{"id":1587,"date":"2016-11-12T22:44:35","date_gmt":"2016-11-12T22:44:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/?p=1587"},"modified":"2016-11-17T02:21:52","modified_gmt":"2016-11-17T02:21:52","slug":"hillary-lost-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2016\/11\/hillary-lost-now.html","title":{"rendered":"Hillary lost. So, now what do we do?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"113245514_Supporters_of_Democratic_US_presidential_nominee_Hillary_Clinton_react_as_they_watch_elect-large_trans++wD2sfO9joeQ6RY-qlTATNHNVe-3CubU0VlR_PwJrq-U\"<\/a>
\nI don\u2019t mind admitting that this hurts.<\/p>\n

One thing that I always tell aspiring Life Coaches is that you must always be your own best client.\u00a0 It\u2019s important to use your tools and live the same advice you\u2019d give someone else.\u00a0 Since walking our talk is how we avoid becoming hypocrites.<\/p>\n

So, when faced with difficulties, I step back and ask myself what I\u2019d tell one of my coaching clients<\/a> to do, and the I do that thing myself. The purpose of this article is to give you an idea of exactly how I\u2019m processing all of this\u2014a process that is by no means finished\u2014in the hopes that it might help you process things, too.<\/p>\n

UPDATE: On a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters I talked more about this, how my feelings have changed in the days since this article was posted, and where we need to go from here. Click here to listen<\/a>.<\/p>\n

The way I have set up the rest of this article is as a dialog between me, regular guy with all the same feelings so many others are grappling with, and B. Dave Walters, who always works to bring people together and shine some light into the world.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>***
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: I am shocked. SHOCKED.\u00a0 My heart is broken, I have never been so ashamed to be an American.<\/p>\n

BDW: And why is that?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: Why is that? We just elected a racist, sexist, misogynistic, Islamophobic, homophobic, xenophobic, narcissistic egomaniac with the business sense of Krusty the Klown to the office of the Presidency.<\/p>\n

BDW: Apparently, his supporters didn\u2019t see it that way.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: Oh, they saw it.\u00a0 They just didn\u2019t CARE.\u00a0 He appealed to everything that was worst not just in Americans, but in humanity<\/em> and it worked.<\/p>\n

BDW: That might be a bit of an exaggeration.\u00a0 They have some legitimate issues, like\u2014<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: I am SO tired of hearing about their \u2018legitimate issues.\u2019\u00a0 You know who else had legitimate issues? Anakin Skywalker. His mother died because the Jedi wouldn\u2019t listen to him.\u00a0 They lied to him, and hid things from him, they forced him away from the woman he loved.<\/p>\n

BDW: All valid things to be upset about, yes. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: Exactly. The problem is when he then said \u2018since I\u2019m upset with the way things are, I\u2019ll destroy ALL of it.\u00a0 I\u2019ll burn down the Jedi and cause the collapse of the Republic. Because my feelings are hurt . That\u2019s what happened on Tuesday: Trump voters killed a room full of Younglings because\u00a0 they\u2019re \u2018mad.\u2019<\/p>\n

BDW: I thought Darth Vader was your favorite character of all time?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: HE IS. Another thing they\u2019ve taken from me.<\/p>\n

BDW: Now who sounds like Anakin Skywalker? <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: Don\u2019t make me laugh. I don\u2019t feel like laughing.<\/p>\n

BDW: Fair enough. But you will feel like it again soon. This feeling will pass; you\u2019ll be ok. We\u2019ll ALL be OK. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me:\u00a0 I know. I\u2019ll get back to \u2018can\u2019t we all just get along\u2019 soon. But I am NOT there now. My psychology is in a very<\/em>\u00a0adversarial state right now. I can\u2019t even validate, much less support, the mindsets that won on Tuesday.<\/p>\n

BDW: Racism, sexism, all the other isms are very dangerous.\u00a0 But they are also learned<\/em>. And anyone who learns them can unlearn them. \u00a0But really, although racism and sexism were obviously a huge part of the Trump campaign, I don\u2019t think that\u2019s why most people voted for him. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: OK, so they may not have been racist or sexist themselves, but they apparently were totally ok<\/em> with racism and sexism.\u00a0 The KKK endorsed him openly, none of this was a secret, and yet they went with it. What if I said to you \u2018I don\u2019t abuse kids, I just let guys pay me $50 to bring kids to my house to abuse them; that doesn\u2019t make me a bad person, I just have to pay the rent!\u2019\u00a0 You would think I was a HORRIBLE person.<\/p>\n

BDW: Maybe. But we won\u2019t get anywhere calling people names and labeling them as stupid, racist, sexist, etc.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: If you don\u2019t want to be labeled deplorable, stop doing deplorable stuff. That\u2019s the other thing, I keep hearing about how \u2018we didn\u2019t listen to them,\u2019 but how do you dialog with someone who isn\u2019t listening? \u00a0\u00a0Dunnings-Kruger is REAL.<\/p>\n

BDW: I\u2019ve been grappling with that myself. But step one is definitely to even be willing<\/em> to talk without judgment or condescension. Since the truth is they feel great right now, and we feel awful.\u00a0 But if Trump does even half of the things he promised\u2014which I don\u2019t think he will, since the things he promised aren\u2019t possible\u2014the repercussions are going to fall on his supporters the hardest.\u00a0 The proposed budget cuts will hurt the working class more than any other, and once they start suffering they\u2019re going to be even more upset. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: Good.<\/p>\n

BDW: You don\u2019t mean that. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: Fine, I don\u2019t mean it. I\u2019m just mad.<\/p>\n

BDW: Then you should understand how they feel!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: I hate it when you do that.<\/p>\n

BDW: Remember, he who angers you, masters you. Don\u2019t let this temporary defeat change who you are. Yes, it\u2019s very irritating always having to be the bigger person, but SOMEONE has to.\u00a0 And we both know nothing good comes from everyone trying to be the lower person. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: I don\u2019t see anything good coming at all.<\/p>\n

BDW: OK, don\u2019t be too<\/em> dramatic. It\u2019s true that there are substantial risks facing us all now, but it will probably be fine. \u00a0Tough times are almost certainly on the way, but the world will keep turning. We\u2019ve made it through tough times before, and we\u2019ll make it through these.\u00a0 But we have to hold on to each other and lift up as many people as possible along the way. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: Who knows, maybe Hillary would have gotten us into World War 3 over Syria; chances are now we\u2019ll just end up with another Cold War, which is preferable to a nuclear one. As long as no world leaders say anything mean about Trump on Twitter.<\/p>\n

BDW: Ha. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: You know who else I\u2019m mad at? The Bernie or Bust people, the 20 million people who voted for Obama and just didn\u2019t show up this time, the 57% of white women who voted for Trump, and everyone else who voted against their own images.<\/p>\n

An Atheist, Socialist, Jew wasn\u2019t going to win against what showed up on Tuesday.\u00a0 The racist rhetoric still works as anti-Semitism. Socialism is still \u2018he\u2019s going to take your money and give it to brown people!\u2019 Atheism would have still activated the evangelicals. Bernie had minimal support in the Black community, and wouldn\u2019t have had the same financial resources from the establishment liberals.\u00a0 I don\u2019t see it ending any differently.\u00a0 Trump sold them a fantasy that Bernie wouldn\u2019t have been able to counter any more than Clinton could.\u00a0 Biden, however, would have smashed him.<\/p>\n

BDW: I can tell you what really<\/em> won on Tuesday: Selfishness. The belief that what I want is more important than the good of the nation, and I don\u2019t care who suffers because of that. That\u2019s why I can say that not everyone who voted for Trump is \u2018deplorable,\u2019 but they didn\u2019t care about what was going to happen to anyone else outside of their bubble. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: Wow, Coach.<\/p>\n

BDW: I still gotta call a spade a spade. But now we have dueling bubbles with the no desire to see where the other side is coming from. How do we bridge this gap?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: My plan for dealing with it is specificity.\u00a0 When they talk about how Trump is going to \u2018fix things,\u2019 ask them how exactly<\/em>. When they rail against Obama messing things up, ask how exactly.\u00a0 In a post fact world, sticking to the facts is an act of rebellion.<\/p>\n

BDW: Sadly so. What else?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: I\u2019m working to release the idea that voting for Trump makes you a bad person. But I must admit I\u2019m not there yet.<\/p>\n

BDW: You\u2019ll get there.\u00a0 This is a grieving process, and it takes as long as it takes; don\u2019t rush it. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: I may still have to rip up some trolls\u2026but only the ones who have it coming.<\/p>\n

BDW: If that makes you feel better.\u00a0 But, again, what do we gain from making people feel dumb?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: I\u2019ll remember that when I get around to being the bigger person.<\/p>\n

BDW: Here\u2019s what I\u2019d like you to remember: The majority of the people voted for her.\u00a0 The MAJORITY of the people wanted the same vision for the future that you want, where there\u2019s room for everyone at the table. So don\u2019t feel like your world view is the odd one, because it isn\u2019t. <\/strong><\/p>\n

By the same token, we need to understand what moved 50 million people in strategically valuable states to reject that vision. We need to understand their concerns, their hopes, and their fears, not necessarily to validate them\u2014even I may never get to that place\u2014but to help heal this divide.\u00a0 Since until we accept how people feel, whether or not we agree with them, we can\u2019t start the work of finding a common ground to build on. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: It\u2019s going to be a long four years, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

BDW: It will pass faster than you think. The first Hobbit movie came out four years ago. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King was THIRTEEN years ago.\u00a0 Time flies. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Me: I\u2019d give my left foot for Mitt Romney right now.<\/p>\n

BDW: You and me both, brother.\u00a0 But keep your chin up; your country still needs you, now more than ever. <\/strong><\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>I waited a long time to say anything.\u00a0 I\u2019ve you\u2019ve been following me on Facebook<\/a> (and you should) I didn\u2019t say anything from the night of the election until when I posted this article.\u00a0 I will just say it\u2019s ok to let yourself feel how you feel.\u00a0 I think the clouds are already starting to part for most of us, but don\u2019t make yourself wrong for feeling how you feel.\u00a0 The stages of grief are a spectrum, and you might still be moving back and forth between depression, anger, denial, bargaining, acceptance, and back again. So if you need to cry, cry. Scream, scream. If you need to stay in bed all day eating ice cream, do it and enjoy it.<\/p>\n

But at the end of the day, this is where we find ourselves, and the work of building a country and a world that works for everyone still falls to us to do.\u00a0 We can\u2019t give in to anger, hopelessness, pessimism, or despair, or the haters win.\u00a0 And the haters must never, ever win.\u00a0 The only way for us is the same that it\u2019s always been: Forward.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.\u201d -Maya Angelou<\/p>\n

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Become a supporter of my work:\u00a0http:\/\/www.patreon.com\/bdavewalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Dave Walters on Party 93.4 FM out of Hudson Valley, New York, as well as a nationally syndicated columnist on the topics of spirituality and relationships for the Examiner.com. He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. He brings his empathy, insight, and vast personal experience into all his relationships, which has lead to him being one of the most sought after Coaches in the world today. 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