Wiccan Handparting

The cutting of the handfasting cord symbolizes that love has ended but friendship remains.

By Jennifer M. Paquette

Wicca recognizes two phases of marriage: betrothal and permanent marriage. Betrothals last for one year, and after this period, a couple can secure their bond on a more permanent basis with a "handfasting" ritual in which they are tied symbolically. At the time of their betrothal, the couple is given a chalice to symbolize their union, and at the handfasting this chalice is shattered (they keep the pieces). Divorce, or "handparting," is symbolized by the severing of symbolic ties.

Official Stance on Divorce: At the handfasting, the couple pledges to remain together "as long as love shall last." According to Elyse Tera, an expert in Wiccan ritual, this approach "gives people the opportunity to end a relationship without violating any vows." Wicca offers an elaborate divorce ritual, she says, "because it is a modern religion, and thus reflects the culture of our times, where divorce is almost as prevalent as marriage."

Another result of this open-ended approach is that with less recrimination upon divorce, partners are more likely to continue their friendship beyond divorce. Couples often even consider continuing to live together as long as they're raising the children of their relationship.

When? At any time, before or after the civil divorce, if there was a civil marriage in the first place. "In some Wiccan organizations," Tera says, "a priest or priestess can legally marry a heterosexual couple, but usually, if a couple wants a legal contract, they must have a civil wedding as well." Handfasting can take place without involving civil law, in which case the handparting won't either.

Who Participates? Officiant(s) (priest and/or priestess or another coven leader), close friends and family, and usually both partners. Depending on the amicability of the couple, their children can be involved as well, but this depends the level of emotional expression that will be included: Song or dance may be appropriate for children; keening or wailing may be upsetting to them.

Where? An altar is set up as usual in the home of the officiant or anywhere the couple feels comfortable. It can be draped with colors appropriate to the theme (black or cobalt blue for wisdom, red for healing), or with some other cloth that has meaning for the participants. The cords from the couple's handfasting should be present if these are available, as well as the shards of their betrothal chalice.