Prayer Circles

My heart is at one with all of you. March 8, is the anniversary date of my sons death. March 8, will be 10 years ago he was killed. He was only 16 years old, killed by someone he didn t even know, because the killer didnt like that he was black. Now my son is dead, and this young man is in prison. It still makes no sense to me. There are times even now after 10 years that the pain is still unbearable. Kasey was my only child, my husband and I had already divorced, so I am alone. But I thank God that his grace and mercy has brought me through. I never deny the pain, I 've just learned how to deal with it and still live. My son would have wanted me to still live and enjoy life. I pray for those of you who have had very recent losses. I can tell you that the first 3 years are the hardest. You must have a good support system in order to get past the overwhelming grief. I thank God for my family, and my church family. I was very fortunate to be from a praying family. My foster Mother instilled the Love of God in me at an early age. She has gone on to heaven also. When people stop and ask me how do I do it? or they will say you must be very strong. I'm not so strong. God has held my hand all the way. There were days and nights when all I did was cry, until my insides just hurt. I know many of you know what I'm talking about. It is ok to cry, but you must know that you must lean on God to help you through. Even with all my teaching and my religous background. Nothing, I mean absolutely nothing prepared me for planning a furneral for my only child. But I did. It has been 10 years and, today I'm stronger in my faith than ever before. Stay in prayer, that is where you will get your strength from. Don't ever think you can handle this on your own. I will stay in prayer for all of you, please pray for me. Prayer changes things. God Bless

I just want to say God Bless you all that mourn for children lost.
I can't believe it will be 5 months, February 9th, since our Lydia passed away and the pain is still with me and my family. Some of you are dealing with 1st, 2bd, and 3rd anniversarys and I can still hear the anquish in your postings, I wish to send this prayer out to you all:

"Please God help us all deal with this pain that weighs us down so much, and give us the courage to find some peace in the knowledge that they are all with You and You are watching over them with love and kindness. We are not as understanding of these things as You are and question why? all the time. Please help us to understand more, of the plan you have for us all. Thank you Lord for all of the beauty that remains in this world because of you and thank you for sending this prayer circle into our lives and our ability to communicate with each other."

from Carol

I just want to say God Bless you all that mourn for children lost.
I can't believe it will be 5 months, February 9th, since our Lydia passed away and the pain is still with me and my family. Some of you are dealing with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd anniversarys and I can still hear the anquish in your postings, I wish to send this prayer out to you all:

"Please God help us all deal with this pain that weighs us down so much, and give us the courage to find some peace in the knowledge that they are all with You and You are watching over them with love and kindness. We are not as understanding of these things as You are and question why? all the time. Please help us to understand more, of the plan you have for us all. Thank you Lord for all of the beauty that remains in this world because of you and thank you for sending this prayer circle into our lives and our ability to communicate with each other."

from Carol

Dear Marylinky, God bless you for your strong faith and your kind helpful words.What is wrong with a world that someone would take a life for the color of your skin.It surely makes no sense to me either.We just have to keep praying for love and compassion.I wish everyone would turn to God.He makes your whole outlook on life so different.I am so sorry for the loss of your only child.And the hardest thing we could ever do in life is to plan a funeral for our child.To this day,that day is still like i was in a dream.I just wanted so bad to be able to take my baby home.I knew i couldn't,so i am happy she went to her other home.I don't come from a praying family and it makes me sad because most of them seem to have forgot her and never call me.I have a good husband and a precious son,but they think religion is not really that important but i keep praying for them.And i know they loved Carol with all their heart.My daughter loved the Lord.I don't want to sound like i don't have a good family.I do.But their priorities are not the same as mine.But without God it is understandable to me.Take care of yourself.I will be thinking of you and praying for you.Love,Barb

Dear Shaner,Of course you can post on my memorial site for Carol.Anyone can.And anyway you seem like family.God bless.Love,Barb

Dear Eudora, Thank you for your kind words. Take one day at a time. Continue to pray and God will give you all the strength you will ever need. I thank God for people like you who truly understand how I feel. Each day gets a little easier, each year gets a little easier. The truth is you learn to let go of the pain and hold on to those precious memories. May God continue to bless you.
Mary

Hello marylinky, I just read your post and my heart goes out to you. Like eudora, I just can't understand why someone would take the life of another over the color of one's skin. It's a tragedy. Losing your only child, your beloved son must have been devastating in the beginning, as you said, NOTHING can prepare us for planning the funeral of our child. Kasey wouldn't want you to not be happy, so I'm very glad that you have your strong faith. "Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted". How true this is, Our Lord is so good to us when we reach out to Him in our sorrow. You did and it's helped you all these years. I'm so happy for you that you had a good support system in place, I know it was a comfort to you during the hard times.
Yes, the first three years do seem to be the hardest, but your post gives those of us who are going through the first, second, third year much comfort!
I know that I stay in prayer over the loss of my son, lean heavily on Our Lord and He has brought me this far. And just look how far He's brought you, because of your strong prayer life. Thank you for your wise words, and may God bless you and hold your hand as you go through life without your Kasey.
Luv Sandy

Hi Carol, so nice to hear from you again too. I think we all can relate to what you're going through right now, we may not exactly know, for we're all different, but all grieving moms experience the same emotions. It's hard to believe, isn't it, that Lydia will be gone 5 months on Feb. 9th, the first year is spent in shock and disbelief, so you're in that phase right now. Lydia's passing has been so recent, you and your family have to give yourselves plenty of time for grieving and being gentle with yourselves. As Marylinky said, cry anytime you want to, let the tears come and embrace them, it's a way of healing to let them out. Don't be too hard on yourself right now, for you're grieving, and that is hard both physically and emotionally. What a truly beautiful prayer that you posted, I just loved it, and I hope it brought you some comfort as it did me. God bless you and your family also, and know that your Lydia is watching over all of you.
Luv Sandy

Hi Eudora, thank you, I'll post a little something at Carol's site! I also just wanted to say to you that I've also been on the receiving end of family and friends, not my husband or my other son, but extended family, who will not even acknowledge Shane's name, they change the subject or just drop the conversation altogether. They don't realize how hurtful it is to us and that we NEED to talk about our child, talking about them helps us tremendously with the pain. I believe this is a very common reaction from family and frieds, and I know some of them find it awkward and that's why they do act the way they do. They haven't been though what we have, so they can't possibly understand. I'm not referring to your husband or other child either, but family and friends as well. I know you all miss Carol so very much! Keep up your prayers, and you know you and every other mom is prayed for here,
Luv Sandy

A few words of encouragement:
I just want to say that my heart goes out to all who have lost a child. I know that it was
God who held you up at the time of your loss. That same God, will be with you now, as
well as in the days, months, and years ahead. Just know in your heart that He is there with
you! Call on Him, talk to Him, and cry to Him when the pain seems too much to bear.
He is always there. He listens, and the comforts you when you cry. Then, He wipes the
tears from your eyes, and allows you to lean on Him again and again. He’s never to busy,
and He never gets tired or impatient with you. Even during times when I was angry with
God, He never got angry with me. He returned my anger with compassion! He helped
me get pass the question of “Why!” It didn’t happen overnight, but eventually, it did
happen; and in time, He helped me regain my will to live. and to do so with purpose. God
knew I felt my cross was too much to bear. He knew exactly what I was feeling in my
heart and soul. Still, He helped me! He knows the weight of the cross that each of you is
carrying, and He will help you carry it to the end. I’m not talking about what I think; I’m
testifying to what I know! Just trust Him and know that He is always on call. In time,
(you cannot rush it), your pain will become a little easier to bear. The intolerable pain will
become tolerable in time! You will never get over losing your child, but the prayers of
others, and God, will help you to go on. I still call on Him when I am having one of my
down in the valley days. I always will. He strengthens me so that I can continue to go on,
so that I can pray for other moms who have lost their precious children. Oh how blessed
we are that we always have someone we can turn to; especially when we are feeling our
pain and loss! God has given us this wonderful prayer circle filled with moms who know
what it’s like to lose a precious child! When we pray for each other, all are strengthened.
It’s been 5 years and 5 months since I lost my precious daughter. I thank God for the
unexpected progress I have made thus far. There have been times when thought I would
never live long enough to see the day when the indescribable pain would not be to intense.
I know it was God, and the prayers of others that helped me make it this far. I continue to
thank God for not giving up on me, and for giving me friends and family who have prayed
for, and, with me. I have faith that God will continue to give each us the strength that we
need to endure our crosses until we see our precious children again someday. I always
pray that God will give; and continue to give, each parent who has lost a child, longer and
longer moments of peace. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen

Hi Sandy, I have missed posting here! Of course you know that I still pray for all the
moms, even when I don’t post. :) I decided to try to create another prayer circle in my
Diane’s memory. This time, I took your advice and let it say there long enough to allow it
to be found. :) Thanks for the encouragement. It’s listed in the prayer circle directory
under Calling...When Death Comes. Due to the large number of deaths I have had to
endure since Diane’s, it gives me a chance to express what I am feeling inside and at the
same time pray for others to help them deal with their losses. I am happy to report that a
few people have actually found it. Isn’t God wonderful! So, this is my official invitation
to you and the other moms who post here to drop in from time to time. I promise I am
not going to delete this one too soon. :) As soon as I can figure out how to do it, I would
like to email you a picture of my Diane and Cheryl. I’ll get Cheryl to show me how to do
it. :) It was the last photo they took together on Diane’s 36th birthday; just two weeks
before the tragedy. Email me at: VCLAY100@aol.com Also, would like to share a few
select topics, from some chapters in the manuscript of my first book. I’m so close to
finishing the book until it scares me! :) Cheryl says I have allowed the book to become a
substitute for Diane. :) I think she may be right.:) My book of poetry is all but finished
also. So, I must make myself become unattached to both, and soon. :) Sandy, keep up
the tremendous work that you are doing for our Lord and Savior, in your precious
Shaun’s name. I know it was God who directed my path to this very special prayer circle,
and I will be forever grateful to God, and to you, and all the other moms who have prayed
for me, and all the other moms. Whether newly bereaved, or on this journey for years, we
all help each other! :) I think of all of you as my extended family. :) I must say it again:
Isn’t God wonderful!
Love to all,
Verna

Hello Verna, so nice to see you posting again also! We know that you're a faithful prayer partner here and we're all very grateful! As you know so well yourself, it always comes back to you, you're blessed yourself for your praying! Your first post and prayer were beautiful, and I know will give much comfort and hope to other moms.
I'm happy to hear you started another Prayer Circle - When Death Comes, there are so many people who experience grief through the loss of a parent, spouse, sibling, family members, friends, and you're providing a wonderful outlet for them. I'm so happy that you're keeping it active longer, there is a need out there for such a Circle. And you know you're always welcome here! I'm so very happy for you that you've almost finished your book. I know it was and is a labour of love for you, as well as your book of poetry. I bet you will dedicate it to Diane! YES, God is wonderful, and awesome, He continues to bless this Circle and my life, our life, so even in grief and travelling along on the Journey, He has been a great source of comfort for us!
The best wishes go out to you and your Circle, and I will post there shortly. I know you've no doubt helped out so many people yourself by now. And don't be a stranger here! Blessings to you and thank you for your kind words,
Luv Sandy

Shaner, while I am truly sorry for the lost of your son, I too lost my son at the age of 17 due to violence. I solicit your prayers as well as the others who frequent this page as I will be praying for all of you as well. God Bless you one and all.

hi shaner and barb....it's been a while. i really continue in my struggle. i wanted to ask you both a question, i hope you don't think it's too off the wall...some days i feel like the devil is vying for my soul. in a way this sounds narcissistic...why would i be so important as to have him care about and/or want my soul? but anyway, i'm struggling so much with my infertility/miscarriage, that how can god constantly say no to our prayers when we have so much to offer a child, and i end up hating god and telling him off. i've been pretty much joyless for the past year. i get up every day and go through the motions, but i wonder when i'll feel joy again, and when i'll stop being so mad at god. and i feel like i'm being tested, and i really don't appreciate it since plenty of crack heads and whatever else have 6 kids all by different fathers by the time they're 21......i just can't deal. how do you stay so strong in your faith?? how can you love and be thankful to a god that allowed your child to die?? why am i having such a hard time with this? i'm so sad, and i just want to be happy and enjoy life again and be the person my husband married. i admire the faith of everyone on this board. i don't understand why after a year i can't feel like that too, and so i got to the point where i felt like maybe satan has a role here, and is trying to tear me away from god??? i don't know. that looks weird even to me as i write it, but i'm really at a loss here. i feel like the only thing that will make me get my faith back is if god gives us a baby. i'm so confused. i'm so tired of feeling like this :o( any advice, input is appreciated, as always. and thanks for your past responses. take care.

Hello vwalton, I'm so sorry to read that you lost a beloved son also. It's so painful to lose a child, isn't it. It's like no other loss in our lives. It's something that we learn to live with everyday. Thank you for your prayers, and you will certainly be prayed for here!
Luv Sandy

Hello plapfm, I just read your post, and it's so sad. I'll give you my advice, and then Barb can give you her's, and if anybody else wants to join in, by all means do so! You mentioned in a previous post that you were going for counselling, so I pray that you're continuing with it. Your anger is really hurt, you've been hurt by your miscarriage and your infertility issues and naturally you're blaming God. Anger and hurt lead to depression, so perhaps you should discuss this over with your Doctor, there's no shame in getting some help, other moms I know have, along with their faith. I just think that you're really hurting, sweetie, and it's coming out in anger. I think you mentioned once that you were Catholic, perhaps making an appointment to talk with parish priest would be very beneficial, you could explain to him your thoughts and feelings about your spiritual state. And joining a support group with other women like you who've had the heartbreak of miscarriage and infertility issues would be beneficial to you also. These are just some of the things that come to my mind as ways of helping you. It's hard sometimes to take that first step, but once you do, I know it will only benefit you. And even though you're angry at God, try praying anyway, even if your prayers seem empty at first, eventually they will become more meaningful. Ask your favourite Saint to intercede for you, or Our Blessed Mother. She knows the heartache of losing a child, doesn't she. Start off with all these suggestions, if you want, that is, I'm just throwing some of my thoughts out to you. If all this seems too much to do at once right now, start off taking 'baby steps' in your recovery. But I would strongly suggest you get some help, in whatever way is best for you! Our continued prayers are with you, and as I said, perhaps other moms here will have some other ideas. May God bless you and bring you some peace of mind and spirit.
Luv Sandy

Hello to all our wonderful moms. Every now and then I'll post a poem that means something to me, and I hope it speaks to you too. Here is one of them,

DON'T TURN AWAY

Please don't be fooled by the game
I play, or the mask I wear.
It's only for your benefit, so you
don't have to feel uncomfortable
around me.
Don't be fooled because I don't
talk about it, and don't
think it still doesn't hurt,
I don't talk about it for fear that
you will be embarrassed,
by your lack of words and
just walk away from me.
Don't be fooled by my idle chatter
I tell you everything that's
nothing, and nothing of
what's everything crying
inside of me.
If you have nothing to say about
my pain, that's okay.
Just share your kindness and
listen to me.
Just share your heart and be
there for me.
And if ever you need the same
kindness and understanding
I'll be there for you. I promise.
Just don't turn away.

(Author Anon.)

Dear Plapfm, I don't know you personally but it hurts to know your in such pain.I can't really tell you why things happen the way they do.But its not Gods way to see us hurt and suffering.He really is a loving God.When things happen that are out of our control thats where we need our faith.I'm not trying to sound like i have it so together,because i have my problems to.When Carol died i turned away from God.I would just stand and scream,why God why?Why my baby?She was so good.I finally after about six months went to church.That night they sang her favorite songs.It brought me to my knees.I remembered Carol saying to me,Moma always turn to God when your hurting.He will wrap his arms around you and make it right.Thats how i felt that night that i was going to do just that.I know there is a reason for what God does but we will have to wait until we see him to find out.Please,please go for counselling and talk your feelings out.I can tell you are a loving person.Like Shaner said your anger is from the hurt you feel.Try to pray.Just talk to the Father,he will help you.I want so bad for you to be rid of the bitterness and pain you are carrying inside you.I will pray for you.I know everyone will.We all are here for each other.God bless you.Love,Barb

Shaner,oh what a beautiful poem.Its so true,its just the way i feel as i'm sure we all relate to.Someone that lost a loved one had to have written it.Thank you for sharing it.Love,Barb

dear shaner and barb.......thank you so much for your messages. i was at work tonight and a priest came walking down the hall and just started talking to me out of the blue. it was weird. below is an article that i was hoping you would take interest in. since you are so strong in your prayer and faith, i thought maybe you could pray for my husband and me in this regard. i'm going to try to start praying to st. anthony. maybe it's a good place to start. thank both of you so much for your support, especially since i know IF is not the topic of this board, but i still hurt so much from losing my little baby at only 3 months pregnant. so hard. thank you and take care.

Fertility: A Study Links Prayer and Pregnancy
October 2, 2001
By ERIC NAGOURNEY

Researchers at Columbia University, expressing
surprise at their own findings, are reporting that women at an in vitro fertilization clinic in Korea had a higher pregnancy rate when, unknown to the patients, total strangers were asked to pray for their success.

The findings are in the current Journal of
Reproductive Health.

The researchers found that women who were prayed for became pregnant twice as often as those who did not have people praying for them.

The lead author of the report, Dr. Rogerio A. Lobo, Columbia's chairman of obstetrics and gynecology, said he and his colleagues had thought long and hard about whether to publish their findings, since they seemed so
improbable. In the end, the differing pregnancy rates between the two groups of women proved too significant to ignore.

"It was not even something that was borderline
significant," Dr. Lobo said. "It was highly
significant. And still I am not willing to say that this is the definitive answer, that there is definitely an association."

Dr. Lobo said the idea for the study came from a
colleague and co-author, Dr. Kwang Y. Cha, a researcher at Cha Hospital in Seoul.

The study involved 199 women who went to Cha Hospital in 1998 and 1999 for help becoming pregnant.

None knew about the study, and the medical staff
caring for them also was unaware of it.

The researchers gave members of different Christian denominations in the United States, Canada and Australia photographs of the patients and asked them to pray. One
group was asked to pray directly on behalf of the
women, a second group directed its prayers to help the first group, and a third prayed for the two other groups.

Earlier studies suggested that prayer by strangers
also seemed to help heart patients.

http://www.nytimes.com/2001/10/02/health/womenshealth/02FRET.html?ex=1003032803&ei=1&en=b1c3e901c987ef92

Sandy, I just finished reading the poem you shared. It’s as though the person who wrote
it has read my mind. I can’t count the times I felt the need to say those very words to
some family members, friends, and believe it or not, some well meaning counselors! This
was especially true during the first two or three years after Diane’s death. Oh, what a
difficult time that was for me! I am sure a lot of other moms have known this kind of
pain. This poem speaks volumes to me. It will also help other moms; especially the newly
bereaved moms, to become aware, and better prepared, just in case they are faced with
this kind of situation in the near future. I eventually learned through reading, counseling,
and support groups that I was not alone in what I was feeling. In my case, however, over
a year had passed before I realized how desperately I needed to get help with handling my
own personal grief plus other unexpected related issues that come up during those early
stages of grieving. That’s why it’s so important that we, who have been on this journey a
while longer, share in any way that we can to encourage each other as well as help inform
each other about the kind of things they may someday have to deal with. This is especially
true when it comes to encouraging the newly bereaved moms. As you know, writing
poetry is one of the main ways I have learned to deal with my grief. The ones that I share,
I do so hoping that they will provide some comfort and encouragement, and to let other
moms know that they are not alone, and that others really do care about what they are
going through. This poem, however, also speaks to others who have not lost a child, to
let them know just how painful it is for those of us who have, and prayerfully, they will
become more sensitive and supportive; especially during the early stages of grieving when
we need this kind of support the most. We know they cannot possibly understand. That’s
why this poem is so touching and so needed! Sandy, once again you have provided such
encouragement to all the moms who post here. No matter who wrote this poem, it speaks
volumes to me, and I feel so blessed that God placed it on your heart to share it with us.
Finally, after all this time, I feel such peace and relief from my unacknowledged as well as
unexpressed pain! Yes, God is so wonderful! :)
Love2U All
Verna

Hi Barb, (eudora), the poem touched me, so I'm glad it touched you also. How very true it is, and yes, it had to have been written by someone who had experienced such a loss. As LOVE2U says, others around us should read it too, it would be a help to them in regards to how to treat and act with us.
Continued prayers for you and your family,
Luv Sandy

Hello plapfm, that's so wonderful, not weird, that a Priest came by and spoke with you!! God presented an opportunity to you, and I hope you told him how you're feeling! You see, He hasn't abandoned you, He wants to help you in your anger and hurt. If St. Anthony is one of your favourite Saints, then that's wonderful that you've asked him to intercede for you until you yourself can begin praying again. You're taking that one step and I'm so happy!!
Researchers, Scientists, Doctors, are now realizing the great power of prayer, so I'm not surprised by the article you posted. The article should give you and your husband hope, you're being prayed for here, so we all expect good things to happen in your life. And more importantly, the article should speak to you about prayer! I'm so happy that you're starting to pray, invoking St. Anthony's help is a wonderful start. God bless you, and may His Hand be with you as you go through this trial at the moment. Our prayers go with you,
Luv Sandy

Hello Verna (LOVE2U), I'm happy that the poem spoke to you also, I think it will to any mom who has lost a child. Gosh, yes, if only we could post it at our front doors, especially as you say during those first few years. It would help those around us as much as it would help us! A simple little poem, but containing a powerful message. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly that we who have been on this Journey longer than most should reach out our hands to them and hold them as they start their own Journey.
Your own poetry is not only therapeutic for you, but lovingly for others as well! I'm so happy for you that you now feel peace and relief from your pain, it's no doubt been a long, painful process, but by posting it here, you give other moms hope! YES, God is so awesome, He can use me in any way He wants to!
I haven't had a chance to visit your Prayer Circle yet, or write you, I've been extremely busy, BUT I will, continued love and blessings to you Verna,
Luv Sandy