Prayer Circles

Hello to everyone. Sounds like everyone has something wrong. I just went to the doctors yesterday and ended up on medication and that is not my thing. I hate taking meds. I was just getting over strep throat,my bronchitist was going into pnoemona(don't mind the spelling) and I was running a slight fever and my blood pressure was 150/100(that was from having the boys with me and telling them to behave and they acted like I said nothing)I hope everyone gets better soon. We had 76 degree weather here over the weekend. Some change from what we are suppose to have(40). Now we might have light snow tonight.Love ya all. I have to get back to my sewing and chrocheting. They are presents for the 20 and 21 and I have alot to do yet.

Bless and Love you all

Lee Ann

Dear Angel Moms,
Well I am back from my much needed time out. It has been a rough few weeks for me but I am better. I apologize for not coming to post. To tell you the truth I just wasn't myself. I seem to have developed a very negative attitude and anger that I can only assume is part of grief. I wasn't mad at anyone or anything just mad. God brought me close to him these last weeks and I have just been trying to stay there. I have been praying for you all and wishing somehow I could explain the way I felt, I don't even know how I feel! Sometimes you just have to be quiet and listen I guess. I will catch up soon, just wanted you to know that I am ok and ask that you help me by praying for my continued healing. Love to all.
Kathy

Our dear Miss V, your word's ring so true about us, we're so busy looking after family, friends, etc., that we forget to look after ourselves sometimes Very good advice from ya, Miss V! Yes, of course you know by know you're in my prayers, and you take care of you!
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy

Hi dear Lee Ann, good to see you posting! Oh no, you too? You got hit with all 3, be good now and take those med.'s! That's nothing to fool around with, take care of yourself. I used to crochet year's ago, made afghans, then I switched to cross-stitch, but it's just too small for my eye's now, :)
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy

Hi our dear Kathy,
Gosh, it's good to hear from you, I thought you might still be in the valley. You don't have to apologize for that sweetie, if you couldn't post, then you couldn't post, but we're happy to see one now! I'm so sorry you went through such a rough time, grief is so complicated and bring's up so many emotions, but trust me, they're all a normal part of the grieving process. It hasn't been very long since you lost your beloved Wes, you're still going through quite a bit, so be gentle with yourself.
Yes, I understand, sometime's its hard to put into word's or articulate how we're really feeling. Many Mom's, myself included, have expressed an anger phase they went through, but it too shall pass and I'm glad that you're feeling a little better. Of course dear one your continued healing will be in my prayers and always remember that we care,
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy

Oh Sandy, I am just on the verge of tears today. I know if I open my mouth they will come out and I have to get some work done. I thought I was going to be ok today. I just feel like running and crying. Thank you for understanding and caring.
Kathy

Kathy I know how you feel. I felt that way just before the holidays. I was angry and all I did was cry and thought I would never stop doing these things but I did. My hsband and my grandsons got all of the anger and I was sorry after. I cried at stupid things and even got angry because some thing was not in the right place. Lord please help Kathy like you have helped me through the tough times. She needs you now. In your name I pray Amen

Dear Kathy,
I am so sorry that you're feeling so low. I do thank you for posting because we were very concerned, at the same time we understand when posting is impossible. I agree with Lee Ann and Sandy. Anger is very much of the grief process. And it attacks us when we least expect it Just know that this too shall past. I knew you would still be reading the posts so I made sure you knew you were in our prayers. Please be kind and gentle with yourself. Maybe some of what you are experiencing is the holiday letdown. We try to prepare ourselves so well for what we think we will feel during the holidays that when they are over, there is an emptiness. That's when all those feelings start to pop up again, totally out of nowhere. Unfortunately, this too is normal. I'm proud of you that you were able to use the time to get closer to God. When you can just let the tears come because they are so healing. I understand that if you're at work or with someone who wouldn't understand this would be much harder. Maybe you could excuse yourself and go to the bathroom just to get some relief. Please know that I am praying for you. Love, Jane

Hello all!
I'm just going to have to tough it out for a while because my body is just worn out from all the stress. I guess I do have the 'bug' that's going around and my body isn't fighting it too well right now. So I'm doing my best to rest and do just what has to be done until my body gets well enough to do more. It's hard to rest when I want to be active but I'd better take advantage of it while I can. :o)
It's good to read posts from you all; Kathy I understand your anger. Listen to what your body is telling you and take advantage of 'alone' time to get it out of your system. The problem I have is that it seems to be a never-ending cycle. Anger, pain, hurt--they come and go and then come again later. Hopefully with time they will stay away longer and not come so frequently.
I told Margie that I would post for her; she's having a REALLY ROUGH time right now. She shared with me that she's had 4 losses (of family or friends) in the past 10 years--1 to suicide and 3 to car wrecks--and her brother's death last month was the 'last straw'. She has to go to work even though she doesn't even want to get out of bed. I told her to listen to her body and REST when she can. Her daughter wanted to go to the cemetery for Casey's birthday on the 7th but she couldn't make herself go and take her. I told her I would post here so you all could lift her up in prayer. I was awake about an hour in the night crying and praying for her. When one of us hurts, we all hurt. That's what sisters are for!
Love you all tremendously!
Love and (((HUGS))),
Charlene

Dear, dear sisters, Lee Ann, Sandy, Jane, Charlene,
Thank you so much for all your encouragement, validation and care. I made it through another day. I really wish I had come to post when I started in the valley but somehow I just couldn't. Next time I feel this coming on I will try to come here first. I have been reading all of your posts since the New Year and I am praying for all of you. I have been all this time. I just wish none of us had to be here. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I was thinking the other day that I know hell is a million times worse and I just can't imagine that. To live this sadness everyday is horrible. We just need to stay very close to God. I love you all and care very much about you, each one of you. You are so very special to me.
Love, Kathy

Hello friends my name is Nicole and I'm 26years old and on feb,4th 2004 I lost my baby he was 3months.His name was Xavior Michael,.His going home date is coming up and I really need prayer it hurts so bad.There has been days I wish I wasn't alive.Thank you

Dear Nichole,
I am so sorry for your loss of your precious son Xavier Michael. All I can tell you is that coming here is your first step at healing. We all know what your are feeling and we have hearts full of love and encouragement to offer you. I have lost my son also and somedays I feel as you do, I don't want to go on. But I know that God needs us to go on or we wouldn't be here. There are no magic pills, no magic cures for this. I feel your pain and I pray you come back here. We all have our "Valley days" where we just can't make it up the hill and we come here and help each other the best we can. You will not meet a better group of women. We honestly KNOW what you are going through. You are in my prayers Nicole as well as your baby Xavier. God bless.
Kathy

Prayer for all

O Holy Spirit, descend plentifully into my heart. Enlighten the dark corners of this neglected dwelling and scatter there Thy cheeful beams.

St Augustine

Nichole Welcome I lost my 23 year old son on Nov 5 2005. He was my baby. I have a 28 year old daughter and I am raising her 2 sons. They are 12 and 8. The Lord gave me these boys to help me with my son's death. You can come here to vent, cry or ramble on and we are all here to listen and to tell our stories to help each other. Don't ever think it is stupid or anything to tell what is ever on your mind. We all are going through the same thing at one time or another.Hope to hear from you again.
Lee Ann

Dear sisters,
I received an email from Connie, she wants you all to know that she misses us all and will post as soon as she can. I am praying she gets a computer soon!

Hi our dear Charlene, YES, rest up and let the bug run it's course, you'll get your energy back soon enough and then there'll be no stopping you, :).
Oh, I'm sorry that Margie is feeling so down, of course she's still grieving over her brother's death and I will remember her too in my prayers, God love her,
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy

Dear Sunshine, ~ my heart aches for you in the loss of your precious and beloved son, Xavier Michael. It always makes me so very sad when I hear or read that a precious little one has been taken back to heaven because it just seems soooo unfair. :( Nevertheless, we know in our hearts that all our children are with our heavenly Father, which is exactly where we would have them be only not so soon. The love bond between a mother and her precious child is just too strong to ever let go. I don't think we who have lost a beloved child will ever be able to accept the unfairness of it all. Sometimes, life can seem so very cruel. I guess that is one of the reasons God doesn't hold it against us angel moms when we express our grief in whatever way; anger, tears, hopelessness, etc. I have found throughout my never-ending grief journey that God will stand by and find many, many ways to pamper us through it all. Shortly after I lost my beloved 36 year old adult daughter due to a drunk driving crash, I wanted to die. I loss faith, and literally tried to shut God out! My behavior became extremely self destructive. I wore my mask well. No one really knew just how bad off I was but God. Believe it or not, I didn’t even know and I sure didn’t care. In fact, I was so sure that God would zap me right off the face of the earth; I really got angrier with Him when He didn't. Besides, I didn’t want anything to do with God. I felt that everything I had been taught about Him was a big fat lie! I even thought about taking my own life many times during the first 3 years, but now, I am soooo glad God kept me here long enough to discover that I didn't really want to die, and that what I really wanted was my child back and to stop the seemingly unbearable grief and pain. There were no words strong enough to describe the kind of pain I lived with for what seemed like forever. I knew my life would never be the same. I did not want to be here. Fortunately, with God's help, and the support of friends, family, and many strangers that God put in my path, I began to learn and accept very, very slowly, that I would always miss my daughter and that I would always have moments when I wished I could [just for a moment] hold her in my arms again. And, I would always wonder why my child had to die, causing my life and the life of so many others who also loved her to be changed forever. I still don’t think there is an answer to why bad things happen to us or our loved ones. However, I do know that the renewal of our faith in a loving and caring God is what helps us to go in spite of it all. Someday, in your own time, the pain you feel will become a bit easier to bear. You will never get over it, but life will become livable again and you will find a measure of peace in knowing that God, and others [who have walked in your shoes] really do care deeply, and that you are not alone in all that you are feeling. Please know that you, and your husband will be prayed for and that God will give you both a measure of peace. I pray you both will feel the results of our prayers.
Love and Angel Hugs,
Verna [aka Miss V.]
Diane's mom
8/16/60 - 8/31/96
Forever In Our Hearts!

Hi our precious Kathy,
I was wondering how you were doing and praying for you to be brought out of the deep valley and you will, just give yourself some time. Yes, I wish you had come here first when you started feeling so low, but I also understand how hard it is sometimes to try and put it into words.....how do you describe this pain?......well, we all know it oh so intimately, its part of our very fabric now and all you have to say is Help, sisters! and we'll know exactly what you mean.
Truthfully, I don't know how you Mom's who have to go back to work do it, it has to be very hard on you! I know, nobody want's to be an AngelMom, nobody want's to belong to this exclusive club, if only we could all go back....but we can't, the unthinkable has happened to us all, we've lost our precious child, children/grandchildren. The pain is unbearable at times, in the beginning, as you are now dear Kathy, it's 24/7 and is anything beyond the worst pain we can imagine. You will always have us though, to walk alongside you with love, support and understanding, and covering you in prayer too. And that aplies to every dearly loved person in this Circle of Love.
Lean heavily on God and lean on us too, that's what we're all here for, to help each other, through our bad times and our SONshine days too.
Never forget that you are loved and being prayed for,
Much love & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Sunshine, I lost the first post to you very early this morning; when I tried to submit it I got an error message. When I tried to reload,I lost the whole thing. The post above I worked on off and on throughout the day. I also left a post at your prayer circle for your hubby. Rest assured, he will be prayed for also.
Love and Angel Hugs,
Verna

Angel Moms, I believe in the power of prayer and that God holds all angel moms in the palm of His hands. Even when we are going through some very rough and scary times, it helps to know that we are not alone and that others really do care. Each time I am faced with something, I think of this prayer circle and it's faithful members and when I do I smile because I know in my heart that God, in His tender mercy, put us together to love and support each other no matter how great the storm! I believe thats one reason I love the poem that my baby girl, [who is now pushing 40], :) wrote shortly after we lost her big sister, Diane. I know I've shared it many times before, but would like to share it again; especially with the new moms or anyone who love spirit inspired poetry.

God's Amazing Grace
By Cheryl Denise [Clay] Williams :)

His grace is always sufficient,
No matter how great the loss.
When Jesus died and rose again,
He completely paid the cost.

So know His grace is sufficient,
Your part in this is FAITH!
Just believe and rely on Jesus,
And His amazing grace!

Angel moms, I thank God for bringing us together. Thanks for the never-ending love and support. May God keep you in His loving care!
Love & heartfelt prayers for all,
Verna

Dear Sandy,
I think you hit on something with your post to Kathy. All of us have days when we can't put into words what we are feeling. I think if we could just post "help" it would move us all to prayer fervantly for that person. We don't need to know the details since were taking the same journey. This prayer circle is a community, and when one member is down it's up to the rest of us to uplift her. Thank you for all the hard work you put in so we can stay in touch. Love, Jane

Dear Nicole, or would you prefer Niki?,
First I would like to say how very sorry I am for the death of your infant son Xavior. I was 27 when my infant daughter died of SIDS. My life has been forever changed. For 22 yrs I did everything I could think of to be with her. Thankfully, God had other plans. Back then we didn't have the internet to connect with other parents. I thank God and Sandy for this circle because accurate information is given. Like was said before there is no magic pill or potent to get you through this. What we offer is unconditional love without judgements. We all too know the range of emotions that come with the death of a child. They are all normal and God understands the way we feel.

A frequent topic here is how men and women grieve differently. I posted at your husband's site. I prayed that God would send someone his way to help him handle all his anger and depression over the death of Xavior. You stated in your prayer request that he just recently went back to his addictions. That might be the only way he knows right now to cope with his feelings. Men are less likely to seek professional help so I prayed that God's Spirit would just touch him and show him how much he is loved. I also prayed that God would bring someone into his life that he could share with.

You can count on our prayers as Xavior's heaven date comes closer. I know how much it hurts, but I promise you that it will get easier. It's been said many times in this circle that the third year is the worse. The pain will never fully goes away, but eventually we learn that joy will return and the pain becomes bearable. Please come here often. Post when you can, if not just read. You'll begin to understand that everything you are feeling is a normal part of this never ending grief journey. I say never ending, what I mean it doesn't end until we meet with our child in Heaven for eternity. Since we were left behind (hate that phrase), it means there is still work for us to do here. It's always sad to welcome someone here, because of the price that was paid to be part of this unique community. But I do welcome you and hope you visit us often. Love, Jane

Dear Kathy,
I am so happy to see you posting again. I always look forward to your prayers. I pray the worse is behind you for now. Thank you for relaying that message from Connie. I believe Derrick's HD is just coming up or has just passed. Need to look that up. She needs all our prayers, especially since she can't get to her computer. Anyway, welcome back, you were really missed. However, we all understand why you went MIA. Love, Jane

Dear Verna,
I totally believe in the power of prayer. Thank you for that poem written by your daughter. It reminds me of a song we use to sing. I had a old cad that really leaked when it rained. When my daughter-in-law and I were in it when it rain, we got poured on. We used to sing "Grace like rain pouring down on me." It kinda changes the perspective. Except for the rain, that car was truly remarkable. I spent very little for it and very little on it. It ran until someone gave me another car. I think the rain was God's way of telling me He was pouring His grace on me. Love, Jane