What do you believe?
chimme
10/19/2004 9:58:55 AM
Not comprehending what "controling" meant to me,confused it when it was point pressured onto me..Acting like a "calm responsible positive unique individual" slows controling manners pointed at self..Understanding your self control that is not pointed at another,helps one be clear in your positive responsible actions.. ..chimme,N.J.
gramalaura
10/18/2004 10:56:55 PM
If this guy drinks or does drugs, quit reading this and get in the car.I have just recently opened a new e-mail account because of a special guy just like yours.He hasn't been here for a couple of months, he has plenty of time now to think of things to do to my son and me.They still want to control even after the break.Cut your losses and get away, far far away and even then he can still get into your e-mail.What's next?
pebbles01
10/18/2004 7:28:45 PM
hey i never been in a in a situation like that but i do know a few people in that kind of relationship and i also know someone in florida that recently was killed her and her new boyfriend after she moved on dont be scared she moved without god it's a difference in listen god listen to our prayers and also changes thing i am a witness take the time out and fast for one day read psalm 42 that night say the whole psalm 7 times and ask god for his advise on the situation and let him take controll you will have a dream with the answer from god trust me i have been saved for 3 years prayer works and let god know by his will be done my lord is a on time god and he will be here for all his children when we call upon him and except his decision and when he let you know listen and dont worry god and his angels will handle everything else god bless
CarolElaine
10/18/2004 3:17:54 PM
Dear Not Controlling...you already know what your answer is...you are waiting for someone to validate what your gut is trying to tell you.
I have been there and please from the bottom of my heart, do not wait....do not think, "oh tomorrow will be a better day," "I'll try harder," "I will love him more," "I will keep a cleaner house," "I will keep the children quiet," " I won't spend money,"...it won't work! He will make you fell like it is all your fault and in the end...you will begin to believe it. Run as fast as you can and don't ever look back. Your children and you are far more important than any man who would treat you this way. Power over another person is WRONG! Please listen to your gut and leave before you have lost years and youth and spirit. Good Luck and God Bless you. Carol
smflores
10/17/2004 10:22:58 PM
This Rabbi has no idea of what it is like to live with a control freak. Talking just makes them more angry. I know, I was married to an extremely controlling man. He affected every move of mine. I had children, from a previous marriage and I had to flee. I got to be so bad I was afraid for my life. NO, all the counseling and talking, will not help, especially if he is older than you, as mine was. Run, Run for your life, and give up your romanticizing this relationship. Fiancee or not. Once you're married, it gets worse. Leave, please, leave.
SMF
smflores
10/17/2004 10:13:45 PM
Dear lfavors, there is a difference between a "Partner," and a "HUSBAND."
A partner is a person whom is not married. She makes no mention of HUSBAND or marriage.
lfavors
10/17/2004 1:41:52 PM
I beleive that there is nothing that God cannot fix. If you are married to this man and you truly love him, I agree that this may be a very hard situation to break. But, the bible says, 'What God joins together, let no man put asunder'. None of this is easy, but if you love him, and only you know if it's worth it. It doesn't matter what someone else went through. Every situation is not the same. I am a firm believer that God is real and prayer changes things. Seek professional counseling and by all means ,Pray. Seek God in your lives and relationship. Always remember the scripture, ' Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you'.
deni51
10/17/2004 1:13:23 PM
I hate to disagree with the Rabbi, but he has obviously never been in the unfortunate circumstance of living with a controlling partner and he doesn't realize that, rather than improving your relationship, talking to him in this manner will not only cause him to feel he needs to tighten his control but may also lead to more abusive behaviors. I spent 10 years of my life with a controlling man and I tried it all -discussion, reassurance, loving communication and counseling. Rather than having the effect of improving our relationship, all of these attempts resulted in him being able to better control me because with each attempt he got a deeper understanding of my psyche and he used this knowledge to manipulate me - he learned exactly which buttons to push and he pushed hard. I know how difficult it is to do this, but you need to get as far away from this man as quickly as you can.
RhodaFriend
10/17/2004 12:20:30 PM
Dear Not Controlling,
Toulouse gave you the best advice you're ever going to get. I'll add just a couple ideas to it: Run, don't walk away from this relationship. You've already said you can't be comfortable with being controlled. It's only going to get worse. 2) Forget "respect to Rabbi Boteach". The Rabbi is nuts if he thinks you can simply talk to the controller and things will get better. Get out! Get out! Get out!
Signed Also have been there.
mzbedazzled
10/17/2004 10:05:43 AM
I think it would be nice in a perfect world that you could talked to someone who is controlling and say stop it!This problem is not going away.If she realize it now,I am glad for her.I would take this a step further,by demanding counseling to get on top of why he is controlling if she cares for this guy.No one changes unless the person wants to change.That sad that a rabbi gave this information .Just put off this wedding until there are changes after the counseling then decide.And pray about it as well.Good luck
Toulouse
10/17/2004 9:18:57 AM
With all due respect to Rabbi Boteach re: his reply to the lady whose fiancee is controlling is good for the short term only. I HAD a husband just like that and it will NOT get better---no matter WHAT you do. It's ingrained in this man's personality and you can do everything humanly possible,HE WILL NOT CHANGE! Leave him while you're ahead and give your love to someone more deserving. He'll drive your teenagers CRAZY,too! From: someone who REALLY knows.I was there.Make the correct decision NOW--not later. Good luck.You'll need it.
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