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Shaner
7/8/2007 13:49
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Oh my gosh! I thought I'd come to the Circle today to catch up, but there hasn't been a Post since the 4th!!
Where is everybody, you can't all be on vacation....I hope no one is ill.
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy
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Shaner
7/8/2007 14:06
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I came across this article in my cyber travels and thought it was quite good, wanted to share it with all,
The Emotional Roller Coaster
Written by Clara Hinton | Sep 05, 2001
Child loss brings with it an array of mixed emotions. Parents can feel anything from sadness and depression to extreme anger at everyone and anything. Some days the tears will flow like a river for no apparent reason. Other days the language that pours forth from your mouth will surprise even you. Emotions can run wild for months following the death of a child.
Because it is so out of order to have a child die before his parents, the world you have been living in is abruptly turned upside down and nothing makes much sense. It is normal to be consumed with thoughts of your child, and this time of deep grief can vary widely from parent to parent. Along with everything seeming so out of the ordinary, your emotions can come into play to complicate matters even more.
Your personal journey of grief might feel much like a roller coaster ride. You are riding up, then come speeding downhill fast. You are moving along at a steady pace for a while, then you take an abrupt turn and you think you're going to be thrown from your seat and die. That's grief-riding the emotional roller coaster every day, several times a day.
In the beginning, when you are still adjusting to the loss of your child, you will think there are times when you are going crazy. You get so angry with everybody you see. You might get very angry with God and then feel terribly guilty for feeling such anger. Just the sight of a small child is enough to send you running. You are not "losing it". You are, though, experiencing deep grief, which is quite normal.
How long does this emotional roller coaster last? We all want the answer to that question. Nobody likes to feel out of control. Unfortunately, your grief is very personal, and there is no set amount of time for knowing that your roller coaster ride is beginning to slow down. You will know, though, by the way you feel and again this differ's with each person. There will be more mornings when you want to get out of bed than when you feel you can't move from bed. Food will begin to taste good. You will find yourself occasionally laughing at a funny movie and you won't feel guilty. You can even talk to a child without thinking how unfair life has been to you. People will once again look kind and friendly, and you will want to spend time with friends.
When your emotional roller coaster begins to slow down, however long it take's you, you will begin to feel like resuming some of your favorite activities-swimming, golfing, and biking. When you begin to have an inward smile about life, you will know the wild ride is beginning to slow down!
Give yourself the precious gifts of time and patience. You need time to allow the shock of the loss to become real. You need patience to allow yourself to make adjustments while on this roller coaster ride. Time and patience will never bring complete closure to the loss of your child, but the emotional coaster ride will slow down to a pace where you can once again live in joy, just in a different way.
Much love & Hugs to all,
Sandy
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jpot
7/8/2007 17:09
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Hi Everyone,
Sandy, that was beautiful, and I will probably repost it on the loss of a child thread.
I've only had one day off since the 4th which I worked. That day was filled with insurance issues, precriptions and a followup visit with my surgeon. Today is my "quiet" day. My surgeon had wonderful news for me. While removing my gall bladder, they also biopsied my liver. I was overdue for that anyway. I have suffered from auto immune hepititis for about 15 yrs. This is the first biopsy that showed no trace of hepititis! I might be able to go off meds that I was told I had to be on for life. Since my Dr switched my GI Dr, I have to make an appointment with him and see what he wants to do.
Right now I am eating three meals a day, with no pain (except if I pig out). It feels so good to enjoy food again. I still eat mostly low fat, the recommended diet for after surgery. I've mostly been eating low fat for years so that doesn't bother me. I've been out of the hospital for three weeks eating this way and have still lost close to a pound, according to the Dr scale. My scale says no loss, no gain. That's great for me, I can actually eat and not gain weight. Most people put on between 10-20 lbs after their gall bladder is removed.
Things are still good with Mike and me. We usually have breakfast and dinner everyday. I'm still getting used to having another person in my life. The hardest part for me is sharing my time. Right now he's calling me down to try fresh watermellon juice. So need to go. Love and gratitude to all, Jane
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smile713
7/8/2007 22:03
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I enjoyed the poem?article. It is so true. For those just starting that ask when will the pain end ? Well it never will. It slows down to where we live with it as it comes and goes in waves.
Family get together at Mikes and the family went through a big box of pictures which included pics, drawings and even a lock of golden hair from Stephanie when she was little. Mike did pretty good, I did not. It was hard to celebrate with out her there. Just one of "those" days ! Besides that I'll be "50" in 5 days on Friday the 13th. I think that's pretty cool though.
God Bless you all !!!!!
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KPETERSEN
7/9/2007 18:30
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Hello dear sisters!
I am back from vacation and it was very very nice. I will need to catch up a little but just wanted to say Hi. SANDY, I love the roller coaster article...it is so right on! Love to you all and I will catch up soon!
Kathy
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Shaner
7/10/2007 08:51
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Hello Jane,
I'm so glad for you that you're finally enjoying some good health, after all you went through! That's wonderful news about the liver biopsy, Praise God they did it while they had you there and yes, hopefully no more taking med.'s for it....you must be so happy and relieved now, instead of feeling so sick all the time! I'm envious and I admit it...eating 3 meals a day and losing a lb?? HA! I'd be one of the one's who gains, no doubt about it, :).
Aw, that's so sweet, Mike making you Watermelon juice, :) I think its love!
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy
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Shaner
7/10/2007 09:08
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Hi Chris,
Sometime's its really difficult to go through all the old photo's, thing's we've kept, I hear you. Some days they bring comfort, other days only pain, but thank God we have them!
Turning 50 isn't bad, it's a celebration birthday! Just in case I can't post on Friday, wishes for a very happy one!!
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy
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Shaner
7/10/2007 09:14
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Hi Kathy,
Welcome back from your vacation! You were missed here. Happy to hear it was a really good one..you deserved it. You'll have to tell us about it,
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy
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Shaner
7/10/2007 09:24
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Hello Everyone,
I'm requesting prayers for our dear sister Selva. She's going to have a small surgical procedure done tomorrow and then will be off work for 2-3 days.
She's having a lump removed from her breast, the Dr. is convinced from the tests that it's benign, but want's to remove it anyway, to be on the safe side and that it doesn't cause her any problem's down the road.
I thank you everyone and I know Selva will appreciate them very much!
Love & Hugs to all,
Sandy
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havelost4
7/10/2007 12:22
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SELVA,
You are in my prayers. My sister had a benign cyst removed from her breast about 30 years ago and has never had a recurrence; prayerfully you will be the same! The 'anticipation' is the worst, so I'm praying for peace for you today and while you wait for the results. You are loved and prayed for!
Love and (((HUGS))),
Charlene
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havelost4
7/10/2007 12:32
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SANDY,
What a wonderful article! And how true! I've had a recurrence of my grief about the girls; I went to my daughter's house last Saturday morning (I hadn't been there in several months) and on the gravel road to their house I remembered Casey and Carey riding their bikes so much on that road and then when I saw the house I realized that I would never see them at that house again--playing in the yard, running out of the house when they would see my car coming and jumping up and down and waving at me while I pulled into the driveway, no more 'chats' around the kitchen table or showing me their schoolwork or whatever craft they were working on at the time or telling me about a book they had been reading. A LOT went through my mind as I was driving that half mile up the road to their house. I almost broke down then but I kept it all in so I wouldn't upset my daughter and the other grandkids while I was there. The tears did come, though, when I left there. I don't know if I'm just now realizing the reality that I'll never see them again here on earth. Heaven seems so far away even though I know I'll see them there some day. So I've been tearful again the past few days. I told you all that this would come again; it always does doesn't it.
THANK YOU Sandy for that article; it was very timely.
Love and (((HUGS))),
Charlene
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havelost4
7/10/2007 12:42
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JANE,
I'm SO glad you're feeling better and doing better physically! It lifts your spirits doesn't it?
KATHY,
Glad you had a good vacation; now you have to rest up from it, right? :o)
Gotta go.
Love and (((HUGS))),
Charlene
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jpot
7/11/2007 01:18
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Hi Everyone,
Chris, I have discovered that the 50's are the greatest! Would not want to redo the 40's. It is truly a time of celebration. If I don't get to post I wish you a birthday filled with happiness and surprises.
Kathy, welcome back. I'm so glad your vacation was so good for you. You really needed the time away to lift your spirits.
Sandy, I really am feeling so much better. I really didn't know the chronic pain I was in until I realized it's not there anymore. I really am eating, however, most of the time it's pretty low in fat and sugar. I have made several exceptions and have really enjoyed it. It feels so good not to fear eating anymore. Mike just smiles when we're eating because I don't play with my food. I eat it with gusto! Yes, there is definitely chemistry between us. There are certain things that need to happen before I can even think of any comittment to him. I need to be free of my school loans. Still waiting on my ex to fulfill his end of the divorce decree, and that will be handles. Mike needs to work on some family issues. However, he's changing everyday and I think it will happen soon. I call him my Cicada because so much of him was dormant for so long. Now he's so alive in every aspect of his live. It's wonderful to watch him open up. He also gives the best foot massages. Everynight I get one. Then I get all mellowed out and have to come up for "me" time.
Selva, you're in my prayers. Please take the time to take care of yourself after the surgery.
Charlene, it does lift my spirits feeling better. Like I just posted I really didn't know how much chronic (vs acute) pain I was in. I just lived with it for so long. I have been losing weight since about 2003. But since I started my job two years ago, I went from a size 16 to a 10. I really do not want to lose more weight. I am on the go alot. I live upstairs and go up and down the stairs at least 20 times a day. Also my job requires me to walk alot and bend a lot. So maybe that's why I not gaining any weight after eating correctly. I just want to stay this way. Buying new clothes is great, but can get expensive. So far I have had great bargains. I'm so sorry you're on the roller coaster again. Remember, each time gets a little easier to bounce back from. I'm glad you were able to release your tears when you left. Yes, there will always be memories of our loved ones that will be triggered by almost anything. I pray soon those memories for you will be bittersweet.
Well, my bed is really calling out for me. Love and gratitude to all, Jane
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johnnybt
7/12/2007 11:01
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By the power and grace of God, with the authority of Jesus Christ, we come to you Lord a ask for your intervention.
Father, take this illness from Selva and clean her body from all infecion. Let her know that you have stepped close to her. Let her feel your touch, so that she can confirm to all that this is by your hand.
Raise her up in your spirit Lord, and show her you perfection of peace, love and happiness.
FIll her life with abundance, that she has so much that all she is left to ask for, will be for others.
We ask this in the name or your son and our Lord Jesus Christ.
Amen.
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KPETERSEN
7/12/2007 17:23
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Dear Selva,
You are in my prayers sister as you recover from your proceedure. I am sorry you have to go through that but very greatful that it is benign. Please rest and recover dear sister and know that you are in my thoughts.
Love to you and God bless,
Kathy
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KPETERSEN
7/12/2007 17:26
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Did you know that it's Beautiful Women Month?
Well, it is and that means you !!!
Below is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn
wrote when asked to share her "beauty tips." It was read at her funeral
years later.
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness...
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone... People,
even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of
each of your arms.
As you grow older,
you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself,
and the other for helping others.
If you share this with another woman, something good will happen.
You will boost another woman's self esteem, and she will know that you
care about her.
Thinking of you all!
Kathy
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KPETERSEN
7/12/2007 17:51
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SYSTACYN
I love your poem. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. A beautiful tribute to a beautiful son. I am a little behind in my posting but wanted to welcome you to our circle as all of my sisters have. I am sorry that you are here but happy you found us. We all have the same hurting heart that you do and have much to offer each other. It is our "healing place". Please come and post often. You can post whatever you want....whatever you feel, we will be here to lift you up.
God bless you,
Kathy
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KPETERSEN
7/12/2007 18:04
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CHARLENE,
My prayers are with you as you ride the roller coaster yet again. I am due and with Wes's Heaven date approaching I am sure I will be up there riding with you! My heart breaks for all of us sometimes. What incredibly strong women we are. Although it is sad our circumstances, it makes me proud that we allow God to lead us through all of our coaster rides. I pray you are feeling better too dear sister.
JANE,
I am so happy that you are doing better! It sounds like Mike is also very good for you....you are good for each other from what I understand of you posts. I am praying for your continued health and also for someone to give me a foot massage every night too!
Thank you all dear sisters for welcoming me back from vacation. Yes,I am just now emmerging from my pile of paperwork that no one did while I was gone. I do feel rested, relaxed and am a little tan too!
My prayers and love are with all of you.
Kathy
God does not love us because we are valuable.
We are valuable because God loves us!
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jpot
7/13/2007 00:45
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Hi Everyone,
Just checking in. My days and nights have been pretty busy lately. For everyone who commented about Mike and me, it is true, right now we're good for each other. He's been so helpful during my illness. I'm still feeling well and still eating those three meals.
Selva, I pray you're recuperating well. Maybe play catch up with your favorite movies or books.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS! The big 50! Hope your day goes great for you. I'm off tomorrow and plan to sleep in. Mike has to leave by 7:30 so I told him not to dare wake me up on my day off! NTG, bed beckons. Love and gratitude to all, Jane
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Shaner
7/13/2007 14:03
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Dear Charlene,
I'm sorry to read that you had a valley time. Sometimes a memory will come out of nowhere and bam, hit us right in the heart again! You did what you know is right, cried about it when you got back home and let it out.
I pray that you're out of the valley now and back on even ground,
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy
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Shaner
7/13/2007 14:07
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Dear johnnybt,
That's a very beautiful prayer for Selva, I know she'll apreciate it so much when she can get back here to read! Very nice of you!
God bless you & Hugs,
Sandy
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Shaner
7/13/2007 14:21
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Dear Jane,
Enjoy your day off, and I hope you slept till noon at least!
I'm so happy for you that you're feeling well and have a special person
in your life, I think you're good for each other!
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy
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Shaner
7/13/2007 14:39
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS!!
Good wishes for your very special day!
Much love & Birthday Hugs,
Sandy
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Shaner
7/13/2007 14:46
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TO ALL
Nancy, Selva's sister, e-mailed me..her surgery was successful and other than being in a lot of pain, (probably better today) she's good! She was told by the Dr. not to use her arm for 2-3 days, so I know when she can, she'll post here. Thank You Lord for answering all prayers said for our dear sister,
Sandy
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