Prayer Circles

Dear Donna,
Thank you for the poem. I loved and agreed with all of it except the wiping away the tear part. It's only human to shed tears when we're missing a loved one. I think I'm more sensative to words like that because I was ordered not to cry.

Charlene, I think my car problem for the time is over. It will take me about 7 months to pay it off.

Kathy, I'm also concerned about you being MIA. Please know that we love you and miss you.
Love, Jane

Candles in December! thank you. I copied it and will give a copy to Mike and his mother.
About the headstone! I noticed something. Everyone has their own place to where they feel more conected to their loved one. Me and Mike talked about it one time and see, he feels more conected at the cemetary,(she used to visit her grandpa, once a month there) and I feel more connected at the accident site (I have a cross there). I don't think it matters where it is, but more that you have a place to talk to them, no matter where it is.
Wherever it feels right "is right" to each of us.
We had our annual Christmas memorial service. It was my first, since my mother died. I cried so hard. I never thought I would hurt this much for her, only because she prepared us so well. To be strong and party for her. I can't do that "sorry Mom". Two months to the day, I got my dream. I was disappointed in the fact that my mom and dad did not say anything. But the dream showed me that they were in fact TOGETHER AGAIN. Oh well maybe next time, huh ma?
Love you guys, and thank you for being here! merry christmas and happy holidays.
Do me one favor "Pray for me and my math final" dec 20 am. Thanks, again Love you, Chris

Oh, our dear Donna, I too am so sorry I didn't get here to post on your precious Marcus' special day, but know that I thought and prayed for you. Unfortunately I got tied up with the Boards I Moderate and YES dear Charlene, I'm still fighting the battle of the drywall dust! It's a real buggar to get rid of, but yes, we do have a nice home again, :). Glad your therapist helped you through the hurt, God love you.
Our dear Jane, did you have to replace your fuel pump......at the very least they're giving you time to pay and I'm happy you have reliable transportation now. I hate to think of you alone on Christmas Day, it's times like this that I wish we weren't scattered around so much.
Our dear Anita, great to see you posting, Kathy must be limited herself on the Computer at work, I get fwd's from her, but yes, we miss you here too!
Dear Connie, my heart aches for you, I know how awful and painful Holidays, especially Christmas, is for you and other newly bereaved Moms, know that my love and prayers are with you and all.
Our dear Chris, I absolutely agree with you, whatever place feel's 'right' and make's you feel closer to your child, wherever it is, that's what count's for the individual.
Aw, God love you, your Mom's passing is still so fresh for you and of course you're feeling grief and pain at this time of the year. You just plain miss her and this is your 1st Christmas without her there physically.
I'm happy you had a dream of your Mom and Dad together, they wanted to show you that they're together and happy.
Yes, of course, you're in my prayers and love,
Much love to all & Hugs,
Sandy

I don't know if any of you were following along and/or voting for the Most Inspiring Person of the Year, the Amish Community won the Award, for their ability to forgive the man who murdered 5 of their children and for reaching out to his family in their own time of grief. They were up against some stiff Competition, so I think they're all winners in their own right.
Love Sandy

Dear Angel Moms,
I am sorry I have been MIA, we are sooo busy here at work and that is a good thing. Thank you so much for your love and care! It feels nice to be missed. I am starting to feel the anxiety coming in, I feel like there is a scream stuck inside me and It won't come out. I think you can all identify with that! I am missing my Mother and my Son so much! The poems are wonderful Sandy and Donna. I have copied them both. I just cry when I read them but I guess that is what I need to do. I really can picture Wes and my Mom looking down and seeing all the Christmas lights and stuff. Oh ladies, I pray very hard for us all. It is so hard to be "Merry" and sing "fa la la la la" when your heart is broken isn' it. I love you all.
Kathy

Dear Kathy,
I'm so glad that you were just busy and that there wasn't anything wrong. I was worried though.
You are so right about it being hard to be merry.I've felt that way for a few years now. Though some of mine could be that I turn a year older on Christmas.
Try to keep your spirits up though, scream if you have to.
Love, Anita

Dear Anita,
Thank you so much for your concern. I am ok although I can honestly say that I am struggling. I feel like I am treading water and I am getting exhaused. I am thankful it is the weekend but with all the shopping I still have left......Oh well, I am sure the good Lord will pick me up if I fall!! Happy Birthday in advance Anita. My brother has a birthday on the 22nd. When he was younger he used to get miffed because everyone combined his birthday present with his Christmas present. He even traded birthdays with my Aunt (July) so he could actually have a birthday! Love to you dear sister,
Kathy

Dear Jane,
Thank you also for your concern. I do know that I am loved and missed. It is so wonderful to have this circle isn't it? I am glad you got your car fixed and I pray things smooth out a little for you. It seems like you have been getting the short end of the stick! Love you too Jane.
Kathy

Dear Donna,
I also apologize for not being here to post for your beloved Marcus. I am so happy he was able to bring you warm, soothing sunshine! He and my Granddaughter share the same birthdate. She just turned 1. The poem was so wonderful. I am going to frame it with a picture of my son Wes. Although this is my second Christmas without him, it feels like the first because I was still in shock I think for the 1st one. He had only been gone 4 months. My prayers are with you :)
Love to you,
Kathy

To All,
Thank you all for your concerns about my car situation. It's still missing, but hasn't stalled again. Hopefully once I use a full tank of gas the miss will end. I'm not posting much these days because I'm so busy and exhausted. Even now I should be in bed. We only have 8 days till Christmas and I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. Today after work my friend Betty and I baked cookies and made chocolate covered pretzels. This is the first time she has been able to do that in many years due to her financial situation. She came to my house all depressed and left feeling much better. It also helped that she was promised a goodie box for Christmas. I'm learning that some of things that I take for granted, many people don't have.Seeing life through Betty's eyes has made me much more grateful for what I have. Sandy, I won't be alone on Christmas because Betty and her son will be here. I made her promise to come and told her she was really helping me so that I wasn't alone. I believe everyone needs to feel like they are needed. For so long Betty has felt like no one needed her. When I put her to work, she really snaps out of her depression. I still don't know how to snap her out of her manic phase, but many times when she's in it, she's a blast! For right now I'm focusing on keeping her busy and letting her know how I value her help. She knows Jesus and knows that He values her, but she has lived so long in the system that most of her self esteem is gone. I'm watching her value herself more everyday. Who would think that having someone help bake and decorate would lift their spirits? Betty gave me the biggest compliment the other day. I was telling her of the many parties I was going to and she said, "You have a life!" I had to stop and think, yes I do have a life now. When I think where I was 5 yrs ago, it's truly amazing. I have to give God all the credit. I guess I just wrote that for all who think life will never get good again. It will, but it takes a lot of time and faith in a loving Heavenly Father. Well, enough of my rambling, I'm so tired and need to be at work by 9 AM. Please know that even if I'm not posting you are all in my prayers. Good night to all. Love, Jane

Hi dear Jane,
Your friend Betty sound's like such a nice person, it must have been fun to make those goodies together, :). Oh, that's good, you won't be alone for Christmas, you'll have Betty and her son there!
I think you get just as much from Betty as she get's from you :).
If you're busy and can't post everyday, we understand,
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy

Hi dear AngelMoms, sisters,
It's very quiet around here the last few days, is everyone busy? In some way's that's good, it help's to keep your mind occupied with Christmas almost here.
I can feel my anxiety level going up, the closer it get's so I'm trying to keep busy too, but I can still feel it there. The two hardest Holidays for me are Mother's Day and Christmas. It's not the spiritual, religious aspect of Christmas that bother's me, nor any of you I think, we'll be going to Church Christmas Day, it's all the rest that come's with Christmas and the once very happy times we shared when we had our child in our lives. If I still feel this way after 7 yrs., trust me, my heart aches for those of you experiencing your 1st without your beloved child, I still remember how very painful the 1st and 2nd were.
There's no right or wrong way to ease the day for yourselves, whatever way you choose is the important part.
And I know with our prayers for each other they definitely will help. So does posting about how you're feeling, letting some of the pain out. Miss you all, hope to see some Post's from you all,
Much love & Hugs,
Sandy

Hi all!!
Yes, Sandy, I've been VERY busy. Since I've been trying to make our bread now, I got behind last week and had to bake today. My body is so tired that I'm ready for bed already. HaHa. I also made about 7 batches of muffins so my hubby will have muffins for breakfast for the next year. HaHa. Just kidding; he's a big eater so they will probably last only a couple of months. But I didn't want to wait until the end of the week to bake because I've got our family Christmas breakfast to fix Fri. for Sat.AM. The time is going by so fast, but in a way that's good; that way the holidays will be behind us before we know it. I hope everyone is doing well, keeping busy and not getting too depressed. Jennifer has her Aimee's BD coming up on Dec. 20th, so remember her on that day. Also a couple of birthdays are coming up if you are keeping up with those: Margie on the 22nd, and Anita on the 25th. They could probably use some cheering up. I haven't even started on my Christmas cards yet; I don't know if I'll even get to them this year. Last year I did a form letter to everyone who sent condolence cards the year before; I didn't do thank you cards or Christmas cards that year. I'm going to quit this so I can lie down a while before I start supper.
Love and prayers and (((HUGS))) to you all!
Charlene

Dear Sisters,
I join the bakers circle! I started Saturday and I was still up until 9 pm last night baking so I could get all of my home made gifts out today. I am very tired but being busy has helped I must agree. I became a little emotional on Saturday morning but choked it down. I am sure it will surface soon. I will allow it when I have everything done! I am praying for you all and hope you all are doing well.
Love to you,
Kathy

By the way, I finally have a clean mamogram. Amen
Kathy

Hi my dear sisters. Its good to know that everybody is so busy, that makes the time goes faster and soon all the Holidays will be over.
Jane that is wonderful that you will be spending Christmas with your friend Betty and her son that is a wonderful idea and Betty will be glad to help you.
Kathy so happy that your mammogram came out clean, Thank God for it, that is one thing less in your mind.
Charlene is good to see that you are baking up a storm and keeping busy during the Holidays, and having a great breakfast with your family sound fantastic.
My dear dear sister I can also feel the anxiety building up, I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up when the Holidays are over, and yes, I know that with all of us praying for one another, it won't be so hard on us, my prayers will be there for all of us my dear sister, may God gives us strenght to go through another Holiday without our children. My love and prayers for all. Selva

Hi to all my sisters,
I have been so busy also. In the last week I worked 7 days in a row. Baked cookies, decorated pretzels and made the dough for tomorrow's cookies. I attended two parties and even made it to church on time yesterday. I didn't think I was going to be able to get up on time, because I came home very late on Saturday. I worked 8 1/2 hr, then shopped (had to get those discounts) then went to a party about 45 min away. Sunday I went to church then to work. I was suppose to work 8 hrs but was asked to stay until we closed, so I worked about 9 1/2 hrs. Then I was at work this AM. In between work and sleep Betty comes over. I have tomorrow off and I don't care how much they beg, I'm not going in. I'm finding that all this busyness is preventing me from spending quality time with God. This is bothering me because this is the season that I should be spending more time with God, not less. Sandy, for me it's been 27 yrs and I still feel the anxiety at Christmas and Mother's day. Obviously, not as intense as those first awful years, but it is still there. Around the holidays I get more anxious about my sons. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but my thoughts go to "if it happened once, it can again." So I start worrying about them. One is a heavy drinker and loves to party. He has told me on several occassions that he didn't remember driving home or he woke up in a stranger's bed and didn't know how he got there. I'm always concerned about him, but it intensifies during this season. It was New Years Eve when my father had his fatal car accident and alcohol was involved. My oldest son doesn't drink nearly as much but he works long hours and is on the road late at night. I think the biggest impact of losing Elizabeth is that I no longer feel safe. I know that God is in control, however He allowed it once, who says He won't allow it again. My comfort is if He allows it again, He will bring me through it. So my anxiety over the holidays is twofold, missing my only daughter and fear that something might happen to another child. It's not an all consuming fear and I live my life as normal as possible, but that fear is always in the back of my mind.

Thank you all for the e-mails. They are all great! I don't know how to send out mass e-mails without typing in everyone's address. Those who know how I would sure like to learn.

Well, I see that I've been rambling again. Please know that everyone is in my prayers. Good night to all. Love, Jane

Dear Selva,
Thank you sister, you are right, it is one less thing on my mind. I know that God will take care of us this Christmas holiday and every day for that matter. We will go through this one and many more. I am feeling anxiety of course as you are. All we can do is keep praying for each other. God hears us and loves us. Our children love us. We will make it through together. Love you,
Kathy

Hi All: I also have been very busy baking cookies and making cookie trays and shopping and now I have to dig one of the presents out take it back and get something else. Always something to keep my mind off of crying and getting upset over things that I can not control. I am wishing for the holidays to be over with soon and I know they will be. This year everyone is at my house for Cristmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year's Eve. I will have enough people around to keep my mind off of the sad stuff. Some times I rather be alone than with someone.I hope you all have the best Christmas that you can have since we are all in the same situation.I got to go clean up the mess from the boys and Joann and I making gingerbread house and tree. This is the first time we ever made them and they turned out pretty good. I hope I am back on before christmas but if I am not I will have you all in my prayers.
Lee Ann

Hi Everyone, I've been keeping up with the reading of all posts but still have a way to go before responding to trying to respond all. I know Y'all understand. Thanks again for the much needed prayers. I went to my primary care doctor this past Tuesday. I had a bad case of bronchitis. The nurse gave me a shot, and the doctor ordered a breathing machine for me to use in my home. However the meds for the machine did not arrive until yesterday. From the size of the box, it looks as though it’s enough to last a longggg time! God willing, I will read up on everything and start using it tomorrow. She also put me on two strong antibiotics that has all but gotten rid of the shortness of breath and coughing thank God. I am still not sleeping well at night, but I make up for it during the day! I still have zero appetite for healthy food but force myself to eat healthy in small amounts which is what she recommends for the diabetes. I have lost a few lbs. since I started back walking. So, again, I am just thanking God for being here. :) It really warmed my heart to come here and read all your post and see that everyone is busy and doing the best they can. It's good to know that God is on our side. :)
Much love and (((HUGS))) to all,
Verna

JENNIFER,
Just a note to tell you that you're in my prayers today on your Aimee Nichole's birthdate. May God bless you with happy memories today! And give her twin sister a big hug from me on her 14th birthday today.
Love and (((HUGS))) and prayers,
Charlene

Dearest Jennifer, ~ I wanted so much to get here earlier today to let you know that you, and family are in my heartfelt prayers on this, your Aimee's and her sister's birthday. How difficult this has to be for you all. The sadness will always be there, but God gives us the strength to go on [in a different way]in spite of the never-ending sadness. There is no way we could do it without God's help. I pray that you will find a measure of peace in knowing deep in your heart that your beloved Aimee is happy and at peace, and is surrounded by all our angels who, like her, have gone on before us. The love bond that exists between you can never die. Remember also that we are His children and God shares our grief, and He is on our side. :)
Love, (((HUGS))), & Prayers,
Verna

Dear Jennifer,
I'm sorry I wasn't able to post earlier.But you were in my thoughts and prayers.I hope you had wonderful memories of your Aimee even though today was a sad one.
Love to you dear sister,
Anita

To all my sisters,
With the Holidays right upon us I wanted to take this time to let you all know how much I appreciate all of you. Without the love and prayers you have given me I don't think I would have made it this time. Knowing I could count on each of you helped me so much.I still depend on each of you too.
Sandy and Donna, your e-mails keep me going. I look forward to them.
Charlene, Selva and Miss V, I always wonder what you three are going to come up with next. I couldn't do without you.
Jane and Kathy, you two have got me spoiled on the scripture. I can't wait to see the next one.
I know there are the other sisters that I haven't mentioned by name but I value you just as much.
Thank you all for being there when I was on the bottom.
Love you all,
Anita