{"id":590,"date":"2007-09-13T18:55:00","date_gmt":"2007-09-13T18:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/astrologicalmusings\/2007\/09\/great-astrology-with-jokes.html"},"modified":"2007-09-13T18:55:00","modified_gmt":"2007-09-13T18:55:00","slug":"great-astrology-with-jokes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/astrologicalmusings\/2007\/09\/great-astrology-with-jokes.html","title":{"rendered":"Great astrology, with jokes"},"content":{"rendered":"

Elsa and Neith have both posted on Matthew the Astrologer’s blog which I just found today. It is really hilarious! Here’s his take <\/a>on astrological excuses for bad behavior during the excuse the eclipse: <\/p>\n

ARIES:<\/strong> “Nothing was happening, so I made it<\/em> happen. Don’t blame me<\/em> because the barbecue wasn’t starting fast enough. Besides, your eyebrows will grow back eventually<\/em>… “<\/p>\n

TAURUS:<\/strong> “Yes, sweetie, I know<\/em> that was the money for our power bill, but I needed<\/em> that fur-covered vibrating seat cover! And it was on<\/em> sale! Half price<\/em>!”<\/p>\n

GEMINI:<\/strong> “I know I said I wasn’t going to do that, but that was yesterday. Okay, okay, it was today<\/em>. But I had to. Now I don’t. Sorry about that. Mind if I do it again?”<\/p>\n

CANCER:<\/strong> “You were mean to me, so you were asking for it. You’re an insensitive jerk. I’m only an insensitive jerk because I have to be. You <\/em>started it!”<\/p>\n

LEO:<\/strong> “Look, I know I have certain responsibilities. I’m an adult. So if I decide I want to spend the rent money on a pony, I deserve it. Now, feed Mr. Nibbles for me, won’t you?”<\/p>\n

VIRGO:<\/strong> “Don’t complain about the job I<\/em> did. It’s not as if you<\/em> were washing the car properly anyway<\/em>, so I re-did it for you. At least it’s clean now. Besides, you always wanted a convertible, right…?”<\/p>\n

LIBRA:<\/strong> “But I thought that’s how you<\/em> wanted it! I only did it for you<\/em>! Now sit down and stop complaining. Prove your love for me, and eat that raw pork sashimi I made for you before I cry.”<\/p>\n

SCORPIO:<\/strong> “Hey, you were the one complaining about the neighbor’s dog barking all the damned time, so I took care of it<\/em>. You should be thanking me. Now go get me a shovel before this thing starts to stink.”<\/p>\n

SAGITTARIUS:<\/strong> “It’s the truth<\/em>! And you did<\/em> ask for my opinion. That dress does<\/em> make your ass look fat… but I love<\/em> your fat ass, babe!”<\/p>\n

CAPRICORN:<\/strong> (long, icy silence) “Hmph. Like you<\/em> could have done better.”<\/p>\n

AQUARIUS:<\/strong> “Yes. Our wedding day should have been the most special occasion of our lives. And it was<\/em>. Me inviting my friends from the outpatient clinic made it even more<\/em> special. Besides, it would have been bad luck to get married without my tinfoil hat, and I left mine at home. If Zoolak hadn’t loaned me his, the marriage would have been doomed.”<\/p>\n

PISCES:<\/strong> “I don’t see what the problem is. It’s not like anyone was hurt. That’s the important thing. The cat needed<\/em> a haircut. And isn’t Mrs. Mittens just adorable<\/em> with her little Mohawk?” <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Pay him a visit<\/a> – maybe then he’ll give me a link!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Elsa and Neith have both posted on Matthew the Astrologer’s blog which I just found today. It is really hilarious! Here’s his take on astrological excuses for bad behavior during the excuse the eclipse: ARIES: “Nothing was happening, so I made it happen. Don’t blame me because the barbecue wasn’t starting fast enough. Besides, your…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":328,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-crime"],"yoast_head":"\nGreat astrology, with jokes - Astrological Musings<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/astrologicalmusings\/2007\/09\/great-astrology-with-jokes.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Great astrology, with jokes - Astrological Musings\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Elsa and Neith have both posted on Matthew the Astrologer’s blog which I just found today. It is really hilarious! Here’s his take on astrological excuses for bad behavior during the excuse the eclipse: ARIES: “Nothing was happening, so I made it happen. Don’t blame me because the barbecue wasn’t starting fast enough. 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