{"id":1140,"date":"2012-11-04T05:00:02","date_gmt":"2012-11-04T05:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=1140"},"modified":"2012-11-04T05:03:16","modified_gmt":"2012-11-04T05:03:16","slug":"qa-i-have-never-been-in-love-is-something-wrong-with-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/11\/qa-i-have-never-been-in-love-is-something-wrong-with-me.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: \u2018I have never been in love; is there something wrong with me?\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
Be patient, it will happen exactly when it’s meant to<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Question\u00a0submitted via Formspring<\/a>:
\n\u201cI never have any feelings for any men… I’m attracted to men and meet a lot of nice guys but I can never feel anything more for any guy, and I only have even had strong feelings for one man before. Is something wrong with me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s break this one down into pieces.\u00a0 You never have feelings for any men, yet you say you are attracted to them.\u00a0 It would seem that you are capable of sexual attraction, but not emotional intimacy.\u00a0 You meet lots of \u2018nice\u2019 guys, but you\u2019ve only ever had strong feelings for one\u2026who was he?\u00a0 And, where is he now?<\/p>\n

Well two bits of good news: First thing is, no, there is nothing wrong with you. The second thing is, I can almost certainly tell you what your mental block is, and how to fix it. The bad news is, even though the answer is simple, it is not easy.<\/p>\n

What is your relationship with your father like, and what was his relationship with your mother like?\u00a0 Our parents are not only our first experience of loving a member of the opposite sex, but also our blueprint for what love and relationships are supposed to look like.\u00a0 If they had a particularly dysfunctional or toxic relationship, it may be you have just never had a good example of what a healthy relationship looks like.<\/p>\n

You can learn a lot about yourself but taking a closer look at the one man did you have strong feelings for.\u00a0 Look and see what it was in him that attracted you, and also look at why it didn\u2019t work out with him.\u00a0 I bet you almost anything that he was substantially like your father, or at least the type of person you imagine your father to be.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, a person who\u2019s capable of physical but not emotional intimacy is usually the result of one thing:\u00a0 A history of abuse of some sort.\u00a0 People who are physically or sexually abused tend to respond by becoming hyper-sexual, or completely asexual, and the connection between emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy is completely short-circuited.\u00a0 If this is not the case, the root of your block is still in your past, probably before you were 10 years old, and definitely before you were 20\u2026unless you experienced some sort of MAJOR emotional trauma after that.<\/p>\n

The answer, however, is the same: Forgive the people who hurt you for whatever they did, or did not do<\/a>.\u00a0 Remember that as we have talked about before, forgiveness is not saying whatever they did or did not do is right (because it certainly\u00a0wasn’t\u00a0; it\u2019s about releasing the pent up resentments you still hold in your heart.\u00a0 Forgiveness is not something you do for them; it is a gift you give yourself.<\/p>\n

Once you are clear on who and what it was in the past, and have at least begun the process of releasing that negativity, then you\u2019ll be ready to\u00a0understand how men really work<\/a>, and\u00a0what it takes to find the perfect relationship<\/a>.\u00a0 In the meantime, be patient with yourself and don\u2019t push too hard.\u00a0 It took your whole life to get where you are right now, and it\u2019s going to take some time and effort to get to exactly where you want to be.<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question\u00a0submitted via Formspring: \u201cI never have any feelings for any men… I’m attracted to men and meet a lot of nice guys but I can never feel anything more for any guy, and I only have even had strong feelings for one man before. Is something wrong with me?\u201d Let\u2019s break this one down into…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[47,55,80,39,35,114,29,81,38,46,28,41,43,48,45,30],"tags":[3,34,13,12,54,11,109,36,6,14,53,26,25,24,42,50,18],"class_list":["post-1140","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-fear","category-getting-over-it","category-guilt","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-love-yourself","category-peace","category-positive-thinking","category-relationships-2","category-spirituality","category-tainted-love","category-the-past","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breakthroughs","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-getting-married","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-god","tag-hope","tag-law-of-attraction","tag-life-coach","tag-marriage","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-relationships","tag-self-talk","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious","tag-spiritual-coach"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: \u2018I have never been in love; is there something wrong with me?\u2019 - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: \u2018I have never been in love; is there something wrong with me?\u2019 - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question\u00a0submitted via Formspring: \u201cI never have any feelings for any men… I’m attracted to men and meet a lot of nice guys but I can never feel anything more for any guy, and I only have even had strong feelings for one man before. 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