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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children


Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.


There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

 
Shaner -10/14/2000
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pleaselordapregnancyforme
1/6/2002 20:42

Barb.....i just wanted to say i've been reading your posts and i want you to know i will try to pray for you (and shaner too). maybe if i can't pray for myself right now i can try to pray for others. take care.


pleaselordapregnancyforme
1/6/2002 20:55

to anyone who knows someone suffering with miscarriage/infertility, i invite you to let them know of the prayer circle and/or memorial i created for all babies lost through miscarriage. it can be found under, "B" in both directories. peace.


shaner
1/7/2002 14:37

PleaseLordaPregnancyForMe, hello, I just read your post and am very touched that you would put my post to you in your Jounal. God works through people, so if I've been any help to you, it's Him using me to help! January is a rough month for you, losing your dad, your miscarriage, so right now it's a tough time for you. I'm so happy to hear that you're getting some counselling recommended by your Dr., you're under a lot of stress, with your recent hospitalization also, so you don't want your health to suffer, counselling will do you wonders. I believe your dad did hear you and did what he could to help you! How fortunate we are, I believe, to have our loved ones still looking out for us, even if they're not here physically. I have asked my Shane to pray for me quite often, and my prayers have been answered.
Yes, sometimes it's very hard when family members have children who are close in age to our children that we have lost, and sometimes we do feel a sense of bitterness about it. But that phase does pass too, in time. You have a wonderful, caring Dr. that would phone you on a Sunday to help you with your grief and stress, I'm certain that God put him in your path. I'm certain that it is a right step in the path of healing and coming to terms with your loss. Then I read your next post about your dad's time of passing, and perhaps it was his way of letting you know that you're doing the right thing, and he's with you in spirit, doing what he can to help you and your husband. Yes, we will do the praying for you until you're in a better place and then you'll find that you can pray yourself, I just know that Our Lord is with you and feels your pain. May God bless you and give you some peace, and post here whenever you feel like it,
Luv Sandy


shaner
1/7/2002 14:57

Hello kpasiwen, I'm so very sorry to read about your precious baby, only 9 months old passing tragically. I don't know all your story, but most moms do go through a period where they blame themselves for their child's passing, we all know it's not so, but we feel that way anyway for a while. I'm certain it's the same in your case, whether you were home or not, you're feeling that guilt right now, and it's OK to feel that way, soon it will pass.
I know you must miss him so much that your very being aches, we've all experienced that awful pain and continue to do so at various degrees. As I've said before, grief is a Journey, and we start out in a very dark, black place filled with pain, but with prayers and help we very slowly start to come to terms with our losses and learn how to live with our grief. But it takes a long time. You and your husband are definitely in our prayers, that you may come to know God's plan for the both of you, and be able to put any bitterness or anger behind you, and that you, in time, will be able to forgive your neighbours, babysitter, et al. You have all of our prayers for your situation and I also pray that God gives you the peace that only He can give. May God bless you and keep you both in His loving arms,
Luv Sandy


shaner
1/7/2002 15:16

Hello eudora, thank you so much, yes I care, as you said, now that we've experienced the loss of a child, when we hear of another family losing a child we know the heartache and pain that they're going to experience, so we understand. Yes, unfortunately it's a pretty common reaction from some people who don't want to even mention our child's name, let alone acknowledge our loss. If only they realized that we have to talk about them, that it's important for us to do so, and that it's a need in us that needs to be filled. I used to get very upset with people who did that, but now I realize with some of them that they couldn't possibly understand the pain we go through, the aching we live with, and that losing a child is not the same as losing another loved family member. They also believe that if they do mention our child's name, it may bring up pain in us, so they don't for that reason. No, you're not rambling, that's what this Circle is for, not only for prayer, but to let your feelings out in a safe environment. Yes, it'll be 3 years for us on March 15, but some days it feels just like yesterday, as you probably know, any little thing that reminds us of them can set us right back to the moment. It's a lifelong process that does get better, we do learn eventually how to live with the grief. Thank you so much for your own kind words to me, I appreciate them very much, and I'm so happy that you found this site too! As I've shared my story, God led me to start this Circle shortly after Shane passed away, because I knew of the power of prayer in my own life, and I knew that it would benefit any grieving parent. Thank you for your prayers, Barb, we appreciate them greatly, and you're in ours, feel free to post to me or anybody else here, this Circle is for everybody. I just started it. May God bless you Barb and your family, and today may you find some peace.
Luv Sandy


eudora
1/7/2002 17:34

PleaseLordapregnancyforme,thank you so much for praying for me.And it just breaks my heart for your pain and sadness over losing your child.Please keep praying to the Lord for peace and understanding.Because i tell you if i didnt have him to talk to i dont know what i would do.I still have bouts of such anger and asking why.So dont feel bad about the way you are reacting.We all do things in our own way.Bless your heart,one day you will have another baby Lord willing.And i will pray for you.I pray for ever post i read on this site.Love,Barb


eudora
1/7/2002 17:53

Dear Shaner,I appreciated your kind words.I sound like a broke record but it just feels nice to have people like you to talk to.I wish with all my heart it didnt have to be for this reason,but i thank the Lord that since it does we have each other.I had to go back to work today after being off two weeks,so i was glad for that.I work with teenage kids and they really help me.I wish some people wouldnt down the younger generation because we have some great kids.Just like ours.My daughter was so caring.Anybody that came to church and didnt have anywhere to live or were having a hard time,she would let them stay with her and she didnt have much.But she said what she did have,God gave her and she would share it.She was a precious girl.Take care,your in my prayers.Love,Barb


pleaselordapregnancyforme
1/7/2002 23:39

to barb and shaner.........just a brief note to say thanks for your posts. i continue to add such comforting words to my journal. perhaps one day when i put them all together, i will see phases..........nothing but bitterness and anger and grief for the first year, and hopefully some healing and resolution the second year. we see our counselor for the first time tomorrow (tuesday), and i have to admit, i'm relieved. i'm sure now, looking back, i've been clinically depressed, and i wonder why i waited to long to get help. well, i guess the important thing is that i/we are now, and hopefully it will get better. shaner, thank you for starting this wonderful prayer circle.


pleaselordapregnancyforme
1/7/2002 23:49

to kpasien......my heart broke for you when i read your post. you may have read some of mine to know we lost our first precious baby to miscarriage after suffering with infertility (after almost 3 years of trying, i still am not pregnant again). i know how painful that experience was, and can only imagine if our little one had been born and then died at 9 mos of age.....please know i feel your pain. i will pray very hard for you and your husband. for whatever reason, i am not able to pray about my own situation right now. i feel like god is perfectly aware of how desperately my husband and i want a baby, so what's the point of continuing to ask, just to have to deal every month with the answer of "no." so, i will reserve my prayers for you and the others on this board who have lost precious children. i pray that you find the strength to get through the next several months. you have a lot of empathy on this board with how hard it is going to be. i will pray for some comfort for you. sincerely, PLAPFM


pleaselordapregnancyforme
1/7/2002 23:53

shaner......i was just wondering, do you have any thoughts on the issue that we have to pray for strength and comfort to the same person who could have prevented all of these tragedies but didn't? i have found that irony the most difficult to deal with in my journey thus far. sincerely, PLAPFM


shaner
1/8/2002 08:54

Hello eudora, Barb, no, you don't sounds like a broken record, we're all here to support each other, that's what life is about! And I've learned that only another mother who has lost a child can possibly appreciate the pain you go through, so you post away! That's so wonderful of you to work with young people, it's another way of honouring your daughter's life and spirit, and I bet that you get as much out of it as they do. I also do volunteer work, and I find it's a way of giving back, and honouring my own Shane's life, he also was a very kind, caring person. You're in my prayers too Barb, and you post whenever you feel like it.
Luv Sandy


shaner
1/8/2002 09:09

Hello PLAPFM, gosh, I don't have an answer for you, I found great comfort in my faith when my Shane passed away, but that's me, it doesn't mean everyone will, anger is a very common emotion. In the almost three years I've talked with other moms who've lost one of their children, these feelings of anger and abandonment of God do pass, it seems to be a phase of the grieving process, so take heart, it will pass in you too as you go through the different stages of grief. I can honestly say I never experienced anger at God, but I did experience bitterness towards other people. That I'm working on, and it will pass also. So don't be too hard on yourself, your anger is normal, and God understands this. The irony that you speak about has been debated by religious scholars far more intelligent than I and even they can't come to a consesus on it. I just place all my trust in God, and He has showered me with blessings, doesn't mean I didn't or still don't experience tremendous pain over losing my son, but I have seen His Hand in my life, and I am eternally grateful. You're praying for other people, so that's a good thing, and it shows that you haven't lost your faith, it's just that you're in a great deal of pain right now. I'm so very happy for you that you and your husband are seeing your counsellor today, it can only get better from here on out! You need some professional support right now, and I commend you for taking that step, it's brave of you!
Luv Sandy


Babbs
1/8/2002 09:35

This message is for Barb. I feel your pain,too. My daughter is my best friend and she just turned 22 years old in November. Your words really hit home for me because we lost my son,Jason in January of 2000. He had just turned 22 the month before and he was murdered. I worry everyday that something will happen to our daughter. She and Jason were like "twins", only they were 11 and 1/2 months apart in age. We miss Jason so very much everyday. My daughter and I talk about him all the time,and I also can talk to his friends about him, but others, even in my own family won't dare mention his name and it really hurts me. They may not want to upset me but it doesn't. I want to know their memories too! His friends have told me stories and recollected memories that I never knew about and we can laugh at some of them. It really helps to share that. I know you miss your Carol, and it is so painful to realize your loss. I hope we can help each other. Did Carol have a husband or any children? Please know that I'm thinking of you and your family. I'll keep you in my prayers. I recently joined asupport group at our local hospital and met alot of people who have lost children also. I was so touched by each of their stories of grief and loss that my first meeting was rather painful but I'm going back again. I truly believe it helps. Maybe a hospital or health agency could direct you to a support group as well... Call their health education department to inquire and know that you are being prayed for everyday. Love, Barbara (We Barbara's have to stick together)


eudora
1/8/2002 17:42

Hi Babbs,thank you so for your post.I am so very sorry about Jason.What a terrible tragedy.It takes a monster to take a precious life like that.Hold on to your sweet daughter,she is surely a special blessing for you right now.I know she always was but its just now you really need her.I am so glad you are close.There is nothing like a bond between mother and daughter.But you know its strange what you said about losing her.Because i have a precious son ,he is thirty and now i worry more than ever about him.I love him so and i try not to worry but i cant help it.So just pray for me like i will for you.About the support groups.I went one time.When they went around the room for you to say your childs name and what happened,I got her name out and could not speak.So i never went back and no one ever called me.I probably should have went back.And no my daughter did not have any children.She thought she was pregnant in March,she wasnt.And then she died in April.My prayers are with you and your family.Love,Barb


eudora
1/8/2002 17:57

Hi Sandy,just wanted you to know that i think you are a very special person.By the way you try to help everyone here.It surely means a lot to us all.You have your pain and your still here for us.You know thats what God does though,he puts special people like you to start this memorial so we can be there for each other.Thank you and i continue to pray for all these needs posted.Love,Barb


shaner
1/8/2002 19:58

Oh, Barb, that's so very kind of you to say, but if I'm able to help any mom out, I'm very happy and give God the credit, I'm only His vehicle. What every grieving mom wants is to be heard, to be validated, and to talk about her child that she's lost. So that's what I try to do with each post, while praying for them at the same time.
I need to do it just as much as other moms, and starting this Circle was another way of coping with my own pain.
I also attended Bereavement Meetings for the first two years, now I volunteer a couple of times a week, helping other moms. If it didn't work for you, that's alright, it's not for everyone, an open forum, discussing your child and your pain, but as Babbs and I say, it did help us, so it's very unfortunate that they didn't call you back, we always do.
You're pretty special yourself, praying for others as you deal with your own feelings over losing Carol, I wish more moms would post here more often, but I know that a lot of them read the posts, and are praying, so that's a comfort.
If anybody really has a bad day and wants someone to talk to, my e-mail address is sewhalen@yahoo.com, I can't take your pain away, but I can listen. God bless you Barb and you're being prayed for,
Luv Sandy


angelrhere
1/10/2002 00:12

Shaner, I am a new member. Tonight was my first time at this site. I was so drawn and touched. As a mother of 2, I can't think of anything worse. I Pray for you! I am also praying for the other
parents too. This is a very special prayer circle! My Heart, thoughts and Prayer are with you all! God Bless.
In his Name,
DM


swayman
1/10/2002 09:56

My heart goes out to all of you. I too lost my daughter in a homicide two years ago, she and her husband were both shot in front of their children. My daughter only 24 years old was killed instantly, shot twice in the head, but my son-in-law survived. I'm blessed with my three beautiful grandsons, it has been the most painful experience of my life. It is still difficult sometimes to get dressed and go to work. I pray for inner peace, strength and guidance for all of us.


eudora
1/10/2002 18:05

Swayman,my heart also goes out to you.What horrible things we go through and still try to be strong.And i know the worst is to lose our precious children.I still can't believe sometimes my daughter is gone.I thank God for my email friends and for Shaner for starting this site.I will pray for you and know that i care.Barb


shaner
1/11/2002 08:42

Hello angelrhere, I'm so happy that you took the time to post your thoughts and prayers for myself and all our other moms. We truly appreciate it! I know you'll enjoy Beliefnet itself, it's a wonderful site, and I have to thank them for keeping this Circle up and running. Thank you once again for your kind words and prayers, and may God bless you and your family,
Luv Sandy


shaner
1/11/2002 08:50

Hello swayman, I just read your post, and I'm so very sorry that you lost your beloved daughter so tragically. What a horrible experience for those children to see there mother and father shot, right in front of them, I pray that they're doing well. Yes, it's a hard journey, grief, so I understand when you say it's still difficult after two years to still get up in the morning and try to carry on with your day. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you, and know that you'll be prayed for here as eudora (Barb) said. May God bless you and give you some peace today.
Luv Sandy


swayman
1/11/2002 09:48

Thanks you guys for your response. I really appreciate finding this web site. I've been trying to pray more recently, and I do appreciate your prayers.

I went to a Victim's Intervention Program meeting last night for Victims of Violent Crimes, it's a 12 week program, I don't want to go, and then I end up there anyway. I understand how difficult it is to have to talk about the events of the death of your child or loved one. It's funny that I found this website yesterday, and was thinking about prayer... last night we had a special project to work with clay. I made praying hands... it's dedicated to you guys and my daughter Tonya.
By the way, my grandsons are all doing quite well, Wesley Jr, (8 yrs.) has been making straight A's in school; Michael is 6; and doing well also. Phillip is 4, he's a trip! They keep me young!

Thanks,
Sharon


shaner
1/11/2002 20:06

Hi Sharon, you're so very welcome, we're only too glad to help here at this Circle! Perhaps finding this site and Circle is a way of strengthening your own prayer life. God does work in His own ways. I'm happy to hear that you went to a Victim's Inter. Program last night, it's always hard to take that first step, but once you do you'll find it much easier to get help and be involved. Telling your daughter's story is another powerful way of letting the pain out.
Oh, that's so sweet of you to dedicate the praying hands you made to us and to your daughter Tonya, we really appreciate it! And I'm very glad that your grandchildren are all doing well, yes, I bet they keep you gladly hopping!
Luv Sandy


sandavis810
1/12/2002 10:23

My prayers are with you and your family. I just lost my 30 year old daughter six days ago. I am totally devastated and numb. She was unmarried and had no children. Please pray for me today as I attend her funeral.

 
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