of what you want&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>And you&#8217;ll end up beating yourself up&#8230;while feeling powerless and believing &#8220;there&#8217;s nothing I can do about it.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I refer to this as being &#8220;strong armed&#8221;&#8230;and it carries over into every area of your life&#8230;unless you become aware of it.<\/p>\n<p>For example&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>How many times have you been in a situation on the phone with customer service&#8230;such as with your internet company&#8230;your cell phone provider&#8230;or possibly your cable TV provider&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>And you found yourself in a situation where you either got overcharged&#8230;or were told one thing when you signed up and now they&#8217;re telling you another.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever the situation was for you&#8230;how did you handle it?<\/p>\n<p>Did you just do what the person on the phone said and left it at that&#8230;or did you (in a respectful way where you were in the right) take it to another level, such as asking to speak to a supervisor and really &#8220;push the envelope?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>What I&#8217;m getting at here is this&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>When you&#8217;re in situations&#8230;especially like those I mentioned&#8230;where you&#8217;re paying for something and expecting equal value&#8230;and not getting value in return in a fair way&#8230;do you &#8220;push the envelope&#8221; when dealing with a &#8220;perceived&#8221; authority figure?<\/p>\n<p>Now it may seem like no big deal when you&#8217;re dealing with the cable company&#8230;or your cell phone company&#8230;or something &#8220;small&#8221; of this nature.<\/p>\n<p>Yet&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>There is carry over into the other areas of your life that are &#8220;big deals&#8221;&#8230;such as the dealings with your\u00a0 doctor&#8230;the personal development\/self help gurus&#8230;or any perceived authority that&#8217;s involved in something which is dictating or about to dictate your life in some way.<\/p>\n<p>The question is&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Are you doing the strong arming&#8230;or are you being strong armed?<\/p>\n<p><strong>3. Einstein&#8217;s contempt-<\/strong> The question, &#8220;how much of your life are you giving away to perceived authorities&#8221; would not be complete without my favorite quote from Albert Einstein&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;My contempt for authority is what made me one.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Because when you live according to these wise words you won&#8217;t be &#8220;strong armed&#8221; in situations that lead to giving your life away to perceived authorities.<\/p>\n<p>So what does Einstein mean here&#8230;and how does it transform your life?<\/p>\n<p>First&#8230;it begins with realizing that anything you admire in someone else is something you have in you.<\/p>\n<p>For example&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>If you see someone as being a talented dancer, just know you are talented as well.<\/p>\n<p>Now it may not be as a dancer in your case&#8230;it&#8217;s somewhere else that is based on what you love doing and what is most important to you.<\/p>\n<p>This is what Einstein meant when he said that instead of subordinating to authority figures&#8230;to &#8220;stand on their shoulders&#8221;&#8230;to see what you admire in them and where you have it in you.<\/p>\n<p>And this leads to&#8230;second&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Your ability to stand up to &#8220;perceived&#8221; authority figures and to question them in a respectful way&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Because you will come across &#8220;authority&#8221; figures throughout your life&#8230;we all do&#8230;that &#8220;cross the line&#8221; and &#8220;abuse&#8221; their status. It doesn&#8217;t happen all the time but it does happen&#8230;and it&#8217;s important that you&#8217;re aware of it and ready.<\/p>\n<p>And the way you prepare yourself goes back to what I briefly mentioned earlier about being unreasonable at times.<\/p>\n<p>The bottom line is&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>You&#8217;re going to be challenged, criticized, and disliked by people in your life no matter what you do.<\/p>\n<p>But guess what?<\/p>\n<p>You get the other side as well&#8230;the support, the praise, and the people liking you.<\/p>\n<p>Therefore&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>When you stand up for who you are&#8230;while knowing you&#8217;re going to get both sides no matter what&#8230;and you question authority&#8230;you won&#8217;t worry about what other people think.<\/p>\n<p>This is when you take control of your life&#8230;and dictate your destiny.<\/p>\n<p>Let&#8217;s face it&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>You, I, and the world need authority figures in it to exist.<\/p>\n<p>However&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s the authority figures who care, who have your best interests at heart, and who provide tremendous amounts of value to the world&#8230;while being true to who they are and what they stand for&#8230;are the authority figures we were all taught to respect as children.<\/p>\n<p>Now it&#8217;s up to you to be this authority figure in your own life.<\/p>\n<p>Whether it&#8217;s to your family, friends, co workers, others you care about&#8230;and the world&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It comes down to you being your magnificent and unique self.<\/p>\n<p>Because when you do, you shine, and this allows others to shine as well.<\/p>\n<p>Be the authority (and change) you seek in the world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Some of them wear suits and ties. Some dress in white&#8230;even gowns at times. Others wear uniforms of different colors And interestingly&#8230; Some don&#8217;t even need to show up or get dressed&#8230;and crazy as it sounds&#8230;rely on alphabet soup. Yet&#8230; No matter which of these you think of&#8230;in some way you have a high probability&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":556,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-190","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How Much Of Your Life Are You Giving Away To Perceived Authorities? - Because This Is Your Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/becausethisisyourlife\/2014\/06\/how-much-of-your-life-are-you-giving-away-to-perceived-authorities.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Much Of Your Life Are You Giving Away To Perceived Authorities? - Because This Is Your Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Some of them wear suits and ties. 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