{"id":1404,"date":"2014-11-18T06:14:09","date_gmt":"2014-11-18T06:14:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/?p=1404"},"modified":"2014-11-18T17:08:03","modified_gmt":"2014-11-18T17:08:03","slug":"qa-im-trying-to-smile-but-ive-hit-rock-bottom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2014\/11\/qa-im-trying-to-smile-but-ive-hit-rock-bottom.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: \u201cI\u2019m trying to smile, but I\u2019ve hit rock bottom\u2026.\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

Question submitted via Formspring<\/a>:
\n\u201cHello, I am on the journey of my life moving leaving everything i know to move to NYC by myself. I had to stay in a shelter and am still here. I<\/p>\n

\"\"
Rock bottom is a firm foundation to begin again!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

have a job but the main reason for coming here was to evolve into a respected actor and writer. Haven’t got anything done and just living in a routine of work and back to the shelter. I need my training but can’t afford it. I\u2019m going have to spend the holidays in here. Not to mention my continuous failure with women. My confidence in everything is at a bottom and I refuse to call my mom for support. I just know i need to change because who i am is a weak beans. People see me as angry or sad. I\u2019m doing my best to smile through but I\u2019m at bottom and don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

I understand your frustration, so let\u2019s see what we can do. First, let\u2019s break this down into pieces:
\nYou moved to NYC by yourself (bravo!), but you\u2019ve been staying in a shelter.
\nYour goal is to be a writer and an actor, but you\u2019ve been stuck in the routine of surviving.
\nYou know you need training to improve, but can\u2019t afford it.
\nYou\u2019ll be in the shelter for the holidays (how long have you been there?)
\nYou can\u2019t get a date.
\nYour confidence is at bottom, but you don\u2019t want to ask your mom for help.
\nYou come across as angry and sad, and don\u2019t know how to change.<\/p>\n

Well, my first question would be: Where did you intend to stay when you arrived, and why aren\u2019t you there now?\u00a0 Although it may be you didn\u2019t have a place lined up, and at least you have a roof over your head, so that\u2019s a good place to start.\u00a0 I\u2019m actually going to jump ahead a bit to the point about not wanting to ask for help.\u00a0 Really, you\u2019ve got two choices: Ask, since if you need help, you need help; it happens to absolutely all of us sometimes.\u00a0 There are two things I can tell you for certain do not exist<\/em>: The Self-Made Man and the Overnight Success.\u00a0 Everyone needs a hand sometimes.<\/p>\n

However, if you DON\u2019T want to ask for help, then you have to admit this is what you are choosing for yourself and stop resisting it.\u00a0 That\u2019s like being sad about being trapped in a cage that locks from the inside; if your current state is preferable to calling home, then it must not be ALL bad.\u00a0 Only you can decide if that is you being courageous, or blinded by your ego.\u00a0 You might get an earful from her, but words can\u2019t hurt you, and that\u2019s part of what makes Mom, Mom.<\/p>\n

Now, whether or not you choose to ask for help: If your goal is to be a writer, write<\/a>.\u00a0 Do something every single day that\u2019s going to get you closer to your goal.\u00a0 That\u2019s what no one tells you about pursuing your dreams<\/a>: It\u2019s a long, hard, climb.\u00a0 But writing is an individual sport, no one is stopping you from practicing but you.\u00a0 Even acting can be done by yourself if you are acting out scenes.\u00a0 You can choose to look at this time like Thoreau\u2019s time in the woods, when you can focus on honing your craft completely free from distractions.<\/p>\n

Now you need training but can\u2019t afford it, which happens.\u00a0 The solution there is, start looking for a better job.\u00a0 Don\u2019t quit the one you\u2019ve got, but start keeping your eyes open for the next thing.\u00a0 Craigslist is fantastic for job hunting.\u00a0 Because the day to day grind of surviving can and will consume you if you let it.\u00a0 You have to consciously decide to put your foot down and make your creative work your focus, which your job exists to support.\u00a0 Otherwise it will always<\/em> be a \u2018someday maybe\u2019 goal.<\/p>\n

As for the girls, I\u2019ve got some bad news for you, man: Girls tend not to like sad, angry guys living in shelters; unless they are equally sad and angry, of course.\u00a0 This is a time to focus on YOURSELF, and taking the next step in your journey.\u00a0 The solution to how you feel right now is absolutely not going to come from another person; it will come from you and you alone.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.\u201d\u2015 Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings<\/p>\n

The way to stop being angry and sad\u2026here are 3 simple rules for a happy life<\/a>.<\/p>\n

One other thing, I highly, *highly* recommend you read the Meditations by Marcus Aurelius<\/a>; it\u2019s some of the best advice ever give for enduring tough times.<\/p>\n

In the end, this is the path you chose for yourself, and if you believe it is truly what you are meant to do, then you have to see it through to its conclusion.\u00a0 And if you don\u2019t believe it\u2019s what you\u2019re meant to be doing, do something else instead.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing to be angry about; everything is under your control!<\/p>\n

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Become a supporter of my work:\u00a0http:\/\/www.patreon.com\/bdavewalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cHello, I am on the journey of my life moving leaving everything i know to move to NYC by myself. I had to stay in a shelter and am still here. I have a job but the main reason for coming here was to evolve into a respected actor and writer.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[100,37,47,55,80,39,35,93,29,81,38,31,46,28,41,43,48,45,17,78],"tags":[3,34,13,12,11,82,36,6,14,23,26,25,51,24,5,50,56,7,113,32],"class_list":["post-1404","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-100","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-fear","category-getting-over-it","category-gratitude","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-peace","category-positive-thinking","category-relationships-2","category-spirituality","category-tainted-love","category-universal-law","category-worry","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-grief","tag-hope","tag-law-of-attraction","tag-life-coach","tag-love","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-rise-up","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious","tag-stress","tag-the-secret","tag-universal-law","tag-who-are-you"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: \u201cI\u2019m trying to smile, but I\u2019ve hit rock bottom\u2026.\u201d - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: \u201cI\u2019m trying to smile, but I\u2019ve hit rock bottom\u2026.\u201d - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cHello, I am on the journey of my life moving leaving everything i know to move to NYC by myself. 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