{"id":938,"date":"2012-05-01T06:27:14","date_gmt":"2012-05-01T06:27:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=938"},"modified":"2012-05-01T06:27:14","modified_gmt":"2012-05-01T06:27:14","slug":"qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: What\u2019s the best way to break up?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
There is no easy way to do it<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is the best possible way to dump someone? I wanna break-off my relationship, but I’m pretty sure my partner is still enamored with me. I wanna stay friends, and don’t want to hurt anyone, y’know?\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s good news, and there is bad news.
\nThe bad news is: you are going to them; there is no way around it if they care about you, and you don\u2019t care about them.\u00a0\u00a0 And, don\u2019t be in too big of a rush to \u2018be friends\u2019; that is your guilty conscious talking.\u00a0 People rush to be friends to \u2018prove\u2019 they didn\u2019t really hurt the person that badly; after all, we are friends now, right?<\/p>\n

The good news, though, is that you can<\/em> be friends eventually\u2026but you\u2019ll need some time apart first.\u00a0 Actually, you\u2019ll need about twice as long apart as you were together romantically; which pending how long you\u2019ve been together might be a long<\/strong> time!<\/p>\n

So, what\u2019s the best way to break up?
\nIn person, and in public<\/em>, so that they are less likely to freak out, get overly emotional, or God forbid do something crazy.\u00a0 Coffee shops are better than bars, but bars are WAY better than restaurants.\u00a0 \u00a0Coffee shops are the ultimate break up spots for the same reason they are the ultimate first date spots<\/a>: it can be as short or as long a talk as you need it to be.\u00a0 If you do it at a restaurant (or behind closed doors) you can get stuck there for God knows how long.\u00a0 Awkward.<\/p>\n

As for what you should say, steer clear of clich\u00e9 things like \u201cit\u2019s not you, it\u2019s me\u201d; that is basically meaningless now.\u00a0 Also steer clear of telling them how wonderful they are or anything like that: since if you really thought that you\u2019d still be together.<\/p>\n

Tell them the truth\u2026at least most of the truth.\u00a0 If you are leaving them because they are terrible in bed, or because you\u2019d rather date their brother you should probably leave that part out!
\nBut, if you don\u2019t know why the spark isn\u2019t there, tell them.\u00a0 If you just don\u2019t want to be in a relationship, tell them that.\u00a0 They will want to know \u2018why\u2019, but the fact is when the dust settles there is no why<\/a>; if you are over it, you are over it.<\/p>\n

Let them know that you are sorry, and that you understand they\u2019ll need some space, and that eventually you\u2019d really like to be friends\u2026and that it\u2019s over.\u00a0 If they cry, beg, or plead, stand your ground; have enough respect for them to let them find someone who is going to truly care for them, and not just stay with them out of guilt or pity.<\/p>\n

However, if you aren\u2019t sure whether you should break up or not: this will help<\/a>!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!<\/p>\n

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters<\/p>\n

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:
\nhttp:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalter<\/a>s<\/p>\n

Ask me anything:
\nhttp:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring: \u201cWhat is the best possible way to dump someone? I wanna break-off my relationship, but I’m pretty sure my partner is still enamored with me. I wanna stay friends, and don’t want to hurt anyone, y’know?\u201d There\u2019s good news, and there is bad news. The bad news is: you are…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,116,35,114,29,81,38,92,31,46,28,43,45,78],"tags":[4,3,44,34,13,12,11,36,14,23,53,26,25,51,24,42,18,56],"class_list":["post-938","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-friends","category-getting-over-it","category-guilt","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-loss","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-peace","category-relationships-2","category-tainted-love","category-worry","tag-all-about-you","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-hope","tag-life-coach","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-self-talk","tag-spiritual-coach","tag-stress"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: What\u2019s the best way to break up? - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: What\u2019s the best way to break up? - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring: \u201cWhat is the best possible way to dump someone? I wanna break-off my relationship, but I’m pretty sure my partner is still enamored with me. I wanna stay friends, and don’t want to hurt anyone, y’know?\u201d There\u2019s good news, and there is bad news. The bad news is: you are…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-05-01T06:27:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2012\/05\/breaking-up.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"B. Dave Walters\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Q&A: What\u2019s the best way to break up? - A Reason to Smile","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Q&A: What\u2019s the best way to break up? - A Reason to Smile","og_description":"(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring: \u201cWhat is the best possible way to dump someone? I wanna break-off my relationship, but I’m pretty sure my partner is still enamored with me. I wanna stay friends, and don’t want to hurt anyone, y’know?\u201d There\u2019s good news, and there is bad news. The bad news is: you are…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html","og_site_name":"A Reason to Smile","article_published_time":"2012-05-01T06:27:14+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2012\/05\/breaking-up.jpg"}],"author":"B. Dave Walters","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html","name":"Q&A: What\u2019s the best way to break up? - A Reason to Smile","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2012\/05\/breaking-up.jpg","datePublished":"2012-05-01T06:27:14+00:00","dateModified":"2012-05-01T06:27:14+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/#\/schema\/person\/bcf42d892eff535aad3a062b7d9534c9"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2012\/05\/breaking-up.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2012\/05\/breaking-up.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/05\/qa-whats-the-best-way-to-break-up.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Q&A: What\u2019s the best way to break up?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/","name":"A Reason to Smile","description":"Beliefnet Voices - B. Dave Walters","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/#\/schema\/person\/bcf42d892eff535aad3a062b7d9534c9","name":"B. Dave Walters","description":"B. Dave Walters is like a mix between Joel Osteen, Tony Robbins, and the Old Spice Guy. He is the winner of the \"Be the Next Beleifnet Featured Blogger\" contest for Beliefnet.com in the Hope & Inspiration category. He is also the host of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters on Party 93.4 FM out of Hudson Valley, New York, as well as a nationally syndicated columnist on the topics of spirituality and relationships for the Examiner.com. He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. He brings his empathy, insight, and vast personal experience into all his relationships, which has lead to him being one of the most sought after Coaches in the world today. He lives in Burbank, California with his wife and two daughters.","sameAs":["http:\/\/about.me\/bdavewalters"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/author\/dwalters"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/938","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/450"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=938"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/938\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":942,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/938\/revisions\/942"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=938"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=938"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=938"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}