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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children


Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.


There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

 
Shaner -10/14/2000
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LOVE2U
11/20/2002 02:45

[part 2]
Dear Prayer Circle Family ~ I'm going through a little valley time this morning. :( I ask that you would remember me and my family in your prayers -- Especially my oldest brother's children and their families. Family here in Louisiana, just got word that my oldest brother's wife went home to be with our Lord and Savior, and that family there, in California, will be having her funeral this Saturday, November 23. It grieves us deeply when we lose our loved ones or friends anytime, but when it happens so close to any holiday such as Thanksgiving or Christmas, it makes it even more difficult to get through those days. I find this to be especially true of the first holiday immediately following a loss.
I know that God will never leave us during our hours of sorrow, no matter when we lose a loved one. It just helps to know that there is someone, somewhere, praying for us during our times of sorrow. And, Lord knows it helps to have a place, a safe place, where I know I can come to talk about how I am feeling as I try to deal with yet another loss! It grieves me that I cannot (for many reasons), go to be with family there to share in their time of sorrow... To help out in some way. But, I will be praying, and doing what I can to console the children now, and in the days ahead, for as long as God allows me to.


LOVE2U
11/20/2002 02:50

[part 3]
My brother's family have known their share of pain through the years. My sister-in-law, Ora Lee, who just passed recently, was the wife of my oldest brother, Herman. Herman was killed, tragically, by a hit-and-run accident which happened back in 1975, on the night before Easter. We [Family in Louisiana], learned of his death, early Easter Sunday morning. He and his family lived in California.

Even after all this time, I can still remember seeing my Mother, pacing back and forth, up and down the street in front of her home, as my sister and I, and other family members arrived to support her, even as we grieved the loss of our brother/nephew/uncle, etc. Somehow, we knew that her pain was greater than ours, no matter how much we were hurting! So, we put our deep grief on hold ... Expressing our grief during times when we were not in her presence. When around her, we mostly listened to her recall fond memories, but we had very little to say. I recall thinking many times, that if I brought up my brother's name, I would cause her more grief and pain. Now, I know better! Now, I tell others that it's OK to bring up fond memories of my child ... and to talk about how my Diane's death affected them, no matter when they feel the need to express their feelings! In my book, in the chapter on Friends and Family, I interviewed both, and I have included their comments in their own words! I pray that it really will open the doors of communication for others, to let them know that we need to talk about our deceased children! Others need to know that it's OK to approach us, to give us a hug, or just listen to us talk, or whatever! They need to know that once the funeral is over ... That is when we need them the most! God, I pray that I get this over in a way that will make a difference in the way people relate to bereaved parents! I have also interviewed other bereaved parents locally, and have included their take on this in their own words! So, if anyone reading this would like to share something I may not have thought about, just email me, and I promise I will include your comments; giving you credit or keeping it anonymous as you desire. I have also included the comments of strangers I've met while out shopping, (usually at Wal Mart) ha-ha! (Another kind of safe place to approach people -- so far). :) I simply tell them that I am doing research for my book, and ask them to state briefly their take on this important matter. I have yet to be turned down! :) I guess the Lord is still guiding me and giving me all the help I need. :) I really want to help both the bereaved parent and others to find a way to open up the doors of communication! It is so very therapeutic and such a necessary part of the healing process! My interviews with Dads and men in general, have been a blast! I don't want to spoil it by telling all, so I'll leave it at that. But, I must warn you, there will be some funny comments as well as ones that are well thought out. :)


LOVE2U
11/20/2002 02:52

[part 4]
Back to our Mother ...
With a face towel in hand, she was crying out to God to please have mercy! And, just as He does with all bereaved Moms ... God heard my Mother's cry, and in time ... God's time, she was able to live out the rest of her life with many moments of peace, and joy ... in between her many valley days ... The same was true when my next brother died. His death was not tragic, but the loss of more than one child, as Sandy so often says, has to have a pain all it's own! Our third and last brother, Charles, took his life tragically, (suicide) the year after MaDear died. I have often thanked God that she was not here to go through losing her last son. Instead, God allowed her to be there waiting to greet him at heaven's door! I still pray for his wife, children, and precious grandchildren whom he loved with all his heart! He had suffered such unbearable pain for so many years, due to kidney dialysis treatment. Then he learned he had terminal cancer. He still struggled to endure the pain, until he was told that there was no hope, and that it was just a matter of time, by his doctors. Among other personal good-byes ... In the note he left behind, the last things he wrote was, "Lord, forgive me ... Hurting bad, again." And ... "I may see my mother!" ... [Almost there!] :) I still find it hard to allow myself to shed tears! :(


LOVE2U
11/20/2002 02:58

[5]
I can still recall MaDear praising God, and counting her blessings, and telling us often to do the same ... Even after all she had been through! And, she continued doing this to the very end. [Tears] Finally! I figured they would come eventually ... But, thank God, I realize that this time will pass, and that it is always OK to express my grief, no matter what! I continue to thank God giving me both earth angels and heavenly angels to watch over me, as he does all bereaved moms! God is so good to us!

As some of the moms who have been members of our circle for a long time know, my mother, MaDear, as we called her, had a major stroke, November 20, 1999, while spending a few days with me and my husband in our home. She survived the stroke for 6 months. During those 6 months, she provided us with so much joy and laughter, almost to the end. :)

But, MaDear was tired; She had paid her dues. She had done everything that God placed in His master plan for her to do! Still, we were not ready to let her go! I was the last of my mother's seven children. Other than my Diane, that was the most difficult of all the losses I have had to endure! Now that some time has passed, I can actually smile, when I think of how I tried to blow the breath of life back into my mother's earthly shell ... Even though I knew in my heart that she had slipped away from me! I knew she was in a better place, but I still was not ready to let her go! And, I was angry and hurt, because she waited until I went to the store for more supplies, to leave. Of course, the hospice nurse and chaplain assured me, that MaDear didn't want her baby to be present when she took her final breath. I really, really had to pray about that! But I finally accepted it because I knew my mother was in no more pain! Now, she has her 3 sons to pamper her as she walks around heaven all day! And, Lord, I know Diane will keep them all entertained as she joins the other angels, singing in the heavenly choir!


LOVE2U
11/20/2002 03:04

[6]
I believe in my heart MaDear would have gone much sooner; but she held on until her other 3 adult children could make the trip home... Once they did, and once we followed hospice caregivers advice and whispered in her ear (near the end), that we would be OK, ... and gave her permission to go on home to receive her rewards, [Gosh that was hard for us to do; but God gave each of us the strength to do it]! We did it for her and because God wanted us too! It was His will, not ours! Still not ours! But it was time for her to let go of this old sinful world. She would suffer no more!

God called MaDear home on May 22, 2000, ... Just 2 days before my birthday. MaDear died peacefully at the age of 91.

God bless everyone, and I will be submitting posts I have been working on (off and on), for the past couple of days. I am well, ... Just having a little valley time... It's funny how the death of a family member can cause one to relive a lot of pain that has not been expressed for a long time! I thank God for providing a safe place for me to do so!

My book-project is coming along fine ... I am doing better on sleeping at night and following doctors orders:) And now that I have gotten it all out, I will be OK! :) Thank you all for your prayers! I will try to submit some uplifting posts very soon!
LOVE2 ALL,
Verna


LOVE2U
11/20/2002 03:14

Put Your Problems in God's Hands ...
For He Completely Understands

Although it sometimes seems to us
our prayers have not been heard,
God always knows our every need
without a single word'
And He will not forsake us
even though the way is steep,
For always He is near to us,
a tender watch to keep.

~ From: My Garden of Prayer~
Encouraging Thoughts ...
by Helen Steiner Rice


dovesfromheaven
11/20/2002 08:23

Today marks the 3rd anniversary of my son Joseph's death. My heart hurts today. But I am ok. I will go to his grave and place 3 roses there. I miss him so my sweet boy Joe. My prayer today is for peace for my family, husband, sons and daughter. Thank You Father for bringing us to You through all of our hurt and pain. I know that Joe is safe in Your arms and there is no better place for him. It's just that we miss his presence and we can't believe it's been 3 years already. Love my Joe for me Lord and let him know how much he is loved from us his family. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Love, Yvonne<><


shaner
11/20/2002 09:01

Dearest Yvonne, I was going to post last night about Joe's Anniversary today, but got tied up. I know sweetie how your heart must be hurting today, commemorating 3 yrs. since your beloved Joe passed away. You wonder where those 3 yrs. have gone, time seems to slip by so quickly, whereas your child is forever on your mind and in your love and heart. That's a beautiful idea to place the 3 roses at his grave, one for each year that he's been so painfully missed. I know that today will be a quiet day of reflection and many memories for you and your family, missing your precious Joe so much. I join you in prayer for you and your family for peace in all your hearts. and I ask Our Lord to wrap all of you in His tender arms, leaning on Him for His great comfort which surpasses all. May He place good memories of Joe in your hearts, to help ease some of the longing and missing of him. God knows how much you miss your Joe, the longing to just see him one more time, but he's safely in Our Lord's arms right now, and Joe does feel all of your great love for him! God bless you Yvonne and family, and you know that my love and prayers are with you and your family today and everyday, lots of love,
Luv Sandy


shaner
11/20/2002 09:06

Hello Verna, I'm so sorry to read about your sister-in-law, our prayers are with you and her family, and I'm very happy to hear that you're having great success in researching your book! Love and prayers to you,
Luv Sandy


shaner
11/20/2002 09:09

Hello cjeagleheart, thank you so much for your beautiful prayer for all, we truly appreciate it when someone takes the time to post here for us, we all need prayer, and our prayers go out to you, may God bless you in whatever way He knows you need,
Luv Sandy


shaner
11/20/2002 09:19

Hi Selva, it's so wonderful that you have your sister to support you, it must be lonely being at your house, so it's terrific that you can stay with your sister when you're having a very bad day. Holidays, special days, are very hard on us moms, but especially hard during the first year, it's the 'first' of everything. You know Selva that you're in our love and prayers, we're always here for you, so when you're feeling weak, we'll stand in the gap for you, praying. God bless you sweetie, I know how rough it is right now, but you've got us too, our love and prayers are constant, and will help to see you through the tough days. May Our Lord hold you in the palm of His Hand, and give you some peace, love and prayers,
Luv Sandy


LOVE2U
11/20/2002 10:32

~The Dream~
Today in a peaceful dream
God let me walk you to the door
I knew I'd see you here no more
And as we reached those heavenly gates
He let me peep inside...

And as far as I could see ...
Old friends of yours and family
Rushed down that beautiful heavenly path
To welcome you inside.

With hugs and kisses they whisked you in
Saying thank you Jesus time and time again
And then I saw you kneel in silence
To say a special prayer ...
And in that prayer I heard you say
To those of us grieving here today
"You have no reason to be sad
You did what you could do."

For that I thank you all, you said
But please don't think of me as dead.
For in each of your hearts I'll never die.
So don't be sad and please don't cry.

And then I saw you lift your head
And turn and smile that beautiful smile
I couldn't say good-bye, so I said...
"I'll see you in a little while!"


LOVE2U
11/20/2002 10:35

Hello Yvonne,

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your precious Joe, and your family today. I know how very hard these special days can be on us moms. I hope it helps to know that many, many moms are praying that you will find a measure of peace in knowing that your Joe is always there with you in spirit. He is your guardian angel and he will always be watching over you. I know you miss his physical presence, and that is something that cannot be helped. No amount of prayers will ever erase our longing to see our precious children again. But the prayers we pray will help us to experience those precious moments of peace that renews our spirit, and faith in a loving God, as we continue on our earthly journey. We have the joy of knowing that God does not lie, and that in God's time, we will indeed, experience the indescribable joy of living forever with all of our dear loved ones in God's kingdom! Just thinking about that special moment in time makes me want to hurry and finish all that God has in His master plan for me to do while I am still here on earth. For, just like He had a reason for sending His Son to bear His cross, we too, must bear ours. It's painful, and oh so heavy, ... And sometimes we may cry out, as Jesus did when the weight of His cross became so heavy. But, in the end, ... We will know that the joy that awaits us, will be worth the tremendous cross we are carrying now ... As we continue on our journey. Until that day comes, for each of us, God will continue sending us the help we need as we continue on our journey ... getting closer and closer to our heavenly home. In that day, as God revealed to me in a vision and in the poem The Dream ... your precious Joe ... will rush down that heavenly path, to welcome you inside! Then ... you will know in full! On this day ... As you long to hold your precious son, Joe ... I pray that God will help you to think on these things ...

~ ~ ~ The Dream ~ ~ ~
Today in a peaceful dream
God let me walk you to the door
I knew I'd see you here no more
And as we reached those heavenly gates
He let me peep inside.

And as far as I could see
Old friends of yours and family
Rushed down that beautiful heavenly path
To welcome you inside.

With hugs and kisses they whisked you in
Saying thank you Jesus time and time again
And then I saw you kneel in silence
To say a special prayer
And in that prayer I heard you say
To those of us grieving here today
"You have no reason to be sad
You did what you could do."

For that I thank you all, you said
But please don't think of me as dead.
For in each of your hearts I'll never die.
So don't be sad and please don't cry.

And then I saw you lift your head
And turn and smile that beautiful smile
I couldn't say good-bye, so I said...
"I'll see you in a little while!"





SELVAM
11/20/2002 13:47

Hi Sandy> It is so nice to read all your prayers and cares for us mums. I am going through rough times, I think I will be staying with my sister all this week, they are planning holidays parties at my office and I'm taking vacation days on those occassions I don't want to be a party pupper for they all so nice with me, and I am not ready for the Holidays, I wish I could go to sleep and wake up when there are over. I guess I will try to hang in there, and pray. I'm glad that Verna is posting again and I'm sorry about her sister in law. Please keep me in your prayers as I will keep all of you in mine. Selva


SELVAM
11/20/2002 13:55

Hi Verna. I'm glad to see you posting again. I,m sorry for the loss of your sister in law, I will be praying for all of you too. I cried when I read your post about MaDear, I took care of my mother for 6 years after my father died, she also had several mild stroke, but she was a little Angel, never complained about anything, always smile back, she died in my arms, I also whispered in her ears like the hospice nurse that will visit her at my house was there that day, so was Solange. She died Dec 1999 and was also 91. I remember Solange trying to console me, she made me go to the movies with her and my sister that Christmas day, for its my birthday the 25th, just to get me out of the house. Now I will be staying home for sure, don't want anything to do with Holidays without my Solange. This is my first for everything and I am feeling so awful these times, can't get out of the valley days. But will keep on praying. Selva


slcon
11/21/2002 03:36

I lost my son Barry in an accident on October 12,2002. Please pray for Barry and for his sister Colleen and I who miss him dearly. I pray for everyone who has lost a loved one.
Sheryl


dovesfromheaven
11/21/2002 08:59

Dear Sandy,
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I made it through yesterday ok. My mom called me in the morning and then Sarah (my daughter) called. She is always thinking of it of course. She sent us a beautiful card. This whole holiday season is a difficult time for everyone who has lost a loved one. Then last evening the phone rang and thinking it was a telemarketer (they always call at dinner time!) it was Joe's friend Curtis that he shared a house with at the time of his death. We were so surprised to hear from him. He always remembers. He came to Aaron's wedding. We were truly blessed by his call. He said there were lots of Joe's friends that told him to tell us they never forget Joe. That is what makes it more tolerable for us when we have people who care enough to call us. Curtis is like a son to us ever since Joe passed away. He is graduating from college next month and we are going to the ceremony. He keeps in touch with our son Bryan too. He is planning on coming to hear Aaron give his first message!
I hope that you are doing ok Sandy. I always think of you and pray for you too and every mom on here. This circle of prayer has helped me tremendously. I thank God for you and for helping you get this started for all of bereaved parents. You are a blessing to us all! God Bless you today.
Love, Yvonne<><


SELVAM
11/21/2002 09:06

Hi Sheryl, welcome to this circle, we all know of your pain, I lost my only daughter Solange, Aug 15, 2002. I have found so much relief and prayers here. There are some beautiful Angels in this circle who help us new bereaved mothers with their experience and prayers. Keep coming back and you will find love and understanding. Selva


dovesfromheaven
11/21/2002 09:11

Dear Sheryl,
I am so sorry for your loss of your precious son Barry. God Bless you and your daughter Colleen. I know how hard it is right now for you. God is with you always and He will see you through this most painful time in your life. You and your daughter are in my prayers for peace and comfort from our heavenly Father who loves you. Barry is your 'Angel in heaven".
Dear Lord Jesus, I ask You to bring peace and comfort to Sheryl and her daughter Colleen's hearts today and in the days ahead in their journey of grief. Wrap Your loving arms around them and let them feel your presence in their despair. Help them to look to You for their comfort and peace that only You can give. Bless them Jesus. In Your Holy Name I pray. Amen. God Bless you Sheryl and welcome to this circle of prayer.
Love, Yvonne<><


dovesfromheaven
11/21/2002 09:29

Dear Verna,
God Bless you for the words of encouragement to me yesterday. I'm doing ok. It's just so different now. The pain lingers though always. I recieved a dove from a friend in the mail yesterday. I am so truly blessed! I went to Joe's grave and placed 3 roses there for him from the family. I've done that every year, a rose for every year, it's brings a sense of peace to my heart to give something to him, if only a flower. I love him so much. And his is missed greatly by his family.
I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for yet another loss in your family this week. It doesn't get any easier does it? You have had alot in recent years with the loss of all of your brothers and mother and now sister-in-law all after your precious daughter Diane. God Bless you Verna. You are using your grief in a very positive way to reach out to others. Isn't it amazing how the Lord uses these circumstances that we go through to help others? I loved your story about your precious mom. It made me more aware of the time I need to spend with my mom. She is 84. She called me yesterday to let me know she was thinking of me. She lost her oldest son 30 years ago only 4 months after my dad died. So she knows what it's like too. Anyway, I wanted you to know what a blessing you are to me. you always know what to say to us grieving moms. Thank you! I hope you are getting along ok. I know thses times are difficult for you. Dear Lord, I ask You to be with Verna as she grieves once again. I pray that You will continue to guide her life in all that she sets out to do and help her with her book writing and to get it done in the way that would fitting for You. Bless her Jesus in her health so that she can accomplish all that You have for her to do. I ask for Your peace and comfort to her heart today. In Jesus Name, Amen. God Bless you Verna!
Love, Yvonne<><


dovesfromheaven
11/21/2002 09:45

Dear Selva,
God Bless you Selva, I know how your heart is in so much pain right now. It's ok to feel what you're feeling, it's all very normal (if you call this normal) part of the grieving process. It's ok not to go and be around others if you don't feel like it, I felt that way for a very long time. I still do sometimes. I am praying for you. I remember in the early days of my grief journey that there were times I couldn't even pray, it was so painful, but I had heard or read somewhere that when I wasn't able that it was ok, that God understands, because there were others standing in the gap praying for me and lifting me up and I always felt that. Please know that there are many who are keeping you lifted up in your darkest time of your life, for there is no other pain like it, than to lose a precious child.
Dear Lord Jesus, I ask You to fill Selva's heart today with Your peace and love and comfort that can only come from You. Bless her today Father as she walks down this road with much peace and rest. Let her feel Your presence and let her find rest in You. In Jesus Name, Amen. God Bless you Selva.
Love, Yvonne<><


shaner
11/21/2002 10:10

Hello Sheryl and welcome to the Circle. I'm so sorry to read about losing your beloved Barry, only a couple of months ago! You and your family must be in so much pain right now, losing a child is the worst pain a parent will ever experience. As Yvonne said, all the emotions that you're feeling right now and in the months ahead are all very normal, grief brings up a rollercoaster of emotions. You and your family are in our love and prayers, please post back whenever you feel like it, you'll only find love, compassion, understanding and prayer here, we all understand. I hope you have a good support system around you that you can talk about your loss, you can talk about it here, this is a safe place to talk about how you're feeling, we've all experienced and continue to experience the awful pain of losing a child. May Our Heavenly Father give you some much needed peace in your heart, and may His Son, Our Lord, wrap you in His loving arms. Our love and prayers are with you,
Luv Sandy


shaner
11/21/2002 10:29

Hi Selva, thank you for your kind words, I'm so happy to read that you're staying at your sister's house, it's got to be very lonely and painful right now to be alone in your own home. You'll know when it's time to stay there again. As Yvonne said, if you don't feel like being around people right now, don't. I didn't either and still don't sometimes also. I know what you mean about wanting to sleep right through the Holidays, that's exactly how I felt the first year. My husband, myself and our other son Chris didn't feel like celebrating Christmas that first year, so we minimalized it, and only went to Mass, just couldn't bear to see a Christmas tree or anything else. So you do whatever feels right for you Selva, not what other's think you should do. The Holidays are one of the worst times for grieving moms, and I know that all of us moms have learned how to 'celebrate' them in our way that we're most comfortable with. This is your first, so it's going to be painful, but I know that Our Lord will be right by your side, helping you through them! God love you sweetie, we all love you and our prayers are always with you,
Luv Sandy


shaner
11/21/2002 11:40

Hello Verna, a beautiful poem, that's exactly what I said to my Shane before they closed his casket before the Service, "I'm not saying good-bye to you honey, I'm just saying so long for now, until we see each other again". Very touching, Verna, I'm glad you were inspired to write it! Love and prayers to you,
Luv Sandy

 
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