Prayer Circles

mis4mary,
I just visited your Kristian's website and read all the posts. He sounds like a wonderful young man! It seems that it's always the most fun, the most loved that are gone from us and who we miss the most. Or maybe it just seems that way; they are all missed. Very much.
Love and prayers to you again today.
Charlene

Dear Havelost4,
Thank you for your reply. My I suggest you tell your daughter my story of not grieving and the living hell I went through because of it.For me it was the Christians in my life that told me I wasn't allow to cry. I had to accept God's will and move on. Unfortunately, until we grieve we cannot move on. The reason I found this link was because there was an article on beliefnet discussion the high rate of mental illness that needed hospitalization after the death of a child. I was one of those parents. I thank God every day for my mental stability. It's been almost 5 years since my last hospitalization. Before that it was 6-12 times a year for almost 10 years. Elizabeth's death was not the only factor that led to my mental illness. But the fact that I went totally numb afterwards contributed a lot to future health issues. Maybe you could cry in front of your daughter? Let her reconnect to her feelings? Just a suggestion. My love is with all of you. JUST THINK, SOME DAY WE WILL BE WITH OUR LOVED ONES AGAIN!

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my son's passing. He was just 23 years old. It seems like yesterday to me, not a year. I know in my heart that I will grieve for Wes all the days of my life. Although I have friends and family and 2 other children, I cannot explain the wound in my soul to others...unless they have also lost a child. The only one I can turn to is God and I do. If I didn't have such a strong faith and belief that Wes is with our Lord and I will see him again, I am quite sure I would go mad. I pray for all of us. The strength it takes for us to go on can only come from God and others who are in our shoes. My Son was a wonderful soul and I miss him terribly. You all know how I feel and it is a great comfort. I also find it amazing that when I opened my email this morning, there you all were.....1 year after. God is good. God Bless all of you.

Dear jpot,
I wish I could contact my daughter and share your story with her. She has said she doesn't want to be around us any more because we make her too sad. We do cry and visit the cemetery 'too much' she says. She also says we're doing it to draw attention to ourselves to make people feel sorry for us. Since we also make her children (ages 9 and 6) sad, she doesn't want them to be around us either. We found out she is telling them that we are mentally unbalanced (crazy) and that makes them afraid of us. It breaks my heart that she won't allow herself to grieve and tells her children that WE are the ones who are crazy. What a mixed up world this is! Since coming here and sharing my story with these dear sisters, I have felt such relief; more tears, but much more peace. I left the door open for our daughter to contact us if she ever needed us and we still visit the cemetery as often as we can. I agree with you that until you grieve you cannot move on; I read an article recently that said you can't go around grief but you have to go through it, each person at his own rate and in his own way. No one else has the right to tell us how or how long to grieve; after all, it's OUR grief! I just pray that my daughter realizes this before it's too late for her health and for the sanity of her family.
Thank you so much for replying; you are in my prayers.
Love and support,
Charlene

Dear kpeterson,
Yes, God is good! Even though bad things happen in this world, God is still a good God. I'm so glad that you got 'us' in your email this morning; especially this morning on the first anniversary of your Wes's homegoing. May God surround you with His peace today and wrap His arms around you with comfort. May your tears be of joy too that you will meet Wes again and be able to hold him forever. You're right; you can't explain this 'loss' to others and they can't understand it. My husband has a t-shirt that says "From the outside you can't understand it and from the inside I can't explain it". It's just one of those things that you wish no one else would have to experience but unfortunately it has happened to too many of us. God bless you today and thank you for posting here where all the other sisters can help you with your grief.
Love and prayers,
Charlene

Hi KPETERSON, oh, gosh sweetie, today is your Wes's 1st year Anniversary, this is one hard day to get through, everything about his passing is still so fresh in your mind and heart! I do believe that God did steer you here, to this Circle of Love today of all day's, He's so good to us grieving Moms. You cry and let it out, your tear's are a soothing balm for your soul. We all here know of that undescribable pain you're going through that other's who haven't experienced the ultimate of loss's for a Parent haven't.
I'm so happy that you were led here today and know that my prayers, support and love are with you, this is a hard Journey. I pray you feel your precious Wes around you today,
Love, prayers & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Thank you Charlene and Sandy and God bless you. As I look at all of these posts I am humbled. Although my pain feels emense, I truly feel all of your hurt and sadness. Somehow I guess I thought that no one hurt like I do. I am convinced that God and my Wesley led me here today to grieve with you all and to also learn something. Father, I thank you for your wisdom. I thank you for all of the Mom's who are trying to find their way through their grief. I know that you hold us in your loving arms and bring us together. Wes, I can see you smile. I love you.

Hi again kpetersen,
Yes, we each think that no one else could possibly hurt as badly as we do. But then we find out that others do hurt that bad and it hurts us to see them hurting too. That's why I think this prayer circle (I call it my circle of healing) is so good for us. It lets us know that there are others out there with pain as intense as ours and lets us cry for them; by crying for others we're also releasing the tension that's in us and it is healing for us. It also gets our minds off of ourselves for a minute and helps us to reach out to someone else. That is also healing. I read a few days ago that our grief is kind of like a severe cut on our body. If we let the cut go and not do anything to it, no treatment, just ignore it, it will get infected and cause major damage to our bodies eventually. The same way, our grief can't be ignored or left 'untreated'. We can't just cover it up and pretend that it isn't there. We have to treat it, let it out, drain the poison out of our bodies in order for us to heal. Another illustration was a man who had studied to jump out of an airplane with a parachute. He had never done it even though he had seen videos and studied others who had done it. Other people are kind of like that because they can see us and what we're going through but they will never understand until they actually 'jump out of that airplane' themselves. We've not only jumped out of the airplane, but sometimes it's like we don't even have a parachute on and we feel like we're going to die when we hit bottom. Some days it's like we're floating in space and not ever going to land.
It helps so much to have others to share with who have been through similar circumstances. Keep on praying and holding onto God!
Love and prayers,
Charlene

Dear Charlene,
I agree with you about feeling like we don't have a parachute! Sometimes I don't even want one. Most of the time I do pretty good. I have faith and I spend alot of time with God. I also have a 7 year old little boy that keeps me very busy. I was reading about your daughter. I will pray for her. I have an older son who was with Wes when the accident happened. He did not grieve. He became very ill and lost tons of weight. He was plagued with ulcers and in spite of that he just couldn't grieve. I was so worried about him that I started to become sick myself. He has just asked me for his brothers clothes and has just now put pictures up. That was a major step for him. It is true that we all grieve differently. I thank God that he has finally begun. Most of the time I am ok and I am the strength for all. I am a single mom so having strength is not new to me. This week I feel like I am back in the hospital begging God to let Wes stay and begging Wes not to leave his mom. I can remember every single detail of the 6 days he lived. It threatens to choke the very life from me today. I know that I will wake up tomorrow and I will still feel like I am stuck in a bad dream and then I will remember that God will get me through. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Kathy

Thank you Kathy for your prayers! Our granddaughters were taken instantly in the wreck and I am thankful that they didn't suffer. I can't imagine 6 days in the hospital with them. Our daughter was driving the vehicle and was in the hospital in ICU for 3 days before they stabilized her from a brain injury so they could tell her about her girls. The next day was the funeral and then she came home 3 days later. The other little girl (8) had a ruptured ear drum and was dismissed from the hospital the same day as the wreck; the little boy (5) had an orbital fracture and concussion and was kept in the hospital for 3 days. Our daughter's inlaws kept the two kids so we could be at the hospital with our daughter. (The kids and our daughter were at different hospitals.) Looking back on it, I don't know how I survived it all. Xanax helped; the first time I had ever had to take anything like that. I'm sorry about going on like this when this is YOUR day. Keep calling out to Jesus; He is your rock and high tower and your keeper today.
Love you,
Grandma Charlene
Baby boy: 2-25-89 (adopted 3-89)
Michael: 3-27-89 (stillborn)
Casey Marie: 1-7-92 to 12-1-04
Carey Grace: 3-18-94 to 12-1-04
http://mylovelygarden.com/2beautifulgirls.html

Hi dear Kathy, no, you're not alone in your grief here, all of us Moms know only too well how that pain and grief can bring you to your knees, knock the breath right out of you and turn your world as you once knew it upside down, this is a very complicated grief and it can bring up emotions and feelings we never even knew existed. It's all-consuming and all we can think of is our precious child that is suddenly gone.
Today, especially for you, all that you experienced in Wes's final days has come rushing back to you, as fresh as it did a year ago today. It's something that's engraved onto our hearts and mind's forever, even after seven years I can still go right back to that day my Shane passed away.
I'm so sorry to read about your son getting sick, young people really don't know how to handle their grief, do they, but I'm happy to know he's finally coming around, he needed his own time to process it and i know it's a big relief for you.
I'm glad you have a strong faith and lean heavily on God, I know I would never have made it this far without Him. Lean heavily on Him today and tonight, He's your refuge in this present storm.
I'm so glad that God steered you here, as I said, none of us want to be here, but at least we don't have to travel this awful Journey alone, we can do it with other's who know exactly what we're going through. God bless you sweetie and I'm glad you can see your Wes's face smiling at you, his beloved Mom. My love, prayers and hugs go out to you today especially and every other day too. You can always reach me at sewhalen@yahoo.com
Love and lots of Hugs,
Sandy

Hello to all, haven't posted in quite a while, July is a rough month for me as for quite a few others. My prayers were with you. Sandy I haope you had a very peaceful vacation we all know it was well deserved.. Welcom all new members.. sorry for the reasons you are..but that's the reason we're all here.. This is a wonderful circle.. i dono't visit as much as i should.. when i get depressed i should come but i hide in my shell. it's been 2 yrs since my son's death-he was stuck in a store when it was being robbed--they killed him for $12.38.. it still hurts so much .. i let the tears flow..i punch pillows..i work a lot of hrs.. the pain & anger still take over me..but I still pray that God will give me the strenght to carry on everyday..i went back to church..every sunday..my diabetes is still haywire.. i know it's the stress again.. the dr's keep upping my insulin.. 4 shots a day 2 diff. insulins.. if anyone has an extra prayer please throw it my way again..& i will do the same for everyone..I'm a little depressed 7 need my spirits lifted.. all take care
SUE 64

Dear sister Sue,
Yes, you are definitely in my prayers daily. Sometimes it probably doesn't seem like it, but you ARE prayed for. I can understand why July would be hard for you, that being your Gary's homegoing date. I could tell you to take it easy and take better care of yourself but that wouldn't make you feel better. Life is tough isn't it? Especially with all the unanswered questions we have now. I am glad that you're going back to church; at least now you know you're not alone. You have God and each of us here to help you along. I could also tell you to post even when you don't feel like it, like I sometimes do. Some days I feel like my words don't make any sense to me but I keep typing them out hoping they help somebody else. Sandy is right; this is a complicated grief. Just when we think we're on top of things, we'll go spiraling out of control again.
I appreciate you all so much just for being there.
Love and prayers,
Charlene

Hi dear Sue, what a wonderful surprise, I've often wondered how you were doing! Aw, thank you sweetie, yes, I really needed to get away and spend some family time - we went to Niagara Falls with our son Chris, his girlfriend and her Parents and had a wonderful time and I could feel Shane around us, :-).
No, you don't visit as often as you should, but I understand, when you're depressed it's hard to do anything, just getting out of bed in the morning is a chore. Always remember though, this is the place to let your feelings out, whether you want to rant, or just say how lousy you're feeling, we've al done it here. Of course it still hurt's so much, it's only been 2 yrs. for you and you're dealing with a lot of emotions and pain, God love you.
Good, punch that pillow as hard and as often as you need to and let your tears flow, you're letting it out and that's what you need to do. It all seem's so unfair sometimes, doesn't it? I pray you can get your Reading's back to a lower level, yes, it's the stress that's affecting your diabetes, so please take care of yourself and continue to let it all out.
That's terrific that you started going back to Church, hold on tight to your faith and God, I don't know where I'd be today if not for Him, our dear sweet Lord. And our Blessed Mother, who better than she to know our pain!
I have lot's of prayers to throw your way dear Sue as well as my love and support. And please don't be a stranger again,
Much love, prayers & Tender hugs,
Sandy

Hi dear sisters, ~ I am asking for prayers for another angel mom whom I believe still reads but hasn't posted in a while. Her name is Debby and her son's name is Michael. This is one of her special days for Michael. As I recall, she has what we refer to as a double whammy this month. The other special day is Aug. 14th. Sandy,Selva, correct me if I'm wrong. Deb, we just wanted to let you know that you are in our prayers. Give the twins a big hug from all of us! :)
Love & Prayers,
Verna & All Angel Moms here :)

To our new angel moms who have joined us in the last few days; I join the other angel moms in a warm welcome. Once I've had a chance to catch up on reading, I will try to get a few individual posts submitted.

Angel moms, I must go take my walk now before it gets too dark. Please keep me in your prayers and I will do the same for all.
Love & angel hugs to all,
Verna [aka Miss V.]

Couldn't sleep tonight so thought I'd say a prayer for everyone tonight. My daughter is leaving for college in a few weeks & wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to stay stong. See she's my baby & the last one to leave . Now it will be just me my husband, the dog, the cat, & my birds surrounded by a cornfield!!! WHAT WILL WE EVER DO WITH NO KIDS IN THE HOUSE.. She's going to The University of Phoenix which is a very long way away from home. Now I know that's what kids are supposed to do when they grow up is to leave home..BUT.. does anyone ever get scared when they do..I mean worry that they'll be safe from harm..After what happened to my son Gary I DON'T WANT HER TO LEAVE.. Isn't that selfish of me?? Mother's are supposed to want the best for their kids.. here she got 2 scholarships & Oh yes I am definately very proud of her.she's going into the medical field, but then agin I don't want her to leave knowing there's not much here for her & her future. I even tried talking her out of going that far away but I know deep down it's one of the best colleges for her. We went shopping for her dorm & it was tough.. How do we go on knowing that things can happen again.. My husband said I can't worry about that & just have to let her go.. I am not handling it too well.. the girls at work say this is what we raise our children for so they can go out on their own & have they're own life..my husband keeps telling me that I can't let what happened to my son affect my daughter I know he's right but .. well I'm babbling so will go now
May All have Peace Within Your Hearts
SUE 64

My dearest sisters,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your love and support is truly amazing. I appreciate the prayers and blessings on my behalf on my beloved Sean-Michael's Heaven date. I am one of those who would rather not wake up and face that day. I don't need a calendar to remind me that a piece of my heart is missing. I go through the day just wishing it was over so I can get back to coping...

I so appreciate your prayers. I have been going through so many struggles emotionally. Menopause, Grief and facing an empty nest for the first time after raising a very full house! 4 boys and 1 daughter. We raised my nephew for several years and count him as our own eventhough we never legally adopted him.
My youngest son Evan will be leaving for school August 21st. At least it's only a two hour drive and hopefully he'll try to make it home for an occasional weekend!

I wanted to let you all know how important you are to me. I would not have made it this far without you.

We are leaving for out first family vacation in 10 years. Long overdue. We were always so busy with swimming and life we kept putting it off. We may never get another chance again. My oldest son is 25 years old, now is the time before he is committed to his own family like my nephew Jonathan. We have always talked of going to Puerto Rico where my husband was born but life just always got in the way. We will be leaving tommorow evening...God willing.

I miss you all and appreciate your friendship.

Selva, mi hermana, I will be praying for you on the 15th. I will be in PR eating plaintains and drinking Malta. Please know that I will be thinking of you and your beautiful Solange. I picture her dancing and twirling on the beach at sunset. My heart is with you.

Miss V, I am thrilled to see that you are once again posting your almost-ramblers! How I love your ramblers! Remember to just keep "RAMBLING- ON" You never knew whose heart your blessing.
My dearest friend and sister Sandy, I can't imagine life without you. Thank you for loving us all. So glad to hear you too have finally taken some time off.
Love and prayers to all,
Marci~.~

Hello dear Miss V! Yes, we love getting your Rambler's, and you're absolutely right, it is our dear Deb's Heaven Date for her Michael. We haven't heard from you in ages dear Deb, but you know you're always a part of this Circle and are still being prayed for. Yes, dear Deb, my friend, lots of {{Hugs}} for you on your Special Day.
The twins must be so big now, they must be 4 yrs. old? Yes indeed, a big hug for them too,
Love ya my dear friend, may you experience Peace on your special day,
Much love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hi our dear Sue,
Ugh, I know what you're going through, after our Shane passed away our Chris was accepted at a University in another City, and it was very hard to deal with. I tried to hold it together for him, but I'll tell you, once my hubby and I finished helping him move into his Dorm Room, we both broke down and cried our hearts out. Poor Chris had to comfort us, reassure us it was OK, he'd be fine. He'd tell you if he could that I phoned him 3 x a week in the beginning, I felt as though my 2 boys had gone.
Once you've lost one child, you do become more protective of any other's you may have, if the unimaginable can happen to us once, we have a fear that it can happen again. So your feeling's are very normal. Actually we saw more of Chris when he was in University because when he was at home, he was always busy with his job, girlfriend and friends. So he'd hop on a Bus and come home for every Vacation, and sometimes in between, :-).
It's going to be hard, but you'll get through it Mom, I promise. The Empty Nest Syndrome hit's us harder, but as time goes on, you'll feel much better about it.
Congratulations to your daughter too, that's quite an accomplishment, a Scholarship, going into the Medical field, I think that's terrific! Our Chris went into the Scientific field, Engineering with a minor in Math and made the Dean's list, he then went on and got his Master's in Mathematics and now work's for a High-Tech Company in another City.
Anyway, it will be difficult in the beginning, there's no way around it, but as time goes on you'll be able to relax a little more, knowing that your daughter is very safe.
Gosh, you were up late, but thanks for all the prayers and know you and everyone else is always in mine,
Much love, prayers & Angel Hugs,
Sandy

Hello my dear sister, my dear friend, Marci! Gosh, I miss you around here, but I know how busy you are with your Coaching and life in general.
You've got your plate full too, going through menopause (I'm done, hurray!) and of course still grieving and missing your beloved Sean Patrick so much and you too facing the Empty Nest Syndrome as well! Yes, thank goodness Evan isn't going too far away, I know you'll still see him a lot :-).
Good for you too, finally taking a Vacation, while you're all still together, you really deserve it, it's long overdue. I pray you all have a most wonderful and memorable time away!
Aw, thank you my dear friend, my dear sister, yes, I badly needed one too, and i value our friendship and hold it close to my heart. Please let me/us know how it went, love you my dear Marci,
Lots of love, prayers & Tender Hugs,
Sandy

Hello Everyone,
Could we all please say an extra prayer for our dear sister Selva, she's really in the valley over her Solange's Anniversary Date coming up, God love her.
Much love, Sandy

Father God, I lift Selva up to You right now. I ask You, Father, to wrap Your loving arms around her and give her comfort and peace. Father, give her rest from her thoughts; and encouragement to persevere and to get through this time of grief to the other side. Father, may You be glorified and given praise now and forevermore. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
Love you Selva!
Charlene
p.s.Thank you Sandy.

Hi my dear sisters. I am sorry that I have not posted for our new dear sisters in this Circle of Love. I will do it again maybe on wed. I am so sorry , I am just trying to get my strenth to post. I know that you know that Special dates are really hard on us, to tell you the truth as I always do, tonight the 13th is when Solange when out and I begged her not to, she had the accident tonight, OMG when the police came to my house I was already up,I had the feeling something was wrong because I woked up with a heavy sweat and trying to get a glass of water. To you my new Angel sisters, I have to read your posts, but I want all of you to know that this is the safest heaven to come to, see, we all are in this forever, we understand of the pain, I can't for some reason, not count the years, only the months, someday you will all understand. Thanks to all my dear sisters in this Love Circle I have been able to let all my pain come out and also thanks to their prayers, and believe me, prayers works, I have been able to be alive today. God listens to us, and God give us the strength to go on until we will be reunited with our dear children again and this time FOREVER, I will post for all of you and I also welcome you to this wonderful Circle that our chief Angel sister had created for all of us. Tonight, my Solange went out, I asked her not to do it, she was 20 years old, and you know how it is, she did, she felt sleep while driving, no alchohol involved, she was just tired but sutbborn, and that was the end of it, she was an organ donor, so they kept her "alive?" until the 15th, do I have to tell you how hard it was? No, I am sure that no matter what, you all know. Please give me a little chance, I know there are so many new moms in our circle that I would want to welcome. In the meantime I would like to Thank all of my dear sisters for your prayers, I really need it, and I am sure it will work. My new sisters, please forgive me for not posting for you right now, but when I pray, I really do pray for all the new ones and my dear old ones. Thank God that He keeps me here and I will do the same for you all.God Bless you all. Selva