{"id":1315,"date":"2014-02-06T04:04:09","date_gmt":"2014-02-06T04:04:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/?p=1315"},"modified":"2014-02-06T04:04:09","modified_gmt":"2014-02-06T04:04:09","slug":"how-to-love-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2014\/02\/how-to-love-again.html","title":{"rendered":"How to love again"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"It's<\/a>
It’s meant to be shared<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cTo be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person’s opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.\u201d
\n\u2015 Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart<\/p>\n

Question submitted via Formspring.me\/bdavewalters<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\u201cDear Dave,
\n<\/span>I have just found your videos and what you say resonates. My mind understands but my heart struggles to get to that feeling place of love. How do I break the chain that has love and pain attached, preventing me from peace and joy?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Thank you for the kind words! Like always, first let\u2019s break this down into pieces:
\n\u201cMy mind understands, but my heart struggles to get to that feeling place of love\u201d you\u2019re feeling some separation between what you \u2018know\u2019 and what you feel. \u00a0<\/span>\u201cHow do I break the chain that has pain and love attached, <\/span>preventing<\/i> me from peace and joy?\u201d All of this totals up to only one thing: A bad break up.<\/span><\/p>\n

We have talked before about how to let go of someone and move on<\/a>. For now, the first thing to remember, is just like the quote says only one person has rejected you, not the whole world.\u00a0 And it\u2019s easy to believe that one person\u2019s opinion means more than the rest of the world combined, but I\u2019ll tell you a secret: They only have what power over you that you give them. \u00a0\u00a0Because in the end, they said and did what they said and did, and they did and didn\u2019t do, what they did and didn\u2019t do.\u00a0 You can\u2019t control that, but you can<\/i> control the meanings you attach to it.\u00a0 And you don\u2019t *have* to let this person control your happiness any longer. \u00a0Don\u2019t give away your power\u2026they don\u2019t deserve it.<\/p>\n

Look back over your past relationships: Is this the first time you\u2019ve had someone treat you this way? Or the fifth\u2026or the twenty-fifth? If you find that you\u2019ve manifested multiple relationships like this, then ask yourself what is it in *you* that is making you believe that you don\u2019t deserve true and open love and affection?\u00a0 I\u2019ll give you a hint, though: Find out who and what you need to forgive<\/a> \u00a0and you can break the cycle for good.<\/p>\n

Think back over your past relationships and look for patterns, both for the type of person you\u2019ve been involved with, and how you\u2019ve behaved in the relationships.\u00a0 Once you can see where you have gone off-track, you can make different choices in the future; once you can see it, you can control it.<\/p>\n

Now, on the off chance that you\u2019re not coming off a bad breakup, and you are asking the question more generally, everything still begins with forgiveness; forgiving the people who hurt you, and forgiving yourself, too.\u00a0 You have to believe you deserve to be happy; to feel peaceful, loved and appreciated for who and what you are before anyone else will.\u00a0 Remember, how much you love yourself sets the limit for how much you can love anyone else, and how much you will let them love you.<\/p>\n

As long as you love yourself first, forgive everyone for what\u2019s happened up until now, AND don\u2019t punish the next person for the last person\u2019s mistakes, everything will fall into place.<\/p>\n

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cTo be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. 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