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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children

Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.

There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

Shaner -10/14/2000
send to a friend

Read Prayers.

5/19/2007 11:15

I'm glad your day went okay; I had you in my thoughts and prayers off and on all day yesterday while I was out and about. (I took my mother to get a prescription refilled and then took her home; she was missing home and was doing her drops and eyepatch at night just fine so I took her home.) I'm glad you have a companion to do things with; that surely helps. I'm sorry to hear that you're sick again! That is very discouraging and aggravating isn't it? Now that I've found something else that works for my joint pain, I feel like a new person. I pray that you will find peace and rest today and the rest of this weekend.

It's good to hear from you. You are definitely in my prayers; sometimes it doesn't feel like anybody's praying doesn't it? But be reassured that we are! That's just our old 'enemy' trying to get us discouraged because we can't SEE each other praying; I try to picture each one of you praying for me and that scares the old 'enemy' away! :o)

I miss being here and visiting with all of you, but I guess it's 'progress' by not needing to be here every day; I know there'll probably come a time when I'll need you all again. It feels so good to feel better (physically and emotionally) but I try to hold back and not get too excited because I know that 'this too shall pass'. HaHa.
I pray that you all are having peaceful days and being very careful to take care of yourselves physically and emotionally.

Love and many, many (((HUGS))) to all,

5/19/2007 12:35

Hi my dear sisters. I'm glad that everybody is feeling better. Charlene is good to hear that you are doing much better and founf some relieve from the pain, praise God. Ms. V. so good to hear from you, we were getting worried, I hope that you are taking care of yourself, yes my dear sister, it is so sad to see all the violence going around, it is all over, I just try not to listen to the news anymore, I get so depressed, they shouldn't take God out of the schools and public places like they tried, violence is one of the consecuences, I keep praying so that love and peace will reign again. My dear sisters, please know that you are all in my daily prayers and my love. Selva

5/19/2007 12:35

Hi All,

My doctor just called and is calling in my prescription. Hopefully, I'll pick it up within the hour and start feeling better.

Thank you Charlene for thinking and praying for me yesterday. As far as Mike being a companion, he truly is, But I don't want him to think we can become more than that. It's great to have a male friend to talk to, go to dinner with and next week go to his daughter's picnic. I just hope I'm not sending off the wrong vibes. I tell him all the time I like him as a friend, but I'm not ready for anything romantic. He states he wants the same thing. He has asked if I would consider sharing an apartment with him. Must have two bedrooms, large living area and kitchen. I want two baths, but they're hard to find. I told him I really had to pray about it. Personally, I don't mind what anyone thinks about me living with a guy. As far as those wonderful judgements go. What I must consider is how this would influence my granddaughter and the younger generation at my church. Those who really know me, knows I wouldn't be living "in sin." However as part of the older (there goes that owrd again!) generation we must set an example for our youth. I really want to move out of here. I don't want to live in a situation again, where I know too much about a person from my church. Mike is dependable, kind, opinionated at times, a great cook and host. We both tend to be messy in our own living area, but not our shared area. In fact, it's funny cuz everyone who knows us thinks the others who move in might have a problem because we're so laid back when it comes to cleaning. The opposite is true. The other day, we had an impromptu meeting cuz we all found ourselves in the kitchen at the same time. I was the spokesperson and just said what was going on was unexceptable. The garbage can was overflowing, with garbage on the floor one night. I placed a sign that stated not exceptable, we all must take out the garbage. The next day, someone removed some boxes and put them in recycle and left the garbage. Anyway, I should all where the new bags were, that we don't have maid service and it was up to us to keep the common area clean. Don't know how much it helped. The garbage can is actually mine and if it happens again, I'll just take it upstairs for awhile. Mike has one in his room. I guess there are two main reasons why I must move. First, the landlord is my "friend" I say that lightly now because of all the issues in the past two years. She also goes to my church so I really can't process anything I overhear or see, because it falls under gossip and slander. I take my membership seriously, and I signed the agreement that I would not knowingly gossip or slander anyone in our body. The second reason is all the people living in the house. We have no choice who she brings in and must adapt. I don't know if anyone has experienced this or not. Every once in awhile, I meet someone and feel evilness. Doesn't happen often, but there is a woman her that I feel that way about. She is very secretive, doesn't work or have any income and a man who has a girlfriend and children, pays her way. She's of a different culture and is here on a visa. Really strange situation. So it is real enticing to share an apartment with Mike. I know we get along great. I'm open to opinions on this. I know the final say is mine, however I want to hear what God is telling me. Don't know why I posted all that. Maybe since Verna isn't rambling I'm taking her place!
Back to Charlene, I understand you don't need to be here as much as you did. I just want to tell you that you are very much missed! Most of the time your posts are sp uplifting and inspiring. So please continue to check in on us when you can.

Have to go and get my meds. Love and gratitude to all, Jane

5/19/2007 16:19

Surprise! I'm back. :o)
I really hesitate to voice my opinion about moving into an apartment with Mike. I know (?) that I wouldn't; but I'm not in your situation and don't know what you have to put up with where you are now. Don't use this (moving in with him) as an 'easy-out' to get away from your current situation. Pray daily, hourly, constantly about this and do what God tells you to do. I won't judge, I'll just voice my opinion. HaHa. :o)
Most of all, remember that God will provide for you and will tell you what to do when you seek Him with all your heart. I agree that we (older) ones have to set an example for the younger ones; think about what you would advise your sons to do in a similar situation. Sorry, I'm getting carried away aren't I? Love you sis! :o)
I'll quit and let you get some rest; and I'll definitely be praying for and with you.
Love and (((HUGS))),

5/19/2007 16:24

It's good to hear from you again. I remember you saying before that you don't listen to the news because it's too depressing. I never really thought about it that way, but I think that's why I don't listen to it either. Usually the only time I turn the tv on is for the weather or for a couple of shows 2 nights a week that I like to watch. Otherwise I read a book or play games on my computer when my hubby is watching tv. There are also too many 'reality' shows on tv that I get stressed by watching; so I said no more to them too. When death is as close as we've been to it, it's no fun to watch it on tv!
Keep posting.
Love and (((HUGS))),

5/19/2007 16:55

Dear Charlene,
Thank you for your honest opinion. You can believe this is something that I am praying about all the time. You're the second person to mention using Mike as an easy out. Not only am I praying, but I have others, (whom I hold myself accountable to) praying also. Right now what I'm mostly hearing from God is wait. For anyone who knows me, that's a very familiar place for me, waiting on God. So be assured that this won't be a rash decision. I actually posted what I did here because I know many of our belief systems are similiar and you (meaning everyone) would not be afraid of being honest. So thank you for your quick response. I did speak to my pastor yesterday and he basically stated he couldn't give me a definitive answer without really praying about it. He did leave me with a sheet he gives to young couples that are contemplating living together. A lot of food for thought. One of his points was that it could tarnish the reputation of the church. Now I don't mind my reputation to be tarnished, but my church is another issue altogether.

Selva, I see we were posting at the same time. Good to see you among us again. Awhile back I asked how Nancy was doing. I don't know if I missed your response or you forgot to answer. Please know that both of you are still in my prayers.

Love and gratitude to all, Jane

5/19/2007 17:35

HELLO ALL~Just checking in to let you all know that I'm here if you ever need prayer or just want to talk. You all are in my thoughts and prayers daily. God bless you all.


Have a wonderful and blessed weekend in the Lord!

5/20/2007 16:21

Hi Everyone,
Today I told Mike I couldn't move in with him. I told him I thought our friendship was too important to have it ruined by a moment of weakness. I also said I had to set an example to my granddaughter and other young people in my life. He took it very well and even said he was having second thoughts, but was pressured by the thought I wanted out of the house immediately. So right now we're both staying. He makes an awesome breakfast! Made me one after church. I also told him I was uncomfortable with him constantly looking out for me. It feels too codependant. We agreed that each of us would take turns cooking. As far as going out to eat, he can treat because that is not in my budget. He said he likes to invite me out because he knows he'll have good company and conversation. I'm ok with that for now.

Love and gratitude to all, Jane

5/20/2007 17:13

Hi my dear sisters. Jane I just read your posts and it seems that God is already giving you an answer, as fas as I'm concern and just don't care about what people might say or think as long as my concious is at peace, but of course I don't have any young children around and yes, we do have to give the righ example to the young ones, specially nowadays when things are getting so out of hand, I am sure that our Lord will provide you with a better place to live and please count on our prayers for it, my sister is much better Thank God and to the prayers from all, she cut down on smokingm from two packs a day she is only smoking maybe 5 cigarettes and is really trying to quit all together, she can breath much better now, only her back pains remains so she can not take long walks, but she keeps going to the doctor and is really taking care of herself Thank God, thanks so much for your so much needed prayers. Dear Charlene, yes I do not watch the news since Solange left, there are so many tragedies around that only makes me even more sad, too many accidents with young people involved etc, I only watch old comedies like Everybody Loves Raymond, Seinfeld etc and baseball games, like you, I rather read a book . I am going to sign off now, we are having lots of thunderstorms today which are really welcome, we are having a terrible drought and are under water restrictions, hurricane season starts June 1st and everytime we have a drought before June 1st, it seems that we have more hurricanes, I pray that we will be spared like last year. My love and prayers are with you all. Selva

5/21/2007 14:34

My 21 yr. old son was killed in a motorcycle accident seven months ago. I was looking for some support online when I came across this site. Thank you all for your wonderful sharing of feelings. My faith community has sustained us with their prayers, and we are getting through it. Just feeling a little lonesome today.

5/21/2007 15:45

Hello dear sja, a very warm welcome to the Circle, I'm very happy you found us, just sorry for the reason why.
You just lost your precious son 7 months ago, it must still feel like yesterday, that's not very long ago at all when we lose a piece of our heart.
Here, at this Circle of Love, you're among good company, we've all suffered the ultimate loss that a Parent can and only those who have truly understand the pain and grief that a Parent goes through, the new feelings that surface and sometimes make us question our own sanity. Trust me, whatever you're feeling is perfectly normal and its so very hard at the beginning! You don't have to walk this Journey alone though, we're all here for you and you'll only find love, support, understanding and never any judging here, this is a very safe haven to let your feelings out. That's wonderful that your faith Community is and has helped you, prayers and talking about your loss are the most important to help you try and make this Journey of Grief a little easier. Don't hold your tears back, don't keep your feeling in, its so important to let them both out. I hope we hear from you again, remember, we're here for you,
Love, prayers & Hugs,

5/21/2007 16:24

Dear sja,
Welcome to the 'healing place'. That's what I call this prayer circle that Sandy started in memory of her son Shane. I've never lost a child but I lost 2 granddaughters (ages 10 and 12) to a car wreck 2 1/2 years ago; I've also lost 2 grandsons when they were babies. I found this circle a little over a year ago and that's when my healing began. I don't think I'll ever be completely healed, but the sisters here have helped me tremendously! They come from different places on the globe and from different backgrounds, but they have one thing in common--the death of a child. In that common bond, we know what the deepest grief is and what it can do to us. It is the deepest and darkest place that I have ever been in; it's something that you can't explain to someone who hasn't been through it because they don't have even an inkling of what it's like. In fact, they don't want to know what it's like. That's what I've told women who say they can't imagine what I'm going through; I tell them that they don't want to know what I'm going through because in order to know, they would have to lose a child.
Keep posting when you can and if you need to air your feelings. Believe me, we've experienced it before or heard it before so don't be afraid to express yourself here. One thing I've learned through the deaths of my granddaughters is the compassion for other moms/grandmothers who are hurting. We're here for you whenever you want to 'chat'. :o)
Love and (((HUGS))),
(also known as
Grandma Charlene--
Baby boy: 2-25-89 (adopted 3-89)
Michael: 3-27-89 (stillborn)
Casey Marie: 1-7-92 to 12-1-04 (car wreck)
Carey Grace: 3-18-94 to 12-1-04 (car wreck)

5/22/2007 08:29

Hello dear AngelMoms, Grandma's,
This was a long weekend for us, Victoria Day Weekend its called, the first long weekend to 'kick-off' the summer, so that's why I haven't been online, except to answer to sja.
There was a big Fireworks display last night, downtown on the waterfront, but I was to tired to attend :).
Saturday afternoon we watched THE GAME...don't know if any of you ladies are into Hockey, but our hometown team, the Ottawa Senators, beat out Buffalo to win the Eastern Series! They go on now to play the winner of the Western Conf., Detroit vs. Anaheim for the STANLEY CUP, whoo-hoo!! So as you can see, we're all stoked, :).
Jane, happy to read you solved your problem regarding your friend, as our dear sister Selva said, God was giving you the answer from the beginning, Praise His Holy Name and you followed it, you can never go wrong when you/we pray about something in our lives.
Hi my dear sister Selva, good to see you posting again, yes, the news is always so depressing, I want to be aware of what's happening, but at the same time you have to know when to shut it down, for our own good.
Our dear Charlene, I understand what you mean about the Circle, I'm so happy for you that it brought you to a better place in your grieving, but as Jane said, you'd better not be a stranger and still pop in to say hello and let us know whats happening with you!
Be blessed and be a blessing, I love you all,

5/22/2007 11:46

Thank you for your kind and loving words. A friend of mine who lost her 22 year old son near Christmas and I are journeying together, but we have so many unanswered questions. Both of us are looking for some sort of sign that our boys are at peace and with God. I went on a retreat the other day just to spend time with this issue--the only thing that happened while deep in meditation is the bull frogs in the area starting making this awful racket that sounded like a symphony of belches (seriously). Since my darling 21 yr. old could burp the alphabet (ring a bell for anyone?), I wondered if that was my sign. It made me laugh, anyway. I'm hoping for a dream, or something specifically for me that will give me assurance (I truly believe he is at peace and safe--Lord, help my unbelief). Do I just need to rely on this belief, or, in your experience, were you given some sort of assurance? Thank you-Joyce

5/22/2007 13:38

Dear Joyce,

Some of us were given specific reassurances, others were not. It really all comes down to your belief system. Do you believe that God is just and merciful? My answers came from studying the Character of God. My question wasn't about my daughter that died because I believe all babies go to Heaven. It was others that I have lost. In my belief system, I point out mine, because others do not have the same, I don't believe everyone who dies goes to Heaven. However, I believe God is merciful and just. I believe He gives everyone a last chance to believe in Him, right before death. That's just my belief. As for signs, I haven't had much in that area. However, I know that people have asked God for a sign and received one. That would be my suggestion for you. Ask and you will receive. By the way, I never welcomed you aboard. I'm glad your, so sorry for the reason why. Love, Jane

5/22/2007 17:32

Dear Joyce,

Welcome. I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful son. I too lost my 23 year old son in Aug. 2005. It is devastating. I was directed to this circle by God and my son almost a year after he went to heaven. I am convinced of that. I am so grateful for all of the wonderful Moms and Grandmothers that come here to share their pain and grief. Just knowing that we are not alone helps a great deal. I think Jane is right, it does depend on your belief system. I admit, there are so many questions it can drive you crazy but I have to put my total trust in God. I have had a few signs but most of all I have this feeling deep in my heart that Wesley is in heaven and he is waiting with Jesus for us. It is such a strong feeling that it can mean nothing else. That is the easy part for me. The hard part is trying to understand why he is there and missing him soooo much. I am past the questions now because I know that there may never be an answer to them. When I get to heaven I doubt it will even matter "why" anymore. I have learned over these last months not to put a question mark where God has put a period. It makes it much easier for me but it has taken me a while to get to that conclusion. I am not saying it hurts any less, just gives me more peace. Please come and post here often. We all support each other so much. This process is so hard, I am praying that God show you in a big way what you need to know so you may begin to heal. God bless,

5/22/2007 17:58

Selva, it is very good to see you post. I am very happy with your news about Nancy. I am glad she is taking better care of herself. You have both been in my prayers.
I agree with you all, I have given up on TV. We read, watch movies or just go outside!!! Isn't that a concept! My little boy does not even miss it. I see the news on the internet and I am sick of all of the tragedy so I cut off my cable months ago. I am very happy with my decision. I have found the library where I live has documentaries and animal planet stuff on video (even though VCR's are outdated!) and we really enjoy them. I am less stressed I think too. I used to get up and have coffee and watch the news in the morning. I didn't realize the stress it caused until I didn't do it anymore.
Jane, I wanted to tell you not to jump into anything but instead I just prayed that God would tell you :) I hope you have peace about it. Now I will pray that a new place open up for you!
Love to you all.

5/22/2007 18:00

Our Creator would never have made such lovely days and have given us the deep hearts to enjoy them...unless we were meant to be immortal.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

5/22/2007 20:51

Hi dear Joyce,
Very happy you wrote back! That's wonderful you have a friend to Journey with, but very sorry to read of her loss also, God bless her.
It's not at all unusual for we Moms to want a sign from our children, after all, we were Mothers for so long, looking after them, then suddenly they're gone and beyond that care we were so used to. Our minds tell us they're with God, but our hearts want re-assurance!
I prayed for a sign, and God is so good to us grieving Moms, He gave me three. One the morning after Shane had passed away, then 2 more, one of them in the dream state, but it was no dream! It occured about a year and a half after he had passed over and to this day I can tell you exactly what transpired, what he said, what I said.
I'll never forget it.
Just keep praying to God for a sign and when you get one, you'll 100% know in your heart that it was from your son, that God in His love, allowed him to come through for you!
I'll add my prayer for your sign.
No, Shane didn't have that talent, (burping the alphabet) but yes, I'm familiar with it, :)
Good for you, getting away on a Retreat, and meditating, if you've ever heard the term of Centering Prayer, its a form of Meditation that dates back to the early Christians, good food for the soul and to quiet the mind.
Anyway, I couldn't count the number of Moms on these Pages who've received some sort of sign from their child, so keep praying,
Love & {Hugs}

5/23/2007 09:20

Hi All,
This needs to be quick cuz I must get ready for work. My medical procedure for tomorrow had to be postponed cuz yesterday I woke up with a temp and was hitting the bathroom all morning. Knew I couldn't have 2 days in a row of that!

Thank you all for your prayers concerning my living situation. Kathy over the last few years I have learned not to do anything major until I hear something from God. So no fear that I would just jump into something.

This is just a little thought I had yesterday. You know the saying you give a man a fish and he eats for a day, you teach him to fish and he eats for a lifetime. Yesterday, I saw something very clearly that has happened in my life over the last few years. Can't say when. I changed the meaning of fish from physical food to spiritual food, more specifically the ability to listen to God. Many times in my life people have given me "fish" (a word, or direction), but I was never taught how to fish. How to sit still and listen to God, how to interpret His Word. After going through this with Mike I realized, no one actually told me what to do. They all said they would pray. My mentor even said what she heard from God was that I was going to be the one who heard the answer. She was right. Like I said, I don't know when I actually learned the fishing part, but I think I picked up a lot, sitting on her couch while she and her husband prayed for me. Then they would ask some very specific question about what I was hearing or feeling. I just think it's awesome how God really wants to speak to us. NTG for now. Everyone have a great day. Sandy, I know your special day is coming up and your in my prayers. Verna, an early Happy Birthday. It's tomorrow right? Love and gratitude to all, Jane

5/23/2007 09:22

I never thanked you for the update on Nancy. I'm so glad for the turnaround in her healthwise. Love, Jane

5/24/2007 08:34

I want to know if I handled this right. My daughter and I attended a birthing class. I heard a young couple say they lost a child at birth (Cord wrapped around his neck) So I went to them and asked about it and asked if it was a boy or girl and what was his name? They seemed to light up with joy when they told me about Anthony. I told them I was sorry for their loss and hoped the best for their new child comming soon. They told me how they got to hold him and sit with him for awhile. I said a prayer to myself to please give these nice people a healthy baby. They also addressed concern and being scarred this time around. Did I do ok, for them? It felt right.
We also lost another child near me, my sons friend from school, it was his brother 28 yrs old. Auto accident, he had two of his children in the car (5&2)and they are fine (physically).
I also need prayers again for my best friend (remember Steve?) his brother is into drugs heavely, when he did not acknowlege mothers day, My friend became worried and went to check on him. All they found was a suicide note and he has been missing since Sun 5/20. Please ask that he is alive and that he gets the help he needs to concor his addiction.
My son is doing good, thank you so much.
sja, my thoughts are with you and don't look for a sign. When you least expect it. it will happen. I've been very lucky about getting signs. I truley believe in life after death and spirits. I find dimes all over and I take this as a sign from Stephanie.(long story) I had a dream about my mom and how she wasn't sick anymore but had a healthy body. I also had a dream about Stephanie and my EX's grandmother came to me in a dream. Yes "I need a sign to let me know your here". I also seen a yound girl with long blonde hair sitting with her back to me reading a book, in a park. It was about a month after Stephanie died. I looked down for just a second and when I looked up she was gone. I couldn't believe my own eyes. There was no way she could have left my sight that quick. Even if she got up fast and ran, no-way. Now I smile and feel good when I get signs. I know they are with me. Frogs? sure why not? I would take that as a sign. Sometimes I think we look to hard. welcome!

5/24/2007 12:12

Dear Chris,
You did a great job! Most people think that they can't mention your lost child because you may be too sad. I LOVE to talk about Wes....people get a little uncomfortable about it and I don't know why. I can tell when I start talking about him they get this look where they aren't looking at you anymore, they are looking everywhere but you. Can't figure it out. You did good! I will pray for all in your post. Such tragedies. I agree with you about signs...sometimes we look to hard and just when we aren't looking they pop up! God bless,

5/24/2007 12:36

Dear Chris,

IMO you did great. As Kathy stated, most people don't want to talk about our loss. This couple was probably delighted that someone was interested and concerned with their new concerns. Only a parent who has lost a child can truly minister to another parent in the same situation. I'm sure you brought them God's peace. Love, Jane

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