{"id":83,"date":"2011-10-04T05:23:58","date_gmt":"2011-10-04T05:23:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=83"},"modified":"2011-10-04T05:23:58","modified_gmt":"2011-10-04T05:23:58","slug":"qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: Do you believe that there is “The One”? Because I think I lost him…."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring<\/a>
\n\u201cDo you believe that there is “The One”? Because I think I lost him. He was everything I ever wanted, I let him go and now I realize there is no one like him. I don’t want anyone else. I try to get him back. He is my “rock” it’s so hard without him…\u201d<\/p>\n

First, let us break this down into pieces:
\n1. You had a guy who was everything you ever wanted.
\n2. He is your \u2018rock\u2019 and \u2018there is no one like him\u2019.
\n3. You \u2018let him go\u2019\u2026but \u2018don\u2019t want anyone else\u2019.
\n4. You try to get him back, and you \u2018think you lost him\u2019.<\/p>\n

First and foremost: people come and go in our lives, there is no \u2018One\u2019.
\nAs long as you have someone you can trust, respect, love and grow with who can trust, respect, love, and grow with you, then the relationship makes sense.<\/p>\n

Notice, love is number three<\/em> on that list. The reason why that is, is you can love someone who is TERRIBLE<\/strong> for you! Contrary to popular opinion, love is *not* enough to build a successful relationship on.
\nRespect is even more important in a healthy relationship, and trust is most important of all simply because you can\u2019t respect someone you don\u2019t trust.<\/p>\n

Now, to your specific question:
\nYou need to pull back from him and work on loving yourself, first.<\/p>\n

The issue is you are trying to use him to fill a hole in yourself; something that comes up all the time with the entertainment industry here in Los Angeles. So many people are looking for outside affection, when the reality is the love you are looking for can only TRULY come from within.<\/p>\n

Remember, you can *never * love anyone more than you love yourself, and you won\u2019t let anyone else love you more than you love yourself. Even if they try, you’ll block it; and if you just rush back into the relationship, you’ll do it again.<\/p>\n

Even IF you were to end up getting back together, you\u2019ll have to start over completely from scratch: ground zero, day one. Like you just met, and are dating for the first time, because whatever issues caused you to break up in the first place are still there<\/em>.<\/p>\n

If you both agree to begin at the beginning, then you’ll need to work on your communication because if you can’t communicate, you don’t have a relationship. Remember, you cannot nag, complain, or guilt a man to doing what you want for long\u2026if you are going to be together, be together; if you aren’t, don’t.<\/p>\n

But to be clear: the first, second, and third things you need to focus on are YOU and getting your self esteem up. Once you do, he’ll either be willing to try again, or you can let him go and move on to find a guy who will.<\/p>\n

Keep us posted on how it turns out.
\nWhat do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters
\nWriter, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:
\nhttp:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:
\nhttp:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring \u201cDo you believe that there is “The One”? Because I think I lost him. He was everything I ever wanted, I let him go and now I realize there is no one like him. I don’t want anyone else. I try to get him back. He is my “rock” it’s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35,38,31,43],"tags":[3,44,34,13],"class_list":["post-83","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-getting-over-it","category-hope-inspiration","category-love-2","category-relationships-2","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: Do you believe that there is "The One"? Because I think I lost him.... - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: Do you believe that there is "The One"? Because I think I lost him.... - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring \u201cDo you believe that there is “The One”? Because I think I lost him. He was everything I ever wanted, I let him go and now I realize there is no one like him. I don’t want anyone else. I try to get him back. He is my “rock” it’s…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-10-04T05:23:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2011\/10\/heartbreak-300x290.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"B. Dave Walters\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Q&A: Do you believe that there is \"The One\"? Because I think I lost him.... - A Reason to Smile","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Q&A: Do you believe that there is \"The One\"? Because I think I lost him.... - A Reason to Smile","og_description":"(Unedited) question submitted via Formspring \u201cDo you believe that there is “The One”? Because I think I lost him. He was everything I ever wanted, I let him go and now I realize there is no one like him. I don’t want anyone else. I try to get him back. He is my “rock” it’s…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html","og_site_name":"A Reason to Smile","article_published_time":"2011-10-04T05:23:58+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2011\/10\/heartbreak-300x290.jpg"}],"author":"B. Dave Walters","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html","name":"Q&A: Do you believe that there is \"The One\"? Because I think I lost him.... - A Reason to Smile","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2011\/10\/heartbreak-300x290.jpg","datePublished":"2011-10-04T05:23:58+00:00","dateModified":"2011-10-04T05:23:58+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/#\/schema\/person\/bcf42d892eff535aad3a062b7d9534c9"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2011\/10\/heartbreak-300x290.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2011\/10\/heartbreak-300x290.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/qa-do-you-believe-that-there-is-the-one-because-i-think-i-lost-him.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Q&A: Do you believe that there is “The One”? Because I think I lost him…."}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/","name":"A Reason to Smile","description":"Beliefnet Voices - B. Dave Walters","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/#\/schema\/person\/bcf42d892eff535aad3a062b7d9534c9","name":"B. Dave Walters","description":"B. Dave Walters is like a mix between Joel Osteen, Tony Robbins, and the Old Spice Guy. He is the winner of the \"Be the Next Beleifnet Featured Blogger\" contest for Beliefnet.com in the Hope & Inspiration category. He is also the host of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters on Party 93.4 FM out of Hudson Valley, New York, as well as a nationally syndicated columnist on the topics of spirituality and relationships for the Examiner.com. He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. He brings his empathy, insight, and vast personal experience into all his relationships, which has lead to him being one of the most sought after Coaches in the world today. He lives in Burbank, California with his wife and two daughters.","sameAs":["http:\/\/about.me\/bdavewalters"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/author\/dwalters"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/450"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=83"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":87,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83\/revisions\/87"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=83"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=83"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=83"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}