{"id":55,"date":"2018-03-26T15:42:02","date_gmt":"2018-03-26T15:42:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ageofanxiety\/?p=55"},"modified":"2018-03-26T15:42:02","modified_gmt":"2018-03-26T15:42:02","slug":"opposite-anxiety-connection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ageofanxiety\/2018\/03\/opposite-anxiety-connection.html","title":{"rendered":"The Opposite of Anxiety is Connection"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"girls_head_silhouette_at_sunset_2-800x533\"\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Selma* picked up her Zoloft and wondered for at least the hundredth time, if she could \u00a0stop taking it. Periodically, she cut it in half or if she was feeling particularly rebellious, skip a few doses.\u00a0 She felt exactly the same. At least for a few days.\u00a0 Then the anxiety would start creeping back. Sometimes she forgot she had messed around with her medication and was later surprised and overtaken by panic.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The doctor diagnosed her with generalized anxiety disorder.\u00a0 Because her brother had the same condition, Selma told herself the anxiety was genetic or a biological wiring problem beyond her control. After all, it was not her fault she was \u00a0born a sensitive child then forced to grow up in a violent household.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Research suggests that stress delivered frequently and under the right conditions, trains the nervous system so the automatic response to uncertainty is anxiety.1,2<\/sup>\u00a0The more often the body has an exaggerated stress response,\u00a0the easier it becomes to illicit that reaction until even mild provocations like a raised voice or slammed door can be\u00a0traumatic.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Medication can blunt these overly sensitive pathways or calm the brain to control symptoms but does not fix the underlying problem. Mostly because we do not completely understand the neurobiology of anxiety. Anxiety is not one thing but a spectrum of disorders and biochemical pathways. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), a cognitive therapy used to help people change unhelpful behavior patterns plus medication is the usual prescription for those in Selma\u2019s situation. Exercise, diet and mindfulness meditation to rewire the brain are also recommended. Even with all these tools, so many still suffer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What is rarely explored is the surprising link between anxiety and lack of connection.\u00a0 We worry because we do not feel like we are part of something bigger than ourselves. What if this is all there is? Where do I belong? Even with family and friends around we may be afraid we don\u2019t belong or are not truly loved.\u00a0 We obsess about what we need or must do to be worthy. If we are anxious enough we form groups to create a false sense of connection by marginalizing or keeping others out. Exclusion, blame and hate being the festering forms of anxiety.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Selma had friends and accomplishments. She meditated, exercised and ate her vegetables. Her self-esteem was solid, her personality large and yet\u2026..something fundamental was missing. \u00a0Most people would say the opposite of anxiety is calmness or peace of mind but the overlooked antonym is connection. What Selma lacked was a sense of being connected to something. She went through the motions of trying to make that connection through a group, church and family, and for all appearances succeeded.\u00a0 And yet she still felt disjointed. And that is because the connection that sooths the anxious soul is the link between all of us. Not our connection to outer affiliations.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It looks like there is an us vs. them:\u00a0 The girls vs. boys, the reds vs. the blues, the haves vs. the have nots. But separation is an illusion.\u00a0 We are all connected energetically whether we like the people around us or not. We don\u2019t have to warm-up to someone\u2019s personality or approve of their behavior but we do need to remember we are connected. When we forget, we feel isolated, then scared and then no amount of therapy, medication or group joining will fix the resulting anxiety. The cure to what ails our spirit is found in how we are linked, not the ways we are separate.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*Not her real name.<\/p>\n

Post #10<\/p>\n

1\u00a0https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S0001691807001369<\/a><\/p>\n

2\u00a0http:\/\/psycnet.apa.org\/record\/2006-00920-002<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Selma* picked up her Zoloft and wondered for at least the hundredth time, if she could \u00a0stop taking it. Periodically, she cut it in half or if she was feeling particularly rebellious, skip a few doses.\u00a0 She felt exactly the same. At least for a few days.\u00a0 Then the anxiety would start creeping back.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":619,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3,10,25,24],"class_list":["post-55","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-anxiety","tag-connection","tag-genetic","tag-zoloft"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Opposite of Anxiety is Connection - Serenity in an Age of Anxiety<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ageofanxiety\/2018\/03\/opposite-anxiety-connection.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Opposite of Anxiety is Connection - Serenity in an Age of Anxiety\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Selma* picked up her Zoloft and wondered for at least the hundredth time, if she could \u00a0stop taking it. 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