{"id":1014,"date":"2012-06-08T03:04:03","date_gmt":"2012-06-08T03:04:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/areasontosmile\/?p=1014"},"modified":"2012-06-08T03:04:03","modified_gmt":"2012-06-08T03:04:03","slug":"qa-how-do-i-deal-with-a-bully","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/06\/qa-how-do-i-deal-with-a-bully.html","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: \u2018How do I deal with a bully?\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Question\u00a0submitted via Formspring<\/a>:
\n\u201cWhat’s up with the anti-bullying stuff everywhere, and kids killing themselves? Are things really escalating and getting more frequent, or are things just being reported more frequently?
\nEither way, what do you think is the best way to deal with all this?\u201d<\/p>\n

We talked about this question on a\u00a0recent episode of Rise Up with B. Dave Walters<\/a>, along with:
\nHow to stop ruining your life, how to stop driving people away, Emotional Intelligence: what it is, and how to get it; can the\u00a0Law of Attraction<\/a>\u00a0get your ex back, prostitution, bullying, healing, and more!<\/p>\n

So now, let us look at this in a bit more detail. First and foremost, I don\u2019t believe that bullying is actually getting any \u2018worse\u2019, but there is a lot more media attention being given to it.
\nHowever, the internet age has created a generation of people with extremely stunted social skills, and attacking anyone who disagrees with you, or is different than you are, with zero repercussions has become disturbingly common. The internet is the closest thing we have to world-wide telepathy, so it is sad to see some of the things written on there.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also true that some of the old ideas that might have kept this sort of thing in check have faded away. For instance, the idea that suicide is a\u00a0mortal sin that will send you straight to hell<\/a>\u00a0is probably not something too many people truly believe anymore. And, social acceptance of certain alternative lifestyles has increased; in the 80\u2019s it would have been hard to find a school with any openly gay students, in this day and age it is probably hard to find a school without one.
\nEven though we\u2019ve already talked at length about\u00a0how homosexuality is not a sin<\/a>, and these social breakthroughs are generally positive, mixing in alternative lifestyles to the mess of hormones, insecurity, and general confusi-on of youth can have disastrous consequences.<\/p>\n

Of course, not everyone who gets bullied is because of their sexual orientation, just like not all bullying ends in school! As for how you deal with it, there are a few different things to do.
\nFirst and foremost, begin with the person who is getting bullied; do any and everything you can to boost their confidence and\u00a0love for themselves<\/a>. Help them to understand that there is nothing wrong with them, and that they are\u00a0already perfect just the way they are<\/a>. Remember, people\u2019s words have what power over you that you give them; yes, they may say mean things, but what difference does it make? Bullying is a predatory phenomenon, and the more confident a person is, the less of an easy target they make.<\/p>\n

Also let them know that no matter what they are going through, it is temporary. School will end, annoying coworkers will move on to new jobs, or they will. Try to find examples of people who were like them, or went through something similar; the people who were too fat, or too skinny, too tall, too short, or whatever that grew up to become happy and successful. The real tragedy of suicide is it is a permanent solution to temporary problems; keep putting one foot in front of the other, and things will get better.<\/p>\n

The last thing, believe it or not, is compassion for the bully. We have spoken many times about the need to\u00a0forgive the people who hurt you<\/a>, but it\u2019s especially true here; anyone who is harassing another person for being different, is running from some pain themselves. It\u2019s virtually guaranteed that they don\u2019t have a stable, happy, home life with loving and supportive parents or family. Rather than label the bully as some sort of monster, remember that they are acting out of their own pain; this doesn\u2019t justify inflicting that pain on others, but it does give a clue where to begin the healing process.
\nOnce you gain some insight into what they are going through, you can begin to help them break the cycle.<\/p>\n

The main thing to remember, is that the person being bullied may not have control over what the other person does, but they have total control over what they make it mean; and as Eleanor Roosevelt said: \u201cno one can make you feel inferior without your consent.\u201d<\/p>\n

You are great, and I love you!
\nAnd if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!<\/p>\n

B. Dave Walters
\nWriter, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host<\/p>\n

Find out more about me:
\nhttp:\/\/about.me\/BDaveWalter<\/a>s<\/p>\n

Ask me anything:
\nhttp:\/\/formspring.me\/BDaveWalters<\/a><\/p>\n

Pages I support:
\nJesus and Buddha<\/a>\u00a0— Interfaith dialog<\/p>\n

Gnostic Theism<\/a>\u00a0— Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)<\/p>\n

Love One Another<\/a>\u00a0— A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question\u00a0submitted via Formspring: \u201cWhat’s up with the anti-bullying stuff everywhere, and kids killing themselves? Are things really escalating and getting more frequent, or are things just being reported more frequently? Either way, what do you think is the best way to deal with all this?\u201d We talked about this question on a\u00a0recent episode of Rise…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":450,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,47,55,80,39,116,35,29,81,38,46,28],"tags":[3,34,97,13,12,115,11,70,36,14,26,25,51,5,42,56],"class_list":["post-1014","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-change-2","category-communication","category-emotions-2","category-family","category-fear","category-friends","category-getting-over-it","category-happiness","category-healing","category-hope-inspiration","category-love-yourself","category-peace","tag-b-dave-walters","tag-breakthroughs","tag-bullying","tag-change","tag-emotions","tag-family","tag-gnostic-theism","tag-guilt","tag-hope","tag-life-coach","tag-peacelovemoney-com","tag-psychology","tag-rejection","tag-rise-up","tag-self-talk","tag-stress"],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: \u2018How do I deal with a bully?\u2019 - A Reason to Smile<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/areasontosmile\/2012\/06\/qa-how-do-i-deal-with-a-bully.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A: \u2018How do I deal with a bully?\u2019 - A Reason to Smile\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question\u00a0submitted via Formspring: \u201cWhat’s up with the anti-bullying stuff everywhere, and kids killing themselves? 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