{"id":1286,"date":"2013-09-10T03:13:25","date_gmt":"2013-09-10T03:13:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=1286"},"modified":"2015-12-02T16:16:00","modified_gmt":"2015-12-02T16:16:00","slug":"three-quick-ways-to-find-peace-and-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2013\/09\/three-quick-ways-to-find-peace-and-happiness.html","title":{"rendered":"Three quick ways to find peace and happiness"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Just<\/a>
Just Let Go<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that\u2019s B.S. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they\u2019re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they\u2019re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It\u2019s all in how you carry it. That\u2019s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you\u2019re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
\n\u2014 Jim Morrison<\/p>\n

As we have talked about many times before<\/a>, most of the pain that we experience in the present is rooted in our own unresolved issues, baggage, and traumas from the past.\u00a0 And Life, being the greatest school that there is, will continue sending us the same lessons over and over again until we learn them.\u00a0 So, if you find yourself making the same sort of mistakes over and over again: The same bad relationships, bad jobs, or general unhappiness, here are some tools you can use to start finding your way out of that cycle once and for all.<\/p>\n

Tool #1: Forgiveness.<\/strong>
\nReally, this all boils down to forgiveness: Forgiving them for whatever they did or didn\u2019t do, and forgiving yourself for what you did or didn\u2019t do.\u00a0 Now remember, when we say forgiveness, it doesn\u2019t mean that whatever they did or didn\u2019t do is OK\u2026maybe it wasn\u2019t OK at all.\u00a0 But, it\u2019s done, and in the past. My favorite quote on forgiveness comes from The Buddha: \u00a0\u2018Holding on to anger with the intent of hurting someone else, is like picking up a hot coal with the intention of throwing it: You are the one who gets burned.\u2019<\/p>\n

Of course, forgiveness can be very difficult to manage; if it was easy, you\u2019d have done it already!\u00a0 The first thing to figure out is who it is that needs forgiving (and don\u2019t forget to put yourself on that list!).\u00a0 The biggest clue is to see how you are feeling now, and think back to the earliest memory you have of feeling that way.\u00a0 Who was there?\u00a0 What was happening? It may seem like something simple, but you\u2019d be amazed by what things stick with us.\u00a0 If it\u2019s a particularly painful memory, I have recorded something called a \u2018swish pattern\u2019 that you can use to heal painful memories, sometimes instantly<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Tool #2: Writing it out.<\/strong>
\nOften times, it\u2019s not possible to tell the person that we forgive them.\u00a0 It may not be possible to talk to them for one reason or another, up to and including them having transitioned to the next world.\u00a0 And, quite often the other person may not want your forgiveness, if they don\u2019t think they did anything wrong!\u00a0 Luckily enough, that doesn\u2019t matter, since forgiveness is something you do for you; it\u2019s a gift you give *yourself*.\u00a0 Remember, the goal is not validating their choices, but releasing your lingering negativity towards them.\u00a0 Since good, bad, or indifferent, they did their best; in the end, they were the product of THEIR own unresolved baggage, issues, and trauma from the past!<\/p>\n

So, the way around this is to write down everything you want to say to them.\u00a0 Actually write it on paper, not type on a computer.\u00a0 There are many reasons why I say that, which are beyond the scope of the article, so just trust me on this one.\u00a0 Say any and everything you need to say, be as mean and nasty as necessary, or as genuine and caring as you feel.\u00a0 There is no way to do this wrong, the only mistake would be holding back.\u00a0 Once you are done, I do *not* suggest you give the letter to the person; once again, this is about you letting it out and your healing.\u00a0 I recommend you either keep it somewhere safe, or believe it or not: Burn it.\u00a0 Once you\u2019ve truly released it, why keep it around?<\/p>\n

Tool #3: A heart-to-heart talk.<\/strong>
\nSo, I just got done saying not to give the person you\u2019re forgiving the letter, so who is it I\u2019m suggesting you talk to?\u00a0 This tool is simple to explain, but I can be hard to do because you\u2019ll have to face your harshest critic and source of all your insecurities: Yourself<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Here is how it works: Go somewhere with a mirror and privacy; restrooms work best, but your car\u2019s rearview mirror works well, too.\u00a0 Anywhere you can look yourself in the eye and speak at a normal volume without worrying about who might hear you.<\/p>\n

First thing you do is just look yourself in the eye, and hold that eye contact for a little while.\u00a0 Believe me, it\u2019s harder than you think!\u00a0 And once you spend a little time connected with yourself, tell yourself *out loud* that you forgive yourself.\u00a0 Admit your mistakes, and say out loud what you learned from them. Tell yourself how beautiful you are, how strong, how wonderful, and brilliant you are.\u00a0 Say all the things to yourself you wish someone else would say.\u00a0 Give yourself the validation that you wish would come from someone else.<\/p>\n

And I\u2019ll tell you a big secret: Words only have what power over you that you give them. And I can prove that words have no power in and of themselves: No matter what someone said in the past that hurt you, what if a crazy person in the street said the exact same thing\u2026would it have bothered you? Of course not; so why do you let what anyone else says bother you, either?\u00a0 In the end, how much you love yourself<\/a> will set the limit of how much love you can give OR accept, and this time with yourself will just make you more available and present to the important people in your life.<\/p>\n

Yes, I\u2019m serious\u2026I do this daily, and if you do this it will change your life; I promise you that. If it\u2019s tough to do or seems silly, that will show you just how hard you\u2019ve been on yourself up until now, so add that to the list of things to forgive!<\/p>\n

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that\u2019s B.S. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they\u2019re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,80,39,35,15,93,114,29,81,38,31,46,88,110,28,112,41,43,48,45,30,17,78],"tags":[3,34,8,10,13,69,12,33,11,109,82,70,36,6,14,22,26,25,24,5,42,50,18,56,7],"class_list":["post-1286","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-fear","category-getting-over-it","category-god","category-gratitude","category-guilt","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-mind","category-nlp","category-peace","category-pessimism","category-positive-thinking","category-relationships-2","category-spirituality","category-tainted-love","category-the-past","category-universal-law","category-worry","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breakthroughs","tag-buddha","tag-buddhism","tag-change","tag-christianity","tag-emotions","tag-gnosis","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-god","tag-grief","tag-guilt","tag-hope","tag-law-of-attraction","tag-life-coach","tag-los-angeles","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-relationships","tag-rise-up","tag-self-talk","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious","tag-spiritual-coach","tag-stress","tag-the-secret"],"yoast_head":"\nThree quick ways to find peace and happiness - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/Inspiration\/Articles\/Three-Quick-Ways-to-Find-Peace-and-Happiness.aspx\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Three quick ways to find peace and happiness - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. 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He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. He brings his empathy, insight, and vast personal experience into all his relationships, which has lead to him being one of the most sought after Coaches in the world today. 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