Prayer Circles

I lost my son Tim 4-13-01.He was my only child.I will never have grandbabies.Tim was only 16.He was my world.I need help from God to move forward.

Hello TimsmomPhyllis, I'm so sorry to read about losing your beloved Tim, your only child. Losing a child is the most painful event that will ever happen to a parent, and it takes a great deal of time to learn how to live with the loss. But I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know, God bless you. When Time passed away, his passing also took a future with it, and one of those as you say, is no grandbabies along with so many other things. A big part of ourselves goes with the child that we've lost. It leaves a void, and nothing can really fill up that hole left behind, for a part of our heart went with them. But we know that love never dies, it's eternal, and when it's our time, we will see them again. Lean heavily on God, He knows your great pain and wants to help you with it, He's the only one who truly understands how you really feel. We'll all definitely pray for you, God love you, your post sounds so painful, all of us here on these pages know of that pain. Tim is in Heaven, but I know how you miss him so much physically in your life. Our prayers and thoughts go out to you, as you grieve for your precious son. May Our Lord tenderly wrap you in His arms, and give you some comfort and peace today and in the days ahead, and please, post back whenever you want, we all understand here and this Circle is a safe place to talk about your feelings, there is only love, compassion and understanding here. May God bless you and our prayers go out to you,
Luv Sandy

Dear Debbie (Debropoo), thank you for the beautiful prayer & the post. Also, I want to thank Sandy(Shaner),Yvonne(Dovesfromheaven) & Angela62199 for your postings. My Michael has been gone for 6 weeks now, and the closest help I've had other than my children & grandchildren has been from you people who share a similiar loss as mine. And I thank God for finding this website as soon as I did. I thank God every day for my 3 daughters, my 3 grandaughters and my grandson. But, and this is especially for Angela, having these blessings that I do have does not make up for the one I lost. I had my first three children with my first husband who left for another woman when Michael was nine months old. He has been a "holiday dad" every since then, and that was in 1978. He was never there for any of them. I stayed single for 10 years and then remarried & had Carly in 1990. My children are 21 years apart. It's hard to share my grief with my husband because he wasn't Michael's biological father & doesn't grieve like I do. Not that he didn't love Michael, he did, but he had a hard time accepting the drug abuse, the arrests, and all that comes with all that. Michael's biological father came for the funeral, spoke to me once (his exact words to me were"Well, girls, (my oldest daughter was sitting beside me at the time) I don't know what to say". Then, he never spoke to me or made eye contact with me after that. He came back to town during the 4th of July and let everyone know that he blames me & my parents for spoiling Michael too much. That hurts me to the bone. I guess he has to blame someone. But, that doesn't help me to think that because I could use some support from him. He did not offer to help with the funeral arrangements or anything else. His family sat in their own section of the funeral home. He hasn't offered to help anyone financially or any other way. I feel like he is still abusing me. I pray to God to help me accept his feelings. Also, I am still dealing with Michael's wife. Has she no shame? She went to the Mall & out to eat with her boyfriend over the weekend & he stayed with her at her house which is in the back yard of my daughter's house. This hurts us so much. My grandaughter is four years old & is really doing well, but this has to be confusing her. I learned to turn Michael over to God a few years ago, because I worried about him all the time. I would turn him over to God & then fly him like a kite, I couldn't let go of his shirtail. Then I realized I didn't have to turn him over to God over & over, you just do it. It wasn't fair to my other children that Michael took all my time & strength worrying about him. So, in a slow process, I was able to turn him over & let go. I didn't let go of Michael, I just let go of the worrying. I always was there for Michael, no matter what. At least I can grieve without guilt. Anyway, I just want to thank you ladies for your concern & support and PLEASE keep praying for me and my family. I've had a very hard time since Friday, but I feel better today. Please let me hear from you. Love, Phyllis(Grndmmmy)My big heart is broken.

Dear TimsmomPhyllis, We have something in common besides losing a child, our names! Last year on August 29th, I lost my nephew, Daniel. He was 29 years old and the only child his mother ever had. He did leave a grandchild, age 8, for her. Having her grandaughter has helped her, but she is still so torn up over losing her son she couldn't come for Michael's funeral. I haven't even heard from her since. My brother has remarried twice since he was married to her and has 2 children by his second wife and 1 child with his current wife. He never sees the other 2 children. He has not called me or been to see me (he only lives about 20 miles from me) since Michael's funeral. His son, Daniel, was also involved with drugs since he was a teenager. He lived alone when he died, they found him dead on his couch. Nothing showed up on the autopsy to have killed him. The death certificate says heart attack. There weren't enough drugs in his system to hurt anyone. We'll never know what happened to him, but we feel sure someone killed him. I was very close to him even though he lived an hour away from me. He always came to me when he was in trouble or needed to talk. I still was grieving over him when my own son died. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I feel like I've had my share. In September, 2000, I lost my cousin to a one car accident. She was like a sister to me. We grew up next door to me & I only had the one brother. She left behind two children ages 14 & 17. Before that, our house burned to the ground that we had been living in 10 years. We had let the insurance go in March of that year because my husband is a construction worker & we never have health insurance & he had gotten a job which provided health insurance. It was almost one hundred dollars a week off the top of his paycheck, so we had let our house insurance go. Our house was an old general store in the country converted into a house & the insurance was as high as our house payment. We lost everything, even our pets, in that fire. We are just now beginning to rebuild the house. So, to make a long story shorter, in 1998 we lost our house, in 2000, we lost my dear cousin, in 2001, we lost my nephew, and six weeks ago today, on his 25th birthday, my son, Michael, committed suicide. I don't know except through prayers from others, how I've gotten by. Please let me hear from you. Love, Phyllis(Grndmmmy)

Hello Phyllis, (Grndmmmy), I'm very happy that you found this site too, all of us here have lost a child, or in some cases children, so that's what this Circle is for, other than prayers, to support each other during the dark days that we all experience, some of us call them 'valley days'. You're very fresh in your grief, Phyllis, and very vulnerable, it's only been 6 weeks for you, you're still in the shock and disbelief stage, and you're in a lot of pain right now. Grief is hard, it's biting, and it's mean, it takes a lot out of you, and it controls every area of your life, in the beginning. If you feel like crying, you go right on ahead, it's a way of helping to let the pain out. Please dont't hold it in, it has to come out. Everything hurts for you right now, including people who just don't understand. Losing a child is the worst pain that a parent will ever experience, so be kind to yourself right now and look after yourself, grieving takes it's toll. You're not alone feeling guilt, most of us have experienced guilt too, we were their moms, but we couldn't save them from death. I know you lost Michael to suicide, but please don't blame yourself, as you say, you were there for him through everything, and also turned him over to God. I bet that you were the best mother that Michael could have had, you did everything for him out of your great love for him! And it doesn't mean that you don't love your other children because you're grieving the one you've lost, we all love our children individually, for who they are, and what joy and love they brought into our life. My other son was older than your daughter when my Shane passed away, but I just told him that I was hurting terribly, which he knew, but that I loved him just as much as I loved his brother. And losing a child is very different for men than it is for women, we grieve in very different ways, men have been conditioned not to be emotional, they hold things in, thinking that it's a sign of strength, while we are more able to let our feelings out, which is a lot healthier.
I'm so sorry that you don't have any support at all from Michael's biological dad, I can only imagine how painful that must be. At least you have your immediate family there for you, supporting each other, I think that's wonderful, and you all need it very much right now, and in the times to come.
Phyllis, you'll always have our support, our concern, and our love, we all know the great pain that rips at your heart when you lose a child. So you post here anytime you feel like it, our prayers are with you right now, in your great pain, as well as our support and love, may Our Lord stay close by your side as you grieve for your precious Michael,
Luv Sandy

To Tims mom Phyllis, I sure relate to how you feel. I lost my son, Robby, on April 16, 2001, just 3 days after you lost your son. My son was 19, just 3 years older than your son. So, we are probably in a similar place in our grieving process. I am sorry you are in such pain. I am getting a bit better, but last week was Rob's birthday and I ended up coming home from work early because I just could not stop crying. I guess some days will just always be hard. I do know that I am a better person now though. Heck of way to get there. I am more spiritual and forgiving and certainly less judgemental. Like the other Phyllis, living with someone on drugs, changes you too. I have an ex-husband who wasn't involved either. They probably blame us to ease their own guilt for not being involved. We love our children and raise them the best we can. Sandy/Shaner, put it well--love never dies. We don't stop worrying about our kids because we can't see them. I believe they are fine, better off than we are, but we miss them. We feel robbed of their life events. When it's my time to go, I look forward to having my son greet me. How wonderful that will be! I think we have to try really hard to make our children proud of us and live our lives the way they would want us to. They would be so hurt to think we gave up on ourselves because of them! That is not what they would want for us and we need to remember that. Damn hard some days, isn't it? May God carry us through life on the days we can't do it ourselves. God bless all of you. Oh, I visited the memorial site mentioned on the previous pages too, for the family who was lost. Very humbling and beautiful. Sandi (Weedbike)

I saw this in another prayer circle and wanted to pass it along:

"Rainbow Bridge"

Just this side of Heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge...

It is just as beautiful and peaceful as Heaven. There are clouds, trees, meadows, flowers and friends to enjoy. When someone passes and they had a special bond with someone here on earth Rainbow Bridge is their temporary destination. Their friends there are warm and comforting, and all the people who have been ill or old are restored to perfect health and vigor. Anyone maimed or hurt are made strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. They are all happy and content except for one "small" thing; they each miss that special person.
The people all sit and laugh together, but the day comes when one stops talking and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intense, his smile never so charming, his eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, faster and faster...Why? You have been spotted! And you and that special someone finally meet, you cling together in your joyous reunion, NEVER to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face, oh how he missed you too. You look once more into his trusting eyes so long gone from your life, BUT NEVER ABSENT FROM YOUR HEART.

THEN YOU CROSS RAINBOW BRIDGE TOGETHER...

Hello Sandi, (Weedbike), a beautiful little story, giving much comfort and hope, thanks for posting it here!
Luv Sandy

Timmomphyllis,
I understand your lost. Your right you will have good days and bad days. I lost both of my sons,one at 17 and the other at 21. So much goes thru your head but they are in a much better place. They are near you each and everyday. Some days you will know,other maybe not. They will always protect you. I can say its never easy as time goes on. But when your feeling your down days its great to come to this site and chat. Sandy is always on board with her kind words just as each of us try to comfort the other. Only one that has gone thru it can truely help you. That is one thing I have found. So keep this in mind and I pray for you and your. I know Tim is watching over you. Funny but days that I feel real down I look up to the sky and chat away to my sons. I am quite sure my neighbors may think I have losted a few but it does keep me from going over the edge. God be with you!!

Weedbike,
You mention your ex you feel may blame you well I can relate. When I lost my first son at 17 I too blamed him. I needed someone to blame. I don't know why but I did. After time I di call and say I was sorry because I know he wasn't to blame. Of course I did suprise him but time told me otherwise. We just go thru so much that I guess we have alot to understand. One thing is for sure,its noones fault. We all here have gone thru alot of emotions. So we can talk to one another about them. I pray each and everday that you are able to get by one day at a time. If you have a bad day,jump on the site and someone will be here to help you thru it. Yes,birthdays and anniversays will be hard. I pray for you and your family. Take care! We care!

Hi Sandy, Hi Everyone, ~ My computer woes are over -- at least for now. I learned I had opened some
pages that had a worm virus. The man who fixed my computer told me to warn everyone on my email list
to run a virus check, and also, to be careful about opening emails from unknown sources. He said this
kind of virus attaches itself to your files randomly and emails your addresses randomly, and it can destroy
a system! So be sure to run a virus check often. All total, my computer had 71 files infected. Viruses
found on my computer were caused by the following:
KLIEG
PE_ELKERN D
PE MAGISTR.B
TROF_SUA.A
CULPRIT PROG=COOLSTUFF

I know very little about computers, but I have learned that it is very important to keep your virus
detection updated. Sure hope this bit of information helps.

I have kept everyone in my prayers, and I thank all of you for keeping me and my friend who lost her son
in your prayers. Sandy, Debbie and Yvonne, thank you so much for posting prayers and words of
compassion concerning my friend during her hours of sadness. She has gone back to work and feels that
it has helped her to keep busy. She also has a very strong faith base, so I know that will help her as the
reality of the situation begins to settle in. I ask that you would keep her, her son’s wife and 3 children in
your heartfelt prayers.

Health wise, I have lost partial use of two fingers on my left hand due to diabetes; but I have prayed for
healing, and I am prepared to accept God’s will; whatever that may be. In spite of everything, God has
been so good to me; and for that, I am so grateful! I have begun reading back post and will try hard to
catch up and begin posting to everyone again soon. Until then, may our Lord and Savior shower each of
you with those precious moments of peace for which we pray.
Much love,
Verna

Hi Sandy, Hi Everyone, ~ My computer woes are over -- at least for now. I learned I had opened some
pages that had a worm virus. The man who fixed my computer told me to warn everyone on my email list
to run a virus check, and also, to be careful about opening emails from unknown sources. He said this
kind of virus attaches itself to your files randomly and emails your addresses randomly, and it can destroy
a system! So be sure to run a virus check often. All total, my computer had 71 files infected. Viruses
found on my computer were caused by the following:
KLIEG
PE_ELKERN D
PE MAGISTR.B
TROF_SUA.A
CULPRIT PROG=COOLSTUFF

I know very little about computers, but I have learned that it is very important to keep your virus
detection updated. Sure hope this bit of information helps.

I have kept everyone in my prayers, and I thank all of you for keeping me and my friend who lost her son
in your prayers. Sandy, Debbie and Yvonne, thank you so much for posting prayers and words of
compassion concerning my friend during her hours of sadness. She has gone back to work and feels that
it has helped her to keep busy. She also has a very strong faith base, so I know that will help her as the
reality of the situation begins to settle in. I ask that you would keep her, her son’s wife and 3 children in
your heartfelt prayers.

Health wise, I have lost partial use of two fingers on my left hand due to diabetes; but I have prayed for
healing, and I am prepared to accept God’s will; whatever that may be. In spite of everything, God has
been so good to me; and for that, I am so grateful! I have begun reading back post and will try hard to
catch up and begin posting to everyone again soon. Until then, may our Lord and Savior shower each of
you with those precious moments of peace for which we pray.
Much love,
Verna

Oh well,... double the post, double the blessings for all!:)

Hello Verna, nice to see you back! I'm happy for you that your computer woes are over, and your hard drive has been cleaned up for you. My computer caught a virus for me last week, thank goodness, it was called autopuder. I make it a habit to never open fwd.'s, jokes, etc. that contain a file attachment, it's just not worth it to lose your hard drive over. The only ones I do open are from family, that contain pictures. Your friend is still in our prayers, even going back to work won't stop the pain right now, but hopefully will keep her mind busy, she knows what's best for her. Your diabetes is acting up on you too, so is mine, hopefully one day they'll find a cure for it! Anyway, happy to see you back, and yes, :) double the blessins,
Luv Sandy

Hi Pun, so nice to see you posting again, I do the same as you, I talk to my Shane all the time, and I'm sure that my neighbours think I've lost it too sometimes, :). Hope you're doing alright lately, love and prayers to you,
Luv Sandy

Hi Sandy,
It's nice to be able to post again. ThankS for the continued prayers. Yes, you are so right. My friend must do what's best for her. Right now she needs this special time to grieve in her own way. And so does her son's wife and their precious children. I ask that everyone please include them in your prayers. Sorry to hear you are having problems with your diabetes. Yes, I too, hope they will find a cure, and soon. My doctor put me on medication, finally, since the diet and exercise isn't working. I wonder if my eating Blue Bell ice cream and homemade peanut butter cookies has anything to do with the high readings I've been recording. (ha-ha)! She also has me checking my blood glucose every morning, and wants me to record the readings and bring them with me on my return visit. Seriously, I am doing much better on following doctors orders, now that I have begun having problems. I've had to learn the hard way how important diet and exercise are. Please take care of yourself, and as always, I will keep you and the other moms in my heartfelt prayers.
Love,
Verna

HELLO EVERYONE,
SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING MUCH. I HAVE ANOTHER EXAM ON THURSDAY AND A 4 PAGE PAPER DUE, AND THEN MY FINAL IS ON THE 6TH. I HAVE NEVER TAKEN TWO CLASSES IN THE SUMMER AND IT'S ALOT OF WORK. MY HUSBAND I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THE ROAD TO OUR LAND TOO. HE DECIDED TO MAKE 600 FT. INSTEAD OF THE 375. ON THE WEEKENDS WE LEAVE AT 7 AND DON'T GET HOME UNTIL AROUND 9. IT'S JUST SO QUEIT THERE.

SANDY,
SORRY TO HEAR YOUR NOT FEELING WELL. I HOPE YOUR DOING BETTER. I WANT YOU TO KNOW TOO THAT I TALK TO MICHAEL ALOT, I KNOW HE WILL NEVER ANSWER ME BUT IT FEELS GOOD WHEN I TALK TO HIM.

VERNA, I'M GLAD YOUR COMPUTOR IS WORKING NOW. I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DOUBLE POST. DOUBLE THE BLESSING THATS ALL. I'M ALSO GLAD YOUR FEELING BETTER TO. I MISSED YOU WHEN YOU DIDN'T POST FOR AWHILE. I WILL ALSO SAY A PRAYER FOR YOUR FRIEND AND HER FAIMLY. SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THE LOSS.
WELL I NEED TO GO MAKE SALADS TO TAKE AND PACK THE COOLER FOR THE DAY.

DEAR FATHER I PRAY TO YOU TODAY TO TO HELP MY FRIENDS HERE AT THIS SIGHT TO HAVE THE STRENGHT TO LIVE EACH DAY, TO THINK OF ALL THE YESTERDAYS WITH SUCH BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES OF THERE LOVED ONES GONE BY, AND ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS THAT LAY HEAD OF THEM, I ASK YOU TO GIVE THEM THE GUIDANCE THAT THEY SO DESERVE FOR THE PAIN THEY HAVE SEEN AND KNOW WILL EASE AS THEY GROW, I ASK THIS IN YOUR NAME THE FATHER, AMEN.

LOOKING BACK

I'M WALKING DOWN THE ROAD TO LIFE,
MY DREAMS WITHIN A SACK,
AND THOUGH I ALWAYS LOOK AHEAD,
THERE'S A JOY IN LOOKING BACK,
THINGS ALWAYS SEEM MUCH CLEARER
WHEN THERE'S DISTANCE IN BETWEEN,
AND WE GET THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE,
FOR AT LEAST WE'VE REALLY SEEN.
FOR WE FASHION OUR TOMORROWS
FROM MISTAKES OF YESTERDAY,
AND WE PROFIT FROM THE PIPERS SONG
FOR WHICH WE HAD TP PAY.
WE ARE BETTER FOR THE LESSONS
THAT LIFE TEACHES US SO WELL;
THERE WOULD BE NO RISING UPWARD,
IF OUR FEET HAD NEVER FELL.
IT IS GOOD TO BE A DOER,
BUT A DREAMER HAS HIS PLACE;
IT IS HELPFUL TO REMEMBER
THAT THE TURTLE WON THE RACE.
I HAVE FOUND THE HIGWAY STRAIGHTER,
BUT I LOVE THE BEATEN TRACK...
THE VIEW AHEAD IS LOVELY,
BUT I'M ALWAYS LOOKING BACK.

Hello Verna, yes, your friend has to grieve whatever way is best for her, it's always an individual choice. The whole family is in our prayers. Uh-oh, ice cream and peanut butter cookes, say goodbye to them, :), keeping sugar out of your diet is a must. Happy to hear that your Dr. has you under control, :).
Luv Sandy

Hi Deb, it sure sounds like you're a very busy lady these days, so although we'll miss your posts, school and exams are more important. All the best to you on your upcoming exam, paper, and your clearing your new land! I loved the poem "Looking Back", it certainly is so true, isn't it. Thanks for posting it here. Our prayers are with you for your upcoming exam and paper, I know you'll do very well!
Luv Sandy

Good Morning Everyone!
I hope everyone is doing ok. I know some are not and that we just get by the best way we know how. I lift you all up in prayer daily. If we have God on our side we are safe.
It has been very busy for me lately with my job and preparing for our first granddaughter due Aug 7th! (I've been making basinett sheets, curtains, etc.), it's been fun but it's keeping me very busy. And my daughter's mother-in-law and I are planning a baby shower for her in 2 weeks and that's another thing to do and I need to get her baby's room bedding all done by then. I'm very excited to be a grandmother and will love these babies dearly as my own!
I've been having a hard time lately, I don't know why. It seems when someone else loses a child it sets me back some again. It's like my heart is broken all over again. A high school friend of my son Aaron commited suicide July 18th. He was 22. His parents live down the road from us. We missed it because we have not been getting the paper recently. So, we need to get over to see them. He is buried just a few feet from our son Joe. I feel so bad for them. This boy came to visit us and Aaron shortly after Joe died. And then our neighbor lost their 35 yr old daughter in April, which would be their 2nd child loss. They lost their first son at age 15 thirty years ago and the pain is still there for them and then to lose another, so you never get over it ever. But we do get through it with the help of the Lord and others praying for us. I feel deeply for those who have lost multiple children. It's so very difficult to lose one but to lose another would be the worst.
I talk to Joe too when I'm out walking, I too look up to the sky! It brings some kind of comfort. I often see signs in the cloud formations. I believe it is God speaking!
I want you all to know that I am praying for peace in your hearts and comfort to your spirits. God Bless you all.
Dear Father in Heaven, I ask for Your love to surround each and everyone at this loving circle of prayer today. I pray for Your peace and comfort to our broken hearts. I pray for each one to have a closer walk with You during these difficult days of our losses. We are each in a different time of our grieving, but You know our hearts and I pray that You will guide and direct us to You daily. In Jesus Name, Amen. I Love You Lord. God Bless you all!
Love, Yvonne<><

Lord help them like you have helped me after the death of my son Robert age 26.If it weren't for you, I would have never made it. I still struggle every day but with your help the pain gets better every day. I can relate to their pain. Faith is the only thing that got me through this.

Hello Yvonne, I look forward now to your Monday morning post, I miss it when you don't, and I'm sure the other moms feel the same way.
Oh, you must be so excited over the soon to be arrival of your first grandchild, what a joyous event in all your lives! And you're making all the bedding for the baby, and then getting ready for the baby shower. On top of working! I know you're going to make a wonderful grandmother, and won't mind babysitting if asked, :). Congratulations to you and your family, your daughter-in-law must be anxious now to deliver, I think we all remember how long it seems towards the end!
I'm so sorry to hear that two of your friends have lost children recently too, what a tragedy, and yes, it must be so hard to lose more than one, I have no idea how moms handle losing more than one child. You're right, you never do get over it, but with God's graces we do get through it, learning how to live with our loss or losses. I agree, when I hear of another parent who's lost a child, I cringe inside, for one thing, I know the rough road ahead for them, and yes, it does bring back your own painful memories of your own loss. They're both fortunate to have you as a friend, someone to talk to. Thank you for your prayers, Yvonne, we all need them so much, yourself included, everyone on these pages are in my prayers and love.
As usual, I just love the prayer you've posted at the end, it's so comforting and I know that God will answer it, and I wish the same prayer for you too! Please let us know when you're a grandmother, and in the meantime we'll keep you all in our prayers and love,
Luv Sandy

Hello mariad54, thank you for your prayers, and I'm very sorry to read that you've also lost a beloved son. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you too. Yes, without having a strong faith, it's very hard to get through this, so even on your painful days, remember that Our Lord is there for you.
May God bless you, and help you also with your grief. Our prayers go out to you,
Luv Sandy