Right now I am sad, relieved and very grateful. Gram passed at about 7:30 AM EST. I'm sad she's gone, but for all practical purposes I lost her about 6 weeks ago. Relieved that it is all over. Grateful for many reasons. Grateful that my family here has prayed so diligently for me. Grateful that I received the news right after church where most of my friends were. Grateful that the sermon was about how God actively seeks us. He was actively seeking Gram till the end. Grateful that after receiving the news my friends gathered around me and prayed. Grateful that they want to hold a memorial service for me because there will not be one. Grateful that my sister made it in time. She read Scripture, sang and prayed for Gram. My sister was able to tell her how much she was loved and how much Jesus loved her and it wasn't too late for her to come to Him. Grateful that at that moment Gram opened her eyes and a tear came out. Grateful that Gram opened her eyes a second time when my sister was talking to the Hospice nurse about what a loving grandmother Gram was, again a tear in her eye. I know that Gram heard my sister very clearly. So I have mixed feelings. Today, before I knew about Gram's death, I was asked to serve communion. All of a sudden the bread and wine became very real to me and I had a real hard time not crying. When I finished I went to the foyer to cry and someone was there to pray with me and tell me her story about when her grandparents passed. So thank you all so very much for all your prayers and encouragement. Need to male more calls. I am the only daughter who will speak with my parents. Love to all, Jane
I want you to know that my heart goes out to you and your family in your hour of sadness & loss. Having gone through such a loss, I can relate to all the mixed emotions you mentioned so eloquently above. I know from experience that when we know in advance what our loved one has gone through and God in His tender mercy calls them home, our grief, though very personal and very real, included the gratefulness that you mentioned in your post above. Oh, how well I recall those mixed emotions. Though the letting go is always difficult for us, we know that our Lord and Savior has paid the price for ALL, and we can depend on Him to give us the help we need to face it … and the future without fear; anger, judgment, and as you stated in your post above … with such gratitude that God sees to it that we do not have to face it alone. And, as we receive the wisdom that is revealed in His inspired Word, we begin to understand more and more the powerful message revealed in the lyrics of the divinely inspired song: What a Friend we have In Jesus! Again, please know that you and family are in my heartfelt prayers.
Love, (((Tender Hugs))), & Prayers,
What a Friend we have in Jesus
What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.
Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.
Thank you Verna,
That is one of my favorite hymns. I remember even as a teenager crying when we sang it in church. Yes Jesus truly is our friend, but best of all He's our Savior.
I know I brought the subject up here once before about the physical pain of grief. I seem right now to be experiencing that more than the sadness. My whole body aches, especially my head. Right now the release tears won't come, but I know they will. Since there will be no official memorial service we will have one here. I spoke to two of my sons and they promised to come. I will speak to my oldest tomorrow to say what day is best for him because his schedule is more difficult to coordinate with. I'm thinking either Wednesday or Thursday evening. I am also going to send a picture I took of both my grandparents the summer before my grandfather died. It's a beautiful picture that I have on my dresser. I will be sending it to all the grandchildren and my aunt. It will include my reflections of Gram. When I learned there was to be no official service I really prayed on how I could honor and celebrate Gram's life and that's what came to me. In the meantime, I'm doing what I can to take care of myself. Right now I am celebrating that I got through this awful week without taking a pill to feel better. There were so many times that I wanted to, so I wouldn't have to feel. That was my old self and she is dead. I kept reminding myself of that. When I told my youngest son that he was so happy. He grew up with his mom popping pills all the time. I am glad that I haven't given up smoking yet because I don't think I could have kept that up. Eventually I know that will also go. My neb treatment is over and I am exhausted so I'll say good night to all. Love, Jane
Good night/morning, Jane, :) I thought I'd check back to see how you're holding up and to let you know that I am here for you, and the other angel moms will be too later on today… Sandy and Selva can tell you I used to be quite the night owl angel mom here before I had heart surgery. I still keep late hours sometimes, but I try hard not to do it too often. I pray that everything will go well as you and your sons and the rest of the family prepare for your Gram's memorial service. The important thing now is the love tribute you all will share in honor of your beloved Gram. I think your idea of sending the photo and your reflections is a wonderful way to celebrate your Gram's life. I am sure it will be treasured by all for years to come. :)
Love, hugs, & God‘s peace & blessings,
Hello my dear sisters/AngelMoms,
I'm so sorry that I was MIA last week, it was one crazee week for me and I thank you all so, so much for keeping the Circle going......it's wonderful to come back and see posts from Miss V, Charlene and Jane....Selva too!!
Thank you everyone for your prayers, they're such a sweet gist to me and I truly appreciate them all!
Miss V, Selva has been experiencing problems with her AOL service and Yahoo has been sending some of my mail back to sender. I wrote them, so heopefully they'll straighten it out, I have plenty of space available, there's no need to send my mail back.
My dear Miss V, I know you're not looking forward to another stress test, who could blame you, but please, please have it done....I know this time you'll be pleasantly surprised at the results, :). Charlene, be thankful you weren't chosen for jury duty, I've received 2 Notice's in the past 10 yrs. that I was in the upcoming year's Jury Duty, but was never called, phew! It's not that I don't want to do my Civic duty, but I know with my luck I'd be chosen for one where the jurors are sequestered :)
Jane, I'm so sorry you and your sister are having such a difficult time over your Grandmother's eventual passing, you've already started the grieving process and that's only natural, she mean's a great deal to you and even at 94 it's still so hard to lose someone who you love so very much! My prayers are with you dear one.
Yes, 10 day's until Shane's Anniversary and the anxiety start's to build. I received a reminder from our Newspaper about putting a Memoriam in for his day, that didn't help much either, we always put a Memoriam in on his Anniversary Date. God, I miss him so much!
Much love & Angel Hugs to all,
Jane, I just caught up with the last few weeks and as I was reading about your Gram, I wanted to tell you, you don't have to say goodbye but instead say untill we meet again. I also lost, who I call my second mom sunday morning. She slipped away from her pain. I lost my real mom in Oct and my other mom in March. That's not fair! My prayers are with you and I will light a candle for your gram too. Chris
Oh dear Jane, I'm so sorry for your loss, you know we'll all be here for you, supporting and praying! What a wonderful Church family to have, a very big blessing to you and your sister! Your Grandma is now in Heaven and all her earthly trials are over.....I know she heard these word's "Well done, good and faithful Servant". That's wonderful that they want to give you a Memorial Service, I think it will be very helpful to you!
Dear Lord, please give our dear Jane Your peace, Your comfort, Your strength and wrap her tightly in Your most loving arms, thank You Lord.
Much love & Tender Hugs,
My prayers are with you today as you continue to plan your Grandma's memorial service; giving honor to our Lord would be the best way to honor her life, along with her picture and sharing of memories of her life. I pray that everything and everyone will cooperate to make this as smooth as possible for you: NO conflict or aggravation right now. You are remembered in my daily prayers!
I haven't received emails from you in quite a while. So glad to finally hear from you; and praying that God would give you peace about your stress test. Who ever thought up the idea of giving a person whose body/heart is stressed anyway--a STRESS TEST?????? HaHa. Is the medical system backwards or what? :o) Just kidding, but I do pray for your peace; just keep thinking of afterwards when it will be all over and you won't have to be 'stressed' about it any more. :o)
So glad to hear from you; I'm glad you weren't deep in depression again, and am hoping that your meds are working this time. We know the special days down to minutes almost don't we.
I too am glad that I didn't get picked for jury duty; but we were asked just enough questions to make me curious about the details and what took place at the trial. I think what got me 'off' was the fact that the decision had to be unanimous and I spoke up and said I didn't like confrontation (after another lady said the same thing). I've had enough pressure to 'conform' from my in-laws that I hate to be boxed into a corner when I don't agree with those around me!! Why can't people just let me be ME? Oh yeah, Miss Nonconformist. Ha! I was raised in a home that said 'don't make waves' and I rebelled for a while after I got out on my own. Hence I am married to a non-conformist and now feel a lot of pressure to 'conform'. How weird is that? I didn't mean to go off on a tirade, but sometimes it just slips out. I know I could delete all that I just typed, but it feels good to get things out into the open once in a while. After all, we are all sisters and it feels good to be able to share with you all. :o)
Love and (((HUGS))),
I also like that song very much. I find myself humming it quite a bit when trouble comes and it helps me to focus on Jesus instead of my problem. I also like 'In The Garden' both because it's in a garden and it speaks about the intimate relationship we can have with Jesus. I picture myself sitting at His feet with my head in His lap, He has His hand on my head and He's listening to me sing and talk to Him. Sometimes it seems like He's the only friend we have doesn't it? Thank you for including the words here.
I liked what you said about not saying 'goodbye' but saying 'until we meet again'. That puts an opening between us and the ones already gone on to Heaven, not a wall between us. Thank you for sharing that. We never know who we might help with what we say; not just the one we post to, but everyone else as well. Thank you.
I've got to get busy; I didn't go with my husband to the stockyards today (Yuk!) because I had so much to do here. So I guess that means that I need to do something before he comes home. :o)
Love and (((HUGS))) to all,
Hi my all my dear sisters, sorry for not posting lately but besides having a lot of work I am also having problems with AOL, can not stay connected for more than 5 minutes, I haven't been able to get in touch with the AOL techs to solve the problem, so I will have to wait until tax season slows down a little for me to do it.
Dear Jane I am so sorry about your grandma, she is in Heaven now free of pain and suffering, I am so glad that you have such nice friends to help you deal with your grandma's passing and you also have our love and prayers here at the Circle, may God gives you strenght. My love and prayers to you. Selva
My dear Ms.V so glad to hear from you, I don't know if I received your e mails because I can not access it, why did your stress test was posponed?????? remember we are watching you, so you better get ready to take it again, I am sure that everything will turn out just fine, so you just take it easy, rest and follow the doctor's orders, yes I know how hard it is to do that, ha ha, but you have to. Please take good care of yourself my dear sister, we all need you. My love and prayers. Selva
Dear Charlene. I was wondering if you were having a bad time with the weather, i heard of all those snow storms and I was worried about you, but now I know that you are doing well, so glad you didn't have to serve in jury duty, I haven't been called in a few years, thank God, I understand what you say about being noncomformist, also it is so hard to get a few people to agree on everything at the sametime specially when you have to make a very fair decision about somebody elses' life and on top of it they tell you that you have to be very fair , there is one trial going on here about a guy who raped and killed a little girl and buried her while still alive, I already sentenced him so I can't just imagine the jurors there, OMG I am glad I wasn't called for it. I am working very long hours still, but I want you all to know that I always make time for prayers and all of you are in it. My love and prayers. Selva
Hi my dear dear sister. I am still having problems with AOL, I am posting from work today, even though I have lots to do here, but I wanted to take a break and post. I know that the anticipation for Special Days are so bad and yes having to write those memoriams are so difficult, please know that my (our) prayers are with you so that God will give you the strenght once more to deal with it, I know that Shane will be next to you, may you feel his pressence and love. Love and prayers. Selva
Thank you everyone for your prayers. Right now I'm mainly exhausted, with all the planning for the memorial service. Tomorrow I go back to work. Even though I wonder if I can physically make it, I do look forward to the distraction for a while. Everyone have a great night's sleep. You are all in my prayers. Especially those with special days coming. Right now can't post to each. Love, Jane
Help! I almost always post with a lighted candle but today I post with a cross. I need lots of prayers for my son who got involved with drugs and the law. He has found God and wants help. Court is Thurs at 10:00 in EST. This hopefully will get him a date to go to rehab and live a good life. Please help me and our family in prayer for him. Jimmy is his name. I know how powerfull your prayers are so I came to you for help. Thank you, Chris
Father God, I bring to you Chris's son Jimmy right now. Father, I ask that You speak to him and give him courage; help him, Father, face up to his responsibilities in whatever wrong he did. Help him be strong, Father for whatever charges will be coming on him; be with Chris and help her be strong as his mother. Father, most of all, draw him to You so that he will KNOW that You are his Father and that You love him. Father, I also ask that you keep him safe wherever he ends up going; help him to be a voice of Your goodness in whatever he faces in the days ahead. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Love and (((HUGS))) and prayers for you Chris,
Father God, I lift Jane up to you right now. Father, I ask that you give her extra rest and ease her physical pain today. Father, give her peace about her grandmother and the rest of her family today, in Jesus' name. Father, I thank You for Jane and her positive influence in so many people's lives; she deserves to be treated special right now, and I ask that You put it in the heart of someone at her church or in her neighborhood to do really nice things for her today and in the days ahead. Amen.
May God richly bless you Jane!
Love and (((HUGS))),
YVONNE, you are in my prayers today on your Joe's birthday. Are you still keeping up his 'dove garden'? These words to this hymn are for you:
IN THE GARDEN
I come to the garden alone,
While the dew is still on the roses;
And the voice I hear,
Falling on my ear,
The Son of God discloses.
And He walks with me,
And He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.
He speaks, and the sound of His voice
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing;
And the melody that He gave to me,
Within my heart is ringing.
I'd stay in the garden with Him,
Tho' the night around me be falling,
But He bids me go:
Thro' the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling.
Much Love and (((HUGS))),
I just say AMEN to Charlene's prayer. I will be praying tomorrow for you and Jimmy. I pray great mercy and grace be extended to him. I pray that you will know that you know that God is in control. "He works all things according to the council of his will." Yes, it is the Cross that you need. The Blood of Jesus covers it all. I'll post mine to you with the Cross also. Love, Jane
Thank you so much for your prayers. It was really hard today at work, I even took an extra break to calm myself down. Not fun crying in front of customers. My friends did do something wonderful for me. They had the memorial service for Gram at someone's house. Two of my sons came, and acted so mature. They shook everyone's hand as they came in and the shook everyone hand and thanked them for coming before they left. I was impressed with them. My pastor with very short notice did a fantastic job. Our worship leader led worship. I was able to read the tribute I had written, which I'm going to send to the rest of the family. People gave words of encouragement and spoke of the legacy Gram left. One person (not a pastor, but is ordained) who often conducts funerals stated that when he sees the memorial cards he always notices the dash (-) between the date of birth and date of death. He stated the dash was the legacy left behind. Gram's legacy was awesome. I was also given two vases of roses, red and white. Red representing the Blood of Jesus, White representing washed clean with the Blood. I thought it would last no longer than an hour. We were there almost 3! I told them what you said about Gram showing me the Father's Love, He always believes in us. So thank you again for saying that. I still deal with some physical pain, but it's very bearable. Right now the tears want to come when it is the most inconvenient for me! My pastor did instruct me to really allow myself to mourn my Gram. When I want the tears to come they won't. But I know they will. I'm a pretty private person with emotions, but I do allow myself to cry in front of people who I know love and care about me. JUST NOT AT WORK! After the service I found myself talking to Gram then realized I won't hear her voice again for hopefully a long time, unless Jesus comes soon. So thank you for your love and prayers. Love, Jane
Thank you for repeating what I told you about God believing in you. At the time I felt like it was a thought from God and I'm honored that you thought it worth repeating. I'm so glad that your friends had a very nice memorial service for you; even though they didn't know your grandma, they wanted to help you and that must mean a lot to you. I read a few weeks back about a woman who worked every day and couldn't grieve while she was at work. She set aside a specific time every day when she was alone at home that she could cry, yell, etc. When she would feel the ache and knew she needed to cry while she was at work, she would remind herself that she had time set aside to do that later. She said it really helped her to do this.
I don't know if that would work for me; but I'm not in a position where I have to do it either. You might try that and see if it works for you. When you feel the tears start while you're at work, you might tell yourself 'not now, but when I get home I can cry'. Then when you get home, (make yourself if you have to) cry all you want.
May God bless you with peace.
Love and (((HUGS))),
That actually doesn't work for me. I have tried on several occassions to set time to cry and it just won't happen. Then all of a sudden at work I'll wait on an elderly person, and bingo here comes the tears. Right now my coworkers are ok with me leaving for a few minutes to get under control again. I also think I'm getting sick. I went for my allergy shot tonight and the nurse thought I had a temp. She took it by mouth and it was low grade 99 something. What I failed to tell her was I was just drinking ice water. Now it's almost 101. When I get a temp I start feeling like I'm freezing, so that made me just take it. People are telling me I look run down and exhausted. I just say it was a bad couple of weeks and I'll bounce back. Now I wonder if I am sick, and if so, shouldn't have had the allergy shot. Guess there's nothing I can do about it now. I was able to escape the bug when everyone around me was sick. So maybe it's just my turn. Well, I'm beginning to ramble so better sign off. Love, Jane
Our dear Chris,
I'm so sorry about Jimmy, perhap's getting caught was the start of thing's turning around for him for the good. I pray that Court turned out well and that he has already been given a date for Rehab. I know this must be very hard on you, yourself.
Don't worry, you know this Circle will storm Heaven with prayers for Jimmy and you too! Please let us know what happened, we do care,
Much love & Hugs,
Our dear Jane,
It wouldn't surprise me if you're coming down with something, although I truly pray I'm wrong. It's been a very trying week on you and no doubt are run down and tired, physically and emotionally. God love you, I really hope you can have some rest and quiet and then hopefully your body can fight this off. You too know we care and our prayers are with you, especially to remain healthy. As I said, this has been a very difficult week on you, losing your Gram, so you need some 'me' time.
Much love & Hugs,