7 Ways to Help a Friend With Cancer

When a person first receives a cancer diagnosis they are often so overwhelmed by the diagnosis they have no idea what they need or what exactly to ask for. But they absolutely do need your help. If you have a friend or family member newly diagnosed with cancer do not make the mistake by making the blanket statement of, “call me if you need help.” They won’t call you simply because they are so overwhelmed with everything that is going on. They probably do not even know what they truly need at that moment, other than to get past their treatments.

Friends want to help, but often do not know what to do. Countless studies show that cancer survivors adjust better to the changes cancer brings to their lives, have a more positive outlook and often report a better quality of life when they have a strong emotional support system. Cancer patients need support from their friends and family. You can have a tremendous impact on your friend’s life if you stand by them throughout their cancer journey. Rather than offering vague help, try making your friend’s life easier by offering tangible, much needed support. Here are seven ways to help your friend with cancer.

Deliver a homemade meal.

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A patient is often to tired or weak to shop, prepare meals and then clean up after a meal. But eating a nutritious balanced, healthy meal is critical for cancer patients. Imagine spending your entire day at doctor appointments, only to return home exhausted and hungry and maybe even have the responsibility of cooking for a family? Now imagine returning home to a fresh, home cooked meal after a long day with doctors. It is critical to first find out if there are any dietary restrictions or they are following any guidelines during treatments. If your friend is up for it stay for a visit and make some small talk. If they are not simply leave a cooler at the front door with their favorite meal. Deliver a cooler of several pre- made meals for your friend to heat up during the week as needed. It is important to check in with the patient prior delivering any meals, treatments often have a way of modifying diets.

Be their chemo chauffeur.

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Offer them a ride to chemo. Chemotherapy can often make a patient anxious, nauseous and exhausted. Your friend should not have to worry about how they are going to get to and from their sessions. Why not offer to drive them and take that burden off their mind. If your friend is up to it bring along some cheerful music for the ride. If they are not up to music, let your friend close their eyes and get some rest while you take care of the transportation. Even better, commit to driving her to several sessions. If you’re not available to take them yourself consider giving them an Uber or Lyft gift card. Cancer treatments are long and exhausting. Taking the worry out of how your friend is going to get there will be a much appreciated gift.

Offer childcare.

Being a parent is a full-time job and does not stop when a parent is dealing is undergoing cancer treatment. Helping a child maintain a normal routine can sometimes ease the tension and anxiety for both the patient and the child. Depending upon how well you know the child, offer to help with homework, drive to sports and activities and/or babysit. Invite the children to your home and provide fun activities that can distract the child from this new, overwhelming normal. Take them out for ice cream, the movies or other fun activities. Bake with them, watch movies, play board games whatever you do try to be a ray of light during a difficult time. Offering childcare will create some normalcy in their lives during a very difficult and emotional time as well as easing some of the guilt the parents may be feeling after spending so much time with doctors.

Offer companionship.

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If the patient is up some company go visit them. Offer to do something fun like miniature golf, shopping, grab a coffee or go see a movie. If they are not up to venturing out of the house, try taking the movies to them, bring them a coffee or just simply spend some quality time with them discussing current events or what’s going on in the community. The best thing you can do for your friend is to let them know they are not alone. Cancer has a way of making patients feel isolated from the rest of the world. It removes someone from their everyday living and forces them to think about their mortality. Often times friends want to visit, but tend to stay away out of fear of intruding or simply not knowing what to say or do. This creates a very isolating, overwhelming, emotional journey. Just by letting your friend know that you are there can help and is often the best comfort you can provide.

Listen and remember that everyone’s illness is different.

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Even if your Mom, Dad, sister or brother had the exact same cancer, comparing illnesses never helps. Everyone’s symptoms and journey with cancer is unique. Every patient handles their treatments differently both mentally and physically. The most meaningful and helpful things are the little things, like listening with an open heart and mind. If you are struggling with what to say, be honest and say just that. It is okay to say that you don’t know what to say. It is okay to say that you feel awkward. In today’s world, everyone finds honesty refreshing. It is okay to tell your friend that this is difficult and you are struggling to find the right words. By admitting that this is in fact a difficult situation acknowledges the situation rather than burying your head in the sand pretending that is not happening. By doing that you are letting your friend know that they are not alone, despite struggling to find the right words at that moment.

Give thoughtful gifts.

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Giving a gift to someone enduring cancer treatments can be tricky for many reasons. Gifts with a strong odor or strong perfume can often be overwhelming for someone with cancer. Flowers can be inappropriate for someone with a weak immune system, some hospitals do not even allow flowers on certain units for that reason. Gifts that are often welcome distractions during treatments tend to be books, magazines, movies, games, even a photo album of memories with little notes of both you and your friend. If the above gifts do not interest you try giving a gift certificate for a home service cleaning or if they have a dog offer to walk the dog while your friend is at treatments. Gift certificates to help pick up the tedious chores while your friend is out of commission will go a long way.

Continue to offer support after the initial shock and diagnosis.

Your friend will need your support throughout their entire journey, not just the beginning. Well wishes and offers to help often come flooding in at the beginning and then slowly it begins to dwindle down eventually becoming just good intentions. Life has a way of distracting us and many times good intentions become a faded memory. It is vital to remember that the help is not just needed while your friend is newly diagnosed or in the hospital. Gather a small group of friends and consider taking turns helping out so that the support is ongoing. Whatever it is that you decide to do to help always keep your friend’s personality and comfort level, their likes and dislikes as well as their needs in mind. This time is about your friend and what you can do to make this time in their life easier.

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