We are color-blind toward one another and our different religious upbringings do not affect our relationship. We have been able to support each other through soulful conversations, learn from one another, and find true companionship with each other.
He is a good-natured, kind man, and his respect for Mother Earth has influenced me enormously. He has also instilled compassion in me and made me a better person. What more could I ask for?
But our parents are not at all happy about our proposed union. My parents, as Hindus and Brahmans, are totally upset and have threatened many times to disown me and never speak to me again. I love and respect my parents with all of my heart, and I want my parents to be a part of my future children's lives and to teach them about Hinduism. My parents' words have made me so sad, so heartbroken, and entirely confused.
Swami Tripurari answers: In the Skanda Purana, there is a well-known statement, kalau sudra sambhavah, meaning "In Kali-yuga everyone is born a sudra." If one is to be a brahman in our present age (Kali-yuga), this will not be determined by one's birth, but rather one's qualities and activities. Indeed, Sri Krsna speaks for all ages when he says catur-varnyam maya srstam guna-karma-vibhagasah: "I created the socioreligious system of varnasrama in consideration of one's qualities and actions." Thus, if we find brahminical qualities (forgiveness, honesty, knowledge, etc.) in someone, we should consider his or her socioreligious status in light of these qualities regardless of their birth.
Compatibility for marriage is a major socioreligious concern. It is largely for the likelihood of compatibility that a girl from a brahman family will be encouraged to marry a boy from a brahman family. However, if you have already found someone who is highly compatible, then this concern is met, and if his behavior and habits are good, and above all if he is spiritually inclined, I believe your parents should be compelled to embrace a more essential sense of brahminical life over one of mere formality by allowing your friend to enter their family.
The most important thing in life is spirituality. By your example encourage your parents to think spiritually, not biologically. This is the standard of the brahman.
If I am supposed to be a devotee, is it wrong of me to want a nice house and nice belongings? Am I not supposed to care about material possessions?
At this stage of your devotional practice you should not be troubled by the fact that you have such desires. Everyone needs a particular level of material comfort from which to cultivate spiritual life relative to one's psychological makeup. Secure a standard of living that suits you and engage in spiritual practice. As you advance, you will find that your material needs will diminish naturally. Don't be artificial with regard to renunciation.
