{"id":1154,"date":"2012-11-25T02:49:02","date_gmt":"2012-11-25T02:49:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=1154"},"modified":"2012-11-25T02:49:02","modified_gmt":"2012-11-25T02:49:02","slug":"qa-how-do-i-get-over-my-breakup","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/11\/qa-how-do-i-get-over-my-breakup.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: \u2018How do I get over my breakup?\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
*Always*<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Question submitted via Formspring<\/a>:
\n\u201cMy brother got dumped and he’s been listening to all kinds of break-up songs ever since. I told him to listen to more positive music, but he’s being emo and says that these bitter break-up songs are making him feel better. Are they really, or do they drag it out?\u201d<\/p>\n

I have done an entire program on how to get over anyone or anything fast<\/em>, which just so happens to be on sale this weekend; visit my website to learn more<\/a>.<\/p>\n

The first question is: How long ago did he break up?\u00a0 Was it a week ago, a month, or a year?\u00a0 If it hasn\u2019t been very long, then it\u2019s somewhat understandable that he is still feeling down.\u00a0 Especially when you consider that he is the one who got dumped.<\/p>\n

Leaving is ALWAYS easier than being left, even if you know in your heart the relationship is over. And if he didn\u2019t know it was over, he might still be trying to find some form of closure.<\/p>\n

Except, as we\u2019ve talked about before, closure is an illusion; we always want to know \u2018why\u2019, but there is no wh<\/a>y.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter what they say, since if they tell you \u201cI left because you feet stink,\u201d or \u201cI left you because your best friend is hotter than you are,\u201d it won\u2019t make you feel particularly better!\u00a0 The fact is, a relationship takes *two* committed individuals; when one of you checks out, it\u2019s over.\u00a0 Even if you try to keep going through the motions, it\u2019s done.<\/p>\n

So as for your specific question as to whether or not it\u2019s good for him to listen to sad songs, the answer is: Maybe.\u00a0 The Greeks had a concept known as a \u2018catharsis\u2019, which was the foundation of the Greek Tragedy style of storytelling.\u00a0 The idea is pretty simple; you watch, read, or hear something so sad, so tragic, and so heartbreaking that all your negative emotions come out of you. \u00a0Basically it was a way to force a good cry.\u00a0 So, if he genuinely does feel better when he listens to a sad break up song (I personally recommend Black by Pearl Jam), then let him.<\/p>\n

Even if he curls up in a ball and cries afterwards, that\u2019s probably good, too. The fact is, healing of all kinds takes as long as it takes, and you can\u2019t rush it.\u00a0 You are trying to help him by encouraging him to listen to positive stuff, but he may not be ready, willing, or able to; and quite frankly that\u2019s ok.\u00a0 If he\u2019s not suicidal, let him grieve in his own way, and in his own time he\u2019ll get over it.<\/p>\n

Rent him the movie Swingers, or even better: Buy him my program<\/a>!<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha\u00a0<\/a>— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cMy brother got dumped and he’s been listening to all kinds of break-up songs ever since. I told him to listen to more positive music, but he’s being emo and says that these bitter break-up songs are making him feel better. Are they really, or do they drag it out?\u201d I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,80,35,29,81,38,92,31,41,43,45,30,78],"tags":[3,44,34,13,12,115,54,11,109,70,36,14,22,23,26,25,51,24,42],"class_list":["post-1154","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-getting-over-it","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-loss","category-love-2","category-positive-thinking","category-relationships-2","category-tainted-love","category-the-past","category-worry","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breaking-up","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-family","tag-getting-married","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-god","tag-guilt","tag-hope","tag-life-coach","tag-los-angeles","tag-love","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-self-talk"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: \u2018How do I get over my breakup?\u2019 - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: \u2018How do I get over my breakup?\u2019 - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cMy brother got dumped and he’s been listening to all kinds of break-up songs ever since. 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