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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children

Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.

There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

Shaner -10/14/2000
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Read Prayers.

8/7/2002 09:29

Hello Yvonne, the week just wouldn't be right unless we received a post from you! Goodness yes, I think we all remember what it was like at the end of our pregnancies, you start thinking they'll never end, :). But Tara sounds like she's ready for it, and I know she received many beautiful and useful things from you, with your handmade bedding, and others. It's very expensive to have a baby today, my sister had my little niece last year, and I just couldn't believe the prices of things. So anything that is given as a gift or loaned is much appreciated!
Yes, it would be wonderful for all of us to get together, wouldn't it, what a wonderful meeting that would be! We do all have a bond here, and I'm very happy that you and others have found this Circle too! The death of a child does change a person, and like you, Shane's death has changed me profoundly in some very good ways, drawing me closer to God, and in other ways not as good, now I don't like large crowds anymore. I guess everyone's loss changes them in very apparent ways, some good, and some very different from the life they once lived. How could such a loss not? Losing a child splits your life in two; the one you lived with your child in it, and now the one after, that we rebuild without our child in it. And we will still continue to have our sad days, that only another mom who's lost a child could possibly understand, as we continue to walk the journey of our grief. So if you feel that starting a grief support group in your community is where God is leading you, then by all means pursue it! Perhaps you could hold it in the basement of your Church, once or twice a month, and then it wouldn't interfere with your busy life with your soon to be grandchildren! You always post from the heart here, so I know you'd make a wonderful Moderator if you chose to start such a group. If it's meant to be, God will open the doors for you, and put the right people in your path as well as nudging you along to do so! Prayerfull support from all of us if that's what Our Lord is leaning you to do. Thank you again for your kind words Yvonne, you're a gem yourself, I'm not doing too badly lately, I guess we all have our days. Some days I just can't believe it's real, even after 3 years. I pray that you're still seeing your Doves from time to time! Please let us know when Tara has her baby, we're all very happy for you and your family! May Our Lord shower you with His graces, and our love and prayers to you,
Luv Sandy

8/7/2002 09:32

Hello Verna, you sent me a test e-mail this morning and when I hit reply and sent it back to you, it came back to me saying "User Unknown". So I did reply to it, but I guess there's something wrong with your mail getting through??
Talk to the Tech Support people at AOL, they can probably help you.
Luv Sandy

8/7/2002 15:02

Hello everyone,
Iím done with my final and received a 90 for a grade. I know Michael was right by my side during my exam and helping me. I know he is so proud of me and knew I could do it. Iím so glad that itís over, at least for a couple of weeks. My next class starts the 29th and I go back to work on the 28th. Where did the summer go? I want to thank every one for your thoughts and prayers for I have been having a valley week. If I had never found this circle that Shaner had started I donít know where I would be today. Thank you so much Shaner. Shane is so proud of you for all the help you have given to all the moms who come to the prayer circle. Last year at this time I would of broken down crying talking about my Michael but because of everyone here at this circle I have found the strength to move own.
Dear Tammy, I hope your grandmother is doing better and that the doctors find what is wrong with her please know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Verna, I will also keep you in my thoughts and prayers during this month that is so very hard for the both of us. I know sometimes I wish I could skip this month so we wouldnít have to go through the valley days but we also gave them life in this month, which makes it even more hard.
Dear father, please guide us and watch over us as we all need your strenght to move forward during this difficult time that we are coming up on, I pray that we will find the courage that we need to take day for day and put a smile on our faces and I pray that you will walk by our side and lead us the way, I ask this in your name the father, amen.

Luv Debby

8/7/2002 20:23

Hello Deb! That's wonderful, passing your test and getting such a high mark!
Good for you, you deserve to be very proud of all your hard work getting there, with Michael by your side. Now you've got some time for yourself, until the next round starts again.
I know your Michael's 'special day' is coming up soon, but you'll get throught it Deb, as hard as it will be, all of our prayers will be with you.
Thank you also for your kind words Deb, I'm very happy that you found this Circle too, and more importantly, that it's been a great help to you! I'm so thrilled that you've gained strength from the Circle, and the prayers said for you. And we're the richer for you being a part of this Circle, with your own love and prayers for us!
I know that my Shane is happy with what I'm doing, just as your Michael is very proud of your accomplishments. God bless you sweetie, and once again, I'm very happy for your high marks! Now have a well-deserved rest before you start again. Love and prayers to you,
Luv Sandy

8/7/2002 20:29

Verna, just a short note to let you know that I tried replying to your message this morning, as did Cindy who wrote me, we both received the same message saying "VClay is not accepting mail from you".
Luv Sandy

8/9/2002 12:40

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a son in April of 2002. I was 39 weeks pregnant and had a stillborn. I still cry quite a lot about this loss (this was mine and my husband first child). everything was fine with my pregnancy, Dylan just got too excited, I guess and wrapped the cord around his neck. I feel however, that this experience has brought me closer to God that I have ever been in my life. I was so very angry at first and wondered why me, but now I am more at peace. I know he is in heaven with the Lord as is your Shane. I pray that your heartache goes away. And that God gives us all PEACE!

8/9/2002 17:21

Dear Sandy, ~ I am so sorry about the email message that both you and Cindy received when you replied to the message I sent requesting that you let me know if you received my email. I still don't know how I managed to block all emails being sent to me. :) I am still waiting for a letter of explanation from aol -- telling me exactly how I managed to make such a mess of things! :) I thank God for your post above, letting me know about the error message you and Cindy received. Otherwise, I guess I would be still wondering why no one was writing to me! :) Anyway, thanks again for letting me know. AOL fixed the problem while I was still online with the technician, but they still did not tell me how I managed to mess things up. I'm sure it was when I tried to rid myself of all the junk mail I was getting everyday from unknown sources -- over a hundred a day! I would never knowingly block email from friends.

8/9/2002 19:11

Dear kb4u

I am sorry to read about the loss of your precious little one, (Dylan). All of the moms who post here share your pain. Those of us who have been on our grief journey a while longer can tell you that the time will come when the indescribable grief and lost that you are feeling during the early stages of your loss, will someday not be so intense. But the loss that you feel will always be there to some degree. We also agree that a part of us goes with our child and that the special bond between a mother and her child can never be broken. A mother's love for her child is eternal. We take comfort in the knowledge that love never dies. Our faith, also, helps us on our painful journey. Lean heavily on our Lord and Savior. I found that He was there for me, even during times when I was not aware of His presence. He helped me during the painful times when I was in shock and had no desire to live; let alone help myself. He helped me get through the many, many days of asking or wondering "Why!" It just takes time to begin to move on again after losing a child. It always helps to know that others care deeply about our pain and loss. I can tell you that all the wonderful moms who post here embrace you with love, prayer, and heartfelt compassion. Sandy, Debby, Pun, Yvonne, Tammy, Cindy, Barb, ... The list is endless! These moms care deeply, and are so dedicated to reaching out to the newly bereaved moms who join us on our own grief journey. We also pray for and encourage each other as we struggle to make it through special days such as birthdays, an anniversary, or holiday. Special days are always hard to get through. But, thanks, to our friends and family, and to the moms who post here and pray for each other, we somehow manage to make it through those special days. I thank God everyday for sending me and all the other moms to this prayer circle. It is such a comfort to know that everyone who post here -- and even those who do not -- will be prayed for daily. All the wonderful and caring moms who post here make it a daily practice to keep everyone in our thoughts and heartfelt prayers.

8/9/2002 19:44

Dear Debby,

I am so very proud of you! I know that your Michael was right there with you saying, "Come on Mom, you can do it!" :) As I prayed, I felt such peace about how it would all turn out. You are such a thoughtful and giving person, yourself, Deb. God is using you in so many ways! Your work with special needs students, and your dedication, prayers, and poems here at the circle, plus taking another class. I will continue to pray that God will bless you in every way.

Yes, we both have a couple of special days coming up this month, but I know with all the prayers that are being prayed for us, as well as our own, we will make it through them. Your Michael and my Diane will be with us in spirit on both days, to encourage us also. :) I just know we will feel those precious moments of peace for which we always pray. It will help to think about the fond memories of days gone by! I'll bet your Michael was full of fun, and loved by all who knew him, as was my Diane. :) God bless you and family always, Deb, and give your students a (((Big Hug))) from me when school starts! :)

8/9/2002 20:25

Dear Tammy,

I am praying heartfelt prayers for the healing of your precious Grandmother, and also, that God will watch over her and keep her free from pain. I am praying for your grandpa as well. This has to be so difficult for him. I pray that God will continue to heal you and strengthen you and keep you and your entire family in His loving care. Please give Kaitlyn and Kyle a (((Big Hug))) from me. God bless you and your wonderful family always!
Ms. Verna

8/9/2002 21:26

Dear Yvonne,

Just a few words to let you know that you and family are very much in my heartfelt prayers. I know this has been a very stressful period for you and family. I pray all is going well for everyone, including your Mother. How is she? I sure miss my Dear Mother! :) I am keeping your sister and her precious daughter in my prayers also.

I know these are difficult times, for her, Yvonne, but sometimes -- a simple "I love you" and a Great Big Hug helps in the healing of trials. And sometimes trials are really hidden blessings from God! We just don't recognize them until after it's too late! I believe that with all my heart and soul, Yvonne. :) God forgives us daily! And His love for us is unconditional! Where would any of us be without His forgiveness and His unconditional love? Sometimes we don't learn this kind of wisdom until late in the evening of our lives. I know I didn't! :) I guess that explains why I have been feeling a little down lately. That, plus missing my Diane -- and (my blue bell ice cream. :)Sometimes I wish I could quote scripture; especially when I feel I am rambling like I am today! :) Maybe I will begin to study The Bible in a more organized manner! I pray and read daily, but I don't memorize scripture word for word, or where to find the exact chapter and verse when I need it. Like now, I just know that somewhere in God's Holy Word, I've read that we only see in part; but God sees the whole picture. :) Anyway, I pray that God continues to give you those moments of peace for which we all pray! God bless you and family always!

8/9/2002 23:09


8/10/2002 09:58

Hello Verna, I'm happy to hear that AOL fixed the problem for you, as you said, you wouldn't have been able to receive any e-mails! I knew if I posted the problem to you here at the Circle you'd see it and be able to get the tech people at AOL to help you, our replies to you kept getting bounced back with that message. So all is now well, and your mail should be running smoothly!
Luv Sandy

8/10/2002 10:14

Hello kb4u, and welcome to the Circle. I'm so sorry to read about your little Dylan, born stillborn. What a heartache for you and your family! You'll never forget little Dylan and the impace he had on your life, you carried him for 39 weeks underneath your heart, now you carry him eternally there, until you're re-united one day.
All of us seem to have learned something from our child, whether they were with us a short time, or a longer period, and quite a few of us are like you, becoming closer to God throughout our grief. Who can strengthen us and get us through this ordeal but God, His love and blessings help to sustain us through all the grief and pain, and all that it brings with it. I'm so happy to read that you've been able to work through your anger and are now more at peace, Our Heavenly Father has surely taken you under His wing, as He seems to do with all of us who are grieving over the loss of our child, He wants to help us! Yes, now you have your very own Angel, Dylan, watching over his precious family here. Thank you for your kind prayer, sweetie, and may you continue to have peace in your heart.
Love and prayers to you, please post back whenever you feel like it,
Luv Sandy

8/11/2002 14:33

Hi Sandy, yes, thanks to your post to me here, I am now receiving email again from family and friends. I have found a way to rid myself of email from unknown senders without blocking out friends and family. So I look forward to hearing from you and Cindy again soon. :) I think I fwd a page to both of you early this morning. If not, I will do so soon. Thanks again for the post.

8/11/2002 14:50

Dear God, ~ August 12th and 24th are special days for Debby & family. Please allow her, and her family to lean heavily on you during the special days. As You know, Lord, special days are always hard to get through. I ask that You wrap your loving arms around all moms who are facing special days this month. Send each of these moms the kind of help they need to make it through those special days. In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen!

8/11/2002 14:59

Edit: Debby's special days are,Aug. 12th & 14th. Sorry about the mistake! :(

8/11/2002 19:06

Hello Verna, happy to read that your problems are now over! If you've figured out a way to get rid of spam and junk mail completely, let me know, :). I keep unsubscribing to it, and have set up filters, but the darn stuff still find's it way into my mail!
Luv Sandy

8/11/2002 19:14

Hi Deb, you know that we're here for you tomorrow and on Tuesday, as your special days come around. We all know how difficult and painful these days can be, so I hope you know that you have our love and prayers to help you get through these days. Michael will help you too. Please post and let us know how you're doing, if you're able to. Love and prayers to you Deb, and may Our Lord send you peace and comfort on these special days,
Luv Sandy

8/11/2002 21:24

Dear Sandy, ~ Since I got my computer fixed, I have only received 5 emails from unknown sources. I simply clicked on the Notify AOL icon and sent each to the Neighborhood Watch Team. One was of an offensive nature; I could tell by the title. So, I included a note with that one -- in the space provided by AOL-- stating that I do not wish to receive that kind of junk (pornography) in my mail. After closing the AOL window, I then highlighted the unwanted mail (still unopened), and deleted it. As you know, when I placed a block on all unwanted email -- over 100 or more daily -- I unknowingly blocked everyone, [even though I listed all the names in my address book that I wished to keep receiving mail from.] I think I did this somewhere in preferences, on a buddy list. Anyway,now that the bulk junk mail is under control, I just notify AOL, delete, and move on! So far, it's working! Until I learn something better, or AOL tells me I can't do that, I'll keep doing it this way. :)

So far, Sandy, I have not been doing too well health wise. I am scheduled to have my hand checked by a Neurologist on tomorrow. Both my doctor and Cheryl's and James' doctor seem to feel that it's all connected to the diabetes in some way. Since hearing that, I have really been doing a lot better staying off of blue bell ice cream and a whole lot of other foods I know I should avoid. I am also resting more, and following doctors orders. I still don't have the sleep thing under control, but I am doing much better.:) I found that taking my medications much earlier in the evening helps. That is, when I remember to take it. :) I sure hope you have been feeling much better. :) May our Lord and Savior shower you with blessings and give you those moments of peace for which we pray, -- and all the joy you can stand! :) That's the title of another good book, by the Author: Debrena Jackson Gandy. It's a national best seller, and she is said to be a featured contributor to Essence, Heart & Soul, & Oprah Winfrey's O. Magazine. I am just getting in to rereading portions of this book daily. It's really a good read, especially on valley days!

8/12/2002 12:38

Hello Verna, yes, Diabetes can affect our nerve endings in our toes and fingers, that one of the reasons why exercise on a daily basis is so important, it helps with the circulation, among other good things, like keeping our weight and blood sugar readings down. That's why diet and exercise are key for Diabetics. I prayerfully hope for you that the Dr. can rectify your problem with your fingers. I'm doing alright with my Diabetes, it's another health problem that I have at the moment that I'm going for tests on. Thank you for your beautiful prayer, all the joy I could stand! Wouldn't that be wonderful!
Unfortunately, your mail problems aren't fixed, I tried to reply to your fwd. this morning that you sent to me yesterday and it was bounced back to me, with the same message, "VClay is not accepting mail from you". I imagine it's the same with Cindy, did you get a hold of her and explain it, I haven't had a chance to talk to her these past few days. Back to the drawing board, as they say!
Love and prayers to you,
Luv Sandy

8/12/2002 15:29

Hello everyone here, I haven't posted in a while, but I just passed the second month anniversary without my son, Michael. Boy, has this been two long months!! I feel so depressed most of the time. That's the only way I can explain it, because as you know, there are no words.

I've made a lot of peace with my daughter in law, Tina. We've spent a lot of time together talking, and I've worked out a lot of my feelings for her now. Michael would want me to treat her like I do my other daughters, and I am. She lets me keep Morgan anytime I want and that is a lot!! She started pre-school on last Wednesday & I've been taking her & picking her up. She spends the night with me on the days I keep her. It is such a blessing to have her & my other children & grandchildren. She said she had talked to her daddy the first morning before school & that he was watching over her & was so proud of her. He would have loved to have seen her first day of school.

On the ninth of August, I passed my nephew's first birthday without him. He would have been 30. He passed away last September 29. I was still grieving over him when my son died. Life has been hard.

In September 2000, I lost my cousin in a car wreck. She left two children ages 14 & 17. She was like a sister to me as I have no sisters. We grew up next door to each other & were always at our grandparents house together. I miss her & think of her every day.

To Tammy, I know how you feel. I lost my grandmother in 1991. She was more than a grandmother to me. We lived in the house with them most of the time until I was 9 years old. Then we moved next door to my cousins. My Granny kept me while my mother & daddy worked. She was the wind beneath my wings. I got a few of her things like her old Singer sewing machine that I sewed on. In April, 1998, our house burned to the ground & we lost everything. But I think what bothers me most is loosing all the things I had of hers. Pictures, the quilt she made me in 1960, her house dresses and that sewing machine. Granny had a stroke & never woke up from it. She died four days later. Now I am the one who has Thanksgiving & Christmas for the family at my house. One Christmas I could smell her all day long as I prepared to have the family over. We had no insurance on our house (long story) We
had just let it run out on March 1 and the house burned on April 18. We had lived there for 10 years.

So far, it seems like everything bad that has happened is so much worse than the thing before. That's how it's been for a long time now. I need a new grandbaby maybe. The youngest will be 3 on September 29.

Please continue praying for me & my family as we grieve on. I read all new posts every time I get on the internet. It sure is good therapy for me. Thank God I ran across this web site some how. Let me hear from someone out there as I continue to pray for all of you. Phyllis

8/12/2002 21:49

Hello Phyllis, it's so good to see you posting again. It's a very difficult day for you, Michael's 2nd month Anniversary. It's still very early in your grieving, so your emotions will run the whole gambit. You're still in a lot of pain, and missing Michael so much. It's very natural that you're feeling depressed, and you may feel that way for a while. It's all part of the grieving process, so whatever you're feeling is alright.
I'm so thrilled for you that you and Michael's wife have reconciled, now you can enjoy your grandaughter, and keep her father's memory alive for her. That's really wonderful news, praise God!
Phyllis, you've had your fair share of hard knocks in life, people you loved passing on, the fire that took everything on you, but you're still here, and I know that Our Heavenly Father has you close to Him as you've gone through these tremendous trials in your life. You have a strong spirit, although it may not seem like it right now, in order to survive all that you have, and are continuing to do! Our Lord is right there beside you as you go from one bad experience and He gives you the necessary strength spiritually and physically to handle your trials.
God bless you, I know you're hurting for Michael right now, and that's to be expected, you're still in a lot of shock and pain yet. But now you have Michael's daughter back in your life, and I know that it must bring you much comfort.
I'm happy you found this site too, and I'm glad it's good therapy for you, it is for a lot of us too. You and your family are still in our prayers and love, and thank you for your prayers, we all need them too. May the peace of Our Lord be with you Phyllis,
Luv Sandy

8/14/2002 10:45

Dear Sandy,

Thank you so much for your prayers & support. I need them so much!! I try not to dwell on the bad things, but this early on it's hard not to. I guess everyone on this site knows how I feel. Every time I get on-line, I have to visit here. Thank God for you and all the others I can vent & talk to. I pray for you & the others, too.

I found one person to talk to at the Memory Gardens where I purchased Michael's headstone. He has had a lot of experience dealing with grieving people being in the business he's in. He gave me some poems & guidelines he's shared with others, and made some suggestions about how to handle the first holidays without Michael. He said one thing that worked for his family was to put a picture of the deceased person out & light a candle for them. Then, you all say a prayer for them, cry, etc., and then you go on with your event. That way, everybody can cry at the same time & then enjoy being together for the occasion better. I'm going to try that. I wish I had a support group here, but I don't know of one. Just this web-site.

God bless each & everyone of you as we carry one and hold each other up.


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