{"id":1203,"date":"2013-03-19T05:19:18","date_gmt":"2013-03-19T05:19:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=1203"},"modified":"2013-03-19T05:19:18","modified_gmt":"2013-03-19T05:19:18","slug":"qa-is-it-too-late-to-work-things-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2013\/03\/qa-is-it-too-late-to-work-things-out.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: Is it too late to work things out?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
Sometimes you just have to let go<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Question\u00a0submitted via Formspring<\/a>:
\nMy husband and I are separated and “trying” to work it out – although it is very one sided. Sometimes I fear that if things were to work out, I won’t feel comfortable being intimate with him anymore…like a bond has been broken. Can it be repaired?<\/p>\n

Even though you haven’t said it here, it seems like there was some form of infidelity involved that caused your separation; since he is trying to work it out (i.e. make it up to you), and you still care enough to try. Yet the trust has been breached too much to be willing to be intimate now.<\/p>\n

Two things:
\nFirst,\u00a0forgive him<\/a>. Forgiving him doesn’t mean whatever he did was OK. All forgiveness means is you are giving up whatever negativity you still hold in your heart towards him and\/or the situation; it’s a gift you give to *yourself *, not to him.<\/p>\n

Secondly, you have to be willing to start from absolute scratch. Whatever happened, or if there wasn’t a ‘thing’ at all but you’ve just grown apart; either way your old relationship is dead. The covenant has been broken, and can not be reformed.<\/p>\n

If you are going to have a future of any sort, you would have to wipe the slate absolutely clean and begin at the beginning. Go out on dates for a while before you move back in together, so you can decide if you even want to be together anymore.<\/p>\n

And, when the dust settles, if you are done, you are done. If you have been hurt too badly to get past it, if you can forgive him but not forget it, then your relationship may truly be at it’s end. He can apologize all he wants, but somethings once they are broken can not be repaired.<\/p>\n

If you look into your heart you know which one it is: start from scratch or move on. Here is a\u00a0previous article on how to let go of someone<\/a>\u00a0that can help you make that transition, if that’s your choice. Keep us posted on how it turns out.<\/p>\n

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha\u00a0<\/a>— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question\u00a0submitted via Formspring: My husband and I are separated and “trying” to work it out – although it is very one sided. Sometimes I fear that if things were to work out, I won’t feel comfortable being intimate with him anymore…like a bond has been broken. Can it be repaired? Even though you haven’t said…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,80,39,35,93,81,38,92,31,46,28,112,43,45,78],"tags":[3,44,34,13,12,54,11,109,36,6,14,53,26,25,51,24,42,50,56,7,113,32],"class_list":["post-1203","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-fear","category-getting-over-it","category-gratitude","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-loss","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-peace","category-pessimism","category-relationships-2","category-tainted-love","category-worry","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-getting-married","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-god","tag-hope","tag-law-of-attraction","tag-life-coach","tag-marriage","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-self-talk","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious","tag-stress","tag-the-secret","tag-universal-law","tag-who-are-you"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: Is it too late to work things out? - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: Is it too late to work things out? - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question\u00a0submitted via Formspring: My husband and I are separated and “trying” to work it out – although it is very one sided. 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