{"id":648,"date":"2012-01-24T22:52:54","date_gmt":"2012-01-24T22:52:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=648"},"modified":"2012-11-19T03:50:44","modified_gmt":"2012-11-19T03:50:44","slug":"qa-you-are-good-enough-or-dealing-with-fear-doubt-and-insecurity-video","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/01\/qa-you-are-good-enough-or-dealing-with-fear-doubt-and-insecurity-video.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: You are good enough; Or, dealing with fear, doubt, and insecurity"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
Changing Fear, Doubt, and Insecurity<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Question submitted via\u00a0Formspring.me<\/a>:
\n\u201cI recently realized that when I’m in love,I worry so much,I have so many fears,that even when my boyfriend had to go away for ONE weekend I suddenly became unhappy!how do you REALLY get to that point of being happy on your own and getting over worries\/fears\u201d<\/p>\n

There was quite a bit of debate about whether to post this here as a Spirituality post, or a Relationships one,\u00a0\u00a0but Spirituality won out!<\/p>\n

The reason why this is, is because the answer doesn’t actually have anything to do with him, it has everything in the world to do with *you *.<\/p>\n

This comes down to\u00a0a question of self-love<\/a>.
\nThe reason why you have so much\u00a0fear<\/a>,\u00a0doubt\u00a0<\/a>and\u00a0insecurity. Is that deep down inside you don’t truly love YOURSELF first, and because of that you don’t quite feel worthy of love, and because of *that *, you are afraid he’ll realize this about you and leave.<\/p>\n

The hole you are trying to fill can not be filled by him, or by any other person. You can not love anyone more than you love yourself, and you can not be loved any more than you love yourself; is someone tries then you won’t let them and sabotage it (like you are probably doing now).<\/p>\n

So, to answer your question: step 1 is to\u00a0start loving yourself<\/a>\u00a0first.
\nStep 2 is to realize that\u00a0happiness is a choice<\/a>, a choice you can make at any time. You can choose to focus on what IS working in your relationship, how much he loves you and how good you feel, OR you can focus on the fear of loss. Fear which, might I add, hasn’t actually happened. The thing you fear doesn’t even exist; but the\u00a0Law of Attraction<\/a>\u00a0dictates that if you continue focusing on the negative, then it will inevitably manifest.<\/p>\n

Step 3 is to\u00a0change your responses<\/a>. You can consciously choose new responses to those same old fears, doubts, and insecurities.
\nAnd above all else: realize that you are enough. Right now, today, as you are, you are enough. You have him, he loves you; that is the truth, the fear is the illusion.<\/p>\n

Keep us posted on how it turns out.<\/p>\n

What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!<\/p>\n

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters<\/p>\n

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:
\nhttp:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:
\nhttp:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— \u00a0A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question submitted via\u00a0Formspring.me: \u201cI recently realized that when I’m in love,I worry so much,I have so many fears,that even when my boyfriend had to go away for ONE weekend I suddenly became unhappy!how do you REALLY get to that point of being happy on your own and getting over worries\/fears\u201d There was quite a bit…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,39,35,114,29,81,38,40,31,46,28,112,41,43,48,45,30,17,78],"tags":[3,44,34,12,115,54,11,109,36,6,14,23,53,26,25,51,24,42,50,18,56,7],"class_list":["post-648","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-fear","category-getting-over-it","category-guilt","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-law-of-attraction-2","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-peace","category-pessimism","category-positive-thinking","category-relationships-2","category-spirituality","category-tainted-love","category-the-past","category-universal-law","category-worry","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-emotions","tag-family","tag-getting-married","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-god","tag-hope","tag-law-of-attraction","tag-life-coach","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-self-talk","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious","tag-spiritual-coach","tag-stress","tag-the-secret"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: You are good enough; Or, dealing with fear, doubt, and insecurity - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/01\/qa-you-are-good-enough-or-dealing-with-fear-doubt-and-insecurity-video.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: You are good enough; Or, dealing with fear, doubt, and insecurity - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question submitted via\u00a0Formspring.me: \u201cI recently realized that when I’m in love,I worry so much,I have so many fears,that even when my boyfriend had to go away for ONE weekend I suddenly became unhappy!how do you REALLY get to that point of being happy on your own and getting over worries\/fears\u201d There was quite a bit…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/01\/qa-you-are-good-enough-or-dealing-with-fear-doubt-and-insecurity-video.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-01-24T22:52:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-11-19T03:50:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2012\/01\/vanity_insecurity_Black_Angel_by_vanity_insecurity-254x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"B. 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He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. 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