{"id":1267,"date":"2013-06-25T05:02:52","date_gmt":"2013-06-25T05:02:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=1267"},"modified":"2013-06-25T05:02:52","modified_gmt":"2013-06-25T05:02:52","slug":"qa-were-getting-married-but-he-suffocates-me-what-should-i-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2013\/06\/qa-were-getting-married-but-he-suffocates-me-what-should-i-do.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: We’re getting married, but he suffocates me; what should I do?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"If<\/a>
If he is too clingy, *tell him* he is too clingy!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

(Unedited) Question\u00a0submitted via formspring.me<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\u201cI am in a relationship for few years now, to everybody he seems to be a perfect lover n partner,but i get irritated very frequently due to his “over lovingness”.feel suffocated as he keeps a track of my every second of a day. wedding is very near.\u201d<\/p>\n

(and then she said)
\n\u201chi,i m d same girl getting married to over loving partner. I work with this another guy,who always teases me,sometimes complement me,thinks he like me,m attracted to him,not for any long term bond but for fun,may be a date or two. but he never asks. I want him\u201d<\/p>\n

Let’s break this down into pieces:
\n1.You’ve been with him a few years.
\n2.Everyone *else * thinks he’s a perfect partner…but you don’t.
\n3.You get irritated and feel smothered.
\n4.He may be a bit possessive.
\n5.Some guy at work teases you, and gives you the odd compliment
\n6.You want to be with this new guy, ‘just for fun’.
\n7.You are supposed to be getting married soon.<\/p>\n

The short answer: don’t marry this guy.\u00a0Since, you didn’t say you\u00a0love\u00a0him, you didn’t mention wanting to be with him. You said everyone ELSE thinks he’s great, which means you don’t.<\/p>\n

You said he over does it, and you’d prefer a guy who under does it.<\/p>\n

YEARS later, and you’re more interested in having a fling with a coworker than you are with getting married.<\/p>\n

Translation: break up.\u00a0Now it’s possible you are from a culture that won’t let you break up, and you have to proceed with the wedding whether you want to or not.<\/p>\n

In that case, sit your guy down and explain to him that you feel smothered.
\nTell him you want some more excitement in the relationship, and work together to figure out how you can both feel happy and fulfilled.<\/p>\n

Since as always, if you can’t communicate if you don’t have a relationship.<\/p>\n

But that is only if for whatever reason you *can’t * break up.
\nNothing in your words says you should stay with him, if anything it seems inevitable that you’ll either spend your life with him miserable, cheat on him, or both.<\/p>\n

Another thing: the coworker isn’t the solution.
\nHe only looks attractive because you’re bored by your fianc\u00e9e.
\nFocus on either fixing or peacefully dissolving your current relationship; you’ll have all the time in the world for whatever fling you like once it’s done.<\/p>\n

I’d also suggest you look at why it is you can’t commit to this guy.
\nIt may be that your relationship has run it’s course (which is normal); or it may be you have a problem with commitment.
\nLook at all your past\u00a0relationships\u00a0and see if they have ended similarly.<\/p>\n

I’d also look at your relationship with your dad, and his relationship with your mom as an indicator into how you got into this mess.
\nYou may have a good guy you are being too hard on; or a damaged relationship you can’t let go of.<\/p>\n

Either way a look into your past will probably give you a hint about your future.<\/p>\n

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters
\nWriter, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:
\nhttp:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalter<\/a>s<\/p>\n

Ask me anything:
\nhttp:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Unedited) Question\u00a0submitted via formspring.me: \u201cI am in a relationship for few years now, to everybody he seems to be a perfect lover n partner,but i get irritated very frequently due to his “over lovingness”.feel suffocated as he keeps a track of my every second of a day. wedding is very near.\u201d (and then she said)…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,80,39,35,29,38,92,31,46,28,43,45,78],"tags":[3,44,34,13,12,115,54,11,109,70,6,14,23,53,26,25,51,42,50,56,7,113],"class_list":["post-1267","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-fear","category-getting-over-it","category-happiness","category-hope-inspiration","category-loss","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-peace","category-relationships-2","category-tainted-love","category-worry","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-family","tag-getting-married","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-god","tag-guilt","tag-law-of-attraction","tag-life-coach","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-self-talk","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious","tag-stress","tag-the-secret","tag-universal-law"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: We're getting married, but he suffocates me; what should I do? - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: We're getting married, but he suffocates me; what should I do? - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"(Unedited) Question\u00a0submitted via formspring.me: \u201cI am in a relationship for few years now, to everybody he seems to be a perfect lover n partner,but i get irritated very frequently due to his “over lovingness”.feel suffocated as he keeps a track of my every second of a day. wedding is very near.\u201d (and then she said)…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2013\/06\/qa-were-getting-married-but-he-suffocates-me-what-should-i-do.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-06-25T05:02:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/files\/2013\/06\/300px_Clingy.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"B. 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He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. 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