{"id":1429,"date":"2015-01-19T23:14:28","date_gmt":"2015-01-19T23:14:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/?p=1429"},"modified":"2015-01-19T23:14:28","modified_gmt":"2015-01-19T23:14:28","slug":"how-to-feel-happy-and-be-at-peace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2015\/01\/how-to-feel-happy-and-be-at-peace.html","title":{"rendered":"How to feel happy, and be at peace"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.\u201d \u2015 Marcus Aurelius, Meditations<\/p>\n

In my Coaching work<\/a>, a question that comes up again and again is how to feel happy, and be at peace.\u00a0 For one reason or another, a person has something that has damaged their calm and is making them unhappy.<\/p>\n

\"Every<\/a>
Every day is the greatest gift you can get.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I went back and looked at my most popular articles, and talked about all those topics on a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters<\/a>.\u00a0 We talked about:\u00a0 How to get up when you hit rock bottom, how to know what to do with your life, how to know if your lover only wants sex, and much, much, more.<\/p>\n

So, how can you stay calm, happy, and peaceful?\u00a0 The first thing is to pay attention to the meanings you are attaching to things<\/a>.\u00a0 When someone says or does something that hurts you, step back and ask yourself: What would you say if a complete stranger said or did this same thing?
\nWhat would you tell your best friend if they were in this exact same spot?
\nWhat would make someone say or do something like this?<\/p>\n

Everyone believes their problems are extremely complicated and unique in the world; when the truth is that\u2019s VERY rarely the case.\u00a0 The further you can step outside yourself and look at the situation like it was happening to someone else, the easier you can see the truth of it.<\/p>\n

Now, there is no guarantee this truth will be easy to accept, or even make you happy in the short term.\u00a0 The truth is like surgery: It hurts but it heals.\u00a0 For instance, if someone doesn\u2019t call you on your birthday, you can choose to be upset by that, or ask yourself: Why wouldn\u2019t<\/em> they call?\u00a0 Early in the day, there may be 100 reasons: Their phone is dead, or they are at work, or tied up somewhere they physically can\u2019t call.<\/p>\n

But, as the day moves on, another realization starts to kick in: They didn\u2019t call because it wasn\u2019t important enough to call.\u00a0 And when someone starts showing you that you don\u2019t rank as a priority to them, they should stop being a priority to you, too.<\/p>\n

Which leads to the next thing to remember: Anything outside of you\u2014people, circumstances, or anything else\u2014only have what power over you that you give them.\u00a0 Again, remember the \u2018stranger\u2019 test I gave above.\u00a0 If the exact same words or behavior wouldn\u2019t bother you from a stranger, then the words or behavior aren\u2019t the problem, but the meanings you are attaching to them.\u00a0 And this is something you can choose to release at any time.\u00a0 Once again to quote Marcus Aurelius (who gave excellent advice on how to avoid letting other people hurt you<\/a>):<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your opinion of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.\u201d<\/p>\n

And finally, and most importantly: While it may be true that there\u2019s always something to be upset about, there are ALWAYS more things to be grateful for<\/a>.\u00a0 Form the habit of looking for the good, or at least the lesson, in every situation you are faced with.\u00a0 Pessimism is easy; anyone can look at a situation and see what\u2019s wrong with it; there is nothing particularly noble or enlightened about being negative<\/a>. \u00a0It takes a special kind of person look clearly and see all sides to be able to spot the good along with the bad.<\/p>\n

So really, that\u2019s all there is to it: Be aware of the meanings you are attaching things; they are neither good or bad, but how we think about it makes the difference.\u00a0 Realize if you\u2019re unhappy, it\u2019s up to you how you are looking at things, which can help you do whatever you need to do to change<\/a>.\u00a0 And once you can see things clearly, you can let go of whatever you need to let go of so that you can move forward<\/a>.<\/p>\n

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Become a supporter of my work:\u00a0http:\/\/www.patreon.com\/bdavewalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. 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