{"id":947,"date":"2012-05-06T00:46:32","date_gmt":"2012-05-06T00:46:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=947"},"modified":"2012-05-06T00:46:32","modified_gmt":"2012-05-06T00:46:32","slug":"qa-should-you-stay-together-for-the-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-should-you-stay-together-for-the-kids.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: Should you stay together for the kids?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
Kids see more than you think....<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cTwo questions submitted via Formspring<\/a>:
\nI’m stuck in a loveless marriage. We do nothing together but take care of the kids and take care of other things. We are basically just roommates. Our kids are young the youngest is 3. So I\u2019m not waiting until he leaves the house. I need to be happy now.\u201d<\/p>\n

And,
\n\u201cHi I loved the advice that you gave the other gal -She was asking if she should stay in a loveless marriage, but she is too afraid to leave for financial reasons<\/a>. Well I have a better excuse! I am also afraid to leave because of a 14 year old daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n

The short answer to both questions is the same: leave.<\/p>\n

In my Coaching work<\/a>, I often work with people staying in bad marriages \u2018for the kids\u2019, but the problem is: doing that, hurts everybody<\/em>.<\/p>\n

It hurts the husband and wife, since you are standing still while life passes you by; it\u2019s easy to get hung up in \u2018someday, maybe\u2019 thinking.\u00a0 Someday it will get better; maybe we\u2019ll get divorced once the kids are out of the house.\u00a0 You are basically signing on to spend years as a prisoner in your own home, and for what?<\/p>\n

Ah yes, the kids.
\nThe problem is, coming from a broken home teaches children to grow up and create broken homes<\/em>.\u00a0 \u00a0Growing up, we look at our parents to teach us what love looks like, and this is why growing up in emotionally unstable, or even abusive environments is so dangerous.\u00a0 Since, a child won\u2019t look at a situation and say \u201cclearly my parents no longer have feelings for one another, but they have put their own wishes to the side to be physically present for me.\u00a0 When I grow up, I will have a much different dynamic with my own spouse\u201d.\u00a0 They\u2019ll look at it and think parents who don\u2019t communicate, have zero intimacy, possibly yell and scream or just plain don\u2019t like each other is normal.<\/em><\/p>\n

And when the time comes, they\u2019ll choose the wrong mate and create the same cycle again.
\nIt would be much, much, MUCH better for them to see their parents having healthy relationships with two other people, rather than one twisted relationship with each other.<\/p>\n

One other really<\/span> important thing: try not to argue in front of the kids, or anywhere they can hear it; and never, never, never<\/strong> try and get the kids to turn on a parent.\u00a0 No matter what happens in your relationship, or how you feel about each other, you will always both be their parents; so don\u2019t get the kids stuck in the middle.<\/p>\n

You have to find a way to coexist as parents, even if it\u2019s no longer as a couple.\u00a0 Considering you once got along well enough to sleep together, much less got married, finding a way not to hate each other shouldn\u2019t be too hard to do!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!<\/p>\n

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters<\/p>\n

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:
\nhttp:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalter<\/a>s<\/p>\n

Ask me anything:
\nhttp:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cTwo questions submitted via Formspring: I’m stuck in a loveless marriage. We do nothing together but take care of the kids and take care of other things. We are basically just roommates. Our kids are young the youngest is 3. So I\u2019m not waiting until he leaves the house. I need to be happy now.\u201d…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,80,39,116,35,114,29,81,38,92,31,46,28,41,43,45,78],"tags":[3,44,34,13,12,11,82,70,36,14,23,53,26,25,51,24,42,50,56],"class_list":["post-947","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-fear","category-friends","category-getting-over-it","category-guilt","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-loss","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-peace","category-positive-thinking","category-relationships-2","category-tainted-love","category-worry","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-grief","tag-guilt","tag-hope","tag-life-coach","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-self-talk","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious","tag-stress"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: Should you stay together for the kids? - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-should-you-stay-together-for-the-kids.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: Should you stay together for the kids? - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cTwo questions submitted via Formspring: I’m stuck in a loveless marriage. We do nothing together but take care of the kids and take care of other things. We are basically just roommates. Our kids are young the youngest is 3. So I\u2019m not waiting until he leaves the house. I need to be happy now.\u201d…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-should-you-stay-together-for-the-kids.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-05-06T00:46:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2012\/05\/loveless-marriage-300x192.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"B. 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