{"id":747,"date":"2012-02-13T00:40:42","date_gmt":"2012-02-13T00:40:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=747"},"modified":"2012-02-13T00:40:42","modified_gmt":"2012-02-13T00:40:42","slug":"letting-go-of-guilt-or-how-to-make-things-right-video","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/02\/letting-go-of-guilt-or-how-to-make-things-right-video.html","title":{"rendered":"Letting go of guilt; Or, how to make things right (VIDEO)"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure id=\"attachment_749\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-749\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.wellhappypeaceful.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/11\/guilt1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-749\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/304\/2012\/02\/guilt1-300x210.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"210\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-749\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">I know you&#039;re sorry, so let it go<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Questions\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/formspring.me\/bdavewalters\" target=\"_blank\">submitted via Formspring<\/a>:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I have deep seated guilt issues which have made my self esteem lead me down paths of bad relationships and walking away from the only decent relationship of my life. How do I rid the guilt to start again on this decent relationship?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>In all <a href=\"http:\/\/www.peacelovemoney.com\/\">my Coaching work<\/a>, I have found guilt to be the number one problem people are dealing with.\u00a0 \u00a0Sometimes people are aware of it, and sometimes they are simply unconsciously manifesting problems in their lives to punish themselves for things they feel subconsciously guilty about.<\/p>\n<p>I talked about this in a recent episode of Rise <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/note.php?note_id=10150177932254386\">UP with B. Dave Walters<\/a>, as well as did a whole video dedicated to it; in the video below you\u2019ll find:<\/p>\n<p>Where guilt comes from, and how to deal with it;<br \/>\nHow to know whether you should feel guilty at all, and<br \/>\nHow to release it once and for all.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"All About You with B. Dave Walters Episode 79 Guilt.mp4\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/UlyjGIhtWYc?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>So what I\u2019d like to talk about here, is getting to the real root of what it is you are feeling so guilty about.<\/p>\n<p>The first thing you need to ask yourself is: <em>what\u2019s so<\/em>.\u00a0 What is ACTUALLY happening?\u00a0 Remember that <a href=\"http:\/\/features.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2012\/01\/making-sense-of-things-or-lucky-number-13.html\" target=\"_blank\">everything lives in language<\/a>; it is very easy to get hung up in thinking things like \u201cI broke his heart,\u201d or \u201cI betrayed my friend,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m a terrible person for_____.\u201d<br \/>\nThe reality is usually much simpler: we dated, and it didn\u2019t work out; or even \u201cwe were in committed relationship, and I slept with someone else.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Many times we are upset about things we had absolutely no control over; things like the death of loved ones, or the non-specific feeling that \u201cI should have done something.\u201d\u00a0 Everything we\u2019ve talked about relating to <a href=\"http:\/\/features.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2011\/11\/how-to-trust-or-how-to-forgive-video.html\" target=\"_blank\">how to forgive<\/a> someone else, also applies to forgiving *yourself*.\u00a0 Since whatever you did or did not do, is DONE.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s in the past!<br \/>\nAnd, unless you have a time machine (and if you do, I want a ride!), there is nothing you can do to go back and change it.\u00a0 All you can do is attempt to make it right here and now.\u00a0 And, you can\u2019t really start the process of seeking forgiveness from someone else, until you <a href=\"http:\/\/features.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2011\/11\/how-to-trust-or-how-to-forgive-video.html\" target=\"_blank\">forgive yourself first<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>The fact is, you aren\u2019t even really looking for forgiveness from outside, since even if someone is no longer upset with you, you won\u2019t be able to let go of your guilt until you\u2019ve forgiven yourself in the first place.\u00a0 So <em>please<\/em> don\u2019t underestimate how important this really is.<br \/>\nIf you are feeling guilty for a very specific thing that you did or didn\u2019t do, you can use this to <a href=\"http:\/\/features.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2012\/02\/getting-rid-of-baggage-or-how-to-change-in-an-instant-video.html\" target=\"_blank\">get rid of those painful memories<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Once you are clear on what\u2019s so\u2026what REALLY happened, and you have forgiven yourself for what you did or didn\u2019t do, then you can reach out to another person to make amends.\u00a0 Personally, I think writing an email or even a paper letter is the best way to do this for a couple of different reasons.\u00a0 One, you can always be sure you said exactly what you meant; and two, it doesn\u2019t put the person on the spot to accept or reject what you have to say.<\/p>\n<p>Pending what happened, they may not be able to accept your apology.\u00a0 They may have had months, years, or a lifetime to build up resentment towards you; so don\u2019t necessarily expect things to be fixed over night.<\/p>\n<p>Once the line of communication is open, you can start the process of rebuilding that relationship.\u00a0 You may never be best friends again, but ideally you want to try to get back to a point of not feeling resentment.\u00a0 \u00a0However, like we said above: they may not want that, and quite frankly that\u2019s ok.<\/p>\n<p>You aren\u2019t responsible for anyone else\u2019s healing; you are responsible for YOUR healing.<\/p>\n<p>And one final thing:<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>\u201cTo fall seven times is to rise eight times: life begins today&#8221;<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><strong>-Bodhidharma.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>All of our decisions, good and bad, help us grow and turn us into who we are.\u00a0 Hopefully you can fix whatever happened, but as long as you learn something from it and do better next time, how can you really all it a mistake?<\/p>\n<p>Relax.<\/p>\n<p>And, if you need to hear it: I forgive you.<\/p>\n<p>What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n<p>You are great, and I love you!<\/p>\n<p>And if you love me back, click &#8216;share&#8217; up at the top!<\/p>\n<p>B. Dave Walters<\/p>\n<p>Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n<p>Find out more about me:<br \/>\n<a title=\"http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters\" href=\"http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters\" target=\"_blank\">http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Ask me anything:<br \/>\n<a title=\"http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters\" href=\"http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters\" target=\"_blank\">http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Pages I support:<br \/>\n<a title=\"Jesus and Buddha \" href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/jesusnbuddha\" target=\"_blank\">Jesus and Buddha\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0&#8212; Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Gnostic Theism\" href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pages\/Gnostic-Theism\/213600055362473\" target=\"_blank\">Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0&#8212; Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/177682155586539\/\" target=\"_blank\">Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0&#8212; \u00a0A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/BDaveWalters\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/image3.examiner.com\/images\/blog\/EXID4908\/images\/Button_Twitter.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"50\" height=\"48\" \/><\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/BDaveWalters\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/image3.examiner.com\/images\/blog\/EXID4908\/images\/Button_Facebook.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"50\" height=\"48\" \/><\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/bdavewalters\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/image3.examiner.com\/images\/blog\/EXID4908\/images\/Button_YouTube.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"49\" height=\"48\" \/><\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.myspace.com\/bdavewalters\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/image3.examiner.com\/images\/blog\/EXID4908\/images\/Button_MySpace.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"50\" height=\"48\" \/><\/a>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/formspring.me\/bdavewalters\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/image3.examiner.com\/images\/blog\/EXID4908\/images\/email_button.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"47\" height=\"48\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Questions\u00a0submitted via Formspring: &#8220;I have deep seated guilt issues which have made my self esteem lead me down paths of bad relationships and walking away from the only decent relationship of my life. How do I rid the guilt to start again on this decent relationship?&#8221; In all my Coaching work, I have found guilt&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,55,80,39,35,114,29,81,38,92,31,88,110,28,112,41,43,49,48,45,30,78],"tags":[4,3,44,34,10,13,12,115,11,109,36,9,6,14,22,23,53,26,25,51,24,5,42,50,18,56,113,32],"class_list":["post-747","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-fear","category-getting-over-it","category-guilt","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-loss","category-love-2","category-mind","category-nlp","category-peace","category-pessimism","category-positive-thinking","category-relationships-2","category-religion","category-spirituality","category-tainted-love","category-the-past","category-worry","tag-all-about-you","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-buddhism","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-family","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-god","tag-hope","tag-jesus","tag-law-of-attraction","tag-life-coach","tag-los-angeles","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-rise-up","tag-self-talk","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious","tag-spiritual-coach","tag-stress","tag-universal-law","tag-who-are-you"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Letting go of guilt; Or, how to make things right (VIDEO) - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/02\/letting-go-of-guilt-or-how-to-make-things-right-video.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Letting go of guilt; Or, how to make things right (VIDEO) - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Questions\u00a0submitted via Formspring: &#8220;I have deep seated guilt issues which have made my self esteem lead me down paths of bad relationships and walking away from the only decent relationship of my life. 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He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. 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