{"id":195,"date":"2011-10-30T21:50:33","date_gmt":"2011-10-30T21:50:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=195"},"modified":"2011-10-30T21:53:10","modified_gmt":"2011-10-30T21:53:10","slug":"understanding-mr-right-or-how-to-train-your-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/understanding-mr-right-or-how-to-train-your-husband.html","title":{"rendered":"Understanding Mr. Right; Or, how to train your husband (VIDEO)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;It takes time to persuade men to do even what is for their own good&#8221;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_197\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-197\" style=\"width: 201px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2011\/10\/understanding_men.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-197\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/304\/2011\/10\/understanding_men-201x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"201\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-197\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">He can&#039;t hear you!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>-Thomas Jefferson<\/p>\n<p>Even though my emphasis is on &#8216;Spirituality&#8217;, the fact of the matter is the easiest way to see God is through feeling the love of that special someone.<\/p>\n<p>One of the number one issues I deal with in my<a href=\"http:\/\/www.peacelovemoney.com\/Personal_Coaching.html\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">Coaching<\/a>\u00a0work, is in relationships. Bridging that gap between Mars and Venus to help men and women understand each other.<\/p>\n<p>Now you may recall that I&#8217;ve already talked about\u00a0<a title=\"how to find Mr\/s. Right\" href=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/how-to-be-mrs-right-or-spiritual-loving-ii-video.html\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">how to find Mr\/s. Right<\/a>, so now I want to talk a little more specifically about men and women separately, and how we tick.<\/p>\n<p>In the video below, I give several tips on men, like:<br \/>\nHow to understand men, and how we think; how men and women differ and how to bridge the gap; how to understand why men do what we do, and how to communicate with your man to get results.<\/p>\n<p>So in this article I&#8217;d like to give a little more insight into men, and what it&#8217;s like inside our heads and hearts.<\/p>\n<p>Before we go too far, I want to say clearly that what I am talking about here (and in the follow up article on Women), is not meant to be misconstrued as &#8216;sexist&#8217; in any way. I am not making value judgments, or talking about gender roles, I am talking about biology and the baseline functioning of men and women. Yes, we are all different, yes we are all individual snowflakes, but even individual snowflakes have more in common then not with all the other snowflakes.<\/p>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"All About You  with  B. Dave Walters Episode 26.1: MEN\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/hio3w77v4yE?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<p>If there is one thing that I can impress upon you, is that men are very, very, very, VERY simple creatures. If you ever want to know what a man is thinking, or why he does what he does, 9\/10 times the simplest solution is the accurate one!<br \/>\nFor the most part, we only want a handful of things: food, sex, sleep&#8230;and silence!<\/p>\n<p>Our drive (for the most part) is to go out and hunt, to conquer, to be a warrior. And above all else: to spread the seed. It is our biological imperative to have as much\u00a0sex\u00a0as we can, as often as we can, quite frankly with as many partners as we can.<\/p>\n<p>NOW, let me be clear!<br \/>\nI am not justifying male infidelity, we do not have to give in to these urges!<br \/>\nAny guy that claims that he can&#8217;t help it is fooling himself; self control is the very thing that sets us above the animals. But, the point I am making is the biological drive *NEVER * goes away. It doesn&#8217;t mean he has to do it, it doesn&#8217;t mean he isn&#8217;t in love with you, it is just how he is wired.<\/p>\n<p>Consider that a man&#8217;s sexual peak hits in his late teens, just in time for him to procreate before he does something stupid and probably gets himself killed!<br \/>\nWhereas a woman&#8217;s sexual peak occurs in her mid to late 30&#8217;s, for reasons we&#8217;ll discuss in the next article.<\/p>\n<p>Another thing:<br \/>\nFor the most part, you can not nag, complain, or guilt a man to doing what you want for a long period of time. More importantly, why would you want to?<br \/>\nWhy would you want to be with someone you have to dominate into submission? More importantly, if you care about this person, why would you even want to?<\/p>\n<p>If you want to motivate a man (or woman, for that matter) to do something, you always\u00a0catch more flies with honey. What that that means is you&#8217;ll gain much better results through positive reinforcement then you will through nagging, which I explain in detail in the video below.<\/p>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"All About You  with  B. Dave Walters Episode 26.2: MEN\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/-7OJlrl5bVQ?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<p>Now for something I have not discussed anywhere before now:<br \/>\nHow to know if a man is, or is not, interested in you.<\/p>\n<p>1.Does he say he is?<br \/>\nIf he is asking you to spend time with him, or showing an excessive interest in you (more than you see him showing others), then chances are high he is interested. If he doesn&#8217;t show you any attention, or worse, tells you he isn&#8217;t interested then&#8230;he&#8217;s not.<br \/>\nSeems self evident, but you would be shocked how many people I know who are chasing men who have clearly told them it is not going to happen, and yet they chase him anyway.<\/p>\n<p>2.Does he do things for you, however big or small?<br \/>\nHe should be exerting some effort to see or talk to you.<br \/>\nHow much he does will vary by the man, and the environment in which you interact. For instance, if he&#8217;s a coworker, maybe he asks you to lunch, or offers to pick up food for you. If you have a class, maybe he asks you to get together and study. Maybe he waits around longer than he has to in order to talk to you, or works to strike up conversations.<br \/>\nBy the same token, if he DOESN&#8217;T do that; if he consistently leaves without you, if he is always giving you 1 word replies, if he forgets you when he gets coffee for himself: those are big hints that he&#8217;s not interested.<\/p>\n<p>3.Have you met his friends?<br \/>\nIf you haven&#8217;t met his friends, YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!<\/p>\n<p>4.Do you have more than one way to contact him?<br \/>\nWhat I mean is, do you have his Facebook, cell phone, and home phone (if he still has such a thing)? If you call, does he answer more often then not, even if it is just to tell you he&#8217;ll call you back? Does he respond to your texts, more often then not?<br \/>\nOr does he take forever to get back to you, or is short with you sometimes?<br \/>\nIt used to be if a man would give his cell phone, but not home phone number, it meant he was married, or at least had a serious girlfriend.<br \/>\nBecause so many people only have cell phones now it&#8217;s not quite so clear cut, but if he only gives you one way to contact him, or only calls you back at odd times, or gets off the phone in a rush, these are all red flags that there&#8217;s someone else.<\/p>\n<p>But, please, let me reiterate:<br \/>\nYou can NOT argue, nag, or complain him into doing what you want him to do, at least not for long. Yes, I know you need reassurance from time to time, but if you are allowing your\u00a0<a title=\"fear\" href=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/how-to-stop-worrying-and-give-up-stress.html\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">fear<\/a>\u00a0to make you paranoid, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.<\/p>\n<p>I have seen more relationships killed by one person&#8217;s insecurity then anything else. Yes, you have to find a way to\u00a0communicate; if you can&#8217;t communicate, you don&#8217;t have a relationship.<br \/>\nBut you have to take the time to face your fears and decide what is and is not worth saying. Remember, the measure of communication is in the response it gets; if you know something you are going to say is going to upset him, and not gain you anything, then don&#8217;t say it!<\/p>\n<p>Remember, he is a simple creature. He wants simple things, and the simple approach is best, 99.9% of the time. Be sweet to him until he proves to you he doesn&#8217;t deserve it&#8230;and if he doesn&#8217;t deserve it,\u00a0<a title=\"let him go and move on\" href=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/letting-go-or-after-the-love-is-gone-video.html\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">let him go and move on<\/a>!<\/p>\n<p>What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n<p>You are great, and I love you!<br \/>\nAnd if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!<\/p>\n<p>B. Dave Walters<br \/>\nWriter, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n<p>Find out more about me:<br \/>\n<a title=\"http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters\" href=\"http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters\" target=\"_blank\">http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Ask me anything:<br \/>\n<a title=\"http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters\" href=\"http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters\" target=\"_blank\">http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;It takes time to persuade men to do even what is for their own good&#8221; -Thomas Jefferson Even though my emphasis is on &#8216;Spirituality&#8217;, the fact of the matter is the easiest way to see God is through feeling the love of that special someone. One of the number one issues I deal with in&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,39,35,29,38,31,46,28,43,45,30],"tags":[4,3,44,34,13,12,54,23,53,26,51,24,42],"class_list":["post-195","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-fear","category-getting-over-it","category-happiness","category-hope-inspiration","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-peace","category-relationships-2","category-tainted-love","category-the-past","tag-all-about-you","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-getting-married","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-self-talk"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Understanding Mr. Right; Or, how to train your husband (VIDEO) - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Understanding Mr. Right; Or, how to train your husband (VIDEO) - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"&#8220;It takes time to persuade men to do even what is for their own good&#8221; -Thomas Jefferson Even though my emphasis is on &#8216;Spirituality&#8217;, the fact of the matter is the easiest way to see God is through feeling the love of that special someone. One of the number one issues I deal with in&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2011\/10\/understanding-mr-right-or-how-to-train-your-husband.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-10-30T21:50:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2011-10-30T21:53:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2011\/10\/understanding_men-201x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"B. 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Dave Walters","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/#\/schema\/person\/bcf42d892eff535aad3a062b7d9534c9","name":"B. Dave Walters","description":"B. Dave Walters is like a mix between Joel Osteen, Tony Robbins, and the Old Spice Guy. He is the winner of the \"Be the Next Beleifnet Featured Blogger\" contest for Beliefnet.com in the Hope &amp; Inspiration category. He is also the host of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters on Party 93.4 FM out of Hudson Valley, New York, as well as a nationally syndicated columnist on the topics of spirituality and relationships for the Examiner.com. He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. He brings his empathy, insight, and vast personal experience into all his relationships, which has lead to him being one of the most sought after Coaches in the world today. 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