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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children

Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.

There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

Shaner -10/14/2000

Read Prayers.

	jpot 3/29/2007 00:16	Dear Chris, I'm so glad Jimmy's case went so well. I will continue to pray for God's and the Judge's mercy for him on Monday. I do pray that this motivates him to stay clean. You said he was in rehab. Do they have sponsors there like AA? I agree with Charlene that a healthy male adult figure in his life would be of a great benefit. This may also help with the calls in the middle of the night. You need to get proper rest so you can function and not get sick. I'm sorry for all the stress you're feeling. Please remember you are not responsible for Jimmy's choices. You can only point him in the right direction and leave the rest up to God. It's up to Jimmy whether or not he responds to God's leading. That's my prayer for Jimmy, that he responds to God's leading. Love, Jane

	jpot 3/29/2007 00:22	Dear Sandy, Thank you for your prayers and concern. Usually every year God has me dealing with something that still needs healing. This one is a big one and really caught me off guard. As I was driving home from my retreat I was yelling at God, telling Him He is so unfair. Suddenly I started laughing. I'm telling the Judge of the Universe, Who is the fairest of all judges, that He is unfair! Kinda had to repent of that and just tell Him to have His way. However, I am not a happy camper about this one because I'm still hurting from Gram's death. Sorry Chris I made the 400! Love, Jane

	jpot 3/29/2007 00:29	Dear Kathy, Please don't feel like you have to apologize. We understand all too well. You posted about treading water. That it a chord with me because for the last two weeks I have been hearing that deliverance is through the sea. I'm still not sure what all that means, except when the Isrealites were delivered it was through the sea that God had parted for them. They had to walk into the sea before it parted. In other words they had to get their feet wet and trust God to get them safely across. Don't know if you can relate to any of that. Right now with what I'm going through I can see me put my feet in the sea, then quickly draw back. You are still very much in my prayers. Love, Jane PS if I missed someone I'm sorry. I need to get some sleep.

	havelost4 3/30/2007 08:44	JANE, I'm sorry about your problems with Betty; I know I've had to learn by experience a lot of times what I should and shouldn't do. 'Chalk it up' as a learning experience. That's easy for me to say on hindsight, but hard to go through I know. I'm also sorry about Bob; I pray for strength for you to do what has to be done for him. And I pray for TIME for you to be able to sort out your own problems. I know that God doesn't allow anything to come to His children without a reason; He's in ultimate control. I don't even begin to understand His ways, especially WHY He permits some things; but when He allows us to go through something, He gives us the strength to endure. I think I'm getting a glimpse of how I'm to submit to Him and His will, as Jesus did in the garden--'not my will but thine be done'. It's so freeing! And I know that I wasn't ready to do that a few years or even a few days ago; but in His perfect time, He brought me through the 'waters' to the other side. I'm praying and believing that He will do the same for you. There is another incident of the priests carrying the ark of the covenant (I think) when the Israelites were crossing the Jordan into Canaan (under the leadership of Joshua). The priests had to step into the water BEFORE it receded. That's a scary thought for me; I'd rather the water receded before I stepped into it. But there's also a promise recorded by Isaiah that when we pass through the waters (notice it says pass THROUGH), He will be with us; and through the rivers, they will not overflow us: when we walk through the fire, we will not be burned; neither will the flame kindle upon us. I've loved those verses for a long time and repeat them to God whenever I'm faced with a trial or a crisis, just as a reminder to Him that He promised. The past week has been very hectic, but I'm still praying for you as God brings you to mind. Love and (((HUGS))), Charlene

	selvam 3/30/2007 09:38	Hi my dear Angel sisters. I am so sorry for not posting but want you all to know that I always make time for prayers and all of you are always in it. I have been working long hours and had problems with my AOL, Thank God my sister made time to get it fix, she works at the computer where we have the internet connected and by the time she finish it is very late I also work during the weekend. I haven't been able to read all the posts, I will be back to normal hours after April 16th and then I will post more often, until then, please know that I always remember all of you and my prayers are right there for all. My love to all. Selva

	jpot 3/30/2007 13:33	Hi All, I saw Bob yesterday at the hospital. He has to have a 24 hr "sitter" because he becomes so disoriented that he tries to pull out his IV or catherer. He also forgets that his leg is broken and tries to get out of bed. So he has to be watched continually. He did have some lucid moments and they were pretty fun. For instance the CNA put a towel over his chest when he was going to eat. He said, "For crine out loud, I'm a 49 yr old man, I know how to eat and not spill." Unfortunately, he did not eat anything and I discovered that since his surgery he has not eaten. Somehow the nurses didn't know that. Right now we don't know if it is the result of the surgery and the meds they used there that I can't spell, or if it is his choice. Sometimes patients make a choice not to eat because they have lost so much control over their body, this is an area they can control. In either case, if he continues not to eat, nothing can be done because of his living will. I think I'm reliving Gram's living will again. I have discovered that when your working with the terminally ill, you must see some humor or it is too overwhelming. Last night Bob was so frustrated that he could change the TV channel with his cell phone. As much as we told him he needed his remote, he argued with us. Then all of a sudden he said, "Oh, this is what I need" referring to the remote. Oh course I didn't laugh in the room, but it was pretty funny! Judy, his POA had to choose the nursing home that would take him. The choices were limited because of his financial condition. She literally cried when she came home. She said she had to choose the best of the worse. I'm really praying the God takes Bob home while he's still in the hospital. However, if He doesn't I accept He has a reason for Bob to be in that home. Last night I told Betty I could get her enough food until she moves. When she found out it was Bob's she was insulted. I'm going over there today and will take some for me. I'll invite her along, who knows. I figure if she's hungry enough she'll take some. Last night she told me all she ate for the last two days was bread. Thank you everyone for your prayers. I believe things with Betty is winding down, but with Bob they are escalating. I am also backup POA for Bob, which means if Judy can't be reached it's up to me to make decisions. So I need all the prayers! Love to all, Jane

	jpot 3/30/2007 13:37	Dear Charlene, Thank you for your post. I think I was referring to Joshua leading the people through the Red Sea where they actually had to go into the Sea. I loved those Isaiah verses, could you post where they are? Right now I don't have the energy to skim the Book to find them. In the Lord's Prayer, Jesus teaches us to pray "Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." Or something like that. The point being that we do ask for God's will to be done. Bety is at the door must go. Love, Jane

	havelost4 3/30/2007 17:37	JANE, Isaiah 43:2. Love and (((HUGS))), Charlene SELVA, Good to hear from you; and praying for you to still be able to get adequate rest. Love and (((HUGS))), Charlene

	KPETERSEN 3/30/2007 18:26	Dear all, I am so thankful for your prayers. I am trying so hard to get it together. I am also dealing with the loss of my Mom almost a year ago. When she died I was still so grieving for Wes that I didn't really grieve fully for her. Now It has come to the surface and I am just a mess. I am working very closly with God. I know that this will pass for a time. It has been so difficult to see the light but I do. Thank you so much for being here. I have read a few pages and please know that I am with you in prayer. I hope to be back soon. Love to all. Kathy

	smile713 3/30/2007 21:08	Ok then Happy 400 pages. Wow I don't remember when I found your site but it was way back there. I don't know where I would turn to if it wern't for you all. Thank you everyone. I am doing alot better I'm trying to back off now that things are better. Jimmy has got his car out of impound and might get his job back on tues. Things are getting better quickly. Thank you Jesus! Mon aft is still a hurdle but with continued prayer it will be fine. I know that your prayers here work and even for me, I feel at ease and I know you had something to do with that. At the end of a good day I got a call to come in for a job interview on thurs. I have not worked full time in almost 3 years. Now that I'm done with school, I'm ready to start working. I am putting it totally in god's hands, if it's what I'm supposed to be doing then let it be, if not then it's ok too. Jimmy started to attend a local church and he attends his support meetings every day. He will be working on a sponser, yea. His father is a total loser and the root of our problems (domestic violence). My boyfriend is a good role model and between AA and NA meetings and church I'm sure he will find good friends and adults to help him. He's doing good and I am so proud of him.Thank lord for a good day and a day full of hope and praise. I pray also lord that you help those from this site to find the hope, comfort and wisdom from you. Amen, Chris

	havelost4 3/31/2007 09:31	KATHY, So good to hear from you. You just keep on doing what you're doing and you WILL come through to the other side. Take your time as you grieve for your mother and for Wes; this is not something that you can hurry along and get it behind you once and for all. It will stay with you the rest of your life, although not as intense as right now. As you grieve now, you release some of the sorrow and it won't be as intense after a while. It may seem like it will last forever, but it will lessen eventually. You're still in my prayers! Love and (((HUGS))), Charlene CHRIS, I'm glad that your son has some good role models and mentors to talk to. I'm praying that he will come out of the snare of drugs and get his life free of them. Praying for you to remain strong! Love and (((HUGS))), Charlene

	Shaner 3/31/2007 14:50	Our dear Jane, I'm sorry that you're dealing with a 'big one' on top of grieving for your Grandmother. God is big enough to handle your anger, you know He love's you far more than we can ever know this side of the veil. With His help and your own inner work, and all the prayers being said, you'll come through this storm too. That's too bad about Bob, I agree, it would be such a big blessing if he passed away in the hospital, God love him. Contined prayers, Much love & Hugs, Sandy

	Shaner 3/31/2007 14:57	Hello my dear sister, great to see a Post from you, I know how busy you are with tax season. When it's finally over, you should take a little vacation to renew yourself, you need to take care of yourself too! Love you my dear sister, Sandy

	Shaner 3/31/2007 15:06	Our dear Kathy, Little wonder you're having such a hard time lately, you're dealing with the loss of Wes and all that it brings, as well as your grief surfacing over your Mother's passing! As hard as it is, let it come to the surface and let it out, its so important to do that. I'm glad to hear you're beginning to see the light, as time goes on, that light will get brighter and bigger, that I promise. Contined prayers for you, Much love & Tender Hugs, Sandy

	Shaner 3/31/2007 15:39	Hi our dear Chris, I don't remember either how long you've been in the Circle, although I know it's been at least 3 yrs. Regardless, I'm happy you did, :). Thing's sound as though they're going really well for Jimmy, that's terrific and I can feel your happiness through your Posting! He's reached out for the help he need's and those Organizations are a God-send, they offer the support and motivation he need's everyday. And yes, he'll meet new friends, which is also a good thing. YES, continued prayers that everything goes well on Tuesday and for you too, Much love & Hugs, Sandy

	jpot 4/1/2007 00:24	Hi All, I had a very long day today but I want to post a quick update on Bob. I saw him after work and I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it myself. He was completely coherant and we had good conversation. He is confused about how and where he broke his leg. I had to remind him that he has been in the hospital for a month now, so he had to have broken it there. He remembers being at home and calling 911. But the best news is that he is getting PT and was able to walk with a walker about 10 minutes! He is beginning to eat, however right now it's mainly apples. I did get him to eat some chocolate candy. They have cut back on some of his pain meds and right now it seems to be working. He does have a little pain but he's no longer disoriented and incoherant. He still has the sitter, but this one also sits for his roommate. I am so glad I got to see him on one of his good days. Right now I'm exhausted and need sleep, but had to share that with you. Thank you for all your prayers. You're all in mine, especially Kathy and Chris. Love to all, Jane

	Shaner 4/1/2007 09:36	The Mourner�s Bill of Rights by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain �rights� no one should try to take away from you. The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones. 1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don�t allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling. 2. You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don�t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent. 3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don�t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition. 4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push you into doing things you don't feel ready to do. 5. You have the right to experience �griefbursts.� Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out. 6. You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don't listen. 7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won't be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment. 8. You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, "Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?" Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clich�d responses some people may give you. Comments like, "It was God's will" or "Think of what you have to be thankful for" are not helpful and you do not have to accept them. 9. You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them. 10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever. Something I came across that resonated with me, sharing it with all, Much love & Hugs, Sandy

	havelost4 4/1/2007 09:50	SANDY, I agree with all of that; thanks for sharing it! I think it's so good to be reminded of all of those 'points' every once in a while so we'll remember that we're 'normal'. :o) Even other events can sap our strength; it's taken me over a week to rest up and regain my strength from the emotional reconciliation with my sister-in-law. Every kind of stress that we encounter after the shock of the death of our child/grandchild seems to trigger fatigue. How long does that last? Hopefully it will get better after a while. Love and (((HUGS))) to all, Charlene

	havelost4 4/1/2007 09:53	SPECIAL DATES LIST FOR APRIL: Cindy (cindys1021): Kristina (Krissy) April 6, 1980(BD)--Mar. 15, 2001(HD)

	jpot 4/1/2007 15:36	Dear Sandy, Thank you so much for posting that. I don't think you will mind so I am going to paste it on The Loss Of A Child thread. So how did you do the green? Love, Jane

	Shaner 4/2/2007 14:04	Yes, our dear CHARLENE, I think it's important to remember those points too, for those newly bereaved and for those further along the path. Oh goodness no, dear JANE, I don't mind at all, I hope it help's those on the Board. The green colour is made by using good old HTML, :). (font colour=green).....change the round brackets to these: <......> and there's one space, between font and colour. Try it! Much love & Hugs, Sandy

	smile713 4/2/2007 15:34	thank you ladies thank you jesus! We just got back from court, great news they dropped everything in that town because he is getting the help he needs and they know that putting him in more trouble will not help him get better. Everything is falling into place thank god. Tomorrow we find out if he gets to keep his job. he just needs to stay clean one day at a time! Thank you again to you all. Love Chris

	jpot 4/2/2007 23:34	Dear Chris, What wonderful news! Yes, God does answer our prayers, many times in ways we even can't imagine. God only asks us to take one day at a time and that's what Jimmy will do. I pray he does get his job back or if not a much better one. Thank you for sharing so quickly today's outcome. When someone has an answer to pray, everyone is inspired. Let us know about the job. Love, Jane

	jpot 4/2/2007 23:54	Hi Everyone, Today we settled Bob into the nursing home. It's a small one so I think he will adjust well. He's still coherent for the most part. He is having a problem realizing what he dreams isn't reality at times. But we just tell him it was a good dream but not real. Sandy, thank you for your encouragement. I did post the bill of rights on the thread and it was received well, so thank you again. Also thank you for the hmtl tip. Kathy, you are in my prayers. I pray soon you will the peace of God surrounding you. Take plenty of time to rest. Grief work is hard both emotionally and physically, so you need to get that needed extra rest. Charlene, how are you feeling these days. Awhile back you stated you weren't feeling well. As far as the fatigue, we learn to adapt to it. I'm still struggling with my personal issues, but I'm not about to give up. I don't have the time like I use to when big issues came up before. I will have more time now because Betty left. Our parting was not pleasant because of her secrecy. Have no clue where she went. I feel like she really used me. Now I'm praying that God shows me what I did right and what I did wrong. To use it as a learning experience. I won't dwell on what I did wrong, I just want to know what to look out for next time. I pray everyone has a good night's rest and a better tomorrow. Love to all, Jane

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