{"id":1128,"date":"2012-10-21T03:02:17","date_gmt":"2012-10-21T03:02:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=1128"},"modified":"2012-10-21T03:02:17","modified_gmt":"2012-10-21T03:02:17","slug":"qa-how-can-i-be-confident-without-seeming-arrogant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/10\/qa-how-can-i-be-confident-without-seeming-arrogant.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: How can I be confident without seeming arrogant?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
Kindness is NEVER weakness<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Question submitted via Formspring<\/a>:
\n\u201cHow can one be assertive and self-confident without seeming imposing or “better-than-thou”.\u00a0Likewise\u00a0 how can one be humble and reserved without seeming weak or insecure?\u201d<\/p>\n

An excellent question!<\/p>\n

Just today a friend asked me if it was better to seem confident bordering on arrogant in job interviews, since he was concerned that he seemed \u2018too nice.\u2019\u00a0 First and foremost, it is nearly<\/em> impossible to be \u2018too nice.\u2019\u00a0 I am always nice and friendly to everyone that I meet; since I am absolutely certain that in this life you can always catch more flies with honey<\/a>.\u00a0 However, I think the last thing anyone would label me as is lacking self confidence!<\/p>\n

First and foremost, most of the time when someone is referred to as being \u2018too nice\u2019, it is usually because they are too apologetic<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0 There is a difference between not wanting to inconvenience another person, and believing you aren\u2019t worth their time or effort.\u00a0 The flip side to that, is most people who come across like jerks are so convinced of their worth that they aren\u2019t worried about how they are making the people around them feel!<\/p>\n

So, how do you walk this line?\u00a0 Real confidence comes from genuinely appreciating and loving yourself<\/a>.\u00a0 When you have a true and genuine appreciation for yourself, it shows; just like it shows when you don\u2019t.\u00a0 Some people hide by withdrawing into their shell, and some people hide by making so much noise you can\u2019t notice their insecurity.<\/p>\n

Loving yourself is also the secret of humility, since when you are no longer seeking external approval or validation, it is easy to let other people have the spotlight.\u00a0 You can say and do nice things out of the goodness of your heart, rather than what focusing on what that person can do for you.<\/p>\n

This is also the key to having successful family and intimate relationships, since the extent to which you love yourself, is also the extent to which you can love someone else, or let them love you (love).\u00a0 It\u2019s all too common to have someone who feels disempowered at work become a bully at home; or God forbid take out their frustrations on their children.\u00a0 So if you find yourself, or your significant other being irritable or aggressive in your relationship, that\u2019s a good sign that they are feeling a lack of validation.\u00a0 But now you know that true validation can only come from within; no other person can come in and save us, we can only \u2018save\u2019 ourselves.<\/p>\n

It takes time and effort to build up true and genuine self-love, confidence, and humility.\u00a0 You\u2019ve spent your whole life being crushed into a certain mold, and it won\u2019t be easy to escape.\u00a0 But in the end, you are magnificent.\u00a0 You have come a long way, and accomplished amazing things; 20 billion people have walked this Earth, but there has only ever been, and ever will be one you.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t love, respect, and appreciate yourself for who and what you are, than how can you really expect anyone else to?<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Ask me anything:\u00a0http:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cHow can one be assertive and self-confident without seeming imposing or “better-than-thou”.\u00a0Likewise\u00a0 how can one be humble and reserved without seeming weak or insecure?\u201d An excellent question! Just today a friend asked me if it was better to seem confident bordering on arrogant in job interviews, since he was concerned that…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,80,39,116,35,114,29,81,38,31,46,28,112,41,43,48,45,78],"tags":[3,34,8,10,13,69,12,115,54,11,109,82,70,36,6,14,23,53,26,25,51,24,42,50],"class_list":["post-1128","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-fear","category-friends","category-getting-over-it","category-guilt","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-love-2","category-love-yourself","category-peace","category-pessimism","category-positive-thinking","category-relationships-2","category-spirituality","category-tainted-love","category-worry","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breakthroughs","tag-buddha","tag-buddhism","tag-change","tag-christianity","tag-emotions","tag-family","tag-getting-married","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-god","tag-grief","tag-guilt","tag-hope","tag-law-of-attraction","tag-life-coach","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-relationships","tag-self-talk","tag-spiritual-but-not-religious"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: How can I be confident without seeming arrogant? - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: How can I be confident without seeming arrogant? - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question submitted via Formspring: \u201cHow can one be assertive and self-confident without seeming imposing or “better-than-thou”.\u00a0Likewise\u00a0 how can one be humble and reserved without seeming weak or insecure?\u201d An excellent question! 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He is the author of one book, \"49 Lost Secrets of Peace, Love, and Money\". For years, friends and relatives looked to him for guidance and support during difficult times, and he realized at an early age that his purpose in life was to serve and inspire. While touring as a personal coach with a prominent rock band, he was discovered by one of the top trainers of the Anthony Robbins companies, which lead to him settling down to open and operate a Marketing, Business Services and Coaching firm in Los Angeles. Armed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he brings the same discipline and determination that helped him earn Black Belt rankings in Shaolin Kung Fu and Tai Chi to all areas of study and focus. In addition to earning a degree in English from Morehouse College, he has mastered the science of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and other communication, healing, counseling and spiritual systems from all over the world. 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