{"id":1281,"date":"2013-08-19T19:25:48","date_gmt":"2013-08-19T19:25:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=1281"},"modified":"2013-08-19T19:25:49","modified_gmt":"2013-08-19T19:25:49","slug":"qa-how-to-deal-with-emotional-abuse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2013\/08\/qa-how-to-deal-with-emotional-abuse.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: How to deal with emotional abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"When<\/a>
When will enough be enough?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Question submitted via Formspring<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\u201cI think my partner is emotionally abusive, but I’m not sure if that means we need to separate. He stonewalls, withholds, ignores many of my requests for response\/information, he seems entitled and self-serving, he claims to care about me but can be cruel.\u201d<\/p>\n

First, let\u2019s break this into pieces:
\nYou think (think?) your partner is emotionally abusive.
\nHe stonewalls, withholds information, and ignores your \u2018many\u2019 requests for communication.
\nHe seems entitled and self-serving.
\nHe \u2018claims\u2019 to care, but can be cruel.
\nAnd yet, you\u00a0aren’t\u00a0sure that means you need to separate.<\/i><\/em><\/em><\/p>\n

My first question would be: If your partner being distant, neglectful, deceitful, emotionally abusive and cruel isn’t grounds to separate, what is?<\/p>\n

Note, you referred to him as your partner. Not boyfriend, not fianc\u00e9, not lover, partner, which in hetero relationships is usually a sign of some sort of ambiguity.\u00a0 Perhaps you can\u2019t even get him to have \u2018the talk\u2019 about what it is you are to each other, or he may have given you the classic line about \u2018not wanting to label it\u2019.\u00a0 A person being unwilling to commit is generally a sign of one of two things: 1. They are waiting for something better to come along, or, 2. They have a lot of baggage from the past that is making them afraid to commit.\u00a0 And either one is bad for business.<\/p>\n

But focusing on the details you have given, yes it is time to begin trying to separate for several reasons, but the main one is this: If you can\u2019t communicate, you don\u2019t have a relationship.\u00a0 You said yourself he evades your questions and ignores your needs, but expects you to live up to his (entitled and self-serving).<\/p>\n

A better question is, why\u00a0wouldn’t<\/i>\u00a0you want to separate from him? Why do you think this type of treatment is what you deserve, or at least that you don\u2019t deserve better? I\u2019m sure you are thinking \u201cbut I love him,\u201d but unfortunately that\u2019s not enough.\u00a0 Respect and trust are actually more important, and your relationship is lacking in both.<\/p>\n

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cI think my partner is emotionally abusive, but I’m not sure if that means we need to separate. He stonewalls, withholds, ignores many of my requests for response\/information, he seems entitled and self-serving, he claims to care about me but can be cruel.\u201d First, let\u2019s break this into pieces: You think…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,35,81,38,46,28,43,45,78],"tags":[3,44,34,13,12,14,22,23,26,25,51,24,50,56],"class_list":["post-1281","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-getting-over-it","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-love-yourself","category-peace","category-relationships-2","category-tainted-love","category-worry","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-life-coach","tag-los-angeles","tag-love","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious","tag-stress"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: How to deal with emotional abuse - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2013\/08\/qa-how-to-deal-with-emotional-abuse.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: How to deal with emotional abuse - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cI think my partner is emotionally abusive, but I’m not sure if that means we need to separate. 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