Thank You for watching over us all night
For giving us another chance to get things right
It is Your will not ours that we seek to do
Itís not about us Ö itís all about You!
Thank You for giving me such Special Friends
Such Faithful Angel Moms Ö Only You could send! :)
We have faith thereís a brighter day ahead for all!
Thank You for helping us answer Your Divine Call!
Before home to heaven we each must go
Thank You Father God Ö for helping us daily
And for loving us so! We love You, too Lord!
Special Date reminder ...
Dear Angel Moms, ~ Just a reminder that we have our next special date coming up soon. Charlene's special dates list for November is on page 373. Let's say a special prayer for Sue (sue64): and her beloved Gary on Nov. 11th; (Gary's BD). Sue, you are in our thoughts and heartfelt prayers.
Love & Tender Hugs from heaven,
Verna & Sister Angel Moms :)
Thank you Verna for bring up Sue's special date coming up on Saturday.
Sue (sue64): Gary Nov. 11, 1985(BD)
You'll find Sue's story about her Gary on page 324. I pray that she has a very peaceful and happy day; it's just been 2 years since Gary has been gone. Sue, if you are reading this, let us know if you are still investigating his murder and if you've found out anything. I'm sure it would help if you could get some closure about who did this and that they are at least serving time in prison for what they did. My prayers are with you during this time!
To all: It's already been a rough time for me; I had a complete meltdown one morning this week and just stayed in bed most of the day. I finally got up and went out for a walk; that helped because the weather has been so nice. Who could I turn to but to you all and to the Lord? You all have helped me SO much! And I thank you for that. Sandy was so right when she said that the third year was the hardest for her; this is only the second year for me and it is much worse than the first year was. I think it's because I'm thinking clearer and I am remembering more of what it was like the last months that the girls were alive--what they did, how they looked, etc. Even with all the other grandkids that I have, I still miss those two girls so much. I've made an appt. to start counseling with a lady that I used to go to years ago and I think that will really help me to get my thoughts and feelings out in the open and get some feedback from a real person and not just my four walls. :o)
Love you all! You are all in my prayers.
I am so glad that you are going to see a counselor again. Yes, this season will be harder than last year when you were still very much in shock. A counselor will be very helpful in sorting out your thoughts and feelings. Please don't be ashamed about having a meltdown. We all occassionally have them, taking a walk was very wise. It's a proven fact that exercising helps elevate our moods. My prayers are with you. Love, Jane
Hi my dear sisters.
Ms. V. it's wonderful to read a post from you, are your arms and wrists getting better? I pray that you are starting to feel much better my dear sister. Are you keeping up with doctor's orders? (as much as you can, I know)My prayers will continue and you know prayers works, after all, it was you and our dear Angel in chief Sandy who convinced me of it when I needed it the most, then I started to realize the Miracle of Prayers thanks to Our Lord.Take good care of yourself my dear sister, we all need you.
My dear sister Charlene, I agree with our sister Jane 100%, so glad that you will see a counselor, it always help, I am still going to mine and not thinking about stop going yet, I still need it badly and yes my dear Charlene, we all have meltdowns often specially at this time of the year, whenever october comes I just want to hide in a cave and come out by late february, it is too hard for all of us, and yes I agree with Sandy, the third year is even worse, it is when reality starts sinking in and the shock starts wearing off . I am in my 51st month,so I still have a long way to go, well I hope that its not too long and God decides that it is my time to be with my Solange forever, but it is very tough my dear sister, of course we are going to have meltdowns and even more, this is THE PAIN, nothing else can compare to it. In the meantime I will be Storming Heaven for you and also for all of our Angel sisters so that God will help us go through another Holiday Season without our children. My love and prayers are with you all. Selva
Hi my dear sisters, AngelMoms,
Feel's good to be able to post again, I've missed the Circle :-). Aw, our dear Miss V, love that Prayer in poem form, and its wonderful to see you posting again! Dearest Jane, I'm very happy too that your health is much better, the med.'s are working on your stomach, Praise God!
Our dear Charlene, it's perfectly OK to have a meltdown, although they're painful at the time, I applaud you too for getting help, as you can see, you're not alone, our dear sister Selva see's a Therapist, Jane, I believe you said you see one and I'm starting psycotherapy next month. So you're among good company. Yes, my dear sister, prayer does work, our loving Father hear's every prayer and is so good to grieving Moms, Grandma's!
I just had a wonderful experience! Are you all aware of the Australian fellow who offered free Hugs to people? Well, it's caught on throughout the U.S. and Canada, it's such a beautiful thing to do. I was at our local corner store and the Lady behind the Counter said 'we're giving away free Hugs to everyone today, would you like one?' Of course I said YES, and we hugged each other :-). She said she's never seen so many smiles on people's faces since she started doing this yesterday! Hope it come's to you neck of the woods!
Thank you all so much again for your prayers, they were truly a blessing to me,
Much love & Hugs,
BTW, the Link to the Circle is back on the main Prayer Circle page.
Welcome back! I'm glad you made that therapy appointment. Yes, I do see a therapist usually once a week. When I was in school I saw him ony twice a month. Now that school is over, and my stress level is much higher (no school loans to live on etc) I look forward to our weekly visits. He's my greatest cheerleader. He celebrates the successes that has come to me. He is the only person in my life now besides family who knows me from "back then". I'm sure God has used him to save my life on several occassions. He has also taught me that not all men are jerks! Now I use him as a sounding board. It seems so much of my time is listening to others complain that I need time for someone to take an hour just to listen to me! So anyone thinking of therapy go for it! If you can't connect with the first person you see, try another.
I have not heard of the hug man, but I wish it would start around my area! If I tried that at work I would be sited for entering someone's "red zone". We get one warning, after that we're fired for getting to close to other associates. Even to touch someone's arm in sympathy we have to ask permission to enter their "red zone!"
I need more prayer, again. My boss is giving me way too many hours. He knows I'm on disability, but that doesn't seem to matter to him. There is a reason why I'm on disability. This week he scheduled me almost 39 hrs. I know for most of you that's nothing. However, with Lupus and other chronic illnesses, this is way too many. Yesterday I kept feeling like I was going to faint. Before I left I told my manager I think I had the flu and wouldn't be in today. I called in today and told them I wouldn't be in tomorrow either. I am so exhaused from the last few days that I can bearly function. Now I have 4 days off and I'm planning on using them to get myself restored. I sent my neighbor home after a hour telling her I needed to rest. I hung up on my landlady telling her I needed to rest. That's my mantra this weekend, "rest". However, next week I still have too many hours. Please pray my supervisor will understand that physically I can not handle all the hours. I know this is our busy time, but he knew when he hired me that I had hour restrictions and he agreed to it. I don't want to go over his head unless I have to.Well, that's a quick update and I going to get some more sleep! Love, Jane
Dear Angel Mom, Sue, ~ I woke up with you on my mind. I know this will be a difficult day for you, filled with bitter/sweet memories of your beloved son, Gary. I pray that our Lord and Savior will fill your thoughts with sweet memories of times shared with your Gary. Sometimes it is very difficult to choose and meditate on the sweet memories. That takes courage and a lot of determination on our part. On special days, we know all too well that courage and determination donít jump out and grab us and make it all go away. Oh, if wishing would make it so! Nevertheless, somehow it helps to know deep in your heart and soul that others really do care, and because we care, our thoughts and heartfelt prayers are with you; especially on your beloved Garyís birthday. Please know that our love and prayers surround you today. Like Gary, whom I know is watching over his mom today, we donít want to think of you feeling sad and missing your son. However, we know that is something that we have very little control over. That, I believe, is where the power of prayer helps. The tears may come, but it helps to know that it is OK to cry -- we will cry with you. It is also OK to allow the happy memories to sneak in throughout this special day. Just wanted to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you day.
Godís peace and powerful blessings, and May you feel your Garyís (((love and hugs from heaven!))) In Jesusí name I pray, Amen
Just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers today. I pray you will feel the Presence of God upholding you throughout the day. He understands our sorrow and tears. I agree with Verna that is totally ok to remember the good memories with your sadness. Please post when you can so we know how you're doing. Love, Jane
Hello all of angel moms. I am sorry Iíve been MIA as well. A lot has gone on this last week and this is the first time I had a chance to sit down and relax. First before I begin, I want to tell Lee Ann I am sorry I missed that important date. Also to Sue, I know today is a special day for you. My prayers are with both of you as you struggle with these dates. I will continue to lift the both of you up. I pray that all of my angel moms are doing well and I know I have missed a lot. I miss you guys as well. As the holidays get closer, I think I am going into an anxiety attack. So many things this past week has triggered me breaking down. I am trying to stay busy so that I will not think about the upcoming event thatís why I have not posted in a week. Too many memories are coming up and I am in a dumped. My grandchildren are keeping me sane as well as helping out at the church every chance I get. I think all of the angels that died here in last two weeks is keeping me teary eyed. I pray for their moms and pops because it has been close to 6 in the last week. These are all babies, they all are younger than 18. Welcome back Sandy and I am glad to hear Jane, Charlene, Kathy, Selva, Vera, and the rest that everything is well. Jane I will pray for you and your boss. That is too many hours. You do what you have to do because that place will be there with or without you. Charlene we all are entitled to a meltdown, I think soon my time will come. Even though it will be year in January for Derrickís HD, we still canít believe it. Its like it did not happen, heís still upstairs yelling at the idiot tube. :0). So yes have your meltdown, I will join you. If I missed anyone posting, blame it on my head and not my heart I did not want to leave anyone out. I love that poem Verna. I have to go now and catch up on my housework. Much love to all until I get a free moment again, take care! Connie
I couldn't get to the Circle yesterday, I kept getting an error page. Is anyone else still having problems getting here?
Dear Sue, I wanted to post for you on your special day yesterday, if you're reading this, know that I thought of you and Gary with love and I truly hope & pray the day wasn't too hard on you.
Dearest Jane, I'm very happy for you that you have a good, longtime Therapist, that you've developed a rapport with, that's exactly what I hope to find. Our dear Selva also has a really good Therapist, she too has lost a child, so she can really relate to that aspect.
The Hugging Man....Oprah had him on her show a couple of weeks ago, he did the same thing in Chicago and was soon joined by locals wearing signs "Free Hugs" in the downtown area, Malls, and the result was so touching.....people came up for tender hugs, bear hugs, so I think the idea is slowly spreading, everyone could use a Hug!
By 'red zone' do you mean invading one's 'personal space'? I've never heard of that term? I suppose in the workplace one has to be careful that geting too close to someone may be misconstrued.
Oh yes, of course sweetie I'll keep you in my prayers, take advantage of your four days off to rest and give yourself some 'me' time.......you deserve it! If your Supervisor knew this when he hired you and agreed to it, then he has to honour it, or should, busy season or not, so my prayers are that God touch's his heart and mind, and he realize's your time limitations again. Please take good care of yourself and know we're all here for you,
Much love & Hugs,
Hi dear Connie, yes, you've been missed! What you're experinecing Connie is perfectly natural, the build-up before the Holidays and even special days, can be worse and cause us more anxiety than the day itself. It hasn't even been a year yet since your Derrick went home, so this first of Thanksgiving and Christmas without him here is going to be hard on you and will bring up memories that can be painful for you! Give yourself permission to grieve and cry, and mark the Holidays the easiest way you can for yourself. That's wonderful that your grandchildren are keeping you 'sane', (although you're not going crazy) and you're keeping yourself busy, but if the tears come, let them.....if you don't want to cry in front of your grandchildren, go into your room or the bathroom.
The Holidays have to be the roughest time for all of us to get through, but as I said, this is your first, so be gentle with yourself. And you know you can always let it out here,
Much love & Hugs,
In my store the "red zone" is not only personal space, but also includes "inappropriate words." We have to be careful of the jokes we tell and comments about customers. It's all under the umbrella of "diversity sensativity." We can touch or hug if we ask permission to enter the "red zone." If we feel someone is inappropriate we warn them that our "red zone" has been violated. If it happens again, the person will be disciplined, even fired. I understand the reasons behind this. Even at my church where I serve on the ministry team we always ask permission to touch a person. Since we don't know the person's past we don't know if that person has been abused in some way that touching would trigger a reaction. Personally, I have never had a person say no to touching but have been thanked for asking on several occassions. I know that for me touching was a big issue for a long time. I would not allow anyone to touch me. It wasn't until God healed certain memories that I was able to be touched. Funny, now I get as many hugs as I can when I'm in church! God's healing power always amazes me. This week will mark the 5 year anniversity since I was last hospitalized for suicidal ideation. I am so not the same person today that I was then. The thought of suicide is so foreign to me now. Also I was a self mutilator, has not happened in five years. There have been times during stress that I have thought of it, but I tell myself that that person is dead, and there is a new way to handle the stress. Don't know why I just said all that, but maybe someone needs to hold on to hope that life can change. Andy, my therapist saw me through about 17 hospitalizations and then watched as God totally healed me. I truly believe that as my faith grew, his also grew. Years ago he would allow me to go into selfpity, now he doesn't let me get away with any of that. I know the day is coming soon when we will part ways, but I will always be thankful that God put this man into my life. Well, enough of my rambling. Sufficient to say that with God, life is never hopeless. Love to all, Jane
Hi to all my new sisters,
It's with much sadness that I write right now. I just found out my uncle died 6 weeks ago. The reason I learned about it so late is because right aftwerwards my grandmother (who would have told me) fell in her appartment and broke her pelvis. She is now in a nursing home and some dementia has set in. That's the real sad part. My grandmother is 94 and except for her eyes has been in pretty good health both physically and mentally. I spoke with her this evening and she knew who I was, but then she said "Jane" was helping her every night get ready for bed. She is very confused. She didn't know she was in a nursing home and we are not to tell her. My grandmother has been the only person in my life that ever believed in me and now I'm losing her. What I'm really praying for now is that God takes her quickly so we won't have to experience her deterioration. I don't think I could handle her being alive and not available to talk with. I can't type more cuz I need to cry. I feel so blessed to have had this woman in my life for so long, but she will be so missed. Love to all, Jane
Dear Jane, it sound's as though you've been to hell and back, God love you! You've certainly had a very difficult and painful past, I understand what you mean as well about self-mutilation.
That was so much to overcome, but with God's help, putting the right Therapist in your path and your own indominable spirit, you've overcome it and I'm really very, very happy for you. If it wasn't such a sad time right now in your life, we'd help you celebrate your fantastic five year Anniversary coming up. That's quite an accomplishment and you should be proud of it, thank you for sharing so honestly, you're right, you never know how your own story or words can and will affect another!
Sorry to hear about your Uncle, that's too bad you just found out about it.
That's so sad about your Grandmother, she was your rock and soft place to fall during your life, my Grandmother meant the world to me too, my mother was very sick during my childhood and my Grandmother became my rock in life as well. I join you in prayer for your precious Grandmother that God take's her before she deteriorate's. Hopefully you live close enough to where she is, so you can visit with her as much as you want.
I'm so sorry you're losing such a wonderful woman in your life, my prayers are with you too,
Lots of love & Hugs,
No I don't live close to my grandmother, She lives in Baton Rouge and I live near Chicago. I haven't seen her in about 8 yrs. However, we talk on the phone often, but not often enough. The reason I didn't find out about my uncle is that only one sister was told and she thought everyone else would be told. I knew there was something wrong because I tried to contact my grandmother for over 3 weeks before I called my sister and she told me what had happened. The last I spoke to Gram was about 6 weeks ago and mentally she was all there. Last night when I spoke to her she was very confused. I thank God that there was some real communication between us before her mind wandered back into her childhood. It's just so sad to hear her talk that way. Also there is no way I can go visit her, which also saddens me. I know that death is part of the life cycle and she has lived a long productive loving life. I also know that she is not my ultimate rock, Jesus is. It's just hard to accept that Gram is no longer there for me and I can't really be there for her. As you can see, I'm still processing all this. I have an appointment with Andy on Thursday but I'm scheduled to work. I'm trying to get the day off. How do I tell my boss that I'm losing it because my grandmother is going downhill and I have to see my therapist? I'm just going to tell him I have a doctor's appointment. Right now I just want to be at my grandmother's side and hold her in my arms and I can't. I'm ending this before I get too sentimental. Love, Jane
Hi my dear sisters. My dear dear Angel in Chief, I feel so relieved that you are posting again but don't over do it you still need your quiet times and funny movies and also a little chocolate here and then, it is really great that you are feeling better and like I always say Prayers Work! Thank God.
Dear Connie, everything can trigger our pain and tears specially when we hear about young kids having such tragedies, this is happening in Miami so often, just yesterday 2 19 years old sweethearts were killed in an accident, they were planning to marry in June, now their families are burying them next to each other, I just pray for those parents and for all the parents that are going through this horrible pain, that is all we can do my dear sister, just pray very hard for them, and now the Holidays yes it is tough for all of us, this will be your first without Derrick and like our dear sister Sandy said, cry and let the pain out, there is no other way, of course you have the grandchildren there, so if you can hide and cry just do that, but let the tears out, it is worse to keep it inside, just remember that we are all praying very hard, specially during the Holidays so that God will pull us through one more time.
My dear sister Jane I am so sorry about your uncle and your grandma , yes may God take her before her mind starts to deteriorate even more. I know how you must feel, my grandma lived with us and when I had to come to this country I had to leave her in Cuba, she was also my rock and used to spoil me rotten, I could not talk to her even on the phone for 6 years, they could not call the US (my parents and family) and I could not call Cuba, so it was very rough when I needed them the most, then my mom and my grandma were able to leave the country and come to NY, my grandma was already 93 years old, I was so happy, she always said she could not die before she saw her grandkids again and she did, then she passed 4 months after that. Hang in there my dear sister Jane, and I agreed with Sandy, if it wasn't for such a sad time for all, we will celebrate your 5 year Anniversary, overcoming such a terrible time, you are a very strong person my dear sister, I am proud of you, you are an inspiration to all of us, just hang in there I am sure that God is holding you right now and also our love and prayers. Selva
Please forgive me if I don't post for a few days. I am beginning to feel the anxiety that I knew was coming. I am very weepy and tired. Please say a prayer for me. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
SUE, I am sorry not to have posted my sentiment and my prayers for your beloved Gary. Please know that I have been praying for you. I read about Gary in your 1st post. Heartbreaking. I pray there are answers someday. Love to you sister.
It occurs to me that I have never written about the manner in which Wes died. It was such a horrible accident that is forever and permanetly etched in my mind, maybe someday I can write about it. Right now I know that I cannot.
I am praying for you all, Sandy, Jane, Charlene, Selva, Verna, Connie, I have read all of your posts and I know how these holidays are going to be so sad for us all, I can only trust God to get us all through and know that for some reason we are all in this circle for a purpose, we are right where we belong at this time. You guys are my anchor in this very wavy ocean.
Love to you all.
We all know that the holiday season is right around the corner. Since I wasn't here last year, I don't know how the posting went before the holidays. This year I have noticed a dramatic slowing of posts. I think it's time to be proactive to minimize the effects of the holidays. For me that means first and most importantly to keep a conversation going with God. A conversation doesn't have to have words if we can't verbally express what's going on. It can just be setting time apart to sit quietly before God and allow Him to comfort us in the way only He can. Second, again for me, it means getting extra sleep. The holidays in the best of circumstances are draining, but for us with our added sorrow it can totally deplete us. Our bodies need extra rest to be restored. The next thing I do is plan ahead. There are still a lot of things my family expects of me. So I start early and use my freezer a lot! Most of my shopping is done and I will probably finish it on Sunday (we get 35% off that day). This is the time of the year to be good to yourself. For me that could be a good movie or book or a visit with old friends. My final tip is not to isolate. Make sure you are communicating with someone if you can't post here. I have found that isolating makes everything seem so much harder. I am my own worst enemy and when it's just me and me that spells trouble! Please know that all of you are in my prayers. I know everyone is having a hard time but we will make it through till January! Love, Jane
Hello dear AngelMoms, sisters,
So sorry for just posting now, the Boards I moderate were very busy this week so coming to this haven feel's very good!
Our dear Jane, I pray you were able to get the time off for your appt., talking to your therapist with all that's happening to you is important for you!
Yes, my dear sister, I'm still making time for myself and watching funny movies with my 2 squares of chocolate a night, :-).
Oh, our dear Kathy, God love you, this is also your first Holiday season without your precious Wes, and those of us further along the Road know all too well how painful it is for you and the other Moms who are experiencing their first, we didn't celebrate at all the first year, but then we didn't have any small children either, where we had to. I still have a hard time with Holidays. Know we're praying for you and all. When you're ready to tell your story, we'll be here to listen.
Much love & Hugs to all,
Hi dear Jane,
It does generally slow down, but never to this extent. You've given some excellent advice on coping, and I couldn't agree more, it's not good to isolate oneself totally. I pray that everyone has a good support system and use's it, as well as coming here and letting your grief out, not talking to anyone about it and bottling it up is not healthy. As Jane said, if you just can't post, please talk about it to someone.
Yes, together and in prayer we'll all make it through to January!
Much love & Hugs,
Thank you for your concern. I did get the day off because I told my supervisor I had a doctor's appointment. I actually wasn't lying, because Andy has his doctorate. It did feel good to have the day off. Next week won't be bad because Thanksgiving we're closed. I did have a very good talk with Andy, but I realized I am in the very beginning of the grieving process. Most of it is in my head. Last night I realized it was selfish of me to ask God to take her quickly, she still might have work to do. I just don't want to go through the pain of watching her lose it mentally. I told someone the other day that I think it would have been easier if she had just died suddenly like my grandfather. However, that was not in God's plan for her, so I must submit to Him. I'm sure there is a lesson for me to learning during this process.
I am very concerned about the quietness of the group. There are a lot of first timers for the holidays. Please know that for most people the anticipation of the holidays are actually worse than the holiday itself. Please let us know what is going on with you, even if it's very brief. I understand it takes energy to post any feelings right now and if you can't that's ok. One word will say a lot. I believe it's really important to target our prayers to specifics. Kathy, I'm going to use you as an example if you don't mind. A target prayer might be "Please Lord, lift some of Kathy's anxiety. She's overwhelmed and weepy and tired. Please give her the strength she needs to make it through one day. She's still not able to discuss Wes's accident. Please bring peace where there is turmoil. Help her find ways to release what she has been holding inside for so long. Fix her eyes on Jesus. Kathy since you told us what was going on, we can target exactly where you're struggling. As Selva often reminds us, prayer really works. So thank you Kathy for sharing. Know that you are in our prayers and I know that you are praying for us. Love, Jane
I have just heard the news about the tornadoes in NC. We need to pray for the children. Many are still in critical condition. Several children have died. Anyone who knows more, please post. Love, Jane