Q:

Dear Caroline,

My strongest intuitions over the last two years have been regarding a man who is in a relationship with another woman. I separated physically from a friendship with him over a year ago because it was obvious that while we loved each other, he was not ready to leave this woman.

But in dreams and intuitive moments, he has consistently been with me and many times has told me that one day, when he is ready, he will come for me.

However, it has been over a year now and my therapist, who is wonderfully open and believes my intuitive relationship with this man to be real, is concerned that he is a 'user' who is basically just cheating over the spiritual airwaves. Is this possible?

I have also had dreams which I believe are not from him, but from my guides, who have told me that this man is my teacher and for me to trust him. Unfortunately, I have a history of letting people, especially men, use me. Could I still be allowing myself to be used or should I trust that this strange relationship is a truly a healing one?

More importantly, how do I determine if my intuitions are my own or have been invaded by others? I don't know if the dreams from my guides are my own or are a form of manipulation. How far can other people reach into our energy fields and how do I determine the difference?

Sincerely,

Julie

A:

Dear Julie,

Very few letters have made me feel as "Ann Lander's" as yours does. however the situation you are in is one that countless women have so in order.

You, my dear, are in a relationship with an energetic Vampire who thrives off controlling you. It is absolutely possible to be in an "astral" relationship with a person and many times these are extremely unhealthy because you are unaware of them.

Consciously you can tell yourself anything you want: "He is my teacher and my guides tell me so." But the truth is you are more than likely telling yourself what you need to hear so that you can continue this useless connection to someone you will never be with. If you think this guy is going to leave his present relationship, I would suggest a cold shower. It ain't gonna happen. And heaven only knows how many other unfortunate women he might be playing games with.

Men and women who are Vampires thrive on drawing out the energy of other people to support their own egos and often times in keeping with the Vampire archetype, this connection leaves the victim feeling that he or she will "die" without the other person.

With all due respect and compassion, you are a romantic who was obviously weaned on stories of princesses, knights, and courtly love. You admit yourself that you have this sort of romantic history. I really do need to suggest that you immediately stop discussing this guy in therapy and direct the focus of your work with this therapist on creating a liberated and healthy future. Never mention his name again and stop the self-pity routine.

Let me add one more thing; I honestly would suggest you take yourself off the dating market until you can interact with a relationship in a way that does not cost you your self-esteem.

How's that for a kick in the 'astral'?

Caroline