{"id":752,"date":"2012-02-16T03:35:15","date_gmt":"2012-02-16T03:35:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=752"},"modified":"2012-02-16T03:35:15","modified_gmt":"2012-02-16T03:35:15","slug":"qa-is-there-any-way-to-say-what-i-want-and-be-heard-without-being-aggressive-video","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/02\/qa-is-there-any-way-to-say-what-i-want-and-be-heard-without-being-aggressive-video.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&amp;A: &#8220;Is there any way to say what I want, and be heard, without being aggressive?&#8221; (Video)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.communicationmatters.org.uk\/Publications\/Videos\/The_Power_of_Communication\/Fig_-_Power_of_Communication.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-755\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/304\/2012\/02\/resized_Fig___Power_of_Communication.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>Question submitted via\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pages\/Burbank-CA\/B-Dave-Walters\/195566236144?v=wall\" target=\"_blank\">Facebook<\/a>:<br \/>\n\u201cHi Dave,<br \/>\nyou are really great and I love you! :o)<\/p>\n<p>I just watched the video on emotions and you are right about love patterns that we learn from our parents. I&#8217;m a happy optimistic person and have been working on myself for years. :o)<br \/>\nThe problem is that I tend to choose partners who are not emotionally available and who don&#8217;t communicate well (as my father), or who are insecure, micromanaging, sort of aggressive like my mother (you described them great in the video). I realized as a child that it&#8217;s not a healthy relationship and my first reaction was &#8211; I don&#8217;t want to get married! Now I&#8217;m much older and I am really trying not to be like my mother, but caught myself in some situations reacting exactly like her. Trying to avoid that I consciously became like my father: passive in relationships, letting my partners decide about everything, not expressing my wishes, not talking about my needs and not getting what I want, which made me unhappy. Is there any way to say what I want, and be heard, without being aggressive? I really don&#8217;t know how to find balance and hope that you could help me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s amazing how much of an impact our parents have on us!<br \/>\nTheir impact is so great that I did a whole episode on this very thing:<br \/>\nHow to be a good parent by being a good child; how your parents upbringing \/ baggage can affect you; how to break the cycle of the past, and NOT pass your baggage on to your children!<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"All About You with B. Dave Walters Ep 40.1 Family.mp4\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/DlLVqJLjSkA?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>For you, there are two things you need to be aware of:<br \/>\n1.What does Mr. Right look like?<br \/>\nWhat kind of man are you looking for? Write it down, and be specific; it&#8217;s not enough to say \u201cI want someone caring, loving, and fun\u201d; everyone wants things like that. You want to be as specific as \u201cI want an athletic man who enjoys camping and will go see romantic comedies with me. He has to love his mother and live within an hour of me\u201d, or something to that effect.<br \/>\nIf you don&#8217;t know who you are looking for, how will you know\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/features.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/how-to-be-mrs-right-or-spiritual-loving-ii-video.html\" target=\"_blank\">how to find him<\/a>? You already know what happens: you&#8217;ll pick more of the wrong guys by default.<\/p>\n<p>2.Once you find the right man, you always\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/features.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2011\/11\/catching-flies-with-honey-or-listening-to-be-heard-video.html\" target=\"_blank\">catch more flies with honey<\/a>.<br \/>\nWhat that means is, you get your way more often by being nice, than by being mean, and yet if you can&#8217;t communicate, you don&#8217;t have a relationship.<br \/>\nThis happens quite often here in Los Angeles, as people are so busy trying to maintain a facade that they aren&#8217;t able to truly express who they are inside.<br \/>\nBe clear on what is bothering you, is it really HIM, or is it something from your past, or a\u00a0meaning you are attaching\u00a0to something that happens that really has nothing to do with him at all? Once you are aware of your own patterns, and\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/video\/video.php?v=114916495203848\" target=\"_blank\">consciously choose new ones<\/a>, then expressing yourself will become more natural and much easier.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"All About You with B. Dave Walters Ep 40.2 Family.mp4\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/vS27DQ4XaKo?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Remember that\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/features.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/understanding-mr-right-or-how-to-train-your-husband.html\" target=\"_blank\">men\u00a0<\/a>and\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/features.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/understanding-mrs-right-or-traveling-to-venus-video.html\" target=\"_blank\">women\u00a0<\/a>communicate differently, and\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/features.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2012\/01\/understanding-personality-or-7-billion-snowflakes.html\" target=\"_blank\">personality type<\/a>\u00a0has a lot to do with it, too. The right man should be WILLING to listen, and you should be willing to listen to him; it will take some effort to figure out the best way to communicate with each other, but you&#8217;ll be able to figure it out.<\/p>\n<p>Just make sure it&#8217;s the right man this time!<\/p>\n<p>Keep us posted on how it turns out.<\/p>\n<p>What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n<p>You are great, and I love you!<\/p>\n<p>And if you love me back, click &#8216;share&#8217; up at the top!<\/p>\n<p>B. Dave Walters<\/p>\n<p>Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n<p>Find out more about me:<br \/>\n<a title=\"http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters\" href=\"http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters\" target=\"_blank\">http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Ask me anything:<br \/>\n<a title=\"http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters\" href=\"http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters\" target=\"_blank\">http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Pages I support:<br \/>\n<a title=\"Jesus and Buddha \" href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/jesusnbuddha\" target=\"_blank\">Jesus and Buddha\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0&#8212; Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Gnostic Theism\" href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pages\/Gnostic-Theism\/213600055362473\" target=\"_blank\">Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0&#8212; Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/177682155586539\/\" target=\"_blank\">Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0&#8212; \u00a0A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/BDaveWalters\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/image3.examiner.com\/images\/blog\/EXID4908\/images\/Button_Twitter.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"50\" height=\"48\" \/><\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/BDaveWalters\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/image3.examiner.com\/images\/blog\/EXID4908\/images\/Button_Facebook.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"50\" height=\"48\" \/><\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/bdavewalters\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/image3.examiner.com\/images\/blog\/EXID4908\/images\/Button_YouTube.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"49\" height=\"48\" \/><\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.myspace.com\/bdavewalters\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/image3.examiner.com\/images\/blog\/EXID4908\/images\/Button_MySpace.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"50\" height=\"48\" \/><\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/formspring.me\/bdavewalters\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/image3.examiner.com\/images\/blog\/EXID4908\/images\/email_button.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"47\" height=\"48\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Question submitted via\u00a0Facebook: \u201cHi Dave, you are really great and I love you! :o) I just watched the video on emotions and you are right about love patterns that we learn from our parents. I&#8217;m a happy optimistic person and have been working on myself for years. :o) The problem is that I tend to&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,80,39,35,29,81,38,31,46,88,41,43,48,45,30,78],"tags":[4,3,44,34,13,12,54,11,14,23,53,26,25,51,24,50,56],"class_list":["post-752","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-fear","category-getting-over-it","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-mind","category-positive-thinking","category-relationships-2","category-spirituality","category-tainted-love","category-the-past","category-worry","tag-all-about-you","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-getting-married","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-life-coach","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious","tag-stress"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Q&amp;A: &quot;Is there any way to say what I want, and be heard, without being aggressive?&quot; (Video)  - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/02\/qa-is-there-any-way-to-say-what-i-want-and-be-heard-without-being-aggressive-video.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&amp;A: &quot;Is there any way to say what I want, and be heard, without being aggressive?&quot; (Video)  - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question submitted via\u00a0Facebook: \u201cHi Dave, you are really great and I love you! :o) I just watched the video on emotions and you are right about love patterns that we learn from our parents. I&#8217;m a happy optimistic person and have been working on myself for years. :o) The problem is that I tend to&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/02\/qa-is-there-any-way-to-say-what-i-want-and-be-heard-without-being-aggressive-video.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-02-16T03:35:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2012\/02\/resized_Fig___Power_of_Communication.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"B. Dave Walters\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Q&amp;A: \"Is there any way to say what I want, and be heard, without being aggressive?\" (Video)  - A Reason to Smile","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/02\/qa-is-there-any-way-to-say-what-i-want-and-be-heard-without-being-aggressive-video.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Q&amp;A: \"Is there any way to say what I want, and be heard, without being aggressive?\" (Video)  - A Reason to Smile","og_description":"Question submitted via\u00a0Facebook: \u201cHi Dave, you are really great and I love you! :o) I just watched the video on emotions and you are right about love patterns that we learn from our parents. 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He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. 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