{"id":307,"date":"2011-11-23T05:01:51","date_gmt":"2011-11-23T05:01:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=307"},"modified":"2011-11-23T05:01:51","modified_gmt":"2011-11-23T05:01:51","slug":"qa-why-do-all-guys-cheat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/11\/qa-why-do-all-guys-cheat.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: “Why do all guys cheat?”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
All these guys only have one thing in common....<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

(Unedited) Question submitted via Formspring<\/a>
\n\u201cHello Dave, I must admit that I like your articles on beliefnet and will like you to keep it up. My question is why is it so hard trying to get involved with a guy that doesn\u2019t cheat, because all the guys I have been with had cheated at one time or the other.\u201d<\/p>\n

First of all, let me say clearly:\u00a0not<\/strong>\u00a0all guys cheat, since I myself never have and I have several guy friends who never have.<\/p>\n

That being said, though: *LOTS* of guys do cheat. \u00a0 And there are two main reasons why you keep ending up with guys who do:<\/p>\n

The first is rather simple, and unavoidable: it is impossible for a man to stop looking at other women;<\/a> he can\u2019t help it, it\u2019s in his blood.\u00a0 But that is NOT an excuse for cheating; being able to control our impulses is what makes us different from the animals.<\/p>\n

The second, much bigger reason you are having problems: you pick the wrong guys.<\/p>\n

It seems based on your statement \u201cbecause all the guys I have been with had cheated at one time or the other\u201d you have what Dr. Drew calls \u2018a broken picker\u2019.\u00a0 For whatever reason, you gravitate towards the type of guy who ultimately cannot be trusted, and there is probably a very good reason why.<\/p>\n

Look at your relationship with your father and his relationship with your mother.<\/p>\n

Chances are extremely high that either 1. Dad cheated on mom, 2. Dad wasn\u2019t around, or 3. Both.<\/p>\n

It is very possible that you learned at a young age that \u2018men who love me cheat\/leave\u2019, and you\u2019ve been living into it ever since.\u00a0 If the issue isn\u2019t with Dad, if you look into your early life, there is probably someone close to you who violated your trust, or seemed to leave you when you needed them most.<\/p>\n

The solution, also has two parts: \u00a01. Recognize you have a broken picker, and that the first guy who gets your attention is probably not<\/em> the best guy to get involved with.\u00a0 I for my part am attracted to crazy girls with lots of baggage; once I realized this and started paying more attention I was able to find the right woman and have been happily married ever since.<\/p>\n

2. Forgive the person who hurt you<\/a>, even if you weren\u2019t consciously aware that it hurt before now.<\/p>\n

Since it is only after your forgive them for what they did (or didn\u2019t do) that you can be free from this pattern and able to create something new.<\/p>\n

Add to this truly loving yourself <\/a>and recognizing that you are good enough<\/a>\u00a0and your problem will magically fade away.<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters<\/p>\n

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:
\nhttp:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:
\nhttp:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0—\u00a0\u00a0A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Unedited) Question submitted via Formspring \u201cHello Dave, I must admit that I like your articles on beliefnet and will like you to keep it up. 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He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. He brings his empathy, insight, and vast personal experience into all his relationships, which has lead to him being one of the most sought after Coaches in the world today. 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