Prayer Circles

Dear Sandy and Jane,
Thank you for your wonderful prayers. Jane, I don't mind at all that you used me for an example....I agree with you wholeheartedly. I am doing ok and have come to the conclusion that skipping Thanksgiving this year will be perfectly fine. I plan to take my little boy somewhere fun...the Zoo, Sea World, somewhere and just have a great day. Since I lost my Mother in April, our family is floundering this year. We always gathered at her house for the Holidays. I heard the other day that "Nothing gets better, it just gets different". I was amazed at how much sense that made! Different is ok, I embrace that today! Anyway, I will be ok and yes, I am praying for you all. I have decided to try to post no matter how I feel. It is true, we can't bottle things up. I don't have a problem talking about Wes's accident in general. Just not now. I know when I am ready you all we be here to support me. Thank you and love to you.
Kathy

Jane,
I think we were posting at the same time....I have been praying today for the children and families and will continue to do just that.
Kathy

I'm so glad to see that you all have been 'carrying on' the past few days. I'm sorry that I haven't had the energy to come here; I just skimmed the posts but will go back and read them better after I post here. Jane, I liked your 'coping skills' and will try to implement them; until I have my appt. with my counselor, I am just taking it easy and not doing anything unless it HAS to get done. I had another major meltdown Monday at my dr. appt. and all the way home and for the rest of that day. When my husband got home, he thought that I'd gotten bad news from my dr. but I told him it was just because of the holidays coming up and the anniversary date of the girls' deaths on Dec. 1st. I'm so frustrated because I feel like we're the only ones (in our family) who are grieving for the girls, so we don't have support from anyone but each other. And we even had not been communicating for a couple of months; this broke the ice and we are once again able to share our tears and our pain with each other. I also had an 'aha' moment yesterday when I realized why I was so angry with my daughter (the girls' mother) and her husband and kids; it is like I am mad at them because none of them are grieving for the girls. How dare they not take this loss seriously! I don't actually KNOW that they are not grieving because my daughter and I haven't really talked about the hurtful words she said to me in May; but they don't act like they are grieving and that makes me mad. Anyway, now that I've realized why I'm so mad at her and her family, I feel some better; but not any less angry with her. Thank you all for your support and prayers; you are all very much loved and prayed for in return. I just haven't had the emotional energy to come here lately.
Much love, Charlene

Jane and Selva, thank you for your prayers; they are very much needed right now. I'm so grateful that you all know what you're talking about when you give your advice; I'm sorry that you have gained your 'wisdom' the way you have, but glad that you're using it to help others like me. You are very dear sisters to me!

Jane, you have been through so much in your life; it's amazing that you are still 'kicking', but I'm glad you are! I'm praying that you have less work hours next week and that you have favor with your supervisor when you meet with him and talk to him. I'm also sorry to hear about your uncle and about your grandmother. I too pray that your grandmother (and you) will not suffer because of her dementia. My grandpa was 93 when he was put into a nursing home because he didn't know anyone any more and he had tried to burn down his house a couple of times. Grandma just couldn't handle him any more and she fell and broke her arm so the rest of the family moved him into a nursing home. I never saw him after that day because I refused to go see him and witness his 'state of mind' when he didn't know anyone anyway. My memories of him are when he was whole and mentally healthy. The only thing I regret about not going to see him is the fact that the rest of the family didn't understand why I wouldn't go see him. You have to do what YOU have to do to make it through this. My prayers are with you for strength, peace, and most of all to be in God's will in your prayers for yourself and for her.
I re-read your coping skills again and wrote them down this time. The one that really struck me was 'do not isolate'. I guess I've been doing that by not coming here, but most days I had NO words to say; I was so needy myself that I had no words of help or comfort for anyone else. Just today when I was in town and saw 2 ladies that I knew, they asked me how I was doing and I didn't hesitate to tell them exactly what had been going on with me the past week and why. I feel like God put them in my path so I could have someone (besides my husband) to talk to. It felt so good to be able to share with them; even though they didn't exactly understand what I was saying, it felt good to me to say it out loud to someone else.
And you're right about the 'anticipation' being worse than the actual event. It's like a tragedy is coming up that you don't want to participate in but you have to and there's no way you can prepare for it. The anniversary date is a speeding train coming your way and as it gets closer it gets louder and scarier and when it zooms past with all it's smoke and noise, you're so glad that it is past and gone that you are exhausted from the tension of it. That's the only way I can describe it. Thank you so much for being here the past few days with your support!
Love, Charlene

Sandy, as usual, you are the rock that keeps us all going. You are still in my prayers for health--mentally, emotionally, and physically. I liked your advice to Connie to go into another room to cry if she had to when her grandkids were around. That makes me feel hope that there actually IS an outlet for our pain when other people are around. I can just go to the bathroom for a potty break and cry for a while; they will survive without me in the room for a few minutes. :o)
I hadn't heard of the 'hug' man either. I remember feeling so good after the night of the girls' visitation (the night before the funeral when everyone comes to the funeral home to visit with the family). Later I realized that I felt so good because of all the hugs. Over 200 hugs in one night was a tremendous emotional boost for me. But as the months went by, I felt awkward asking for hugs from people. Maybe that's what we all need to do, though. It would not only make us feel better, but would also make others feel better too. Remember what Jane said: Do not isolate. And then carry that one step further and ask for a hug (from those you trust). I couldn't ask just anyone, but I hope I would 'feel' who the right ones would be.
Thank you Sandy for your love and support for all of us; you take it easy in the days ahead too. We wouldn't be here together without your listening to that whisper from God in your ear.
Love, Charlene

I feel like tonight I'm really making up for the loss of thoughts and words that I've had in the past week!!

Sue, I'm so sorry that I didn't post on Gary's birthday anniversary date. You were in my prayers regardless of whether or not I posted here. I pray that you are doing well; as Kathy said, not necessarily better but different. Post when you can.



Imelda (adamshanesmom): Shane Nov. 17, 2004(HD)
Imelda, I lift you up to our Father God tonight on the night before the anniversary of your Shane's homegoing date. I pray that God would lift your thoughts and your mind, that He would give you peace and comfort, and that He would surround you with His presence. May He give you release from that deep intense pain that we all feel sometimes, and help you to smile as you remember your Shane.
My love and prayers to you Imelda!



Connie, this being your first holidays without your son is a new experience for you. My first Christmas without the girls(granddaughters) was just a little over 3 weeks after their deaths and it was total shock for me. Then last year everyone else acted normal but I felt like I was the only one still grieving. Then this year with the 'mess' with my daughter, I am much more emotional than I was last year. I'm also remembering more details of the last few months before the girls' deaths and treasuring those memories. It really hurts to not have them here making more memories. The tears will definitely come for you but allow yourself to remember last Christmas and Thanksgiving and TREASURE those memories. I realize that your Derrick's first homegoing anniversary is coming up in Jan. so that is making these holidays harder for you. Follow Jane and Sandy's advice and be especially good to yourself; you are the only one who truly knows what you feel and you need to make sure that your needs are met.
The same goes to you Kathy. Your Wes has been gone just a little over a year so this year will definitely be harder than last year. You have to do what is best for YOU, whether that means doing nothing or whatever you and your son want to do to make the days memorable for you.
You both are lifted up daily to our Heavenly Father for strength and peace.

Charlene

To All,
We have just had another tragedy concerning children in our area, actually in Elkhart, IN. Four children, ages 2,4,6,and 8 were found dead by suffocation, the mother was nearby in critical condition. Today the police arrested the mother. She's still in the hospital and little details are available. Part of me is sad that she survived because her hell is just beginning. The other part of me is glad that she survived because she will have to answer to society for her actions. From what I have gathered there are mental health issues and the mother was hospitalized last week. If this is true somone really screwed up when they released her. I think the hospital should be held at least partially responsible. It's easy to judge her and say what kind of woman would do this to her children. For whatever reason, this woman did not intend to live, she was found without a pulse. She was a woman who had totally lost hope for a future. Now she will live but with a bleak future. How sad for all involved. I am praying that she will allow God to touch her and bring complete healing which would include His forgiveness. Right now there are 2 fathers and a community grieving and they have my prayers. Good night to all, Jane

Dear Charlene,
You and I have been posting at the same time. Boy, when you catch up, you really do! It has often been said here that the third year is actually the worse. So know that when you survive this year, the absolute worse is over. Kathy is right, nothing gets better, just different and we learn that different is ok. I can understand why you're angry with you daughter and her family. What you're not privy to is her private grief, the part of her she feels she cannot share with anyone else. I know that when Elizabeth died, I very much acted "normal." It was many years later when I spoke with my step children that they told me how much they hurt but was afraid to show it. We all pretended that her death didn't effect us. Meltdowns may feel awful, but actually they are good for us. We weren't created to keep everything inside, we need to release.

Isolation is so harmful because it causes us to believe we are abnormal. We believe no one understands what we are feeling so we withdraw. Getting those hugs is one way to make sure you don't isolate. Good idea! I'm so glad you were actually able to talk to those two women. Verbalizing what we are feeling takes some of the power away from it. So now I'm going to try my target prayer for you: Father, I pray reconcillation over Charlene's family. I pray that with the anniversary date and holidays so near that they would reach out to each other. I pray that you would open their eyes so they would realize the pain each of them are going through. I pray especially that you would bring unity to this family. That complete love is restored and communication is reestablished. I pray that you would touch Charlene's heart and replace the anger with understanding and compassion that can only come from You. I ask that you bring her daughter of out denial if this is going on. Above all, I pray that You bring comfort and peace to this family. May they find joy again, especially during this season. Fix their eyes on Jesus who is the Joy of the world.

Charlene, don't feel like you have to give everytime you post. If you're "so needy" just say so. We will lift you up. Even one word like "help" will send the signal to the prayer warriors. You have been such a support for so many and now it's your time to recieve support. I once did a sermon on "It's more blessed to give than to receive." The premise was blessed means happier (in Greek). So it gets translated that we are happier when we give than when we recieve. It takes a lot of humility to be on the recieving end. I challenged my audience to be recievers along with givers. The next day someone called me to spend the night with her because her blood pressure was very high and the doctor didn't want her to be alone. She told me she never would have done that had she not heard that sermon. I was very humbled and in awe that God would use those words so quickly. What I'm saying is that you have given much, now is the time to recieve. Please know that you are very loved. Love, Jane

Dear Kathy,
I didn't realize that the holidays are a double whammy for you. Not only will you not have your beloved Wes, but your mother also will be missing. Do what you have to do. Who knows, maybe you will be starting a new tradition. Right now going to Sea World sounds great for me, because it would be warm there!

You are right, life doesn't get better after our loss, it get's different. We learn to live with the different and accept it and find joy once again. I'm glad you decided to post again. Like I said to Charlene, don't feel like you always have to give something. Sometimes you just need to receive. I hope you didn't think I was pressuring you into talking about Wes's accident. I was responding to a comment you had made. I know when you are ready you will talk about it.

Since my divorce, the only holiday I do is Christmas Eve. On Thanksgiving we all going to my married son's house. His wife is a great cook. Usually my ex and his wife are also there, but this year I think she is doing something different. My sons will all be with me though. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you and your son. Love, Jane

Dear Imelda,
I haven't met you yet, but my prayer is with you today as you celebrate Shane's HD. It's the two year mark so I understand that you probably feel more pain this year than last. I pray that you would feel God's pressence and peace surround you today. May you know that you are kept in the palm of his hand as you are walking through this grief journey. Love, Jane

Dear Imelda. My prayers are with you today, Shane HD anniversary. May God wrap His Arms around you and give you comfort in knowing that Shane is in Heaven now, where there is no suffering, just Joy , Peace and Love, I am sure that Shane will be very close to you today, may you feel his presence and love. My love and prayers. Selva

Dear lmelda, ~ I join the other angel moms in prayer on this your Shane's HD. I pray that you will feel your son's closeness in spirit throughout this day. May our Lord and Savior give you peace as you recall the many fond memories shared with your son. If the tears come, let them. It is all a part of the healing process that we must go through. God knows and understands exactly how we feel on special days as well as all other days. Your sisters here can also relate. May God give you the peaceful moments for which we all pray.
Love and Angel Hugs,
Verna

Hi all my dear sisters. I know that the Holidays are taking a toll on all of us, just want you all to know that prayers is all we have right now and I am sure that God will listen and understand. Just do what your heart tells you, every one grieves in a diferent way, what you have to do is find the way where you will be more comfortable, don't expect others to understand, only the ones who are suffering from this devastating pain will know, don't try to please every one, even family, just do what you feel, we just need to grieve in our own way, if you want to be alone, so be it, if it makes you feel better being with other people then just do that, unfortanely there isn't a "right way" my dear sisters, just try to do whatever your heart desires, after all, that is all we can do. I will be away for the week, I am going to NY so I can be away from Miami, not celebrating anything, just planning to have a very quiet time, walk a lot, meditate, pray a lot, just get away but I want you all to know that no matter where I'll be my love and prayers will be with all of you, I will be praying extra so that God will help us all to deal with another Holiday without our children. My love to all. Selva

Yvonne (dovesfromheaven): Joseph (Joe) Nov. 20, 1999 (HD)
Hello Yvonne, ~ Most of our new angel moms don't know you, but those of us who do will never forget you or your beloved Joe. :) Nor will we forget the wonderful heartfelt prayers you've shared here for all of us. I pray that God will forever keep His loving arms around you and family through the days, months, and years to come. I'll always remember your Joe's HD, because it is the same date that my Mom had a massive stroke while visiting with us in our home. I also remember that one of your granddaughters was born on my Diane's birthday - Aug. 16th. :) And, how can we forget all of those beautiful dresses you made for one of your children's wedding! :) There is something spiritual about memories; both bitter and sweet. I truly believe that we are all spiritually connected in some way. Perhaps, that is one of the lessons we are to learn on this side of heaven. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that our prayers and thoughts will be with you on Joe's special day. May God bless and keep you and family in His loving care!
Love and heavenly Hugs,
Verna

Hi my dear sisters, ~ Selva it seems that we were posting around the same time. :)I have been praying for you, Nancy, and all of our other angel sisters here. For those who are sick, I pray for healing, for those who are in the valley, I pray that God will lift your spirit and give you peace as only He can. I agree that the holidays are so difficult for all of us and that with God's help, each of us should do whatever it takes to get through them. I agree that we go on differently, and that God understands and so does our guardian angels. :) Selva, I pray that you will get a lot of rest during the holidays and Solange's BD that's coming up in December. I know by faith that God will see that you get through it all. One of my favorite sayings now is, with God's help, "We just do the best we can ... that is all we can do!" If it wasn't for prayer and my faith in a loving and compassionate God, I know I would not have made it this far. God always sends the help we need to press on. He never said our journey would be easy, but He promised to be with us through it all ... now and forever. I know in my heart that God has so much compassion for all of us who have lost a beloved child or grandchild. Charlene, I was raised by my grand mother, and let me tell you; there is not much difference in the love bond between mother and child and grand mother and grandchild. :) Your bonding with the girls seems more like mother/child bonding. :) I am praying that God will keep His arms around both you and Selva on your angels' special dates coming up next month. Dec. 1st is also my husband's birthday and Dec. 10th and 18th my beloved mother's and brother's birthday. My mother and brother died less than a year apart. :( So November/December brings on personal bitter/sweet memories for me also. I thank God for the fond memories that we shared with our departed loved ones. It helps to know that even though we miss them, they are alive and happy in heaven, and the love that we shared remains!
Much love and tender (((HUGS))) to all, :)
Verna

Sharing a favorite poem from days gone by ... By faith tell me their is indeed such a wonderful place; and when our work here is finished, we will all meet there. :)

THE LAND OF BEGINNING AGAIN
I wish that there were some wonderful place
Called the Land of Beginning Again,
Where all our mistakes and all our heartaches
And all of our poor selfish grief
Could be dropped lake a shabby old coat at the door,
And never be put on again.
I wish we could come on it all unaware,
Like the hunter who find a lost trail;
And I wish that the one whom our blindness had done
The greatest injustice of all
Could be at the gates like an old friend that waits
For the comrade he's gladdest to hail.
We would find all the things we intended to do
But forgot, and remembered too late,
Little praises unspoken, little promises broken,
And all of the thousand and one
Little duties neglected that might have perfected
The day for one less fortunate.
It wouldn't be possible not to be kind In the Land of Beginning Again;
And the ones we misjudged and the ones whom we grudged
Their moments of victory here
Would find in the grasp of our loving handclasp
More than penitent lips could explain.
For what had been hardest we'd know had been best,
And what had seemed loss would be gain;
For there isn't a sting that will not take wing
When we've faced it and laughed it away;
And I think that the laughter is most what we're after
In the Land of Beginning Again.
I wish that there were some wonderful place
Called the Land of Beginning Again,
Where all our mistakes and all our heartaches
And all of our poor selfish grief
Could be dropped like a shabby old coat at the door,
And never be put on again.

By: ** Louisa Fletcher **

Sorry y'all :) That should read: My faith tells me... and on line 5 of the poem, it should be {like) not lake.

Thank you so much VERNA for that poem. Yes, to me that will be just like Heaven--The Land of Beginning Again! I'm so looking forward to that day! But then again, there is so much to do here first and not enough years to do them in. :o)
Thank you for your 'words of wisdom' too; I don't understand the bond I feel/felt toward the girls either. I do know that they were more special to me because we saw them so much and they had a rough start in life. The memories have been coming in waves lately. And Margie and I have 'talked' some about the bond she had with Casey. I think it's harder too because as soon as I get 'over' thinking about one, I start thinking about the other one. Talk about a double-whammy! I know God won't give us more than we can bear, but like Mother Teresa said--I wish He didn't trust me so much! :o)
Last year my husband and I took some of the kids and grandkids to an arcade on Dec. 1st. This year I'm feeling like I need some time for myself so I think my husband and I are going someplace by ourselves. That makes me feel selfish, but I feel like I give so much to the grandkids on all the holidays and with Thanksgiving coming up, I feel like I need some 'me' time after that is over. I'm back at the place where I don't want to even do Thanksgiving with the family now, but we've already made all the plans so I will go ahead with it.

SELVA, I pray that you have a very good time on your mini-vacation away from home. Sometimes it's just good to get away for a while and go someplace where there aren't so many memories. Of course, the memories go with us, but for some reason they look different when we are in different surroundings than what we're used to seeing every day. That's what I'm looking forward to by getting away on Dec. 1st. We're about 3 hours from Branson, Missouri and I love to go there; I'm hoping that's where we can go. It's beautiful there this time of year with all the Christmas lights.

So many of you give (((Hugs))) and I think that's what we need--a huge big group ((((((((((HUG)))))))))). There! Did you all feel that? I did. And it even made me smile so I think it worked. You are all very much loved and appreciated. When I say my Thanksgiving prayer I'm going to thank God for all of YOU.
Love, Charlene

JANE, thank you so much for your prayer. I just want to tell you that we did see our daughter again yesterday; our grandson had his 1st grade Thanksgiving program and meal at school. His other grandmother pretty much kept her arm around him and had him 'under her wing' during the meal. I sat on the other side of him and kept talking to him but every time he would talk, she would tell him to be quiet and eat. So I can see now that there is another influence who might be trying to take over their lives. That gives me insight in better how to pray about our family situation. When she asked me how I was doing, I teared up and told her it was that time of year again and she just rolled her eyes and changed the subject. I'm not kidding you! She rolled her eyes. HaHa. Anyway, I have no ill feelings toward her; I almost feel sorry for her for her lack of compassion. Our daughter visited a lot with her (mother-in-law), but she did make an effort to visit with us some too. That made me feel some better. I did get to have a GOOD visit with a lady there who lost her son in a car wreck 23 years ago. We've visited before but she sat down and really listened yesterday. She broke down crying while we were talking so that made me feel like I wasn't the only one who was grieving. She said she cried all day this year on the day of her son's homegoing date in October. AND IT'S BEEN 23 YEARS. I told her that was okay. She even talked about the grief coming in waves and the loss leaving a jagged hole in her heart. I shared with her that that's exactly what you all have mentioned and she was relieved that she wasn't just imagining it or making it up. Her son was a cousin of our daughter's husband. Enough 'rambling'. I hope you have a very good weekend.
Love, Charlene
(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

Father God, I lift up our dear sister Sandy to You right now. Father, I praise You and thank You that You have brought me to this prayer circle. And I thank You that You whispered in Sandy's ear to reach out to others who are hurting. Father, there are so many hurting parents in this world; without this circle of love and healing, I would be floundering. Father, I ask You to send encouragement to Sandy today--either from Your Word or from a person. Father give her ((((HUGS)))) from caring people; and let her feel Your arms around her today too. Let her know that she is very much loved and cared about and that it's okay to grieve for her son. We are all grieving the loss of a child, but it makes the burden less by sharing it with each other. Father, lift up her head today to see the beauty around her and cause her heart to be thankful to You for her blessings. Give her peace, Father, so that she can rest and be restored to health. Watch over her as she sleeps so that she wouldn't have any reason to fear. Send others into her path that will encourage her and lift her spirits today and in the days ahead. Father, restore her good spirits and her smile. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) to you Sandy!
Love, Charlene

Sorry I hven't been here. I couldn't get to this point. Thank the Lord for Charlene. She emailed me and I told her what was happening and she directed me what to do and here I am. Thank You all for your prayers on the 5th. I made it throughthat day but I think the worse is to come. I can't believe the dfference when you get a chance to think about what has happened. Last year it was just a shock and now it is wearing off. Just wanted to let everyone know that I am back and it feels good. Love you all Lee Ann

SELVAM Are you going to the city or upstate? You are visiting my part of the country. I am in Northern New Jersey and it is starting to get cold here so that will be a change from Florida. Have a safe trip and get well rested. Lee Ann

Dear Lee Ann,
Welcome back! It is so good to see you posting again. Yes, this year will be worse than last year. Like I mentioned in a previous post now is the time to be proactive and take good care of yourself. I think it would be wonderful if you and Selva could hook up. I was born and raised in NJ, really miss the beach! Chicago's weather is similar to yours except we don't get many ice storms as I remember having in Jersey. Just lots of snow, and cold of course. Take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing. Love, Jane

LEE ANN, I was just going to email you to see if you got into the prayer circle but I decided to check here first. I'm glad my link helped and I hope you saved it to your favorites. I hope anyone else who's having trouble getting into the site now will email one of us so we can help them. It's good to be back among friends again! Lee Ann, I hope you allow yourself to grieve and remember; let your grandsons know when you are hurting so they can pray for you too (with us). Yes, it's awful when the shock starts to wear off; I thought last year was bad but this year is worse. With God's help and the prayers and support of all the sisters here, we will make it through!
Love and prayers and (((HUGS))) to you Lee Ann.
Charlene

p.s. Just a reminder to you all to remember Yvonne tomorrow on her son Joe's homegoing date. Verna had it posted on her post, but I'll repeat it again.

Yvonne (dovesfromheaven): Joseph (Joe) Nov. 20, 1999 (HD)

You can read her last post on page 298.
(((HUGS))) to all,
Charlene