{"id":447,"date":"2011-12-23T20:23:17","date_gmt":"2011-12-23T20:23:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=447"},"modified":"2011-12-23T20:23:17","modified_gmt":"2011-12-23T20:23:17","slug":"qa-am-i-subconsciously-racist-or-just-have-a-certain-type%e2%80%9d","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/12\/qa-am-i-subconsciously-racist-or-just-have-a-certain-type%e2%80%9d.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: “Am I subconsciously racist or just have a certain type?\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
My Hero(es)!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Question submitted via Formspring<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\u201cMy friends say I’m racist because I’m not sexually attracted to certain races. I have friends from all races and treat everyone equally but I’m just not sexually attracted at all to a couple races. Am I subconsciously racist or just have a certain type?\u201d<\/p>\n

No, not being attracted to certain types of people does not make you racist\u2026as long as you aren\u2019t thinking thoughts like \u201cI\u2019m not attracted to those people because they are all criminals\u201d; or some sort of negative judgment about all<\/strong> those types of people. \u00a0\u00a0If you truly have friends of all kinds, and don\u2019t automatically lock your doors or grab your purse when certain types of people are nearby, then it\u2019s probably nothing.<\/p>\n

Since everyone has things they like and don\u2019t like, yours just happens to break down along racial\/ethnic lines.\u00a0 I know there are things that I don\u2019t like at all; it doesn\u2019t matter how wonderful the person is, if certain things are there (or not there) then there is NO chance of ever having a romantic relationship.\u00a0 The big distinction is you shouldn\u2019t feel like people with certain skin colors\/body types\/bank account sizes are \u2018less\u2019 than someone else\u2019s, or something like that.\u00a0 If THAT is happening, then yes you might actually be a little racist\/sexist\/classicist.<\/p>\n

I had a friend who was dating someone who was not their ideal physical type.\u00a0 My friend kept trying to rationalize that they SHOULD be attracted to this person, but the spark wasn\u2019t there.\u00a0 Long story short, they wasted a lot of time trying to convince themselves something was there that just wasn\u2019t before they finally broke up.\u00a0 Imagine what would have happened if they\u2019d waited 20 years to admit it?\u00a0 What if they\u2019d had children stuck in the middle of it all?\u00a0 It\u2019s much better to be honest with yourself about what is and is not attractive and acceptable to you, and go with it.<\/p>\n

As for what your friends say\u2026it doesn\u2019t matter what they think.\u00a0 If you know in your heart you\u2019ve got nothing against certain races as human beings, it\u2019s just that they don\u2019t \u2018ring your bell\u2019 as it were, you don\u2019t owe them any other explanation.\u00a0 \u00a0You are the one that has to spend time with this person, wake up next to them, and maybe spend your life with them; as long as you are happy with your choices (and so is your potential mate), then nothing else matters.<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!<\/p>\n

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters<\/p>\n

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:
\nhttp:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:
\nhttp:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0—\u00a0\u00a0A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cMy friends say I’m racist because I’m not sexually attracted to certain races. I have friends from all races and treat everyone equally but I’m just not sexually attracted at all to a couple races. 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