Official Stance on Divorce:
"When a married couple is estranged beyond reconciliation, even after thoughtful consideration and counsel, divorce is a regrettable alternative in the midst of brokenness."
(From The Book of Discipline of The United Methodist Church)
Churches are encouraged to offer pastoral care and mediation to resolve painful issues between the parting spouses, and divorce ceremonies are viewed by some ministers as part of that mandate.
When? Whenever you're ready. Close to your legal divorce date or several years later.
Who Participates? One or both partners and a minister. This ceremony emphasizes community and congregational wholeness, so supportive friends and family from both spouses' sides can be invited to share the occasion, along with any children who are old enough to understand--if they're mature enough to not disrupt the service. Children fear the worst when their parents divorce; this ceremony can help them understand concretely their parents' regrets while emphasizing that they themselves are wanted and loved.
Where? Chapel setting, with three candles at the front; only the middle one is lit. The altar is arranged for Communion, with the addition of a large (flameproof) dish or pot with a lid. Pencils, pads of paper, and envelopes are placed in the individual pews.
The ceremony:
The congregation is welcomed and the purpose of the liturgy is explained: "We gather to remember the marriage of _____ and _____. We gather to mourn their divorce." The holiness of the couple's marriage is acknowledged, along with the bitterness of divorce: "You now cry with us at the premature end of this holy marriage by divorce and stand ready to provide healing to _____, to ______, and to all who call on your name." This is followed by a silent prayer.
