{"id":1241,"date":"2013-06-07T06:09:52","date_gmt":"2013-06-07T06:09:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=1241"},"modified":"2013-06-07T06:09:52","modified_gmt":"2013-06-07T06:09:52","slug":"qa-why-did-he-go-back-to-her","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2013\/06\/qa-why-did-he-go-back-to-her.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: \u2018Why did he go back to her?\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"There<\/a>
There is no why<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Question submitted via Formspring<\/a>:
\n\u201cI have been with my neighbor for a month, and we have been very close. All of the things you would expect in a loving relationship<\/p>\n

and it was all heading the right way.. except he told me he was going away with his last girlfriend for 3 days! I was so shocked that I told him if he goes I cannot be his girlfriend anymore. He chose to go so I finished it and just don’t understand why he would do this when he told me I was the one etc. We did not mention love as it\u2019s all a bit too soon but we were heading into a serious relationship. I have self worth and boundaries, so that is why I stepped aside. There has been no contact since and I miss him already and don’t understand why he hasn’t even contacted me.\u00a0Any advise please?\u201d<\/p>\n

First, let\u2019s break this down into pieces:<\/p>\n

You’ve been dating a guy for a month.
\nHe is your neighbor (yikes!)
\nHe told you that you were the one, but *not* that loves you.
\nHe decided to go on a trip with his ex\u2026was it something he had planned before he met you?
\nYou asked him not to go, and said you\u2019d break up with him if you did.
\nHe went anyway, and you broke up with him (good for you!)
\nHe hasn’t contacted you since, and you don\u2019t know why because you miss him.<\/p>\n

So, the first thing is: I acknowledge you for standing up for yourself, and ending it.\u00a0 The second thing is, what difference does it make if he contacts you?\u00a0 What exactly is it that you are looking to hear?<\/p>\n

I\u2019d *imagine* that you\u2019re looking to hear that he made a mistake.\u00a0 That he misses you, that he was wrong to leave with her, and that he should have taken you on the trip instead. \u00a0And, unfortunately, that call isn\u2019t coming.\u00a0 He was quite clear on what it meant to be with her, they\u2019d been involved before, after all.\u00a0 He was also quite clear on what it meant to be with you, and he was willing to give that up completely to be with her.\u00a0 No good.<\/p>\n

What you are REALLY looking to hear is why<\/i>.\u00a0 WHY did he choose her, and WHY doesn\u2019t he want to be with you, to which I would say: Does it matter?\u00a0 What exactly can he say that you will want to hear?\u00a0 What if he tells you that he loved her the entire time, and only dated you because he was on the rebound?\u00a0 What if he tells you she\u2019s pregnant with his baby? What if he says they are both a part of the same cult, and they were gone on a 3 day retreat?\u00a0 The truth is, there is no why; there is only what you know to be absolutely sure:\u00a0 You told him if he did this thing, you\u2019d be done\u2026and he did it anyway.<\/p>\n

It is normal and natural to feel hurt, confused, and disappointed by something like this.\u00a0 And unfortunately, only time can heal that pain completely.\u00a0 Considering that you only dated for a month, it shouldn\u2019t take TOO long for you to be able to move on.\u00a0 The most important thing to remember is this: You kept your self-respect and stood up for yourself and what you deserve, so don\u2019t start back tracking now.\u00a0 You absolutely<\/i> did the right thing, and whether or not it hurts that is something you should be proud of.<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!<\/p>\n

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters<\/p>\n

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:
\nhttp:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalter<\/a>s<\/p>\n

Ask me anything:
\nhttp:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cI have been with my neighbor for a month, and we have been very close. All of the things you would expect in a loving relationship and it was all heading the right way.. except he told me he was going away with his last girlfriend for 3 days! 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