{"id":442,"date":"2011-12-22T18:06:27","date_gmt":"2011-12-22T18:06:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=442"},"modified":"2011-12-22T18:06:27","modified_gmt":"2011-12-22T18:06:27","slug":"qa-i-always-have-to-initiate-the-date-i-fear-hes-not-interested-because-hes-not-making-effort-%e2%80%9d","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/12\/qa-i-always-have-to-initiate-the-date-i-fear-hes-not-interested-because-hes-not-making-effort-%e2%80%9d.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: “I always have to initiate the date, I fear he’s not interested because he’s not making effort.\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
This says it all<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Question submitted via Formspring:<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cI’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months but we’ve only gone out 3 times no sex. He works on the weekend and has grad school during the week. I always have to initiate the date, and he’ll quickly accept. I fear he’s not interested because he’s not making effort.\u201d<\/p>\n

Have you ever heard the saying \u201cdon\u2019t make someone a priority when you are only their option\u201d?<\/p>\n

We have talked about relationships<\/a> a few times before, and while every situation is different there are some things that are always true.<\/p>\n

One of those things is that people are busy; you can\u2019t get too upset if a person isn\u2019t available all the time, or if you ask them to get together, and they can\u2019t make it.<\/p>\n

However<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

They should be making just as much effort to spend some time with you<\/em>.<\/p>\n

For instance, say you call and ask them to get together on Friday, but they are busy.\u00a0 Then HE should say something like \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m tied up Friday; but let\u2019s get together on Sunday instead<\/em>\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0 Him being busy is one thing, you always having to initiate contact is a big red flag.<\/p>\n

It is possible that he is simply insecure, and he keeps waiting for you because he\u2019s just afraid to reach out\u2026but do you really want to be with a man who\u2019s that skittish?<\/p>\n

Now about the sex thing; some people are just \u2018old fashioned\u2019.\u00a0 SOME people still believe they should even wait until marriage<\/a>; so the fact that he hasn\u2019t tried to get physical isn\u2019t necessarily a sign that anything is wrong\u2026but it\u2019s not a sign that anything is particularly right, either.<\/p>\n

My suggestion is you back way off; contact him about half as much as you do now, and don\u2019t ask him out at all; switch things around so that he has to chase *you* now.\u00a0 Now this doesn\u2019t mean be mean or start acting weird, just stop making yourself so available to him, so that he has to put in some effort.<\/p>\n

If he does start putting in the effort, then you can just have a conversation about sex and what he thinks about it.\u00a0 If he doesn\u2019t <\/em>put in the effort, then it doesn\u2019t matter anyway because it\u2019s time to move on.<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!<\/p>\n

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters<\/p>\n

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:
\nhttp:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:
\nhttp:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0—\u00a0\u00a0A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cI’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months but we’ve only gone out 3 times no sex. He works on the weekend and has grad school during the week. I always have to initiate the date, and he’ll quickly accept. 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