{"id":1447,"date":"2015-04-13T02:38:37","date_gmt":"2015-04-13T02:38:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/?p=1447"},"modified":"2015-04-13T02:38:37","modified_gmt":"2015-04-13T02:38:37","slug":"qa-i-love-him-but-im-afraid-all-he-wants-is-sex-ii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2015\/04\/qa-i-love-him-but-im-afraid-all-he-wants-is-sex-ii.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: I love him, but I’m afraid all he wants is sex II"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

Question submitted via Formspring<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\u201cI need advice. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 8 months now. We started out with a very casual relationship. We would hang out and we would have sex. That’s it. It was fun at first but as time went on I started to develop feelings for him. Now I’m in love with him. I’m crazy about this man. I recently expressed my feelings for him and he was shocked. We don’t have sex as often and we don’t hang out as often because of our very busy schedules. I forgot to mention there’s an age gap. I’m 21 he’s 29. I’m frustrated because I want us to develop into something more..but there’s so many obstacles in the way. The age difference isn’t that big of a deal to me but it might be to him. The base of our relationship also started off as sex and I feel like making that change is going to be difficult. I don’t know!! My thoughts are all scrambled!! Pleaseeee help me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"You<\/a>
You have to know when to let go.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

We have talked before about what to do when a man only wants you for sex<\/a>.\u00a0 I also spoke about this question at length on a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with:
\nHow to do the things you know you should, and stop doing the things you know you shouldn’t. How to make change, lose weight, get motivated, and much, much, more! Click here to listen<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So, as always, let\u2019s break this down into pieces:
\nYou\u2019ve been together \u2018about 8 months\u2019.
\nYou started out \u2018casually\u2019, aka friends with benefits.
\nFirst it was just sex, but somewhere along the way you fell in love with him.
\nYou told him, he was \u2018shocked\u2019 and now is \u2018too busy\u2019 to see you.
\nThere\u2019s an 8-year age gap.
\nThere are \u2018so many obstacles\u2019 between you two being together (?)
\nYou understand that it\u2019s going to be hard to go from hooking up to a real relationship.<\/p>\n

Well first:\u00a0\u201cI’m about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.\u201d\u2015 Greg Behrendt, He\u2019s Just Not That Into You<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve got some bad news for you: The chances of this working out are slim to none.
\nI know that isn\u2019t what you want to hear, but I say it for several reasons.\u00a0 First and foremost, when you told him how you felt, he started withdrawing.\u00a0 And no, he isn\u2019t \u2018busy\u2019; he was just as busy when he had plenty of time to hook up.\u00a0 If he is claiming he has no time for you now\u2026see the above quote.<\/p>\n

Most importantly, the key to a successful relationship is two people being on the same page: If you\u2019re both just having sex, it can work; just dating, or madly in love; all can work.\u00a0 But if you are after two different things, you\u2019re in for trouble.\u00a0 As someone once said to me, \u201cbe careful you\u2019re not making love with someone who\u2019s just having sex.\u201d<\/p>\n

So understanding that he\u2019s now had every chance to form an emotional connection with you and has chosen not<\/em> to, that should tell you everything you need to know.<\/p>\n

I went into much greater detail about this, and what you should do next in the radio show recording I linked above; give it a listen and it will help you a lot.<\/p>\n

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Become a supporter of my work:\u00a0http:\/\/www.patreon.com\/bdavewalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cI need advice. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 8 months now. We started out with a very casual relationship. We would hang out and we would have sex. That’s it. It was fun at first but as time went on I started to develop feelings for him. Now…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107,55,39,35,29,38,31,46,43,45],"tags":[3,44,34,13,12,54,36,14,23,26,25,51,24,5],"class_list":["post-1447","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-107","category-emotions-2","category-fear","category-getting-over-it","category-happiness","category-hope-inspiration","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-relationships-2","category-tainted-love","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-getting-married","tag-hope","tag-life-coach","tag-love","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-rise-up"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: I love him, but I'm afraid all he wants is sex II - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: I love him, but I'm afraid all he wants is sex II - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"  Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cI need advice. 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