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Shane Whalen
This Prayer Circle is Dedicated to my son Shane Whalen Who Passed Away On March 15, 1999 at the Age of 24, & All Other Children

Start a prayer circle for bereaved parents who have lost a child.

There are many of us out there who have lost a child, and it is devastating. It changes the outlook on life, plunges you into a depression, and you think that the feelings and thoughts you have nobody else could possibly relate to. I think a prayer circle for bereaved parents would only benefit us and help us on our journey of grief. This Circle is one of Love, where a Grieving Parent can safely come to for Prayers, and to talk about their feelings.

Shaner -10/14/2000
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12/31/2001 06:43

dec12001- I just read your post. Your post was submitted while I was still writing. I am so very sorry to read about the loss of your precious child. Please know that all of us here will be praying heartfelt prayers for you. Your grief is so new -- my heart goes out to you! Please know that you will receive the support and prayers of all who post here. You will find that Sandy is a blessing to all who have lost a child. God works through her to help us get through our "valley" days. We will be with you during the days ahead. May it help to know that others are praying for you and family. Again, my heart goes out to you.
Much love,

12/31/2001 08:37

Hello c-lynn, thank you for your kind words and thoughts, and it's so nice of you to post here, we appreciate hearing from other people who are caring as you are yourself! May God bless you!
Luv Sandy

12/31/2001 08:44

dec12001, I have also just read your post, and I'm also very sorry to read about your daughter's passing. Even after all these years, there's still that aching that we learn how to live with, as I'm certain you know. We'll forever wonder the "what if's" as I call them. A future goes with our child, and we learn how to live with our loss in time. May God bless you and we appreciate your prayers so much and know that you also will be prayed for.
Luv Sandy

12/31/2001 09:07

Hello Verna, I hope we all find that peace and comfort that you speak of too throughout this Holiday season. Good for you having Christmas the most comfortable way for you to handle it, we all have to set whatever new traditions that we most feel at peace with. I'm so happy for you that you have the joy of grandchildren to give you back some of the excitment and joy that they give! It sounds as though you and your husband did things this year that made the both of you more able to cope with the Holiday season, and honouring Diane's life and spirit with the candle, we do that also. It must have been bittersweet to recall your memories of her, but oh how precious those memories are! A Happy belated Anniversary to you and your hubby. I'm so sorry to read of your friend's loss of her son, you and she must be such a great comfort to each other.
What a beautiful prayer for all of us, as we come into another brand new year and close this one out. The same prayer goes to you also dear Verna, may you also enjoy peace, love and joy wherever it appears and embrace it fully, for it can be fleeting, but in time perhaps more of it will enter our lives. May God in His infinite goodness and love bless you and your family,
Luv Sandy

12/31/2001 09:18

dec12001, I misread your posting, forgive me, I thought I had read that your daughter passed away 30 years ago, but it was only a MONTH ago!! Oh, gosh, you must be in so much pain right now, your loss is so fresh, raw, and very painful. When grief hits over the loss of one of our beloved children, it is hard, it is biting, and it pierces your very soul. You're still in a state of shock no doubt, and disbelief at times, give yourself plenty of time and be gentle with yourself, for you are in deep grief. As Verna said, our heart go out to you, your loss is so recent, I well remember how I felt during that time shortly after my Shane passed away. I was numb for the better part of the first year, but somehow got through it with a lot of love, support and prayer. That is my prayer for you, that you have the same, and you post here whenever you feel like it, we're all in various stages of grief on these pages and we all understand. May Our Lord wrap His loving arms around you and give you some peace at this very hard time for you and your family.
Luv Sandy

1/1/2002 14:45

On this New Year's day, I'd like to wish all moms, dads and siblings a blessed, peaceful day, spent in part in reflection on the past year. No doubt the holidays were very hard on most moms and dads who have experienced the loss of a child, and it will be a relief for most that they are over. As we enter into a brand new year, my prayer for all is that some peace may be found, and above all, recalling that love never dies, the bond that you shared with your child goes on forever and I hope that brings you a little comfort. This site is a safe haven for parents to not only post for prayers, but to allow anyone who needs to pour out their feelings to do so in a love-filled, compassionate site, where we are all walking along the same journey.
God bless all of you and you're all in my prayers.
Luv Sandy

1/2/2002 09:16

As my husband and I begin the new year, we've reflected so many thoughts and memories over the holidays,as i'm sure all of you have. I am glad to see the season pass. I've never felt that way before. We felt as though we went through "all the motions." Our son,Jason loved the holidays and getting together with family.Our daughter seemed lost at times and we tried to be strong for her. The transitions we all face seem so unreal at times. I am worried about beginning a new year since we lost Jason in January of last year. I guess I'm afraid something horrible will happen again. I also embrace the new year with great hope that it will bring a renewed spirit for our family. As you recall Jason was murdered so we have a trial to face in another 1-2 months. As much as I dread that, I also hope to get some answers about what happened to him and can only hope for justice in this matter. Something, from the very beginning, has told me "You have to keep going" and I think I've figured out just today what that is. It has been Jason all along. I think that is true for each of us that have lost a child. It's his way of letting me know he wants me to keep going and living. It's his way of letting me know it's okay to move onward with life and not feel so much guilt. I think all of us have so much guilt after we lose a child, no matter what the circumstances are, that it can get you emotionally stuck in a place you shouldn't be. We as parents need to move on for the sake of our remaining children. We will always remember what our lives were like before.We will have good and bad days to get through from now on. We must embrace life now ,more than ever! We see things now that others may only take for granted. I'd like to think that this is one of the positive things that can come from such tragedy and loss. I will cotinue to reflect on the memories and the pictures I have of my son. I have created a website for him, for his friends and family to visit. That has helped me tremendously. I hope to start a tennis
scholarship/foundation in his name in the near future. He would love that! I know we all grieve in different ways but I hope we can all help one another through the rough spots. Love, Barbara

1/2/2002 23:30

Please pray for a young couple having a difficult pregnancy.. Threatening to lose the second child.. Please pray for them.. (Dan and Lisa).. Thank you...

1/3/2002 04:40

Its been four years son and i wonder if once again,I will ever understand why and whom took your so very young and precious life from me. I miss you minute,hour,and day by were the apple of my eye. I know one day I will have you in my arms again,but know this understand,I promise you I will be with you one day . I hope this New Year of 2002 will bring much more Peace and Togetherness,it hurts to never hear the I love you again. You are a Angel with all the other Special angels,gosh i figured it out,but I still can't figure it out,you were the center of my life, I don't fear now are still and always the apple of my eyes. Been 4 years and feels like 1,000 but with you in my Heart we are as close as we can be,our Love will Never leave this heart of mine. I guess it took me time to figure this life out,but in this world I can't stop caring about the apple of my eye. God has his eyes on the wicked and I know he will find those who took your young Life from your Family ,You mean the World to me,and I Love you so very much. Until the day we meet again,my Heart has you in the warmest spot. You gave your very best and now you are my everything.
Love always Mom,Maria,Raymon,Tach.Alex

1/3/2002 04:52

Light is the way to the Kingdom,please light a Candle for the one you love in your life,its something beautiful. Life is so very precious,lets all pray and light the way to Happiness for those who have lost their way

1/3/2002 09:25

Hello Barbara, I just read your post, and was struck by your words about having guilt, and letting it go. Yes, no matter how your child has passed away, we all I believe go through a stage of guilt over their passing, we were always their protectors, but we couldn't protect them from death. I wouldn't want to see anybody 'stuck' in that phase of grieving either, as I've said before, grief is a Journey, and along the Journey we become stronger and look at life differently, at least most of the moms I know do. And, like you and your husband, most times for the better! We embrace our loss, but we also do something to try and make this world a better place, in loving memory of our child, and in the knowing that life can end at any time, so it's important to live in the moment.
I'm happy for you that the Season is over, and as you come up on your son's 1st year Anniversary, we wish you peace of heart as you reflect and honour that day. The firsts of everything are the hardest to deal with. Jason will be there with you during the trial, and will whisper to you that you 're not alone, he and a multitude will be there with you and your husband to help you through another very painful time, giving you the necessary spiritual and physical strength to endure it.
We do need to move on, but always at our own individual paces, and yes, there will always be bad days and good days, mountains and valleys. That's wonderful honouring his life and spirit by starting a webpage of him, and also the contemplation of the tennis scholarship in his name. I know he would be so honoured by this, all our children are honoured by what we do for them, and more importantly, how we can help others through them.
Yes, Barbara, let's help each other over the rough spots, we all need the support and love of others! I took much comfort from your post, and let us know when Jason's 1st year Anniversary is. May God bless you,
Luv Sandy

1/3/2002 09:29

Hello carolbellusa, yes, we will remember Dan and Lisa in our prayers, it's so very thoughtful of you requesting prayers for them. May God bless you and them,
Luv Sandy

1/3/2002 09:39

Suzanne47, my heart goes out to you, I can feel your pain in your post. Your child will always be a part of your life, nobody can take that away from you, and you have your wonderful memories to draw upon when the days are hard. You will always have that love in your heart for your child, and that's something so very precious to hold onto. I pray you find the peace of heart that you're looking for, whether it be by Justice, or learning how to live peacefully with your loss. You will see your beloved child again one day, and I do hope that this new year of 2002 will bring you the peace and togetherness you need. You're in our prayers, and yes, the lighting of a candle is sacred when it's directed at someone that you love. May God bless you and your family and may He shower His peace upon you,
Luv Sandy

1/4/2002 16:12

Sandy, Thank-you for your kind words. I know that you too must have alot of pain and grief yourself for the loss of your son. Just know that you are in my prayers as well. All of you reading this are too! Love, Barbara

1/5/2002 16:48

hello to all who have lost. please know i am so sorry for your losses. my husband and i are suffering from a different kind of loss......we lost our 1st and only baby through miscarriage at 3 months. as a couple suffering with infertility, that pregnancy was a true miracle to us, and that was our child from the moment we discovered we were pregnant. having suffered the way we have with infertility and miscarriage, i can truly say that i empathize with all of your pain. to go through all we have gone through to have a family, just to lose a child to death... may all of you find peace. we are still so desperate for our first child. i can truly understand your grief. please take care of yourselves.

1/5/2002 17:07

you i'm reading everyone's posts, i'm wondering...has it dawned on anyone else that we are supposed to pray for peace and comfort to the same person who could have made these horrible things not happen in the first place? for example, my husband and i are educated, loving people who believe in the indissolubility of marriage (we are catholic), who would provide a warm and loving and stable home for children, yet 20 year old girls addicted to crack have 6 kids by all different get my point. why is god making us suffer with infertility, when all around us girls get pregnant at the bat of an eye, and cannot even provide for their children of offer them the love and support of a father? or why does god take our children from us through death as in so many of your cases? it has been one year since my miscarriage, no pregnancy since, and i am still so bitter and hurt, i cannot even go to church. everyone who has posted on here seems like such wonderful and caring people, it sickens me that god allows us to suffer so. i still suffer so from have those of you who have pulled themselves out of the black hole done it? i cannot. and it's almost impossible for me to pray for strength to get through this b/c god could have prevented this entire tragedy in the first place. anyone with any insight, i would really appreciate your thoughts. i am making myself physically sick with grief over the infertility/miscarriage. please help. thank you.

1/5/2002 21:28

Just want everyone that has lost a child to know that my heart and prayers also go out to you.I lost my precious daughter April 2,1999 in an automobile accident.She was not only my daughter but my very best friend.She was so special.She was 35.The pain is still so bad.But i keep putting all my trust in Jesus to get me through. It really touched my heart to find this site.God bless all of you and please keep me in your prayers.Love,Barb (my daughters name is Carol)

1/6/2002 09:53

Hello PleaseLordAPregnancyForMe, I'm so sorry to read that you've miscarried a child that you and your husband desperately wanted. I know that we all pray that you become pregnant once again, and carry to full term.
You're bitter and angry right now, and that's OK, it's one of the stages of grieving. Most moms on these pages will tell you that they have or are experiencing much the same thing as they work through their grief. You're angry at God, and He does understand. Do we perceive life to be fair sometimes? No. But all of us have to learn how to move forward, and not get stuck in one emotion. This takes a lot of time for some moms, and that's OK too. You're bitter and hurt because God took away something precious to you and your husband. We all understand that. God didn't do that because He wanted you to suffer, His ways are not our ways. But as I said, He understands your anger and hurt, and like other moms here, He just patiently waits for us to turn back to Him when we're ready.
By posting here, you're letting some of your hurt and anger out, and this is a safe haven for it; talking about it helps to release it. You say in your post that you haven't been able to attend Mass since this happened, but would you consider talking to your clergy, or a spiritual advisor - that too may help. I found joining a support group a wonderful way of venting my feelings and seeing what I was feeling was quite normal, other mom's were feeling very much the same thing. I also had a lot of support from some family members, so I pray you have that also. You say you're unable to pray, and that's OK, for now we'll do the praying for you. And one on one counselling is a good way to let your feelings out also. I was fortunate when my Shane passed away, I was able to pray, but more importantly I had people praying FOR me, and now you have too, here. You're in our prayers, sweetie, that God will lead you out of the pit and back into the light, and that He puts the right people in your path to help you with your great hurt.
May God bless you and post here anytime you feel like it! Perhaps some other moms here have other insights that helped them throughout their losses and will post also to you.
Luv Sandy

1/6/2002 10:03

Hello eudora, I'm so sorry to read about your Carol, and I understand how the pain is still there. I also lost my Shane in '99, and although I've made progress in my grief, I now realize it is something I will learn to live with the rest of my life, just as you will.
It's so very hard when that child was not only your child, but your best friend. I'm so happy that you found this site, and we appreciate your prayers and know that you will be prayed for also. Coming to terms with the loss of a child is a rough road to travel, and it does take a lot of time.
Keep putting your trust in God, so many of us find our faiths comforting, and our thoughts and prayers go out to you, Barb. May God in His goodnes bless you and give you some peace.
Luv Sandy

1/6/2002 11:54

I lost my first born 9 month old son last Nov. 4, 2001 thru a very tragic death. My heart bleeds for him and I blame myself for not being their for him. I love my son very much and I miss him sooo much. He had been the joy of our life (me and my husband)and we feel so devastated. Please pray for us that may we come to fully accept and understand God's plan for us. Pray also that may we soon recover and with God's help ease the pain we have in our hearts. The pain that we have is eating us up - bringing us to hate our neighbors and those who we know could have helped our baby and his babysitter during that tragic night. Please pray that we will not become so bitter with life, ourselves and most especially God.

1/6/2002 16:10

to shaner.....thank you so much for your post. i hope you don't mind, but i copied and pasted it to a document that i have that i am keeping as sort of a journal of my terrible journey. i was so touched that you said that you and other people here would do the praying for me right now......i really appreciate that. today it is very grey and raining in is the four year anniversary today of my dad's death. my m/c anniversary is 1/21 (we found out there was no heartbeat on 1/20, and i m/c'd the next day. the baby had actually been gone for a few weeks already, and we didn't even know it). i think january is an especially difficult month for me. for lots of people it means a new beginning, but for me, it has seen the loss of two of the most important people in my life. i think that may have been why i broke down and wept for almost an hour on new year's day (that plus the fact i got my period new years day, meaning not pregnant again). as i was just hospitalized with a bleeding stomach last week, it really hit home that i have to do something to get better. i have never endured this much stress in my entire life. on new years day, i actually thought of just ending it all. i'm not thinking of that as an option anymore, but it did make me realize how low i had gotten. i was pleading with my dad to come and help me. maybe he did. i will never understand why god gives us children, only to take them away. why my husband's cousin had to have her first within 4 days of my due date, so now every time we see her, we grieve all over again for our lost little one as they'd be the same age. this should have been our first christmas with our little one. we miss her so. but, my infertility doctor called me at home this morning (on a sunday no less) nice that he is that involved and that concerned. that really touched me that he called. he knew i was in the hospital last week and he was worried. i was very touched by that. he gave my husband the name of a grief counselor who deals with infertility/miscarriage, and we are seeing her this week. i beg god that this is a step in the right direction to some semblance of healing. thank you so much again for your post. i'm sure i'll see you again here.

1/6/2002 16:14

to shaner......i just got a chill as i was reading over my post to you. the time of my post was 4:10pm.....that is the exact time my dad passed away 4 years ago today. maybe he has sent me here to you and this site to begin the healing process. i just thought i'd share that with you.

1/6/2002 17:47

Shaner,thank you for your kind words.It always helps when you feel someone cares.You talk to people that havent lost a child and they get so uncomfortable.They dont know what to say.And all you want to do is just remember and talk about the good things of your child.Even family.Its like you want to say,"Remember Carol?,I just want someone to talk to me about her and help me get through this.Please dont forget her."I guess people probably care but dont know what to do. I feel like i am rambling on,and i know its been almost three years but sometimes it feels like it just happened.What would i do if i didnt have the Lord? And i am grateful for this site.Thank you all for taking time to read this and for your prayers.My love and prayers go out to you all.Barb

1/6/2002 18:00

Shaner i also wanted to say that i feel your pain for losing your precious son Shane.Please know i care.Sometimes you get engulfed in your own pain and forget for a while that there are others hurting like you.There is nothing in this world that could ever hurt like losing a child.Now its like everytime i hear of someone losing a child i just sit and cry for the parents.Because now i can relate.Just wanted you to know i care.Love,Barb

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