Beliefnet
People should be afraid of the cancer, not the mammogram.
-Nancy Reagan

From "Boomerang Joy" by Barbara Johnson:

As mothers and wives, we spend many years with our children, teaching and preparing them for life. But with all the time and energy we expend teaching our families these things, no one is standing in the wings to instruct us about anything. No one prepares us for the situations that come in our lives. No one!

Recently a friend sent me this bit about how to prepare for a mammogram! Since then I have shared it in conferences and listened to the laughter. So this is my boomerang of fun to you:

The Mammogram

This is an X-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say the word "breast." Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts, however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular, so they are woefully unprepared. But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple exercises.

Exercise 1: Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) between the two bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat this three times daily.

Exercise 2: Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily.

Exercise 3 (advanced only please): Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, have your hubby slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on the other side.

* * *

Also on Beliefnet:

  • Speak the Language of Healing


  • Sign up

    to receive Health & Happiness insights in your inbox everyday.

    Join the Discussion
    comments powered by Disqus