Hi Angel Moms,
Just an update to my special prayer warriors and friends. There is nothing too big that God and I can't handle. Through the last few years I have come to know that. I was telling a co-worker that after losing a child I figured I lived through the most excruciating and devastating thing I could and that nothing could be worse than that. It is the absolute truth. As horrible as that is, the strength and love I received from God and his guidance through the battlefield of emotional landmines is something I will never be without, nor do I want to be without nor will I ever give up. As with this fire, I could have lost everything....material things. At first I really did not like that idea. Finally, I spoke to God and said "Ok, if this is what we must endure to get to the place that you want us, so be it, we will follow". Even before I learned that the house didn't actually burn, I was relieved and assured that all would be fine. We are whole and strong and have a deep understanding that our treasures are in Heaven. We are still unable to get home. Maybe tomorrow. We have everything we need. David is very bored and hopefully we can get out a little today and do something. I am a little concerned about taking him home, I have seen pictures on the internet of Fallbrook and I know that we will be walking into a "war zone". David and I have decided that the best way to deal with this is to dig in and help in any way we can around our neighborhood and town and to really open up to those who need. I feel this is what God wants of us right now. This is a lesson for us both, another in many that I have learned through tragedy. My brother Frank whom I gave a kidney has been in the hospital for a few weeks now. He has a terrible staff infection but thank the Lord, the antibiotics have started to work. Please pray for him as well. He is a walking miracle to me and my hero at the present time. He has been through so much, and has literally "walked through fire" in my opinion. We know how much prayer works, please include Frank and his family in your prayers. You can log onto thevillagenews.com and see Fallbrook and pictures etc, also a great website is www.fallbrookca.org. That is our Chamber of Commerce and has the most updated information and it keeps updating .....just in case you wanted to see. Thank you so much for all of your prayers. We so appreciate them. This is a bumpy ride but with God, anything is possible.
Welcome to all new Moms and Dads. I am so sorry for your reasons for being here but greatful to God for leading you here. This is a wonderful group of Angels. Please continue to come and post at this circle of healing. Also thank you to all who have posted prayers for us, it is so wonderful to have those prayers, just a few simple words and heartfelt prayer is all we need to go on to another day.
Love to you all,
I am praying for California and and asking god to share some of our rain with you!
To all the new moms and dads welcome! to a wonderful place that has saved me and will continue to be there every time I need them. Even if I leave for a short time, I always come back and they are right here where I left them. They (we) never judge your feelings. As everyone has different feelings and different ways to HANDLE their grief.
To the children and adults that are suffering from illness, may the good lord lift your pain and discomfort and heal you.
Thank you angels again for being here when I need you!
Thank You for standing by us in the good times and the bad. I pray that You will place your shield of protection around Kathy and David, her brother, Frank and his family. Please shower them with blessings, healing, and peace of mind. I pray that You will place your shield of protection around all have been affected by the fires in California. Finally, Father, I thank You and the Beliefnet Staff again for helping me to finally find my way back to our prayer circle of love!!! :)
Oh yes Lord ... in case anyone hasn't figured it out who MissVClay is, let them know that this is Verna, LOVE2U, AKA MissV. signed in under her new Username given to her by the Beliefnet Staff! :) In Jesus' name, Amen!
Kathy it is so good to see a post from you. I think you and David have a great plan in helping others rebuilt their lives. Your brother Frank is in my prayers. I remember awhile back you asked for prayer for him and he improved then. Thank you for the sites we can visit to see the devastation, it makes it easier for me to pray.
Welcome back Verna, you were not the only one having trouble getting into the new B'Net. Hopefully all the bugs are worked out now. Thank you for your wonderful prayers.
Today, I'm just ok, not up or down. Worked all day, then shopped at my favorite place. We have a resale shop close by that has the best deals. For under 10.00 I bought 3 jeans, 3 long sleeve pullovers and 4 sweaters. All were almost new. I had enough clothes for work, but very little for around the house. Now my wardrobe is complete, unless I come across deals I can't turn down! For some reason lately I haven't had any appetite so I'm cutting back on eating again. Right now it's ok cuz I gained a few pounds. I'm still waiting on the test results, which I'll probably get Mon. The last few weeks I have a test on Thurs, get the results on Mon and schedule more tests on Thurs. Frankly, I'm getting tired of it, I want my life back!
As many of you know I rent a space in a large house. When we're filled we have 5 people living here. Right now there are 4. We are having a huge unity problem. It's sad because we all say we are Christians, yet there is constant conflict. There is even conflict with our landlord, who is also a Christian and a friend. Tomorrow she is suppose to come over for a "sit down." I am really praying that love abounds. If we can't solve some of these conflicts, we're moving out. I already have someone who said I could bunk with her until the wedding. If we move out, we have to change our wedding plans. Right now it's going to be in our back yard. If anyone reads this on Sunday and is a prayer warrior, please pray for that meeting. First, that it takes place, and second everyone can be heard and understood. I'm praying for the Holy Spirit's Presence big time. Love and gratitude to all, Jane
Hi Jane, Thank you for your kind words. Like you and all the other angel moms, I continue to pray for all of us and our family members, even when I can't get here. Right now I'm having to use a password and username they assigned to me, ha-ha! but that's ok with me as long as I can post. :) I'm sorry to read about all the problems on the home front. :( Please know I will pray that the holy spirit attends that meeting and that all goes well. Oh and congratulations on your wedding plans. :) Somehow I missed your post about it, but I had a feeling it might be heading that way. :) I will really storm heaven with prayer that all goes well with the wedding plans too, and that your health continues to improve. I have some more lab work to be done, but I think I might already have the flu. Please pray that it’s just a bug. Now I wish I had told the nurse YES when she asked if I wanted to take the flu shot! Ha-ha! Gotta go get some rest now. :(
Love & prayers for all, and God bless.
pray for my brother and and his wife
they having problems right now
Hi my dear Kathy. I'm so glad that you will be able to go home soon, God Bless you and David for trying to help your neighbors, I am sure they need the help, it has been a terrible tragedy, I just want you to know that all of you are in my prayers and of course your brother Frank, I pray that he gets better soon with no complications. My love and prayers. Selva
Dear Jane. I'm so glad that you are feeling better, i pray that the meeting went just fine yesterday and that The Holy Spirit was there with you all, I really hope that you don't have to move out yet and can finish with your wedding plans, but I am sure that God knows what its best for you, so whatever His decision might be, it will be for the best. My love and prayers are with you. Selva
MY DEAR MS.V. So great to see you posting, OMG, I have been so worried about you my friend, you have been keeping quiet (our Angel in chief and I, were hoping you were behaving and following the doctor's orders) ha ha, I pray that you are doing OK, how is my grandson and the family? You have been MIA for a while, i just had to laugh when I read about you "requesting assistance from Beliefnet to enter the Circle" ha ha, I just hope they don't have anybody from AOL working at Beliefnet, if you know what I mean. It is great to see you posting my dear sister, please take good care of yourself and remember we all love you and need you. Love always. Selva
Please pray for my daughter, she is 9 yrs old. I know this is a post for children that have passed but I hope you don't mind me posting a prayer request here. My daughter is has some psych issues that have gotten worse recently, she can no longer live in my home for her and our safely. So inside it feels like a death, I am grieving the lost child she is, I am grieving that there is a chance she could some day kill herself or another, as she tried so recently to do. This child has had a the love and support, with all the access to Dr's that I can give her. I have prayed constantly for her. Maybe somewhere is this situation God must have a master plan.I am trying to keep my faith but it does get harder as the days go by. Please pray for my daughter and our family.....Juls
That's heartbreaking, for you and your daughter! So young to have severe problems, the poor little girl, it has to be so hard on you.
I pray that God put's the right Dr.'s and other Medical Professionals in her path, that she be correctly diagnosed and treated and that she come's back to you as a happy child.
Don't give up, even when it seem's the darkest, God is still there, right with you (and her).
God's peace and love to you & your family,
Hi dear Kathy,
That's wonderful that you'll be able to go home soon...maybe you already have? God bless you and David for doing what you are, a terrific way to take the focus off of the devastation around you.
Yes, of course I'll say a prayer for your brother Frank and his family,
Much love & Hugs,
Hi dear Jane, I pray that your meeting was held and fruitful discussion came out of it. I also pray your test result's came back yesterday and let you know what's going on,
Much love & Hugs,
Hi dear Miss V! Well, I can't think of a better username than this one, ha, ha. Its so good to see you posting, our dear sister Selva and I worry about you when you go MIA! I had to laugh at her Post to you, yes, if it was anything like the AOL techies, :).....we know you had them hoppin'. Anyway, so happy you got the problem solved and are back at the Circle!
Much love & Hugs,
My brother passed yesterday. I am just in shock. I wanted to thank you for your prayers and ask that even more be sent to his widow and my neices and nephews. He leaves behind a wife and 4 children. It happened so fast. I think his poor little body just couldn't take anymore. I am deeply saddened by this but I am very greatful that he is now at home and not in pain or discomfort in any way. David and I have gotten in back home but are without utilities and water. Hotels are price gouging and we are doing just the best we can. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. My prayers also go out to you all.
Love to all,
I am so sorry to hear of Frank's passing. Yes, it is a great comfort knowing he is in a better place and totally healthy. However, he will be surely missed here on Earth. My love and prayers goes out to you and the entire family. With all that's going on with you right now, please take care of yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. I'm finding I'm just now beginning to grieve for my Gram. My life was too busy when she passed. Also, as we very much know there is no timetable as when the reality and pain of grief will hit us. Love, Jane
I don't have time right now, but I will really try to update everyone tonight. A lot is happening both health wise and relationally. Love, Jane
Oh, Kathy, I'm so very sorry to read about Frank passing. Yes, he's certainly happy and pain free now, but that doesn't stop his wife, children, you and all the family from mourning and missing him. Prayers for God's comforting arms to surround you all,
Much love & Hugs,
SPECIAL DATES LIST FOR NOVEMBER:
Lee Ann (lask): Ryan Nov. 5, 2005(HD)
Sue: Gary Nov. 11, 1985(BD)
Imelda: Shane Nov. 17, 2004(HD)
Yvonne: Joseph (Joe) Nov. 20, 1999(HD)
I may have posted this a long time ago. But for those that didn't see it and for those that are new, here it is.
by Karen Grover
In January, 1987, my husband and I became members of a very exclusive club. We had been only vaguely aware of its existence, and we thought that surely a chapter in a city the size of ours wouldn't have many members.
We had seen a few people who belonged to the club, but we didn't seem to have anything in common with them, so we didn't really get to know them. Occasionally, we read stories in the newspaper about new members being initiated into the club, but it didn't seem likely that we would ever be eligible to join, so we paid no attention.
The price of membership is so dear that we couldn't imagine being a part of the club. We must have realized in the backs of our minds that people didn't choose to join and pay the dues--it was done for them somehow. In fact, no one really has any idea of how members are selected. There are a lot of theories; but much of the time, the theories come from non-members who don't understand much about the situation.
The "club" we are now in (although it is not an organized group), is known as "bereaved parents." The cost of our membership was the life of our son; and we, like all other members, have no idea why we were selected for membership.
No one wants to be in this club. Even now, months afterward, inside our hearts and minds we continue to fight membership, but there is no resigning from it. It is an automatic lifetime membership. There was no way to avoid it--we did the best we could to keep our son safe. For fourteen years, we guided him through dangers, only to have him die in a seemingly minor auto accident. Though we lay awake night after night, and think of it day after day, there is no answer as to why we have been thrust into this select group. We hate it and we cry out in protest, but there is no way to change it.
We have learned a lot since our membership began. We now understand much about the other members. In fact, we seek to be with them, to have regular get-togethers, to discuss our membership, and try to understand its value.
Sometimes, those outside the club are afraid of us, fearing that if they come near us or talk with us, they will be selected to become members too! Acquaintances often try to ignore the membership, pretending that it doesn't exist. They seem to think that will make things easier, and then the members won't feel "different," but it really only makes things much worse.
So many times, I have wanted someone to say hello or to tell me she has been thinking of me or to mention something about the absent child who still lives inside me and overshadows all my thoughts. I have heard people say, "I don't want to upset her, or remind her of her son, or say something that will make her cry."
I want to tell them: "The only way you can make me feel worse than I already do is to pretend that it doesn't exist or that it isn't as deep and painful as you surely know it is.
Have you ever experienced the feeling of having one terrible incident go through your mind, day after day, week after week, month after month, wondering why it happened and how you could have prevented it? Well, don't worry about reminding me of my son. I am thinking about him nearly twenty-four hours a day.
"Sure, sometimes my mind is temporarily distracted--it would have to be to function at all. But if you think there is even one day that goes by without my child's death tearing up my heart, then you have no idea what this club is all about.
"I appreciate your talking about my child, or at least letting me talk about him. He was a very large part of my life, and ignoring him now will really hurt me. It makes me think that you feel he's no longer important because he's gone. It hurts to think that people don't want to think about him or remember good things about him, just because he has died.
"I understand that you don't want to say anything that will make me cry. That sounds kind, and I used to feel that way too, but now I know better. I'd rather the tears didn't come when you talk to me because I know they may scare you away, or at least make you very uncomfortable. But I've learned how useful and necessary they are. If I go too long without tears, my body builds up a terrible pressure from the pain of the grief. If you will allow me to cry in your presence, perhaps I won't have to cry alone, wondering if anyone else remembers, or even cares, about my loss.
"You can't know what will make me cry--sometimes I don't know, myself. Some days I stay dry-eyed through nearly everything. Other days, the slightest thing will start the tears--things you could not possibly imagine or anticipate. Not all the tears are tears of sorrow. Even in the midst of my anguish, I sometimes cry tears of joy and relief because you have reached out; because you have confirmed that my son was special; perhaps because you have shared with me some precious memory about him which I had not known before.
"Please don't run away from me. Don't pretend his death never occurred, or even worse, that he never lived! I still love him, think of him, need to remember. Please share with me and we will both feel better.
"I am learning that God is not punishing me. He did not cause the death of my son. But, He can help me to grow through this experience--to become stronger and wiser and more caring, if I have some help. Initially, when I was told by a church member that I would change and grow stronger through this experience, I wanted to scream that if it meant giving up my son, I didn't want to change or get stronger. But I know I have no choice about that now--he is gone. Now my choices are to either let God, and friends, help me to become better; or I can choose to allow this grief to destroy me."
I have to experience the grief. I can't pretend it doesn't hurt, or hurry it along. That's what membership in this club is teaching me. I am choosing to allow God to take an unspeakable experience and use it to start life again...in a new and better way.
Reprinted with permission of Bereavement Publishing, Inc. 888-604-4673 (HOPE)
The Mourner’s Bill of Rights
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
God Bless, Chris
The Mourner’s Bill of Rights
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.
The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones.
1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing things you don't feel ready to do.
5. You have the right to experience “griefbursts.”
Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.
6. You have the right to make use of ritual.
The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don't listen.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won't be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.
8. You have the right to search for meaning.
You may find yourself asking, "Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?" Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, "It was God's will" or "Think of what you have to be thankful for" are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.
I found out that I can't post something that long , so I had to split them up.
God bless you, Chris
To those of that are new. If you post your dates I will gladly add them to our special dates to remember.